Nitro Mop Up ... by Chris Hyatte

Read the Raw recap first...or don't...1/14/99 Mop-Up Nitro Okay, show of hands...how many people think that Eric Bischoff's reply to Vince McMahon in "US Today" was made in an act of jealous rage? The second he read the article, he started to fume about how VINCE got all the press while HE had all the top stars in his stable? I didn't even read his statements in the paper...I don't have to. Nash said it best on Madden's radio show.....Bischoff is great to have a beer with..but he loses his temper too quickly when someone disagrees with him. Much like a spoiled little kid who doesn't get what he wants. Poor Eric. Poor, poor Eric. He was so very close to toppling the WWF once and for all. So very, very close. By the way...Bischoff said that the WWF would crumble within 6 months.....12 months ago....so close...so very, very close. That may have been the most grammatically incorrect sentence I have ever written...and Lord knows I've written some doozies. By the way, I'd like to reiterate something I wrote last week, then a few people picked up on. Tony didn't exactly make ad lib that line about Mick Foley "putting butts in seats"....he was told to. I stand by the claim that Bischoff, who was sitting right next to him at the time, WROTE the "putting butts in seats" line......because that's a well known catchphrase of his. My problem is..and this is why I have a bounty out on him, is that Tony can REFUSE to say things that he KNOWS is inappropriate. He is an experience BROADCASTER.....ostensibly, he should know HOW to get his points across without jamming them down our throats for 3 hours. Instead, he apparently refuses to show any spine, stand up to his bosses, and even TRY to get more creative control over what he has to say. Topny used to be a solid broadcaster......now he is just a puppet....and for that, he should be beaten senseless....and his daughter should have her toenails peeled off. Go to it marks....then come hunt me down for your reward. You can put those hands down now.....nitwits NITRO: (or A Wood Chipper at a Wrestling Show...of course) -opens with footage from Thunder when Hogan promised some "backup" for next Monday's Nitro. Sounds like an opening for the long awaited return of BEEFCAKE!!! Oh be still my heart... -Tony Schiavone welcomes us to Nitro in Knoxville, Tennessee....Tony was clueless about what Hogan meant by "back up". Then he said that the NWO was "stronger than ever!!!! Now give us our rating back, DAMN YOU!!!" -"Mean" Gene Okerlund was in the ring...going for cheap heat by telling the outside world that they were in the home of the National champion "Tennessee Volunteers!!!!" (The defeated their arch enemies, the Kentucky "Draft Dodgers" to advance and beat their MORTAL foes, the Virginia "Conscientious Objectors" to win.....God Bless America) -Geno then hustled out the new prez, Ric Flair for his motivational speech set to keep yer eyes glued to TNT for the rest of the show....as well as for the rest of the week until Thunder on TBS.....(ooo...just WAIT until I get that Nielson book in....ooooh Billionaire Ted will have a rough sweep week by God!!!!) -Out came Flair....Tony acted as if this was the single greatest moment in his life....again. -Well, I'll be damned...turns out Bischoff and I (proper grammar rears it's ugly head for once) have one thing in common...we both hate it when Flair stretches out the word "MEEEEEEEEAN"...so he did it to spite us.....old fart. -Okay, Big Flair had some business to take care of.......let's break it down.... -Uno) His skinny armed son may or may not do the job to Hennig and Windham Sunday...it all depends on the whim of mighty Bischoff that night. -Dos) Hulky is world champ....nothing he can do about it since he is President only by angle alone...BUT, Hogan is under WCW contract until the year 2001....so he can finally drop that ridiculous "HULK 4 PREZ" joke of a campaign. -Tres) Dillon is back....oh thank Jesus. JJ started to jog down the ramp....but his Shannon-like gut protested verily...he slowed down to a peaceful stroll -Quatro) Dillon announced that Hogan will be defending his title at Superbrawl in February.....he couldn't name against whom because of that damnable NBA......I think. -Cinco) It'll be Hall Vs Goldberg in a Cattle Prod Ladder match at Souled Out...Flair "souling out" by saying, "I'D buy a ticket to THAT!" -Six (no clue how to spell "six" in espanol)) Flair had the LWO come to the ring. Since Eddie is too busy picking windshield glass out of his teeth....and this thing had no real motivation and/or payoff to it.....Flair asked them to take off their LWO t shirts and rejoin WCW. They all did it.......even Villano V (The Pancho Peddler)....because it is not his orders to rock the boat yet....oh no.....he is under strict orders from "la familia"...watch and learn, ese....watch and learn. -Of course, Rey Mysterio did NOT take off his shirt. Instead, he jumped out of the ring and stormed away......this is the same munchkin who HATED the LWO as early as last week and was doing everything possible to ruin it from within....now he had a total change of heart.......the mighty WCW Bookmakers...hard at work baby!! -Seven (No clue on this one either)) Flair will wage battle thusly with Curt Hennig tonight. Raw is in for it now man!!!!!!!!!!! -We get a slow motion shot of Rey Jr. walking away in a huff...it's in slow motion because real time simply could not contain the sheer DRAMA of this important angle development. -Video production of Flair screaming about TRADITION and how Hogan can't compare with the likes of Lou Thesz, Jack Brisco (Jerry Brisco was a tool), Dusty Rhodes, Dory Funk, Terry Funk, Ronnie Garvin, Harely Race.....and the like. It's TRADITION!!! Where men would fight for 60....80....90...120 MINUTES STRAIGHT UNTIL THERE WAS A WINNER!!!!!!!!!!! -anyone else see the hypocrisy here...didn't Flair end 90% of his championship matches by throwing people over the top rope and disqualifying himself? -speaking of Lou Thesz...anyone else think that he wouldn't come anywhere near SCOOPS if he read a single edition of the Mop-Up? -by the way, the production was fantastic. -you also get the sense that Flair truly misses those days......and would do anything to get them back. (He should talk to Dillenger....the Dark Wun could help him out....for a price...for a chilling, chilling price) -commercials -Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and Larry Zbyszko say hello to the crowd. Larry goes off to find some female "Volunteers" to bring peace to his bitter, bitter heart.....his only requirement.....the one he picked had to have all her teeth.....Larry came back empty handed. -footage from Thunder (That show is still on???) where the NWO tore up the LWO....Nash made it a point to be nice to Mysterio thus, the plot pretty much becomes as obvious as Schiavone's third chin, weeks before they give out the payoff.... -Douchebag Tony on Luger...only three short days after he joined the NWO..."He's a COWARD...always HAS been...end of STORY!!!!"......... -Sometimes a Douchebag Hyatte on Tony, "He's a spineless assh**e......always HAS been...end of story!!!" -The busy Gene brings out Saturn who comes out showing that he was born with the GI Joe Kung Fu Grip. There was some business he had with Jericho....he was apparently screwed by both Jericho and Referee Dickie Dickerson...(Wasn't that Patterson's radio name back during his college years?) and, defying ALL rumors that say otherwise...he apparently HATED it!!!! Go figure. -Because this is how these things work...Jericho came out with "Ralphus". Jericho was his usual hilarious self (Man, imagine him in the WWF..with their "lax" attitude towards subject matter?) The gimmick was set that these two guys will fight once more..and if Saturn loses, then he will have to wear a dress for the rest of his career. If Jericho loses, then he will have to job out to everyone until his contract expires and he signs with Titan. -By the way, I almost missed the entire segment because I was totally consumed with staring at Saturn's eyes.....Is he crosseyed? Retarded? Or has his eye been squirted with one two many shots of......err......love juice? -Dickie Dickinpatterson then sent Pee Wee Anderson away so he could call the next match between Saturn and Ernest (What the hell happened to my push?) Miller. It didn't take long before Jericho showed up and hit Saturn with a shovel. Dickerson called for the bell and rightfully DQ'ed Saturn...then Jericho tried to get the dress on Saturn. Does WCW REALLY think having a bad guy Referee two years ago was what gave them the ratings? -Thunder footage....Flair ordered Bischoff to be in HIS office sometime between then and now. He promised that Ted Turner will take time out of his busy schedule running TBS, TNT, TBS, CNN, TCM, The Cartoon Network, HBO, HBO Plus, HBO 2, HBO 3, Cinemax, Warner Brothers Film, Time Magazine, Life Magazine, the Atlanta Braves, the Atlanta Falcons, CNN Center, and Jane Fonda to show up for this "rasslin'" nonsense. Why do I get the feeling Turner couldn't pick Bischoff out of a lineup? -opening theme...at 8:30...sometimes, it just doesn't pay to even bother. -commercials -Wondering where those Nitro Girls were? -We--heh--ell....they were right there.....now go throw yourself out the window for wondering......loser. -Tony sets up the scene for... -a "skit" featuring Bischoff and Flair....Oh boy! You aspiring actors grab those notebooks...Eric is about to show you the subtle tricks to the Method....watch his eyes people...watch him get IN the role... -Eric pulls up in a Limo...gets out still in his tough guy look....he wonders why a camera is there, then bitches that someone was in his spot. -Eric's card doesn't let him in...he has to be buzzed in...note Eric's playful subtlety as he sells the outraged comedy. -A Receptionist and a visibly nervous extra make Bischoff wait in the lobby for Flair to see him....so he waited.... -and waited.... -and waited... -and waited....camera fade outs and fade ins helped sell that hours and hours had passed.....instead of the 5 minutes that the bit really took. -Then Bischoff pointed out to the receptionist that in 1991, Flair ran the company with "Jeeeeeiim Roooouuussss" and they couldn't put 400 people in a building if they paid them (y'see...that was basically what Schiavone said about Foley....which proves that Bischoff wrote it..probaby right there on the spot). -Goofus says that Ross has said some nasty things about Bischoff in the past...including a memorable line about how Bischoff's biggest job while he was there was getting Jimbo's coffee....so Bischoff had every right to snipe... -Gallant says that Ross is currently still recovering from his latest round with Bell's Pallsey and his Momma recently died.....so perhaps petty stabs like that isn't really appropriate. -Goofus points out that Bischoff is not JUST a President, but a tried and true Wrestling SUPERSTAR who was speaking in CHARACTER. -Gallant points out that Bischoff is a spoiled little bitch who has no idea how to market his product and is more concerned with marketing himself. -Goofus takes a bat and smashes Gallant in his nuts...such an unruly child. -Eventually, Flair has him in.....Bischoff is escorted to the office by Janie Engle. Eric reminds Janie of her new fat paycheck and new house...courtesy of the WWF who offered her a gig so sweet, that Bischoff had to dig DEEP into his pockets in order to keep her. Apparently, this girl knows EVERYTHING about WCW. She is also the sister of Dory and Terry Funk. -Bischoff finally met Flair in his office. Flair had his robe hanging up nearby....in case he was called to an emergency match in the basement I guess. -They discussed Bischoff's performance last week on the mic, which ended up having no purpose whatsoever. -Then Flair promised to make Bischoff's life as "miserable as he possibly could" for the next 90 days.... -Then he led Bischoff outside......where a big delivery truck was waiting. Flair informed him that he would be riding in that truck all the way to Knoxville. Bischoff dropped his box of stuff and stared dumbly...even I'll admit it was a funny move. -The gist is that Bischoff is demoted to ring construction for Nitro and other shows....I think...just Nitro for now I guess. Bischoff dragged his feet... -Flair got off this great line...."Hey, don't they call you Easy E? Isn't that what Nash calls you? Easy E? Go get "em Easy E!! Easy E..WHOOO" I laughed pretty hardly my own self. -Bischoff made a critical acting mistake by bitching about the filthiness of the truck and how he had to sit in it. Eric doing the McMahon "Aristocrat" thing does NOT work..and only makes him look like the wannabe follower...even though he came up with the idea first....HA! -Tony giggled over what we just saw...commenting on how absolutely nutty Nitro is...then sent it back to... -Mean Gene...who was standing in the aisle with a Birthday cake placed in front of him....then he brought out... -Birthday boy and certified NUT Chavo Guerrero Jr..who came out swinging his big shaft for all to see. Those damn Mexicans....always showing off their poles. -El Loco Chavo broke kayfabe for a moment and shifted into serious, SANE, No Es Loco Chavo and wished his hombre Eddie a safe recovery...... -Then he got right back into "Loco" Chavo and....and.....and...... -y'know....first of all, this gimmick is a direct slap in the face of Al Snow's gimmick..which ended 14 YEARS of purgatory as a perpetual Jobber. Bischoff didn't need to openly dick Snow like this...he could have at least TRIED to come up with a different gimmick for the talented Chavo...but he did it to F Vince in the face....to "show him how it's done" as it were. -second...so far in this Nitro recap, I have coughed up roughly a gallon of phlegm out of my lungs. I am achey, exhausted, and sweaty to boot. Allow me to break my own personal kayfabe and come to you not as HYATTE...Lord of this Internet Doucheland......but as Chris Hyatte...simple, friendly, easy going, kind hearted, lover of all people great and small, and unfairly blown off by every two bit scrag from here to Alaska....Ladies and gentleman.....I am afraid that as of right now...Wednesday, January 13, 1999 3:35 a.m. I will have to shut down my computer and try to bundle up under the covers and sweat out this devestating chest fudger....I know that putting this thing out on Thursdays is more a sign of laziness on my part than anything else..and yes, I have abused the Thursday option, especially since I used to have this handed in on Tuesday mornings.....but I SWEAR to you (and I will never lie to you faithful readers when it comes to the important stuff).....I am suffering here. You have my word that I will strive to provide this column more punctually in the future...but for this week...I have to try to kill this thing before I'm down to 20% lung capacity. Next time I sign on in here, it will be Wednesday night at 10 pm......see you then.....arrivadouchey pesados!!! -Okay...it's Wednesday night...January 14, 1999 at exactly 10:02 in the PM.....things have gotten worse...now I have a headache and my nose is stuffed up. I'll tell you right now....much like the RAW recap.....the rest of this column is going to suck. -Let's see where I left off.... -"El Baldo" Gene presented the cake to "Muy Cuckoo" Chavo for no reason other than to have someone's face jammed into it. Norman Smiley showed up to perform that task and begin a feud that has absolutely no purpose at all other than to get another match at Souled Out. -Oh yes.....Pepe...Chavo's mighty "stallion" that chicks love to "mount" and "ride".....especially when it's "bucking"? Well, Norman Smiley...the high pitched BRITISH man with the great "pecs" who likes to "pantomime" humping someone from..."behind" and slapping that "booty" in the process took Chavo's long "staff" and "rode" it all the way outside"...then, before the horse's "head" could start "foaming"..Smiley jammed it into a wood chipper and disintegrated it....... -........................... -...................................... -..................okay......ummm......good move I guess! Getting rid of that annoying symbol for Chavo's penis always gets an "Thumbs up" from me...... -WCW Booking Genius strikes again. A would chipper is at EVERY wrestling event right? Tony didn't feel any sort of need to explain it. -Suddenly, and probably forever...Smiley will remind me of EVERY TWO BIT...NO GOOD...FAT ASSED SKANK OF AN EX GIRLFRIEND WHO HAS EVER FU***NG DUMPED ME!!!!!!! YOU ALL CAN DIE, DIE, DIE!!!!!!!!!! -Just you wait until next week....oh man. -Oh yeah..Chavo having conversations with his stupid horse almost made me retire right there and then......for good.....for ever......let someone else try to do this...see how easy it is. -Oh yeah again...Smiley bodyslammed Chavo on the table with the birthday cake. The table did NOT break (WCW does NOT take shortcuts...so F-You). Tony swore that Chavo would be crippled after that DEVESTATING slam!! The single worse slam he has ever witnessed!! -Then Tony did a 180 degree turn around and laughingly asked "What else could happen on Monday Nitro? The CRAZIEST, SILLIEST, MOST OUTRAGEOUS SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION" -Does Tony have a son? -Hey fans...WCW is having another BRUISE CRUISE!!!! Of course, company man "Diamond" Dallas Page will be there.....he'd be at a WCW sponsored Cock Fight if Bischoff told him to. -commercials -cock fight........heheheeehee hohohoooheee *cough cough....COUGHCOUGHCOUGHCOUGH....ack* -Uh oh.....WCW crack staff is hard at work again.....the camera gazes LONG and LOVINGLY at a sign that reads, "GETTING OLD-BERG".......I guess the director was busy finding the keys to his Pickup....he left them "somewhere" in A.C. Jazz....I would have LOOOVED to hear Bischoff's tantrum after that foul up. -Tony promised to keep the nuttiness going by sending us to some videotaped shenanigans with.... -Scotty Raven with his Mother....joining them, and looking like a guy who is THRILLED to never have to worry about barbed wire again....is The Sandman......happily turning his back on everything that made him popular for a few sheckles. -Jimmy Sands DID encourage Raven to dump that Kanyon loser...THANK CHRIST!!!!! A VOICE OF REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -They were playing Backgammon......fairies -Raven was wearing mismatched socks.......that no good Generation X SLACKER!!!!!!!!! -Then Scotty wanted his High School Yearbook.......his Mother told him it was in the garage....Scotty bitched about it.....Sandy chastised him for berating his Mother....Scotty told him to shut up....I simply wept. -The "skit" ended with Raven staring at some old pictures of Roddy Piper........ -pictures circa....the 80's -pictures circa......while Piper was in the WWF..... -circa...during the time the WWF did NOT allow their wrestlers to pose for ANY magazine other than WWF exclusive products.....which means... -WCW is using WWF PRODUCTS ON THEIR SHOW!!!!!!!!!!! BY GOD!!!! CALL...I SAY CALL THOSE LAWYERS TITAN!!!!!!!!!!!! -and DC comics can call THEIR Lawyers too...because one of those pictures had Piper wearing the "S" logo for SUPERMAN!!!! SOAK THOSE BASTARDS FOR ALL THEIR WOR...... -Oh shoot....Time Warner owns DC comics.......DAMMIT....no frivolous lawsuits for them..... -well, RAW is about 60 seconds from airing...so you know what that means.... -That's right....it's time for a visit by the (notreally)NEW, (Iguessyoucancallit) IMPROVED, ALWAYS (especiallywithHoganbackrunningthebooks) DEADLY New World Order.... -And just to keep your greasy little hands away from the remote....,,,and because Hogan is the coolest hip cat to rock the Kasbar...... -They are escorted to the ring by none other than various members of the HELL'S ANGELS!!!!!!!! Go ahead people...throw a cup of beer on one of them...go ahead...I DARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -Hogan got out of the limo wearing a ski hat.....he was missing the flannel blouse he wore on Thunder.......Hogan has finally discovered grunge...roughly 3 years after it's demise......anyone else care to question why he can't captivate a crowd anymore? -The NWO got out in force, and was met by those "other" NWOers...or as I like to call them..the B Team.....Hogan told them that they were supposed to meet them at "the Hyatt" (The Hotel chain...not the home of the greatest Internet scribe that ever graced cyberspace....either that, or Missy was throwing one of her orgies again) -I'm all for taking these NWO B losers and shoving them deep down into WCW Worldwide country...but why Hennig? Hennig really doesn't deserve that kind of treatment.....so he missed a few dates? So what? Lord knows I can sympathize. -Oh F-Him.....let him rot at the Orlando tapings with the rest of them......he could have stayed with Vince. -Someone clued Tony in that his "posse" were Hell's Angels (heh...a bunch of FAGS!!!!)....which of course led to Tenay to say...and I quote... -"That's the Hell's Angels?? Is THIS what Hogan meant last Thursday when he said he was going to bring his friends to Knoxville?? On Monday NITRO?????" -No Mike...he was going to bring the Mormon Tabernacle Choir....but they canceled when they learned that Goldberg frowned on polygamy......you drunk, bald DICKHEAD!!!! -Then Tony followed that with a statement that, while technically true....still makes me want to take his head and stick it in an oven...."We have NEVER witnessed ANYTHING such as this in the HISTORY of Nitro!!!!!!!!" -Yes...okay.....3 years of Road Wild isn't Nitro...and Bischoff on a bike is only one guy...and the Steiners on bikes are only two guys....and the Disciples of Apocalypse were once on RAW....but.....Jeezus.......friggin'......Mary Mother and.......F-ING JOESEPH.....RRRRRR.......will somebody PLEASE BEAT THE FU&^ING SNOT OUT OF THIS PIECE OF SH*T????? PLEASE?????????????????? -30 seconds ago, Tony needed someone to tell him that they were Hell's Angels (pussies).....NOW...Tony knew one of them by name!! Famed rider and noted tough guy Chuck Zito!!!! -For those of you who didn't know...Zito was on the HBO hits series (and the greatest piece of television EVER) called "Oz".....where, in one pivotal scene, Zito had the CRAP kicked out of him by a black convict, then lied their motionless on the floor as his partner was anally raped. Two on one and he still lost.......Hell's Angels.....HA!!!! -HA!!! What are they going to do? They can't find me...NOBODY CAN!!! -You think those mooks know how to use a computer? Puleeaze. -So, the NWO is in the ring.....the Bikers make noise around the ring....meanwhile, millions start to doze and switch to RAW. -You realize that the only match we had so far in the first hour was Saturn Vs Ernest Miller? -Those Hell's Angels drove off so they can go knit sweaters.... -Hogan grabbed the mic...natch......and said that he will become the first President of the USA to be a WCW Champion...he simply has no idea how dumb this all is does he? -Nash takes the mic and says something about sending the Giant off to Titan -Steiner says some stuff about Page...then promises to hump his wife later.....cool -Then it's back to Hogan.......right -footage from last Nitro where Nash layed down for Hogan......was getting back together with Hall THAT important? -BONUS Nitro footage of Goldberg getting up after his NWO beating and no selling any residual pain....instead he just threatened everyone. He had the Atlanta Falcons with him.......some members of the team were openly laughing at His Jewness for having spraypaint all over his body. -The point there was to remind us that Goldberg, Our GOD, was ALL RIGHT...even AFTER the attack..he was and is JUST FINE and will be kicking NWO BUTT ANY DAY NOW!!!!!! -Now I have a headache...was it from the cold? Was it from this show?? couldn't tell ya! -Rey Mysterio Jr comes out wearing the LWO shirt while Eddie Guerrero's music was playing. Tony was amazed that they were able to jam so much into only ONE hour.....which of course, as his way of saying that...... -the second hour had arrived. -Rey took on Kaz Hayushi......it lasted about 45 seconds when.... -Luger came out and asked Rey to take his shirt off....then he kicked him and ripped it off... -Rey fought the good fight for a little bit....but one thing led to Tracy Smothers and... -Luger put him in the Torture Rack....little squirt sold the sheeeeit out of it too... -Then Konnan showed up,. had Lex drop it, hunted down a microphone, and said, "Yo, yo, yo Lex wuzz up? Wolfpack, we don't ride like that?" -Y'know....could we like, just go ahead and nuke Mexico? Would Nuclear Winter be THAT bad? -Nash came out....Hall came out.....Hogan came out...... -Konnan wanted to know "wuz up" again.....Nash said, "Konnan...LET ME SPEAK ON THIIIS" -Then Luger attacked him and it was a pile up...Hall tasered him...Nash spraypainted him.....I can't say I disagree with this. -The fans demanded the return of Sting...where did THAT come from? -commercials -Thunder footage where the Giant agreed to fight Nash in a loser gets one mill a year at Titan match. -Gene Okerlund brought out the Giant...who was apparently about to give his farewell speech.... -Then he said that after he deals with Nash...he's coming right for Hogan!! (WHAAT!!!! IT'S A SWERVE!!!!!! HE'S STAYING IN ATLANTA!!!!! WE'VE ALL BEEN SUCKERED!!!! IT'S A MASTER STROKE BY ONE ERIC BISCHOFF!!!!!!!!!!) -Well, maybe not...but I would like to point out that if you marks are expecting a "Giant Shoot" when he first walks out on RAW....DON'T....this guy, according to just about everything I've seen him do and say...is an upmost professional and a true representative of the ups and downs of the sport. Of course he's going to do the job...but he's going to do it honorably, proudly, and without any apprehension. There will be NO snipes aimed at WCW when he gets to Titan...I can pretty much promise you this. Like Heenan, he is a class act. -Lenny Lane, (who's parents almost named, "A'Dave Inthelife") took on Booker T. I swear, it looked like Booker had more fun working this match than any other time I have ever seen....he was smiling almost the whole time. It was a real pleasure to fast forward through... -commercials -NWO video clip telling us that Nash really didn't mind laying out to Hogan. -Tony DEMANDED an explanation why that clip was shown...he paused a bit as Bischoff screamed into the headset "JUST SHUT UP AND BADMOUTH FOLEY AGAIN!!!!" -the replayed the NWO arrival...because it was THAT EXCITING!!!!!!!!! -Scott Steiner came to the ring with Buff Bagwell.....he yelled at some yokels, then allowed a blonde number to feel him up....does that make her a "ring rat"? -Page came out...no female seemed to eager to feel him up.....but a few butchy guys did...(oh dear) -Page ran through the fans.....because he is OUR champion......he fights for US!!!! -Just a reminder..I still am very, very sick....which explains why I'm bombing out this week doesn't it? -Bagwell told Knoxville to shut up......Knoxville asked Bagwell if he can sell a DDT anymore....(see what I mean? I suck) -They fought for a while.....Buff got involved...... -Tony bragged that Page was wrestling with pneumonia because he simply REFUSES TO LET HIS FANS DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SELF HIGH FIVE!!!!!!!!!!! -Who was Page's mystery benefactor anyway? SOMEONE GET FLAIR ON THAT!!!!!! -Steiner dominated for the longest time...then the NWO Vincent caught a Diamond Cutter (don't ask)......and Page lost while in the Steiner Recliner. He also took a chair to the head which knocked him out....so he didn't have to REALLY do the job...just sort of do it. -Oh yeah, Buff threw powder in Page's face too..... -Goldberg was being intervi....OWW....my headache is getting worse.....owwwwww -Goldberg said that trusting Nash was the #1 biggest mistake of his life. -commercials -we watched Bischoff help build the ring under the watchfull eye of some dude name Bill who acted just like the Drill Sergeant from "Full Metal Jacket".....and he was enjoying his work too...a few things to point out here.... 1) In a VERY telling moment, Bischoff swatted away Bill's finger and warned, "Don't point at me.".......Hey...fun time is fun time..and selling an angle is selling an angle.......but so long as EVERYONE knows who is still in charge here......(it wouldn't surprise me id Eric made them stop the cameras and gave Bill a quick lecture. 2) Bischoff went back to his quick wits and made some jokes about Bill's gut.....making fun of fat people...how sad...... 3) Bischoff went to great lengths to show us that he was carrying a wrench with a BLUE handle......a BLUE handle.....certainly there was nothing up with that right? Surely he didn't make a point to show it to us for future reference right? RIGHT? -Heenan was aboard as Tony laughed TOO hard at that clip.....the camera spied that chick who felt up Steiner early..she kissed the lens.....slut. -footage from yesteryear dealing with all things Jewish in WCW.....namely Goldberg -commercials -they replayed some brief footage of "Klondike Bill" berating Bischoff...because it was so funny the first time...they just HAD to show it again. -Scott Hall went to the ring ...Tony announced that 1999 BRIEFLY belonged back to WCW, but was now again FIRMLY entrenched deep into the bosoms those no good NWO NAZIS!!!!!!!!!!!! (aah, no wonder Goldberg hates them so!) -Hall hit the ring and asked how many people there want to see Goldberg get shocked one more time...the MAJORITY of the crowd CHEERED...which makes this the BEST NITRO EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to me at least. -commercials -Bam Bam Bigelow came to the ring and started right for Hall....I guess his just started tiff with Goldberg has been dumped harder than Hyatte on prom night. -Then Disco Inferno came out with the Taser.... -Then Wrath came out to distract Bigelow -Then Hall pinned Bigelow after hitting him with the taser. -WCW CRACK BOOKING ALERT!!! WCW CRACK BOOKING ALERT!!!!!!! Just in case you were wondering, the taser distributes electric current.....when it's contained, electric current flows through conduits.....conduits are matter that is CONDUCIVE to electricity and has enough suitably charged ions to carry electricity from point A to point B with ease. In the case of an open environment which is conducive...electricity will charge the entire landscape within instants. Conductors of electricity include water, most metals..... -and human flesh -so you see...if Hall REALLY was jolting anyone with electricity, anyone who had their naked flesh on his target would be just as shocked as said target. -In other words...IT'S A WORK AND THEY HOPED WE WERE TOO DUMB TO KNOW SIMPLE PHYSICS!!!!!!!!! -It's a safe bet that I totally butchered that above explanation and will pay for it with a wave of e-mails explaining what a complete ninny I am. -more talk from Goldberg.....it's a sad state of affairs when HE becomes WCW's top dog after only a year and 3 months in the biz.......Hell, Austin took longer. -commercials -Tony immediately tells us that Bigelow was SO pissed at Wrath that he DEMANDED a match against him at Souled Out. Thankfully, Dillon was re-instated tonight and was able to make it happen....Then Bigelow went to get help...Hall's cattle prod made him swallow his tongue.....he would have had it taken care of sooner..but BOY WAS HE MAD!!!!!!!! -Remember back at Starrcade 97 when Nash dropped the Giant on his head? Well in case you didn't, they showed it again. -commercials Chris Hyatte
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