Nitro Mop Up ... by Chris Hyatte

MOVING RIGHT ALONG 3/16/98 - Randy Savage, Elizabeth, and the lovely Eric Bischoff come out to chat. And so they did.....guess what about? - I knew you could guess it....Oh yes, Savage is still focused on taking Hogan out of the NWO...(am I missing something vital here? Has Savage EVER pinned Hogan?). The fun of this was to watch Uncle Eric put the 30 minutes of that acting class he once took back in the early 90's to work...and that was about it. - commercials - Raven came out. He grabbed the mic and talked about putting an end to Benoit...then taking the US title from DDP...he also mentioned how someone called the "Snake" used to be him and Page's mentor..or something like that. Looks like Page's and Raven's campaigning worked and Jake Roberts will be coming back to WCW....hope he doesn't stop at a few bars on his way to his first show. - Benoit came out and it was on...Raven rules all the way. - DEJA VU ALERT!!! About two years ago, (or maybe even last year)..Benoit fought Kevin Sullivan on Nitro in another No Rules match during the Spring Break edition..I don't remember it hold for hold, but I'll bet the match was basically the same. - Well, not really....this match was HOT...so hot that it stretched way past a set of... - commercials - they fought all over the place. Raven won after DDTing Benoit into a chair. (I refuse to call it the "Even flow"). Thus, Raven gets a US title shot at the Spring Stampede....Benoit got his push...now he better shut up before Bischoff throws coffee in his face. - commercials - Bobby Heenan joins the fun as the Nitro Girls try to smile as they get groped by some rowdy drunks in the seats...(Hey? Is that the UNPREDICTABLE JOHNNY RODZ'S hand on one of their bum bums?) - Heenan's voice is degenerating even more since Sunday night. - Yuji Nagata comes out to face Ken Shamr...oops, I mean Ernest Miller. I'm going out on a limb here and say that NOBODY reading this will care if I skip this. - Didn't think so - More Nitro Girls as Tony pushes some dates. - commercials - It's White Thunder!!! Scott Steiner comes out to fight... - OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S RAY TRAYLOR!!!!!! WHEN STEINER TURNED NWO, IT NEVER, EVER OCCURRED TO HIM THAT HE WOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS GUY!!!!!!!!!! TRAYLOR PROMISED TO DESTROY THE NWO MUCH LIKE HOWARD STERN DESTROYS MANCOW IN EVERY MARKET!!! GET READY FOR A DECIMATION OF THE NWO BABY!! STARTING RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! - ummm, maybe next week. Steiner won. Traylor DID manage to clothesline Scotty into the water...so F-YOU NWO!!! F-YOU F-YOU F-YOU!!!!!!!!! - during the match, there were some... - commercials - the announcers showed some clips from the Nash/Giant match. - The Nitro Girls really put in the work tonight. - The third hour makes it's move. Tony swears that with everything we've had so far tonight (gotta love that Miller/Nagata match), PLUS the Main Event to end all main events (we all can collectively yawn now)..it all adds up to what is quite OBVIOUSLY the GREATEST NITRO EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! - !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!! - I would call it the BEST NITRO EVER...but it's been ripped off by too many people.... - commercials - Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes out with Eddie in tow. Eddie has a mic in his hand. Apparently, Eddie won a match with Chavo somewhere and now Chavo has to do whatever Eddie says....so Eddie made him wear a t-shirt that read, "MY FAVORITE WRESTLER IS EDDIE GUERRERO" and "CHEAT TO WIN" on the back. (note: When Schiavone asked Heenan what he thought of that, Heenan said "It's disgusting"...after Tony asked if he was the real Bobby Heenan, he said, "It should be in lights, it should be bigger"..I was laughing pretty hard....I'm going to have to give the Line of the Night to Bobby now.) - Did I mention that Chavo was facing Booker T? Well he was. - Did I mention that this match was FILLED with restholds? Well it was. - Did I mention that Booker won? Well he did. - footage of a bunch of college kids chewing gum....it must have been that special flavor, Vodka Blast. - commercials. Including a TNT Original picture called, "The Day Lincoln was Shot".....the big news here is that we learn just what Lincoln was watching in the theater before Booth shot him....it was the VERY FIRST PIPER/HOGAN CAGE MATCH!!!!....Who knew? - More Nitro Girls...someone should tell Bischoff that if we wanted to see ladies dancing all the time, then "Dance Fever" would still be on the air. - The Artist Formally known as the Yeti....and then Ron Studd..comes to the ring under his brand spanking new Flock name....REESE....(if his finisher is called the "Peanut Butter Cup"....I'm quitting the Mop-Up and joining the Hare Krishnas). - Oh forget it..we won't be seeing any finisher tonight....DDP is in the house and he looks ready to Cut some DIAMONDS!!! - Tony announces that Page will be on MTV Live this Wednesday.....gee, think he'll pretend to give Carson Daily the Diamond Cutter? Or maybe we'll get lucky and he'll beat up that arrogant British guy? Of course, Matt Pinfield could use a bitchslap. Aw Hell..Maybe Page can crash TWELVE ANGRY VIEWERS and slap those SNOT NOSE PUNKS around BIG TIME!!!! THAT WOULD RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Heenan said about Reese, "He ain't no peanut butter cup"....I am seconds from quitting this and selling posies at airports. - Ahh Hell..what am I thinking..Page should go on MTV and feel up Serena Altushy (or whatever)...that babe is uptight..she needs a little grime in her life. - By the way...Page won. - commercials - It's the newly crown Miss Nitro!!! Juventud Guerrera came out to take on Jericho for the Cruiserweight strap. And so they did. - Jericho took the mic and welcomed us to "Monday Night Jericho"....Schiavone had the GALL to say, "Hey, I was in the middle of a PLUG here!" (YOU PLUG SOMETHING EVERY TWO SECONDS TONY...SHUT THE F@&% UP AND LET SOME ELSE TALK DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). - Jericho bragged about all the things he accomplished so far this year. Then he called himself a "Legacy"and turned Malenko's "Texas Cloverleaf" into "The Jericho Mapleleaf"...not bad stuff here. - After a good match, Jericho hit Juventud with the Cruiserweight belt, then slapped on the "Jericho Mapleleaf"....then he told the kids that they should be at home studying....just like he did at Spring Break...nice touch. - commercials - Hall and Nash came out...still in their Spring Break gear. Are we gonna get a survey this week? - By the way...on that Prodigy chat session that Nash had (Prodigy is still around?? Go figure!), his BEST line was that he signed a 10 picture deal with Vivid Video....Vivid Video is a porno studio....home to my fave CHASEY LANE!!! Just thought you'd like to know. Now back to our regularly scheduled nonsense. - Hall did the survey......NWO won...hands down. Not even the announcers could argue. - Nash took over and was so happy with the beating he gave the Giant on Sunday, that he invited the Giant out there tonight for another one. The Giant came out...sans neckbrace. Kevin and Scott ran avoided him a little, then Nash said that he was the cannonball champion of Spring Break and dived in the water. Hall slipped on some cables, then the Giant grabbed him and gorilla slammed him in the way as well. The crowd loved it...as did the announcers. Killer spot...and the fans loved it. Fun stuff here. - Note: Hall waved his hands around his groin area....kind of doing the DX Chop...He also did it on Sunday...think he's trying to tick off Bischoff? - commercials - Michael Buffer told us to get ready to rumble. Hogan, Bischoff, Savage, and Liz came out. Hogan and Savage were not happy campers in the ring. - Luger came out..Bischoff told him (and us) that Sting wasn't coming out. He told Hogan and Macho that Luger was all theirs. - Out of the sky...a helicopter came out....the wind picked up around the ring as it lowered, from the chopper, STING came down. Wind was everywhere. Geezus Crow!!! I don't care if I was being paid millions by Bischoff...I wouldn't try that stuff! What is UP with that? - Then that idiot Ed Leslie showed up...Hogan attacked Savage. Tony was too busy screaming that this was the MOST DRAMATIC ENTRANCE IN THE HISTORY OF THE MEDIUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Personally, I MAY give that award to the Undertaker's return on Raw two weeks ago.....but this did ROCK). - Hell, they even had a match. Savage was tuned on for a bit, then tagged Hogan. Hogan chose to leave instead of fight. Savage chased him and threw him in there. Bischoff made an ass of himself and Leslie Beefcake proved as useless as ever. - The show ended......take a wild guess as to how. Good points...the Spring Break theme worked...it was not the usual Nitro...it was more fun to watch. Bad points...Bischoff didn't go in the water...even though he thinks he is a big time heel, he didn't want to give the fans anything they may want. Sting is one crazy/stupid mofo. No way is that spectacle worth it kids....but hey, if he wants to do it..more power to him. Welp. I have a whole day before RAW....but lookee here? It's on St. Patrick's Day!!! Now I am not Irish, but I am NOT skipping the only LEGAL drinking day of the whole YEAR!!!! Fire up the keg kids...and don't be shocked if there are a few mistakes, typos, and slurred words in the RAW Mop-Up....I'm getting loaded folks...and Hell hath no fury than Hyatte all sauced up!!! See you (with the blurred vision) tomorrow peeps..... This is Hyatte
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