Nitro Mop Up ... by Chris Hyatte

Last and certainly least...1/21/99 Mop-Up (cont) -Konan was STILL talking, mostly about he and his "crew" would drive by all over Nash's ass. He actually almost sold me on the idea that he won't be jobbing to Vincent the first time out of the gate. -Who is Konan's fan base anyway? Lowriders? Homeboys? You think the Crip/Blood war in da "hood" actually has a cease fire every Monday so they can all sit down and watch Konan preach? -commercials -Footage of the head shaving -Mike Enos and Bobby dunCUM Jr took on Meng and the Barbarian. The Faces of Fear are BACK BABY!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!! -yeah..... -I wonder if teaming dunCUM with mike's ENOS was someone's idea of a sick, sick joke? -Wasn't dunCUM Jr. getting pushed as early as a MONTH ago? The hell happened? -Oh right, Hogan's back...of course. The NWO Limo pulled back in and the gang got out. The marched right to the ring and cleared out the riff raff. Bischoff should save us all the time and just hand the tag belts back to Hall and nash..that's where they're going anyway...everyone knows it. -Hogan did all the talking and accepted Flair's challenge. he also said that it would be FLAIR who dies that night. -commercials -a video clip reminds us that everybody's favorite Jewish person still resides in WCW -Bobby Heenan joins the gaiety as Disco Inferno comes to the ring. He was about to lose to Wrath, but Scott Hall made the save and helped seal the deal that the silly push Wrathberg was getting is over and DONE with. He REALLY should sign his contract. Where else can he go? -By the way, DINF won with a Chartbuster, which means that Beefcake really IS gone from WCW...for the moment. He won rather cleanly too...SIGN THAT CONTRACT WRATH!!!! Because I for one do NOT care to see Adam Bomb make his return. -commercials -spot for the Nitro Girl's calendar...did you know that Whysper's period is a monthly holiday in Tunisia? We-ell it's TRUE...it says so right there!!! -The Nitro Girls make me feel like sleeping (gonna sleep my life away), Tony seems to be stalling for time, talking about how they are such a BIG part of Nitro....then... -Scott Steiner comes out and tries to get all of them to blow him at once......not in so many words but....he DID rhyme "dancin" with "romancin'' tho' -FUNNIEST thing to hear is Tony, "Oh no, he's going to Chae! YOU!! YOU STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!!" He was about to jump to his feet, but then he remembered that it's kind of tough to stand when you have NO SPINE AT ALL!!!!!! -Tony DID demand that they cut away from this guy mid speech. They ALMOST DID, then someone remembered that Tony was giving the orders, so they stayed on Steiner until he was damn good and ready to bail. -More fun with Steiner and Bagwell. This time, he's in the ring, looking for a "hooch".....that's what I can't stand about WCW, they take a SOLID idea...like Steiner's little mic rant, and they just run it into and into and into the ground. Now Steiner is going to be a desperately horny mutt sniffing after the Nitro Girl's hoochies...... -Saturn came out in his dress...he looked PISED and embarrassed. -Say? Where is Lodi? -Inside the ring, Steiner did a horrible Lou Gossett impression by saying that only "two things come out of Texas, Steers and qu(EDITED BY THE GOOD FOLKS AT TNT! THE BEST MOVIE STUDIO ON TELEVISION)rs. Then surmised that Saturn MUST be a FAG!!!!!!! -Saturn attacked. Even Bagwell sold a decent punch. Bully for him. -Steiner fought a hunk of his match with a Michigan (something or you're mother) hat -Steiner also gave up the cross arm F-You...because if he tried the Middle finger, nobody would buy it. -Steiner won with the Recliner, because Steiner refused to job to a FAG IN A DRESS!!!!! -commercials -Oh Lord, I think this is the Third hour....I could be wrong...I hope not. -footage from last week where Luger and Mysterio Jr went at it. -Lex Luger, and Kevin Nash came out...so did Elizabeth. They had to say whatever they had to say. Nash talked about how Konan had no heart, no stamina, no SOUL. How he owed any sort of push he had to Nashy and how he is nothing more than an ass kisser. God, how I HATE ass kissers. -By the way, God bless SCOOPS...the GREATEST WEB SITE OF THEM ALL!!!! -I don't know why Luger wants Mysterio's mask, but he does. Even if he has to beat the refried beans out of him to do it. -commercials -The Nitro Girls had Scott Steiner thrown out of their dressing room. I can only take so much of Steiner for one night. -Psychosis waged mighty battle with Juventud Guerrera in a barn burning, ballet of grace and power that I barely paid attention to. -I DO know that there were some... -commercials -to break up the match. Eventually, the FORMER member of the LWO won......the other FORMER member of the LWO lost. AMY: HEY AMIGO!!! I'M GOONA SQUASH YOU LIKE A CUCHARACHA!! HYT: PAULO?? YOU GET OUT HERE YOU C-SUCKING OIL STAIN!!!! I'LL TOSS A MATCH AT YOUR HEAD AND DESTROY THE OZONE LAYER!!!!!!! AMY: YO TENGO UN LAPIZ!!! UN LAPIZ ES ARMILLO!!! HYT: YEAH? I HAVE A PENCIL TOO ESE...I'LL JAB YOU WITH IT RIGHT IN THE NUTS!!! AMY: YOU QUIERO TACO BELL ESE!!!! LA RAZA!!! LA CUCHARACHA!!!! HYT: YOU MISERABLE STEROTYPICAL GENERALIZATION!!!! GO OFFEND SOMEONE ELSE'S COLUMN.... AMY: OLAY, OLAY -Sorry bout that. "Cough, cough -commercials -Lex Luger came to the ring. He may very well be the only wrestler who can change from face to heel without any real obvious change of attitude!?!?! He's the SAME GUY he's been since day 1!!!! -commercials -Rey Mysterio came out, because he wanted to represent the TRADIOTION OF THE LWO!!!!!!!! A TRADITION THAT HAS LASTED SINCE THE ICE AGE!!!!!!!!! -And that damn mask too. He wants to keep the mask. -Luger gave Rey one last chance to hand the shirt and mask over......Mysterio didn't....Luger attacked. -Of course, you do realize that this whole match was designed just so Nash could powerbomb the little muchacho!! Which of course happened. Then Konan showed up. I sort of liked it, I get a kick out of David vs Goliath throwdowns. -Spot for the WCW Nitro Grill.....a press conference I guess. Of course, "Diamond" Dallas (Name a rest room after Nitro and I'll cut the ribbon) Page. Sometimes, a push is simply not WORTH it. -commercials -Didn't I say that I was sick of Scott Steiner? Now officially Kimberly's little puppy dog! -commercials -Hall came out with DINF. -Goldberg came out. He healed no one because Hyatte's been through a LOT this week. F-You -Bam Bam ran out. Attacked Hall from behind, and it's a Triangle match of major proportions. -Hall gets pounded first.... -Then Bigelow gets pounded. -Then Goldberg Speared both Hall and Bigelow at the same time. Tenay went all out and called it a BRAND NEW, NEVER BEFORE SEEN MOVE FROM GOLDBERG!!! -Then RAW ended.....so the NWO ran out to get this show off the air. -But DAMN...this Goldberg FOIUGHT AND FOUGHT AND FOUGHT THEM ALL SINGLE HANDIDLY...NOT EVEN THE MIGHTY STING COULD DO THAT!!!!! GOLDBERG IS MY HERO!!!!!!!!!! -It turned into a Horsemen/WCW vs NWO brawl. Which pretty much killed the night. Well, on RAW, you had some GOOD wrestling and some GOOD storylines, and some BAD, BAD, VERYBAD storylines that had no bizness being there. On Nitro, you had some GOOD wrestling, some REAL good wrestling, a couple of good storyline, and a LOT of storylines nobody in their right mind would care about. I'll give the night to Nitro. Because it as easier to recap. HA! Not much on the closer. Other than to talk about what happened this week with this special Mop-Up. It is Wednesday morning right now. I am putting in the final edits of what went down. I don't know how it will be received by the readers. I'm sure some will hate it, others will love it. That's what happens when you do something totally off the beaten path, you get extreme reactions. Remember, you DID NOT HAVE TO READ IT. Anyway, I am letting Amy use an old e-mail addy of mine. So you can reach her at Hyattesucks@hotmail.com. I won't promise a response, because I doubt I'll be hearing from her anytime soon. By the way, now that it's over..I can tell you the truth. I never threw anything into any ring...EVER!! I "planted" that cup throwing thing here last week because I knew she would see it and it would get a reaction out of her...in case she wasn't in a fighting mood. It was designed to jack her up. She made use of it, even though she was obviously ready to go and I didn't need it. I WAS at Bash at the Beach, but I didn't throw sh*t. Okay, I'm out of here. You can all eat me some more This is Hyatte Chris Hyatte
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