Nitro Mop Up ... by Chris Hyatte
Nitro 3/9/98
- Hour two arrives. As does Hogan and Bischoff again....joy. No kiss this time...I guess Eric doesn't deserve any sloppy seconds. Do you really need to be told what they talked about? Didn't think so.
- You know, it just occurred to me...I guess Hogan is only allowed to use Jimi Hendrix's "Voodoo Chile" only once a night!!! Ted Turner's must not be able to afford it.
- commercials
- North Carolina's new football coach Carl Torbush is shown enjoying the show...Tyson? They don't need no steenkin' Tyson!
- More crap from Duke University. Bill Goldberg is seen giving some sap a headlock.....later, that poor sap was seen calling his lawyer...oh man, is Turner going to PAY!!
- Bryan Adams (how could you Mr. Adams! I'll never listen to "Cuts Like a Knife" with the same emotion again) enters the fray. He's taking on one of High Voltage...I think it's the one who takes steroids.
- Juice or no juice...Crush wasted the punk. Tony begged us to call our friends and have them turn over to Nitro....I guess RAW is starting to scare them..God knows why.
- commercials
- Konan comes to the ring to fight someone. First, he grabs the mic and proceeds to offend each and every Mexican out there with his exaggerated accent. He also claimed to be giving Juventud Guerrera the "bum rush"...hey pal, what you do in the privacy of your own home is YOUR business....don't drag US into your sordid lifestyle!!. K-Douche also said that he didn't want to fight Juvee tonight, so he brought in a NWO Cruiserweight to take his place.
- no..it wasn't Syxx...it was Norton...joke's on you Juvee. Heenan joined the fun by the way.
- I ended up spending more time watching Norton stick his tongue out as he worked than the actual match itself...I didn't miss much. No "Rocky" stories here. Norton won with the Shoulderbreaker.
- commercials
- Raven and Saturn came to the ring for a rematch from a few Thunders ago...against DDP and Benoit. It was a brutal affair...so brutal that it couldn't last for one segment..they had to go through some..
- commercials
- before ending it. DDP and Benoit spent more time arguing than anything else...there was a WAAAAAAAY too long spot where Page was suffering from a Saturn bearhug. Still, Page and Benoit got ended up fighting all the way to the locker room and getting a countout loss..(somewhere backstage, Davey Boy Smith saw that and kicked in his locker room monitor screaming, "THAT'S MY BLOODY ANGLE YOU SHAGGY ASS NINNIES!!!!!!!!! I OUGHT TO GIVE YOU A BLOODY BEATING THAT WOULD SEND THE QUEEN MUM INTO A TIZZY!!!!..even in anger, the British are so polite.
- At the announcer's booth...Tony declared that the 6 man tagger tonight sealed the deal on History and made this...by far..unquestionably.....the BEST NITRO EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!
- they showed new camera angles of the last match.....to see just what made Benoit attack Page...(the script maybe? Duuuh!)
- commercials
- Footage from a visit to a children's hospital by DINF and Goldberg....I'm not touching this...because I think it's one of the nicer parts of the job.
- Mean Gene back at the Nitro Party...they were eating Domino's Pizza (now THAT'S a party by God...someone should call the cops!!) Note to Gene..never EVER interview someone with a mouthful of pizza.
- the third hour arrives...not a fu$%&ng moment too late!
- Oh crap..not Konan again...with VINCENT???? WASN'T HE JUST CANNED??
- Oh Good, he's fighting the Bulldog...maybe DBS will show K-Dawg who the real MUTT is.
- Incidentally, since we are all STUPID SHEEP!!! Tony felt compelled to WARN us about being MISLED when you go get tickets to the next Nitro...in other words...He's afraid we'll accidentally get tickets for RAW instead of NITRO...because we are too STUPID TO READ!!!!!!!!!!!! AND WE CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE!!!!!!!! (and you wonder why I trash Nitro and especially Bischoff so hard).
- As far as the match went...Bulldog pulled a Goldberg and SQUASHED Konan in record time...think Bischoff is trying to tell Konan something?
- Tenay brings out Ric Flair to jack up the Winston Salem crowd...(I guess Marlboros are pretty much illegal here). Flair pumped up his upcoming match with Curt Hennig. (He said "blank" whipping instead of "ass"). That's about it.
- commercials
- Disco Inferno comes to the ring to take on Jericho. Jericho was wearing Juventud's mask (Heenan, "Check it out..Juventud has dyed his hair blonde!").
- No Jericho talk...just right to the action. The Great DINF Push: Phase II must be over....Jericho won it with the "Crabby Lion from Boston who Tamed a Quebeccer" (probably Pierre, judging from the eyepatch).
- commercials
- I'M SICK OF THESE FRIGGIN' NITRO PARTIES!!!! OKAY, OKAY....WCW IS MORE POPULAR THAN POT RIGHT NOW...WE GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes to the ring...being followed by Eddie Guerrero (Heenan: He SHOULD be followed!!" Not bad..but not LOTN either). In the ring, Eddie yelled at Chavo about something..(he probably ate the last bag of Tostitos). Booker T. came down to help figure this out....it didn't work.
- Chavo was the aggressor here..and Eddie seemed to be his coach. Booker still wasted him. Eddie brought nothing to the table for this....until he attacked Chavo after the match...cool.
- commercials
- Curt Hennig came to the ring with Rick Rude. Flair followed suit. The match was on..
- Curt is sporting quite a belly nowadays...look at that thing!
- Just as Flair has Hennig propped up in the "Tree of Woe" and was about to kick him in the face, which was covered by a chair...the NWO ran in and stopped it....well, just Konan and Vincent..and since one of them is fired and the other one seems to be on his way...calling them the NWO may be pushing it. Still, Bret Hart came out and saved the day.
- commercials
- Scott Steiner and Scott Norton (AGAIN??? They have 60 guys in the fed....why does Norton fight twice???)
- Lex Luger and Rick Steiner come out...Ricky is pulling a DOG by a leash (a real dog..not Ted DiBiase). Heenan cracked me up by saying, "OH NO, THEY BROUGHT THEIR SISTER!! THE MISSING STEINER!" That's the Line of the Night...Bingo! Now where have I seen a dog being used as a wrestling prop before? I wonder??
- The trick here is to keep the Steiners away from each other as much as possible.....why give the match away when folks will pay dearly for it at a pay per view? Once again...they rip off the Bulldog's new match ender (and the Bulldog's old trick of bringing a dog to the ring for that matter) and fought all the way backstage....MY GOD!! THEY RIP OFF EVERYTHING!!! (well, you know...I had to say it ONCE).
- commercials
- Shows how much I know....Hogan and the Outsiders come to the ring to the tune of "Voodoo Chile"..I stand corrected.
- Sting, Savage, the Giant (neck brace and street clothes), and Elizabeth come to the ring...it gets going right away..
- Let me run it down for you. Hogan and Sting started off...they went for a while. Nash and the Giant were tagged in.
- Through general double dealing, Nash had the advantage...the NWO pounded on the Giant for a loooooong time.
- Savage got in there and went for Hogan. Nash ran off and the Giant lumbered after him. Sting and Hall went at it and it was breaking loose.
- Ed Leslie...who never had any business in the ring, jumped in and laid out Savage with the "Chart Busting Stone Cold Diamond Cutter"..Hogan screamed that this guy was the "APOCALYPSE"...then he pinned Savage. Outside the ring, Hogan then called his friend the "DISCIPLE"....which would make this guy...who looks like a biker...a DISCIPLE OF APOCALYPSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JEEZUS H CHRIST ON A SESAME SEED BUN....THEY ARE RIPPING OFF EVERYTHING....AND NEVER AS FLAGRANT AS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well..other than that Piper as WCW head thing.
This ended the show. I think someone must have goofed up. The show seemed to be filled with quick squashes...but they STILLED ran overtime. I don't get it. The show was bad...other than some cool happenings in the third hour (I liked the main event..and it's always nice to see Flair). Let's see what RAW is up to....not much I'll wager.
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