Nitro Mop Up ... by Chris Hyatte

Moving right along 5/18/98

Nitro Mop Upby Chris Hyatte
5/20/98
Welcome to my outlook on life. Bring some Pepto Bismal

Mop-Up Nitro (cont) -commercials -Tony exclaimed that had we actually HAD that tag match tonight...it would have pretty much GUARENTEED that tonight's "Special One Hour Edition" of Nitro would have gone down in History as the BEST NITRO EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -but it didn't...so it won't. Undeterred, Tony just switched gears and IMMEDIATELY predicted that the June 14 PPV, based SOLEY on the main event alone...will EARN it's spot in the History books as the BEST PPV EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -Gene backstage with his tie off...(and possibly a few martinis nicely working in his system) after Slamboree....talking to Dean Malenko...you can pretty much figure out what Malenko said about his newly won Cruiserweight belt. -The they went backstage with Chris Jericho at the same night...(and the SAME spot that Gene and Malenko occupied just moments before)...Jericho was throwing a tantrum...which he sold pretty well and gave me a chuckle. -Damien took on Juventud Guerrera.....Juvee seemed to have dropped his "Never Surrender" gimmick already (it wasn't on his tights anymore....which leads me to think that maybe he DID end up surrendering his.........ahhhhh nevermind..forget it..family page...I'm sorry). -Juventud won by the way..as if you kids didn't know. -commercials -Those Nitro Girls...I saw "Whore" in the seats...God Bless her. -There was a bit of a blunder as Tony introduced Mean Gene in the ring...but they started to play Goldberg's music. Tony started to sweat big time as the pressure of live TV was starting to get to him.....he literally had no CLUE AS TO HOW TO CLEAR THIS UP!!! -So, Geno took matter into his own hands and left the ring....just in time for.... -Goldberg...who seemed to let the fireworks blow around his head so much that we couldn't even see his head...(which is the COOLEST effect). Tenay hollered that Goldberg had issued a challenge to the Utah Jazz's Karl Malone for a wrestling match...he ALMOST sounded like there was a chance in Hell that Malone would give enough of a crap to even think about it. -so....the Man of Many Facial Ticks was set to go against Glacier...could this be it (sniff)? Could tonight be the night (snort)? COULD GLACIER BE THE (titter) MAN WHO FINALLY DEPOSES (ha ha) OF THE MONSTER KNOWN AS GOLDBERG????????????????????????????????????? -??????????????????????(HAAHAAHAA)????????????????????????????????????? -??????????HHHHHHHHAA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAH BWWWWWAHAHAHAAHAH...OOH...OOOH...SIGH...I'm sorry...I couldn't sell that even if I tried. -Goldberg wasted him..you want details? You DO??? What's wrong with you anyway??? -commercials -NOW they were back to normal..and Tony was visisble relieved as he introduced... -Mean Gene in the ring..who introduced.. -Diamond Dallas Page...(making his FIRST foray into Rhode Island I believe. Page came out, announced that he was all done with Raven, (and by the way..last week I GUESSED that Raven would end up double handcuffed to the ring and getting chaired upside the head (ala ECW) at Slamboree..and guess what....he WAS!!! WHO'S BETTER THAN ME? WHO?? WHO???? -actually, what does it say about WCW's booking policies if a lamo like me could see what's coming a mile away? -anywhoo...when asked by Okerlund How he can do what he does night after night..Page quoted the Late Great Captian Redneck Dick Murdoch who once orated, "If I had to think about how I did this, I don't know if I could."...which is about as much sense as Murdoch...(who tipped a few in his day...believe me) always made...(About Captain Redneck, I'll say this..there was NOBODY who sold a punch better than Dick Murdoch....NOBODY). -Page also said that he did it for all the people here in Providence that jacked him off.......okay..so maybe he HAS been in Rhode Island before...I didn't know. -DDP also said he weas all done with Raven, and now was looking for Hogan...in case you were wondering. -commercials -Out comes Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Beefcake, Dusty Rhodes, The Giant, Vincent, BRET HART, and Brian Adams. Before they started to walk, Hogan planted a kiss on Bischoff's cheek..I SWEAR I heard Eric gush out, "Sometimes when we touch the honesty's too much"...but I could have been wrong. Of course, it takes a year for them to hit the ring... -Then Hogan started to talk..need I bore you? No, I needn't -Then he introduced Scott Hall..who came out in NWO Whites....Hall took a year.. -But the problem was..they were RUNNING DESPERATELY OUT OF TIME!!!!!!!! (as Tony has been known to shriek on a weekly basis)...so when Hall hit the ring..Bischoff ran up to him and YELLED something in his ear...I couldn't hear it..but it didn't look friendly... -Then Bischoff quickly called Sting out....they had to get this out now or basketball would come on...(and Lord knows we would simply DIE without our cliffhanger for next week...) -Sting comes out and is met halfway by the Giant... -Sting spits on the Giant...(Tony: "It was a WCW Loogy!!!") -Sting turns around to walk away....which of course meant... -That the Giant had to attack him..which he did....then of course.. -Kevin Nash came out and stood over Sting with a baseball bat pointed at the Giant. The show ended on that note. It wasn't a show really..it was more like a movie trailer....no..that isn't right...especially since 90% of all Nitros are movie trailers....this was a blow off show for a blow off week. Nothing happened and nobody cared. Since it was in my hometwon..a HYATTE OR MOP-UP SIGN WOULD BE NICE!!!! (Did catch a SCOOPS sign though)..but these Rhode Islanders are a inept bunch...most probably have no clue what the Web is anyway..we're still trying to handle the mind blowing ramifications of the remote control. Just something to put on Monday nights. No big deal. Ho hum.. Next week though..I'm sure they'll be cooking with gas..Hell..I'll even bet that they start telling you who won on the pre-taped RAW again..why not...it's Uncle Eric...and he's a GENIUS!!! Let's go see what happened on RAW...I'm curious my own damnable self... Chris Hyatte
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