Nitro Mop Up ... by Chris Hyatte

Nitro 3/16/98 Have Mercy! I'm Chris and this is the Mop-Up...believe it or not. I hope you all found your way to my new home, the ARENA section of SCOOPS. I'll be honest, I'm not thrilled with the move, I was happy in the Written Word. Alas, SCOOPS is always improving, fine tuning, and striving to produce the finest web site on the Internet...who am I to stand in the way of progress? I have a TON of opening notes, then we'll get spanking. Okay, three weeks ago there was no Mop-Up..that's my fault (well, it was El Nino's fault....but for arguments sake...), two weeks ago, the column was late AND moved to the ARENA section....without any notification, (Hell, I wasn't told either), so you can blame SCOOPS management. Last week was an unfortunate mistake that compounded with another accident, which delayed everything for three days...so it's no one's fault. It's been a bad month so far, hopefully we can rebound and deliver this thing ON TIME, EVERY WEEK....I'm crossing my fingers on this one kids. Yet, things happen and you may miss a week. So, I am putting this on the table. If you miss a week of the Mop-Up, write to me and ask for it. Every column I ever wrote is stored here in "Hyatte Central". I'll send you a copy if you missed one. Let's wait ONE MORE WEEK on this smoking thing. If you ever saw a pro wrestler light up a cigarette, let me know. Next week, I PROMISE..I'll get the names up...and we got some shockers here already. Concerning Uncensored...WHAT THE F%&$ HAPPENED TO BRET HART??????? Is this guy just going through the motions or what? I've never seen him wrestle a match with so little passion before in my life! On his Prodigy chat, Nash thought that the whole Bret/Vince thing was a work.....I commented late last year that perhaps Bret is on some sort of "1 year mission" in WCW for the WWF. I'm not saying it's true or anything, but does Bret look happy to YOU? Speaking of Nash's Chat. I read the whole thing, (you should too..at Bob Ryder's wrestling1.com site). I came out of it thinking one of two things. 1) He hates it in WCW. His evasive answers and sarcastic remarks, ("I have 3 years and 9 months left on my contract. I'm ecstatic.") sort of showed his true feelings. I honestly think that he hates Bischoff and wants back into the WWF. Either that or he INTENTIONALLY answered in that tone just so Internet geeks like me would speculate about how much he hates it there.....I'm on to you Big Sexy Daddy!!!!! 2) Bischoff fired Syxx just because he wanted to prove a point to Nash and Hall. Basically, he threw a temper tantrum, and ended a man's livelyhood because of it. What a baby. I hope Syxx goes right back to the WWF...I mean, why would he want to stay in WCW if he knows that Bischoff would drop him just to piss off Hall and Nash? And let me remind you, this was not the first time Uncle Eric tried to fire him. Early last Spring he tried to pull the same crap! Well, that'll do it. Now let's get to the real deal. I have all night to cover one show, and all night Tuesday to cover another. It's a cornucopia of fun, a melody of dazzling show tunes, a pow wow of thought provoking angles, A PURE FESTIVAL OF PLEASURE FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!!!...... and of course....it's the second night of the week where a grown man walks out wearing a backwards baseball cap, and trying desperately to look like he belong there. Hang on Cowpokes, we are off to the rodeo... NITRO (or Why is Summerslam on in March?) - This production is brought to you by some brand of gum....I ain't getting paid, so I ain't plugging it....besides, bubble gum died the day HUBBA BUBBA (Big Bubbles...No Troubles) folded. - opening theme - This week marked the annual tribute to the Spring Break crowd by holding Nitro in Panama City Florida...square in the middle of a swimming pool at the "La Vela" Nightclub. Tony called it the "biggest nightclub in the world".....I doubt that. Great thing about this idea is that we could see some wrestlers belly flopping in the water...I'm hoping Bischoff goes under. - Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and Larry Zbyszko start to brag about how awesome "Uncensored" was last night...(bullcookies!! It sucked). They showed shots from last night's cage disaster where Savage seemed to reunite with Hogan. The sucky thing here is...even though we paid $30 for the show, and the blood started to spill around 9:30 pm EST....WCW STILL FEELS that they have to keep the cameras back!! You know, I don't even blame Bischoff for this..this smells a Hell of a lot like Ted Turner's handiwork. - The NWO come out in semi-force..(no Savage, no Syxx, but Vincent was there....I thought he was fired??). Only Hall, Nash, and Norton looked like they were in Florida...wearing Island shirts, shorts, and sandals. The gist of this deal was that Savage was back in the NWO and Bischoff signed him and Hogan to fight Sting and Luger for tonight. Everything else was Hogan nonsense. Hogan's mouth had more than enough air to take Nitro into it's first set of.. - commercials - The Nitro Girls do a dance with Shamrock hats on....somehow, I doubt that ALL the luck of the Irish will help them anytime soon. - The Flock comes out in force, except for Raven. Lodi leads the way, holding a bunch of signs that make no sense at all. Don't get me started on that BLATANT ECW RIPOFF that Raven pulled last night...you know, the one that involved a metal Stop Sign under a cardboard sign that read, "USE MY SIGN"...don't get me started.....just don't. - I wonder who Lodi is fighting tonight? - Ohhhhhh sh&%....he's dead now.... - It's Goldberg....looks like Lodi will be mixing a little Codeine with his Heroin tonight....especially since he was bright enough to bring a sign that read, "GOLDBERG IS A MEAT HEAD"... Goldberg was visibly upset at the misspelling of his name. - All the Flock went down in seconds...just as Saturn was about to take a shot at Stone Goldberg... - commercials - Gene pushes the Hotline...something about a major superstar who is leaving WCW....since this is Gene talking here...I'm betting that the MAJOR superstar is Glacier. - Why is Lodi wrestling twice in one night? - Ohh..my bad..it's Scott Steiner. - Ohh OHH....geeze...it's Fit Finely!?! Why is he sporting a dyed blonde buzz 'do? Maybe the wrestlers are banding together to protest the Crow rip-off that is the new Sting? Or maybe Bischoff signed a new Revlon deal, so his boys have to use it now? - Oh yeah, Fit is fighting the Ultimo Dragon..... Waaaait a second..i get it now...rumor had it that Fit was FIRED by Bischoff recently!!! Maybe he's IN DISGUISE!!!!!! He's HIDING from Uncle Eric!!! - Ultimo won by the way...like you care - commercials - Nitro Girls were in the ring....I was praying for the ring to spring a leak. - Buff comes out with Norton. Norton seems particularly ticked off this week...maybe he's afraid that if he falls in the pool, he'll sink. He's fighting Chris Adams. - Adams used his Superkick early on...it was depressing to see Norton shrug it off...remember when that kick used to finish matches? Dem were da' dayz, homes! - As usual with Norton....I ignore the match and end up focusing on that tongue that he always sticks out of his mouth. After the match..(I think he won), he started to yell at the camera...and DROOL OVER HIMSELF!!! (Hey ladies! He's SINGLE!!!). I had to flip the channel real quick on that one....my stomach was acting like it just processed a couple of two week old burritos. - Some footage from earlier where WCW held a MISS Nitro contest....I swear to God..I think Juventud Guerrera won. - commercials - Well well well? The former tag team title holding reunion that we ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR!!!! No, no, no..it isn't Tully Blanchard and Arn Anderson (sniff)..it's former AWA Champs WAYNE BLOOM AND MIKE ENOS!!!! (they were the second to last team to hold them...and the held the belts for almost a year). It's gonna take an EXPERIENCED tag team to knock these puppies down... - Then again...The British Bulldog and Jim Neidhart could probably do it too. But why would Tenay claim that these two guys are an experienced tag team from the past? AND WHY WOULD THE CAMERAS FOCUS ON A CANADIAN FLAG?????? Bulldog is British (duuuuh) and Jimmy is from the U.S.? (I know the answer numbnutz...but it is a stupid move). - Much like Norton and his tongue..I spent the whole match pondering who was the genius who thought to sew the name ENOS across Mike Enos's ass? It's a funny sight gag...but a little graphic? Oh yeah, Tony bragged about how a family drove 600 miles to see Nitro tonight....what he forgot to say was that they had no choice, a tornado destroyed their Trailer Park last night...They now LIVED in their car!! Bulldog won the match....Neidhart looked like he wanted to be a part of DX again. - Oh yeah (again) as they went to some... - commercials - Larry started to talk about how he only lost two matches in his career (yeah...both were to ex-wives in the courtroom). Larry's voice started to raise as he talked about being "jobbed out of them..a crooked referee in Japan for one thing...I'll tell you about this during the break...me and Saito and this MORON..Mr. Hyashi..." Tony got the Hell out of there before he could finish....I was loving it...so much that it gets Line of the Night. Nice to hear Larry complain again...just like he used to. - Then we had some commercials - Second hour hits us....many of the fans were seen being hit by that last beer they had. - The announcers kill some time...talking about Sting mostly.
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