Nitro Mop Up ... by Chris Hyatte

Cont'd. . . More fun from the trenches. 6/8/98 - Hogan, Rodman, Bischoff, Hart, Beefyass, and the Giant were sitting in a Luxury box (I guess) with a whole mess of pretty girls....Hogan told Nash that he wasn't going to pay for all those Powerbombs from that angle a few months ago that nobody remembered, thus confusing us all. Rodman was starting to rub a broad's side, and she yelled, "HIGHER, HIGHER". Then Hogan said that later in the show, they would reveal another member of the NWO White..someone we haven't seen yet.. All Rodman seemed to be able to do was look at the girls, look at the camera, hold his hand out and smirk...you know, that "I don't know why I have it so good, but I know I'm better than YOU" look...he also mumbled something, but who the Hell knows what. - second hour erupts with the typical fireworks. - Tony brought out JJ Dillon for an interview. JJ said that Sting would fight the Giant at the G.A. Bash..with the winner having both tag belts and then they could choose their own partner. - Scott Putski came out wearing a huge Cross on his chest...Hey man..I'm religious and I'm OFFENDED!!! I'm going to write a Goddam letter for Chrissakes.....(those wimps...one letter and we'll NEVER see Putski's cross again...heh) - By the way, he took on Eddie Guerrero. The match was the match until... - Chavo Jr. showed up giggling..he jumped into the ring and Eddie jumped out....heading for the hills. Putski yelled at Chavo, "HEY MAN..I BANG MISSY HYATT!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!!!!" Chavo knocked him down. You know, this "psycho Chavo" gimmick has Kevin Sullivan's fingerprints ALL over it. - Backstage with Kevin Nash and K-ROQ...after making overt references about Hogan and Rodman's sexuality, the two did what NO 40+ year old men should do...namely, talk like teenagers..(like sh'yeah...whatEver). - Bischoff talked to the Giant up in the box..the Giant promised to "use Sting like dental floss"...so..uh..when exactly did Pat Patterson start writing WCW's scripts anyway? - Curt Hennig, Rick Rude, and K-Dawg talked about how Goldberg was going down this Sunday...you've heard it all before. - Bobby Heenan joined the fun as Booker T. and Chris Benoit went to match 6 of their best of seven...here's the deal...Benoit leads 3-2...they have one more scheduled for either Thunder or Saturday Night after this one....Bischoff isn't clever enough to fool anyone and make it a surprise...figure out the rest. I WILL say that Stevie Ray came out at one point, apparently only to see how many times he could yell out the word "SUCKA" in one segment....he was clocked at 76. - It was a Hell of a match incidentally. - The Nitro Girls do their thing...alas..without the "spunk" they once had...DAMN YOU GINGER!!!! - Nitro Party video thing...my thoughts exactly - commercials - Hogan and Hart were alone in the luxury box...Hogan trashed talked Piper and Savage a bit...then brought out ELIZABETH..who has re-joined NWO Hulky...(Oh Dear God....WHY DO THEY KEEP BRINGING UP THIS BORING ASS ANGLE????? Again, I ask...DOES ANYONE CARE ABOUT THIS?? I MEAN....DIDN'T ANY INTEREST IN THIS ANGLE DIE ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO???? Jeezus Christmas..will somebody wake up Bischoff please!!!) - Tony was totally flabbergasted at these developments...will somebody PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE PLEASE!!!! - commercials - footage of Booker T.'s recent win...for those who were watching RAW...(and still are I pray...or you had to see Elizabeth leave Savage and join Hogan FOR THE BILLIONTH TIME!!!) - Norman Smiley came to the ring...and LIVING UP TO HIS NAME PALLY!!! (ie: he was smiling..get it?) and was taking on Fit Finely. Needless to say, Norman Smiley wasn't smiling after the match....need I draw you a picture? - commercials - Third hour rolls on by....OH THANK GOD!!! - Now as the time we've all been waiting for...Tony was in the ring....he called out Sting... - out came Sting, doing mini crotch chops as he went..(does Eric allow that? Will Tony ask him about that? Tony did promise the HARD QUESTIONS!!!)...Sting hit the ring..here we go.... - TONY PROMISED US A HARD HITTING, TAKE NO PRISONERS, EVERY QUESTION WE EVER NEEDED TO KNOW, NO HOLD'S BARRED INTERVIEW WITH STING...NOW WE WERE GOING TO GET THE ANSWERS BABY...HERE WE GO..GO GET HIM TONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Sting took the mic from Tony's hand, said that he was a lot "meaner" now then he was when he first broke into the sport..and that he was going to wail on the Giant at the GAB (he actually said, and I quote, "Giant, I'm gonna kick your a...I'm gonna kick your BOOTY!")...then he left.. - he left... - that was it... - that was IT?? - TONY SCHIAVONE...YOU SUCK!!!!!..God, what a bulls*&% interview..thanks for nothing. - commercials - Tony then called out Roddy Piper..I wasn't expecting much - Piper came out, made a few references to the Detroit Redwings for that cheap applause that is the only applause he can get nowadays...then made a "hip" reference about Bird vs Magic and Michael Jackson's "Beat It"...then he started to talk about Savage... - so Savage came out...they got into each others face when.. - Hogan and Hart showed their faces at the Luxury Box...Hogan brought out Elizabeth...Elizabeth sat on Bischoff's lap and..... - kissed him on the lips. - Ayep..you heard me right. She "kissed" him right on the lips. I quotated "kissed" because it was barely a kiss...both folks lips were so tightly shut that you could wedge a coal in there and you would pull out a diamond. You wanna know why I am so hard on WCW? There you go...right there. I'm telling you straight...I can only have my intelligence insulted only to a certain point, then I reach my limit.... - well I reached my limit...I switched the channel and watched something else ("Cooking with Emerol" I believe)...I spent a good 5 minutes there, then I switched back..here's what I switched back to.... - Disco Inferno just came into the ring...he was taking on Dean Malenko....Malenko won..I wish I had more, but I am still douche chilling all over the place. - commercials - Hogan was alone in that box with the broads....he announced that he had the newest member of the NWO and showed us this... - Hogan and Scott Steiner on the set of Hogan's new stinkbomb, "The Shadow Warriors" on TNT (Home of the New Classics). Carl Weathers (Lord....he died harder than Apollo in Rocky IV) was on hand to dutifully sell the notion that wrestlers were good actors. - Back to the box, Hogan brought out Scott Steiner because it helped kill the 3 hour show. - commercials - video thingy of Goldberg - Chavo Guerrero came to the ring as Tony, Heenan, and Tenay began to drop their pants around their ankles.... - the music played...the CANNED chants of "Goldberg" began...(they can't let us dumb ass fans do the chant ourselves..y'see, we are so STUPID that they have to TELL US to chant Goldberg...we can't do it ourselves) - Goldberg came out and allowed the fireworks to envelope his head...Tony and the boys began stroking themselves... - Goldberg walked to the ring..along the way, he laid his hand on a kid in a wheelchair..the kid STOOD UP AND WALKED..IT'S A MIRACLE!!!!!!!!!!!! PRAISE GOD...ERR, I MEAN GOLDBERG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Goldberg hit the ring and Chavo attacked...Goldberg knocked him down and screamed, "NOT YET YOU MORON!!! I STILL HAVE TEN MORE FACIAL TICKS TO DO!!!!!!" - It was over in about two minutes....we see Eddie at the entrance way, laughing his butt off. Tony and the boys climaxed at the same time..Tony screamed that this had to be the BEST NITRO EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! - !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! - commercials - The Wolfpack hit the ring...Nash said to Page that it was now or never... - DDP came out..Tony cut him off and asked what the Dealie-Yo was... - DDP was about to say yes when.. - Rodman and Hogan came out and whacked him with a couple of chairs...(Rodman's shot looked NASTY). - after a looooong time, the Wolpack came to Page's aid and chased Hogan and Rodman away...the show ended on that note. Uhhboy. That's all I got to say. Let's see what's up with RAW. Chris Hyatte
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