NO WAY OUT ... by Chris Hyatte The February pay per view of the WWF is the last major card for the promotion until "Wrestlemania"; and usually, it is the "stage setter" for the biggest dance in the land. Who could forget two years ago when Bret Hart defended the WWF world belt against Diesel in a cage, only to have the Undertaker break through the floor and drag "Big Daddy Cool" down with him. Then there was last year's phenominal "Final Four" match pitting Bret Hart vs the Undertaker vs Vader vs "Stone Cold" Steve Austin for the belt. This year, with wrestling fans drooling over next month's centerpiece main event of Austin vs Shawn Michaels for the belt, the plan was to feature an 8 man match between Michaels, HHH, and the New Age Outlaws vs Owen Hart, Cactus Jack, Chainsaw Charlie, and of course, Steve Austin. Unfortunately, still recovering from last month's Casket Match with the Undertaker, Shawn Michaels was unable to wrestle tonight....much less be there. How did they regroup? How can they still put on a good show without the self proclaimed "Show Stopper, Main Eventer"? Good question indeed. -opens with an extended firework display, followed by a moment to let the Houston audience be heard. -Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler briefly go over the plan for tonight. FIRST MATCH: The Headbangers vs Marc Mero and The Artist Formally Known As Goldust (with Sable and Luna respectively) Mero came to the ring first with Sable. On his way, he proceeded to berate her for attracting all the attention. In the ring, he forced her to hold the ring ropes for him and disrobe him. AFKAG came to the ring still dressed as Marylin Manson. We were reminded of the problems between Sable and Luna that occured during a recent RAW. With all four in the ring, Sable started to mouth off to both Luna and Mero. Grabbing the mic, Mero told Sable to "Get the hell out of here!"" Sable complied, but it wouldn't be long before she returned later in the match. The Headbangers came out, and the match began without any more drama. Highlights & Lowlights: - The Headbangers took control early, highlighted by a nice top rope suplex/flapjack/Vaderbomb variation onto AFKAG. - Mero and AFKAG soon took over on Thrash. They kept control on him for a good chunk of the match. Thrash started to juice after kissing the steel steps. - Mero used his wrist tape to choke Thrash at one point. - Mero tried to put on the TKO, but Thrash snuck out of it and nailed Mero with a DDT. He managed to tag out to Mosh. - The Headbangers were going for their finisher, but Luna shoved Thrash off the top rope. This caused Sable to charge to the ring and go after Luna. Mero stopped her and the two heels tried to hold their women back. - As all that was going on, which subsequently diverted the referee; Mosh switched places with Thrash, who was lying prone in the ring. The match ended when Mero went to pin the fallen Headbanger, only to fall victim to a short package and the pin count. The Headbangers won the match. Afterwards, Sable invited Luna into the ring for a fight but again, the men held them back. Sable then yelled at Mero, and shoved him to the ground. -Kevin Kelly and the Jackyl gave us the Hotline phone numbers. -Michael Kole talked to Owen Hart. He brought up the history between Owen and Steve Austin. Owen said that if Austin stays out of his way, he'll return the favor. -Sable came to the ring, wearing a skin tight pink outfit to announce the next match. SECOND MATCH: Pantera vs Taka Michinoku (WWF Light Heavyweight Title Match) Although both men came down with little incident, Brian Christopher came down and joined the announcer team. This added some great humor between the three men, with Lawler and his son working well off Ross and his commentary concerning the relationship between the two. Highlights & Lowlights: - This was really Pantera's show. He dominated the match for the most part. - In a wise move, Taka got off his super high aeriel press outside the ring early on. It had no bearing on the outcome and was a sight to see, as always. - Although slower than most Mexican wrestlers, Pantera is as crazy as any of them. His dives over and through the ropes were awesome. - Pantera cleared the top rope and somersaulted right into Michinoku. - Pantera took the Hurracarana to the next level by delivering it from the top rope, but sent Michinoku crashing onto the outside floor. - Pantera followed that up with a dive through the four ropes in the corner and onto Michinoku. Michinoku was sent into the railing back first. - Pantera worked on Michinoku's back for the rest of the match. Some of his moves just HAD to hurt. - Michinoku was sent sailing over the top rope and onto the outside floor. Taka could have broken his arm on the impact. - Pantera performed two moonsaults, but still couldn't pin him. - Michinoku blasted Pantera with a top rope kneedrop. Pantera was standing and bent over at the time. Michinoku won the match after his second attempt at the "Michinoku Driver". After the match, Brian Christopher tried to go after him, but Lawler stopped him. Michinoku climbed to the top rope and jumped on both of them. He then ran off into the seats and away from them. Great match, Pantera really showed some stuff. -Kevin Kelly talked to Cactus Jack and Chainsaw Charlie as they talked to fans online. THIRD MATCH: The Quebecers vs The Godwinns Both teams came down without incident and the match began in a similar fashion. Highlights & Lowlights: - None here. This was the worst match of the night, and the year so far. The Godwinns won after using the bucket. It's too bad, because the Quebecers can really be a fun team to watch when they are on. They weren't on tonight. -Dok Hendrix talked to Road Dog and Billy Bad Ass. When asked if they knew who Shawn Michaels' replacement was, they said that they didn't know and left "to find out". -the "Try Lacing My Boots" spot. -spot for another Steve Austin t-shirt. -Jim Ross talked to Jeff Jarrett and Jim Cornette backstage. Both men promised that they didn't need any NWA involvement to beat Bradshaw tonight. FOURTH MATCH: Bradshaw vs Jeff Jarrett (NWA North American Heavyweight Title Match) Jarrett and Cornette came down with Barry Windham and the Rock & Roll Express.Bradshaw came to the ring and started to swing a giant bullrope around ala Stan Hansen. After a bit of chaos, Howard Finkle announced that only Cornette can stay at ringside and everyone else had to go. They took off and things got going. Highlights & Lowlights: - No longer Justin Hawk Bradshaw or "Blackjack" Bradshaw, the big Texan's name was billed as simply "Bradshaw". - Whether he's Justin Hawk, Blackjack, or just Bradshaw...this is one BIG kid. He tossed Jarrett around early on like a doll. - Unfortunately, it takes a bit more than roundhouse punches and monster clotheslines to get over with the fans. - This was Jarrett's first major PPV since his brief battle with the Undertaker a few months ago. Although he performed well enough, I doubt Bischoff lost much sleep over this loss. - Cornette reminded us why he is one of the best heel managers in the sport. His antics never failed to entertain. - Jarrett went for a top rope bodypress, but Bradshaw caught him and delivered a Scott Hall-like over the head bodyslam. After getting thrown into the ring, Cornette took a couple of whallops before Jarrett picked up the tennis racket and blasted Bradshaw on the back. The referee disqualified Jarrett right away. Morton and Gibson ran in, but Bradshaw took them out. Bradshaw had some more fun with Cornette until Windham came in and the gang up began. Eventually, the LOD charged in and cleared house. Ross marveled about how Bradshaw towered over Hawk and Animal. The LOD congratulated Bradshaw and a good job, and rightly so. The guy did alright, and I'm pulling for him for some reason. -Michael Kole talked to Hunter Hearse Helmsley and Chyna. Triple H said that wrestlers from all over the world wanted to replace Michaels in the match, but since no one was worthy, it would be a handicap match. When Kole brought up the concept of the WWF "assigning" a teamate, HHH said that would not be happening. -spot for Wrestlemania -Dok Hendrix spoke with the NOD. When he had a question from the "leader of the NOD", Rocky Maivia spoke first. Faarooq cut him off with, "You're just begging me to whup your ass ain't you?"" Faarooq proceeded to talk and the "Rock" proceeded to mug for the camera. FIFTH MATCH: The Nation of Domination vs Ken Shamrock, Ahmed Johnson, and the Disciples of Apocalypse. Jim Ross kept calling this match a "War of Attrition", but it turned out that there were no special rules. The face team came to the ring totally psyched up; especially Ahmed Johnson, who really played up to the fans. There was no huge brawl to open things up, instead things started rather orderly. Highlights & Lowlights: - Ross started to hint that a D-Lo push is right around the corner. - A meaner Mark Henry called for Ahmed as soon as he stepped into the ring. Ahmed obliged, but ended up getting the worst of it. - Ross called Henry the "strongest drug free athlete in the world today!". - D-Lo showed that he may in fact deserve a push after sailing damn near across the ring to give Ahmed a Frogsplash. Later in the match he delivered a Frogsplash Elbowdrop, AND a Moonsault. He missed the Moonsault though. - Faarooq has a great ring presence about him. Everytime he was in there, he was entertaining. What is lacking in his actual work rate, he makes up for in gimmick and personality. - Rocky Maivia has both a great work rate and a great ring presense. This is the wrestler of the future...and perhaps the first black WWF world champion. Things broke out in a ten man brawl which eventually spilled out of the ring. With only Shamrock and Maivia left, it didn't take Shamrock long to snag the Rock in the ankle submission. Maivia tapped out in a hurry and lost the match. After the faces left, Rocky started to yell at Faarooq, then shove him. D-Lo tried to step in, but Faarooq dropped him with a punch. Now everyone was holding someone else back. Maivia started to limp up the aisle as Faarooq calmed D-Lo down. Faarooq called back Maivia and eventually, they all did the NOD salute. - Michael Kole talked to Steve Austin. -video package of the recent Vader/Kane situation. Not as good as what they usually do. SIXTH MATCH: Vader vs Kane Vader was already in the ring as Kane's music/lightshow kicked in. The two men stared down each other for a bit, until Vader started to swing and the match was on. Highlights & Lowlights: -Obviously, there was no way Kane would lose this match. He has to appear as indestructable as possible for his Wrestlemania showdown with the Undertaker. The trick here is to see how well he performs against a man who measured up better against him than Mankind. - The thing with Vader is that his punches usually run about 50% in terms of salesmanship. Sometimes they look great, other times they don't. - Kane showed some nice agility for a man of his size. - Kane also wrestled a lot like his "brother", incorporating a lot of his trademark moves. - Kane hit Vader with a nice top rope shoulderblock. - Both men had moments to shine. - Vader hit Kane with the "Vadersault". Kane sat up. - Outside the ring, Vader reached under the ring and pulled out a toolbox and a fire extinquisher. He sprayed Kane with the extinquisher for a while. - Vader nailed Kane with the powerbomb. Kane sat up. Kane quickly dropped Vader with the chokeslam, than Tombstoned him for the win. Then he went back outside and pulled a huige wrench out of the toolbox. He climbed back into the ring and CRANKED Vader right in the head with the wrench. The shot was UGLY. Kane walked away and almost made it backstage when Commissioner Slaughter ran out and said something to him and Paul Bearer. Vader had to be taken out on a stretcher. Ross and Lawler commented that it looked as if the right side of his face was caved in. -another Wrestlemania spot -video collage of the events leading up to the main event. SEVENTH MATCH: Degeneration X and the New Age Outlaws vs Cactus Jack, Chainsaw Charlie, Owen Hart, and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin (Non-WWF Sanctioned No Rules Match) All during the night, Ross constantly mentioned that this match was now a no rules match to compensate for the missing Shawn Michaels. He also stated that the WWF did not sanction the match. The New Age Outlaws came to the ring first, wearing Tennesee Oilers shirts to enrage the Houston crowd. After HHH and Chyna came to the ring, Howard Finkle announced that their partner will be Savio Vega. Owen Hart came out first, but waited until his partners came before hitting the ring. Chainsaw and Cactus came out pushing a trash bucket filled with stuff (including a MOP, which was used frequently and delighted me to no end). They surrounded the ring and threw the stuff in there. Finally, Austin's music came on and the man charged in and started to punch. Things began just like that. Highlights & Lowlights: - Austin got things rolling by whacking everyone with a trash can lid. Bad Ass got out of the way before falling victim to the Stunner. - Austin worked on HHH primarily early on. He choked him with the MOP, then broke it over his back. - Owen gave Bad Ass a belly to belly right onto a table leaned against the ropes. - Savio had Austin on his ass outside and leaning against the railing. He started to bash him with a trashcan. - HHH started to hit Chainsaw Charlie repeatedly with a trash can. Charlie sold it as ONLY he could. - Road Dog powerbombed Chainsaw through two chairs. - In a funny spot, Austin picked up a trash can and from his ring corner and he HURLED it across the ring and beaned Bad Ass right in the mush. Nicely done. - After taking some crazy shots, Charlie tagged off to Cactus Jack, who started swinging. - At one point, Cactus had Road Dog sittng down in the corner. He stuck a piece of a table on him, then threw Bad Ass into it. - For the first time in WWF history, Cactus Jack was wrapped up by the Heels in barbed wire. - The bad guys assaulted Jack with chairs while he was wrapped up. The match ended after Jack managed to tag Austin. From then on, it became all Austin as he dropped Road Dog with the Stunner and pinned him. He was alone in the ring for a few seconds, then Chyna came in to face off with him. She pushed him twice, but Austin held his temper. He was halfway threw the ropes when Chyna gave him the double finger. As she turned to argue with the ref, Austin came back into the ring and waited for her to turn around. When she did, he dropped her with the Stunner. She was taken out of the ring and brough backstage. Austin grabbed a nearby mic and gave the fans a big "HELL YEAH". He left the ring and the show ended. It wasn't much, but it wasn't bad. With a talent pool as dry as a desert, the WWF managed a decent card, but nothing really all that special. The ending basically engineered Austin's final month before being crowned (presumably of course) the new world champ. What's truly ironic about all this is that I haven't seen a push to the world title this strong since Shawn Michaels embarked on the road to his first WWF title against Bret Hart two years ago. If you missed the card, don't sweat it, you didn't miss all that much. If you saw it, then you saw a nice way to kill a Sunday, and not much else. Read the Mop-Up for crying out loud...because you know that you don't have anything better to do. This is Hyatte, and I'm watching you.