Nitro Mop Up ... by Chris Hyatte
Rounding third and heading home...5/19/99
Mop-Up NITRO (cont)
-The third hour arrived!!!! THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED!!!
-Heh heh
-The match continued.....the best way I can describe it is "hectic".....things moved quickly.
-Then Scott Steiner joined his brother..they surrounded Sting
-Then Lex Luger ran in...he got behind Sting and covered his back....Tony was creaming his trousers, "LUGER AND STING!!!!!! TOHGETEHR AGAIN!!!!! BACK TO BACK!!!!! FRIENDSHIPS LIKE THEIRS WILL NEVER DIE!!!!!! NO MATTER HOW MUCH ROAD STORIES STING'S WIFE BLABBED TO LUGER'S WIFE!!!!! NO MATTER IF LUGER SOLD OUT HIS HALF OF THEIR GYM BUSINESS!!!!!! LUGER AND STING ARE FRIENDS FOREVER!!!!!!!!!! THEIR LOVE CAN NEVER....
-commercials (yes, I was expecting the betrayal too...took me totally off guard....dammit...I hate it when I have a great set up...then get fu**ed at the last second)
-Konnan was out
-Curt Hennig was out
-At one point, Hennig pinched his own nipple in front of Tony and Heenan......okay, one of these boys must be packing the fudge.....I'll take bets all week long. Tony is the favorite.....Heenan is about even....Hennig is the long shot.
-commercials
-They're still going at it....Curt seemed to be favoring his wrist...there's another 6 months on the DL
-This match was LOOOOOOONG...a clinic if you will.....too bad I have a natural adversity to all things Konnan...or I might have enjoyed it. (I have no problems with Hennig....I even enjoy his old schoolish ways)
-Then Savage came out and beat the hell out of Konnan.....Macho may be the greatest worker that WCW has!!!!!
-Hennig won after savage was finished with him. There is nothing wrong with this damn show at ALL!!!
HEY SAVAGE!!! COULD YA MAYBE, POSSIBLY BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF KANYON NEXT????
-commercials
-Arn Anderson led out Benoit and Malenko.
-Dickhead Kanyon led out Saturn and Raven.
-Why did they get rid of Saturn's freaky deaky contacts lenses?
-Saturn kicked things off with Malenko...then had a heart attack.....so he tagged in Raven and gave himself a shock from the little defibrillator that they now keep under the ring.
-I'll make this loud and clear....IF YOU HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR THIS SPORT (entertainment)!!!! YOU ARE ROOTING FOR THE HORSEMEN TO WIN!!!!! IF YOU WANT RAVEN AND SATURN TO WIN, THEN YOU ARE A STOOPID ASS MARK!!!! YOU ARE SO STOOPID THAT YOU THINK I AM ACTUALLY SPELLING STOOPID CORRECTLY!!!!!!!!
-Arn made his way to the defibrillator (am I spelling that right?) to see if he could snag a quick bolt...he's got a lump of cholesterol in his right ventricle that he wants to zap out of there. Tony felt that it would be a good time for some more...
-commercials
-Long match...solid match
-Raven got that chair out....he toe dropped Malenko right into it.
-Saturn gave Malenko a DVD...which I SWEAR cranked him right on the top of his melon.
-Saturn and Raven won.....I should put out that Kanyon helped out. Kanyon helped beat the Horsemen. That pretty much sums up everything that's wrong in WCW.
-DAMMIT ARN...YOU DAMN OLD CRIPPLE!!!!!!!!! YOU PROMISED US A WIN!!!!!!! ARE YOU SO PUSSY WHIPPED BY NASH AND BISCHOFF THAT NOW YOU HAVE TO LIE ABOUT THE JOBS YOUR TEAM HAS TO DO NOW???????
-I swear.....WCW is totally schizo....either they are rocking their ass off..or they suck worse than a $5 dollar hooker doing a $3 customer
-The Kinda/sorta Flock ran into Bam Bam Bigelow...who is just as amazed as I am that Kanyon is still allowed to be on TV without ever drawing an ounce of heat.
-commercials
-"Diamond" Dallas Page comes out
-Kevin Nash comes out
-They waste little time.
-Get him in the corner.....drive a knee several times in the gut...drive a few side elbows into the head....Guess who I'm talking about.
-That's right....I don't even have to say it.....JEEZUS DUDE, CHANGE THINGS AROUND A LITTLE!!!!!!!
-Bigelow came out to back Page up. He quickly got involved. Nash punched him away
-Nash took some punishment!!! THAT'S a change!!!!
-Tony announced that we are past the 11:00 hour......THERE IS NOTHING LIKE OVERTIME ON MONDAY NITRO DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!! AND THE FRIGGIN RATINGS ARE RIGGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Savage came in again......he made some noise..the bell rang.....the match ended...Nash was laid out.
-Then Savage put lipstick all over Nash's face. Hogan's contract forbids anyone but him can use spraypaint.
-a fan ran in....a fan runs in a LOT when Savage is in there...I wonder why?
-This idiot...he makes it in....then he raises his arms in victory as Savage tackles him...watta dweeb....KEEP IT UP PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!! IT MAKES FOR GREAT TV!!!!!
-Meanwhile, Nash suddenly WAKES UP AND TROLLS AWAY FROM THE FAN!!! Then he loses consciousness and passes out again. Thank GOD he regained his senses long enough to get out of harm's way!!!! Then only to pass out again due to the sheer pain of getting lipstick on him.
That pretty much killed the show.
Hmm...I liked it. I really did. Some good points to it, fast moving stuff after the long first hour.
I also liked RAW.....it seems that we have a tie....IT'S RARE...BUT I MUST GIVE THE NIGHT TO NEITHER...IT'S A TIE ALL AROUN....
WAAAIT!!! Didn't I say that I would NEVER give the night to Nitro so long as Piper is in charge???
Well yes.....I DID!!
RAW WINS...F-YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!
Closertime.
Okay....let's cut to the chase.....I was NOT at BREAK THE BARRIER...but I had agents there.....agents taking notes and writing me a FULL report of what happened. Not to get into specifics, but to give you a fairly good idea of what REALLY happened backstage, I present to you....(with apologies to the Letterman show for fully ripping off this concept...)
THINGS OVERHEARD BACKSTAGE AT BREAK THE BARRIER!!!!!
-"Where the Hell is Hyatte?"
-"Who the Hell is Hyatte?"
-"Hyatte sucks!"
-"Uh oh...Abdullah and Mark Madden are at the buffet table....there go the cocktail weinies!"
-"'Freakboy'? Are you sure it isn't "Geekboy'?"
- "WAIT MISTER ISAACS!!!! You have a large tumor on your ass!!! Oh, wait...it's just Kirell!!"
-"Hey baby, wanna see why I'm called "The Slammer'?"
-"You know, Douglas just ain't all that interesting without Francine!"
-"For God sakes Mrs. Isaacs, your husband is RIGHT THERE!!!" (note: $20 bucks sez this will NEVER make it to print)
-"Hyatte can't be here because he's an arrogant, egocentric, ass**le!!" (note again: not necessarily funny, but I can PROMISE that SOMEONE used the words "Hyatte", "arrogant", and "ass**le" in the same sentence at least once that night)
-"Oh no....Al's in the ring doing his "You Might Be A Wrestling Fan If...' routine!!!"
-"WE WANT SPIFFY, WE WANT SPIFFY!!"
-"WHO IS SPIFFY?, WHO IS SPIFFY??"
-"Hey Al, when is Yokozuna coming back to the WWF again?"
-"Hey Al, what's the deal with airline trays? Who are these people?"
- "I just learned that RichinKC is really "RichinKorsovo'...KILL HIM!"
-"I just saw a Security guard rip up a "SCOOPTHIS' sign!! Fascist BASTARDS!!!"
-"Where are the damn Mop-Up shirts?" (Note: Bloody good question!!)
-"Get over here, Apter's drunk and he's shooting on Stu Skas!!!"
- "Who are these losers anyway?"
- "Yawn"
-"HEY, SAL SINCERE!! I GOTCHA "BRANDI" RIGHT HERE!!!"
-"All this "rasslin' is great, but when are they going to show the Star Wars flick?"
- "Who is this BJC dork and why is he signing autographs?"
- "Missy Hyatt's lawyers are here, they want to speak to Chris Hyatte about copywrite infringement!"
- "This sucks, let's go get a cheesesteak!"
Like I said, congrats to Al for putting together a good show.....but I simply HAD to poke a Little fun at it!! Stop being do frickin' sensitive!!
I'm out of here...go see "The Phantom Menace", then tell me how right I was about it.
Then take your Chewbacca doll and wipe your ass with it...ya' lamo.
And while your pants are down, go pull on your pecker for a little "Hand Solo"
I got yer "Millennium Falcon" swinging low.
Did you know that if you spraypaint your pecker black, then wrap a black sock around it so only the...."helmet" sticks out....then you can have your very own Darth Vader "Action Figure"? Of course....in your version, the "Force" is actually some white gunk that comes out through the tip of his head.....but that's the price you pay for not paying a price for a real doll.
BRING BACK GIL GERARD!!!!!! BRING BACK BUCK ROGERS!!!!
Twinkie...now he was a REAL android.
This is Hyatte
Chris Hyatte
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