Nitro Mop Up ... by Chris Hyatte
Nitro 3/9/98
Hoy hoy! I'm Chris, this is the Mop-Up, and Wu Tang is for the children! But you all knew that already. Extra long closer this week where I once again explain why I am so hard on WCW.....plus I'm actually going to COMPLIMENT Mr. Eric Bischoff........now go wipe that spittake off your computer screen. PLUGS PLUGS PLUGS are the order for today...but first, a couple of opening notes...juuuuust a few.
I have seen the next "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. In other words, there is a guy out there who has busted his hump for years and years without any recognition.....but now that he is getting a great push, he has really lit up the ring and the fans are going NUTS. The best thing about it is that he is actually a good wrestler. His name? Think "head". That's right, AL SNOW is currently running wild in ECW (I can't believe I phrased it that way) and I can't think of anyone who deserves it more. I'm pretty sure he's still under WWF contract, so perhaps Vince will pick him back up...boy, that would pee off Paul Heyman BIG TIME!!! Oh yeah...in my honest opinion, Rocky "The Rock" Maivia is the Bret Hart of the new millennium. In about ten years, THIS GUY will be the MAN.....bank on it.
Because of the "confusion" last week, I'm extending the "Great Wrestling Smoke Out" by a week. If you have ever seen a pro-wrestler light up a butt, let me know. Note: DO NOT write if you saw someone smoke a CIGAR...because that's not what I'm really going for here....it's cool to smoke stogies nowadays, so I'm sure lots of folks do it occasionally. I do accept those who dip tobacco though. Already, I have some surprising names..including one guy who must chain smoke..because EVERYBODY'S ratting him out. By the way...I'm fully aware that the Sandman may occasionally light up...so stop submitting his name.
Now it's time for the long awaited, long promised, long winded, PLUGS!!! I've been promising and promising...now..finally...some great sites you should all visit.
1) It's not much, but what the Hell...go to http://members.tripod.com/~coolguy_jw/coolguy.html I only put it in because it's a list of the top 100 coolest folks around. Plenty of Villano references and they also tossed in the UNPREDICTABLE JOHNNY RODZ (at # 99.99...how DARE they). Oh yeah, I'm listed at 30....even though I'm MUCH cooler than Adam Corolla.
2) Nate's Wrestling Rumors and Reports (http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/8244/wrestling.html) His name is Nate Corbitt. He has slowly built his page all by himself, with no plugs and/or help from anyone. Now he gets over 200'000 hits. The dude spent all last summer learning about htmls just so he can put up the best page he possibly could. Now he is a proud member of SCOOPS DIRECT (which is NOT why I included him). News, columns, chatroom, and plenty of links make it a worthwhile visit.
3) I'm not sure of the name but a fabulous site filled with cool link ups is http://www.fortunecity.com/tinpan/jarrett/53/ You want to download the Degeneration X theme song? It's there. You into Duke Nukem? It's got an Duke Nukem 3D...unofficial WWF level. I'm not into that kind of stuff, but supposedly, you can go right into Vince McMahon's office and start shooting. If you're a gamer...then this is definitely worth checking out.
4) La Arena-Luche Libre (http://www.fortunecity.com/olympia/bruno/81) For those fans for the Luchadors, this is a comprehensive site....(except for no Villanos....probably for the best). It also offers links to just about every other Luche site on the web. Great for history, learning, and probably if your building an e-fed character.
That's it. Now since I don't plug often, that means every thing I DO plug must be pretty special. So go check them out...it won't hurt. Be sure to tell them I sent you too.
That should do it. Now it's time for the main event. Gallons of baked beans have been eaten, now we're breaking out the lighters, pulling down our pants, bending over, and start blasting the FIRE BAYYYBEEEE!!!! Biggest explosion wins the night, but be careful of the backdrafts...those suckers HURT!!!!! (what any of that had to do with RECAPPING...I have no idea...but it is a cool visual). So as the man says, "Come on Baby, Light My Fire"!!
- Riddle for you: What do you call the hour before wrestling begins?
Answer: The first hour of...... NITRO (or And they say unemployment is up...there were jobs EVERYWHERE tonight!)
- Footage from last Thunder...when Savage told Hogan that the rest of the NWO wants Hogan gone.
- opening theme
- Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, and Mike Tenay welcome us to Winston Salem. As Tones and Tens begin the obligatory hypefest, Larry wisely takes off his headset and gives the fans something to cheer about. No, he didn't punch Tony in the face, he just waved.
- more footage from Thunder....more from Savage, Hogan, and Crush (who looks SO out of place here).
- Right into things, Ken Sham...oops, I mean Ernest "The Cat" Miller is in the ring to fight....Damien. It's the perfect time to check out the signs...
- not much..except for the cute one that read, "NEXT MATCH"...kind of read my thoughts there Charly. Miller is wearing Karate gloves...I hope Bischoff had washed them out since Starrcade. Miller won.
- And so..as with all Nitros nowadays..out comes Hulk Hogan and Uncle Eric. (WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE THAT RIDICULOUS HAT OFF!!!!) On their way to the ring....Hogan gave Bischoff a kiss on the head.....judging from his reaction, I doubt Eric will be applying for the job as a Scoutmaster for the Boy Scouts anytime soon. I swear that the cameras were FURIOUSLY scanning the crowd for any anti-Vince signs...no soup this week.
- In the ring, Uncle Eric was going orgasmic over Hulky's posing....and was begging him to stop. Then he started to speak, then Hogan started to speak. Guess who they were talking about?
- Your guess is as good as mine! I drifted off.
- commercials
- Oh no....OH NO!!! Not ANOTHER Nitro Party????? From Duke University. I think I see three girls...maybe. I DID see some drunk rub Gene's head...Gene thanked him for "feeling it"...I kid you not. The Nitro Girls were on hand too....seeYA.
- Sick Boy comes to the ring with members of the Flock including a new guy who I think used to be the Yeti...Ron Studd maybe? Larry commented that Winston Salem is the only place where you can smoke a cigarette and not be condemned for it...(Maybe Larry smokes? You folks have to tell me if you know!!). Lodi was sporting a sign that was waaaay too inside for me to get.
- Lenny Lane (who?) came out to fight. Lodi produced a better sign that said, "JOHN BOY AND BILLY ROCK!!"...I'm sure they can't touch Stern..but they probably are MUCH funnier than Mancow....a used condom is funnier than Mancow.
- I don't know who Lenny Lane is...but judging from the fans response as he started to yell for them to "GET UP"....I don't really NEED to know who he is. He put up a decent fight, but Sick Boy took it...and he didn't even have to puke on him.
- Mike Tenay brings out the Giant for a chat. After a bit of "Nash Bashing"...he brought out Sting and Savage. After some huffing and puffing and time eating (3 hours is a LOT of time) the stage was set for a 6 man event tonight.....
- commercials
- Barry Darsow comes to the ring..trying real hard not to act like Steve Austin. The bald Darsow is fighting the equally bald Steve Goldberg.....perhaps THIS IS THE WEEK WHERE GOLDBERG FINALLY GETS A CHALLENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!
- maybe next week...the bald guy won....guess which.
- commercials
- Gene pushes the Hotline while at the Nitro Party. In the middle of all these future leaders, Kimberly joins Geno. His Meaness starts to squeeze and rub her shoulder (does he have a police record?? Someone should look him up!) Kimberly looked like she would rather have Luna smear makeup all over her face while handcuffed...Hey, who wouldn't?
- Scott Hall comes to the ring...it must be SURVEY time!!! (In Ric Flair Country??? You MUST be joking!)
- He must have read my thoughts...no time for a survey tonight...(you know, his surveys are one of my favorite things about WCW....did we REALLY need Ernest Miller's match?)
- Hall addresses plenty of issues...not the least was his booty licking of Hogan. He told Hogan that he would be part of tonight's main event. Then he ragged on Sting a bit. Pretty boring actually.
- commercials
- Kevin Nash came out and pretty much said the same thing that Hall did. Just replace "Sting" with "The Giant" and it's all covered. (He did say to Hogan that "you're enemies are my enemies"....wonder if that means he'll be donating money to the cause of defeating male pattern baldness?)
- Kidman comes out to fight Malenko. Dean looks more pissed than a mid carder who hasn't been pushed in a while.....oh...wait a sec....never mind.
- Jericho showed up for kicks....and maybe a little bit of shenanigans.
- AHA! I WAS RIGHT! As soon as ElStinko Cloverleafed Kidman's ass, Jericho talked the Flock into helping him attack Malenko. Those damn Junkies..can't trust any of them!! They jumped Jericho and started to wail..(I'll tell you, that Ron Studd looks downright silly with flannel wrapped around his waist). Jericho and Malenko got the Hell out of there....so didn't Tony..
- commercials
Go To Page 2