Raw Mop Up ... by Chris Hyatte
Raw 3/23/98...cont'd
-Marc Mero comes out with Sable so that Sable could get an award of some sort...(well, we can rule out the "Best Natural Figure" award). Mero graciously leaves the ring to let the ho' have the full spotlight for a change.
-The award was for best covergirl...or something like that. Vic Russo gave her the award....Vic Russo is also known as Vic Venom...but given the SERIOUSNESS of this award..it was only appropriate to use his proper name.
-Russo has a heavy New Yawk accent by the way.
-Of course, Luna anmd Goldust grash the party and Luna hits Sable with the plague several times over the head..(If you listened closely..you could hear an echo). Luna then started to rip Sables lower half off......Russo tried to stop her..but didn't try THAT hard (come ON...being right there as two girls go at it is most men's fantasy...except for Bischoff...whose fantasy is to be right there as Hogan and Savage go at it).
-Finally, Luna got off her and Russo took off some of his clothes and began to lay on top of Sable.
-Err..that is he took off his COAT and laid IT over Sable....don't you get any ideas..you perverts!!!!
-a Music Video collage dealing Kane vs the Undertaker....it F'K'N ROCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-commercials
-I'm getting tired...but the good news is the rest of the show consisted of this...
-Austin fought Rocky Maivia. It was Austin's LONGEST RAW match since Owen took him out for a while. Austin ended up getting the pin. Then faced off with DX, who came out to bust his nutz. Not much came out of it and the show thankfully ended.
-There WAS a set of..
-commercials..
-during the match that you should be made aware of.
Tonight's RAW SUCKED!!! Plain and simple...IT BLEW. Many times, I flipped over to either Nitro or the Oscars. I was just so bored that I almost couldn't finish it. Maybe because it was just a two hour infommercial of Sunday's PPV..(difference between WWF and WCW...Raw is only OCCASSIONALLY a two hour infommercial...WCW doesn't have the word "OCCASSIONALLY" in their dictionary). Tonight, Nitro wins on all counts. Great show all around. Excellent job. Now very quickly, before we get to the Closer...
I DON'T DO PREDICTIONS!!! Never did..never will...except for right now: Here are some Wrestlemania match predictions..because in the grand scheme of things..this is the ONLY PPV event that EVERYONE should watch...every year: Austin beats Michaels...probably the shortest WWF title match in WM history Owen beats Hunter Jack and Funk beats the NAO Maivia beats Shamrock Undertaker beats Kane Sable/Mero beats Luna/Goldust Who knows who'll win the tag team Battle Royal...who cares either? TAKA beats Aquila That's about all of them right? Anyway....closer time
After weeks and weeks and weeks of promises...I have finally compiled the list. Never before seen on ANY web site or magazine....NEVER before even considered...NEVER before even THOUGHT of by any ambitious columnist...THIS is what we really want to know...THIS is the kind of stuff I LOVE...Ladies and germs...hold your breath and start squinting....we are sifting through the haze to see just who is sticking things in their mouths...in other words:
THE GREAT WRESTLING SMOKE-OUT (see, we are "outing" known smokers..get it? get it?)
Rocky Maivia El Gigante Jason: The World's Sexiest man Andre the Giant His "son" the Giant Yokozuna (apparently, he also eats and boozes a lot...I kid you not) Rick Rude Nick Patrick Tommy Rich One of the Hebners...the one who screwed Bret at the Survivor Series One of the white Dudleys Superstar Bill Graham Jim Duggan (in High school at least) Jimmy Snuka Shawn Michaels (at least when he's drunk) Aldo Montoya Steve Regal James Vandenberg Gene Okerlund Philip Lafon Kane Randy Savage
...and the two guys who elicited the MOST response...which tells me that they are BIG TIME chain smokers..
John Kronus Jim Ross.
..Here are some guys who have been seen chewing tobacco...now I have been dipping Copenhagen for over a decade now..so I consider these guys my brothers in spit.
Terry Funk Steve Austin Rick Steiner Dusty Rhodes Goldust Rick Rude (who seems to alternate between smoking and chewing...that boy just can't get enough) and the BIGGEST chain chewer of all time.... TAZ
Finally..the one guy who has so far avoided your prying eyes..so I have no idea whether he smokes or not..(but I have to get him in here...it's tradition)
THE UNPREDICTABLE JOHNNY RODZ
I'd like to thank Andy, Tony, Ben, Kevin, Chris, Scott, Anthony, Elfmaster (Oh for the love of God), Frank, Another Frank, Jeff, Mike, Laura, Tony Lee, Knotts, Shana, Wes, RST 209, and everyone else for the help.
I'm getting the holy frig out of here. Next week, the post Wrestlemania RAW should be HOT..the post Wrestlemania NITRO should be HOT as well. The post Wrestlemania HYATTE should be hung over and all sorts of messed up. For this week though.....I am the only guy still stewing that "Ernest Gets Raped" wasn't nominated for best picture...it's a damn conspiracy!!!
This is Hyatte
Go To Page 1