Nitro Mop Up Cont'd ... by Chris Hyatte
It's almost over kids...hang on ... 8/17/98
- Third Hour...Oh thank Merciful Christ and his Benevolence.
- Buff came out with Scott Steiner and a goofy looking nurse...stolen RIGHT from the pages of Dustin Runnels injury from late last year/early this year, Scotty was bandaged from the left shoulder down to his left knee.
- The kids hit the ring and explained that he's all sorts of hurt. His faux Doctor agreed. I'm too tired to delve into this further.....and you can figure out the rest.....especially when I tell you that Rick Steiner showed up to yell at them.
- commercials
- Nitro Girls, Nitro Party, Nitro Sucks
- Out comes Chavo Guerrero..."F my Uncle.....I have a GIMMICK TO WORK!!!!!!!"
- Out comes Chris Jericho......now always entertaining.
- Out comes Stevie Ray.....he likes pudding
- It's a Triple Death Dance of Death...and it's ON!!!!!
- Stevie Ray kicks everyone in the face......except for Tony....dumb ass.
- Then Stevie sat back and watched Chavo and Jericho go at it...he must have had a confab with Severn earlier that night.
- Stevie Ray did that thing he does....oh I don't know anymore...I just don't know.
- Stevie Ray whallopped Jericho with a foreign object...Tenay showed his KKK colors by calling it a "Blackjack"....(Racist Pig.....I hope Ze-Smooth rides you REAL HARD TENAY!!!!!! Then you'll have a REAL reason to get drunk every night!!!!!!!)
- The Giant chokeslammed Stevie Ray...all three men were out.
- Jericho won after the ref made the ten count and he got to his feet.....Chavo SHOULD have won...but he didn't.....do the math.
- commercials
- Footage from earlier that night...dealing with UW.....'natch
- Bret Hart comes out to take on DDP....
- commercials
- DDP comes out to take on Hart....so they had something in common.
- Page started out strong......he tried a Diamond Cutter but Hart squirmed out.
- Outside, Bret yelled at a nearby fan....I'm sure the word "ass" was used.
- Tony, "The intros for our wrestlers are longer than THEIR main event!!!!"...I wonder if he's gonna feel like a jackoff when he learns that they never promised Austin/UT(Kane) as a match? He sure sounds like a jackoff.
- I also wonder if Tony realizes that intros that go longer than 10 seconds are NOT a good thing?
- I also wonder what Tony would look like with two black eyes and a busted nose? Go ahead...do it...you know you want to. Do it....DO IT DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!
- Bret took control for a while...for a LOOOONG while.
- When you listen to the announcers talk about Bret Hart...I urge you to think back to the night when it was announced on Nitro that Bret hart was coming...AND that he would be joining the NWO.....Tenay said, "Bret Hart?? But he stands for HONOR AND TRADITION?!?!?!?" Hypocritical drunkard.
- A NICE piledriver by Bret...you don't see a lot of those anymore!
- DDP made a comeback....topped with a top rope clothesline.
- The ref went down.....who saw that coming?
- Hart whacked Page with a Canadian object.....then shoved the thing in Page's pants (pervert...Patterson's influence runs DEEP within Mr. Hart) and laid Page across him...then kicked out when the ref made the count.
- Hart put on the Sharpshooter....Page struggled and grabbed the ropes...think WCW is trying to make a statement here???
- Page squeaks in a Diamond Cutter...Bret's foot found the bottom of the ropes.
- Then the ref saw a bulge in Page's trunks and DQ'ed him for having SUCH a huge unit....jealous biiiiatch.... (God Almighty...THEY HAVE INFILTRATED PRO WRESTLING!!!!!!! IT'S THE PINK SCARE I TELLS YA'!!!!)
- commercials
- The Nitro Girls have a cat fight with some stuffed dolls
- Michael Buffer deserves a slap across the mush too....
- Here comes the Giant...with Beefstew
- The Dark One leads Golden Boy to the entrance way.....
- .....AND HERE COMES THE PIPED IN CHANTS
- The JEWEL of the WCW Crown (heh heh) walks down the aisle...along the way, he see's a young man in his early 20's walking around in small little circles.....he steadies the lad....talks with him for a moment...then lays a giant paw on his head.....Goldberg's face erupts in numerous ticks as a glow radiates from his hand...suddenly, the boy's eyes stop twirling...he stops resisting Goldberg....he looks up at the big guy and smiles...PRAISE GOLDBERG!!!!! HE HAS CURED THE BOY OF HIS VERTIGO...HE NOW HAS A SENSE OF DIRECTION!!!!!!!! BLESS YOU GOLDBERG,. BLESS YOU, BLESS YOU, BLESS YOU!!!!!!
- The kid asks Goldberg for directions to Stamford so he could have WWF tryout.....Goldberg speared him so hard he crapped his lower intestines all over Dillenger's shoes....the boy regained his vertigo t'boot.
- The Giant attacked.....Goldberg fought back....the Giant bodyslammed Goldberg....Goldberg returned the favor....Tony could now supply enough creme to about 200 cups of coffee.
- We are well past the 3rd hour by the way.
- Beefcox interfered...Goldberg kicked him...Leslie was heard screaming, "NOT MY FACE GODDAM YOU!!!!!..NOT MY FACE!!!!!!!!!"
- There goes the Spear...
- Here comes the Disciple
- here comes the DQ
- Here comes Scott Hall
- Here comes Kevin Nash
- Nash ends up Speared for reasons that you can figure out all by your lonesomes....I have THAT much faith in you.
- Nash and Goldberg end up going face to face...Tony shrieks that they are out of time and the show ends.
All that ragging....all those comments about RAW's ten seconds...ALL that praising of a BIG TIME main event that ended in a lamo DQ because Beefcake interfered....AND they ended just as Nash and Goldberg were about to throw down.....I'm giving the night to RAW!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, that's right...RAW!!!!!! Why? Easy...because Tony Schiavone RUINED the show for me. Nitro would have won...quite easily...but Schiavone is a douchebag and is also a talentless slob. He sucks and he brought the whole show down. Tenay is his little suckass who is incompetent too....Zbyszko is useless and Heenan...well...what ever happened to him anyway? RAW wins....almost by default. Read the closer please.
Closer time. Oh, I have no clue what to do here. Okay, let's try this..it's a quicky....mostly because I'm shooting blanks. Here's the deal. With Warrior in WCW and Flair MAYBE going to the WWF.....I thought I'd take some guesses as to what would happen if some folks stayed where they are and some folks jumped ship to the other company. Just a little guessing came I'm gonna call (with apologies to Marvel Comics):
WHAT IF:
Q: What is Rocky Maivia debuted in WCW?
A: Bischoff would pair him off with Prince Iaukea and form the baby face team "Samoans 2000".....High Voltage would get a better response from the crowd.
Q: What if Austin stayed in WCW?
A: Endless feuding with Luger, Sting, Konnan, Hennig, the Bulldog, Humorous, DINF, and Chris Benoit. There would be NO SUCH thing as "Austin 3:16", He MAY win the TV title...once or twice.
Q: What if Hogan stayed in the WWF?
A: WCW would be the greatest wrestling organization oin the planet and the Internet would love it. Hogan would STILL be telling us to "say our prayers and take our vitamins"
Q: What if Sting went to the WWF?
A: He'd be a mega babyface...the only one left in the WWF. His matches with Shawn Michaels would have been overtaken Flair/Steamboat as Series of the Century. He'd also be the most popular wrestler alive..and his t-shirts would probably outsell Austin's.
Q: What if Goldberg went to the WWF?
A: He would either be Shawn's bodyguard, or Vince's.
Q: What if Vader stayed in WCW?
A: He'd be in the NWO Hollywood....Scott Norton wouldn't have been hired...or he would have been a lame babyface fighting (and losing to) Vader.
Q: What if Bulldog stayed in the WWF?
A: It would be WAAY better than the Hell Bischoff has him in right now.
Q: What if Owen went to WCW with his brother?
A: He'd be Cruiserweight champ.....and probably feuding with a babyface Jericho.
Q: What if Bret stayed in the WWF?
A: No real change in either company.
Q: What if DDP went to the WWF 3 years ago?
A: Tom Brandy would have a win under his belt.
Q: What if HBK went to WCW two years ago?
A: Right about now..the WWF would be debuting a wrestler from WCW damn near every week.
Q: What if Beefdyke never kissed a boat?
A: He'd still suck
Q: What if HHH went to WCW?
A: He'd join Raven's Flock. Bischoff would have him shave his head.
Q: What if Mero stayed in WCW?
A: Johnny B. Bad would be running wild....and fighting for the TV title.....the world wouldn't have known who this Sable chick is.
Q: What if Razor Ramon stayed in the WWF?
A: He'd still be groping old broads in a drunken fenzy at 9:30 in the morning.
Q: What if Pillman stayed in WCW?
A: ummm...he'd still would've died.
Q: What if Dustin Rhodes stayed in WCW?
A: He'd be NWO 4 Life.....he'd be led to the ring by Vincent. He MAY have joined the Wolfpac.....(note: Word has it that Dustin was THIS close to returning to WCW a while back...and I mean only a few months ago...Vince talked him into sticking around)
Q: What if Val Venis went to WCW?
A: HELLOOOO Johnny Swinger.
Q: What if Glacier went to the WWF?
A: He'd get a new gimmick and a fair shot....just for Vince to prove that he can make something out of a Bischoff disaster.
Q: What if Flair went back to WCW?
A: He'd lose every big match he's in and be humiliated on a weekly basis. You think Bischoff's gonna let him get away with what he got away with?
Q: What if Flair went to the WWF?
A: Vince would give him a limited road schedule...a title win over Austin.....a cushy front office position...and would treat him as a man with the heritage that he richly deserves....ARE YOU LISTENING FLAIR??? SOMEONE GO AND TELL HIM THAT!!!!!!!
Q: What if I never bought a computer?
A: Wrestling on the web would be VERY, VERY boring.
Okay...that's it for me. You have some missions this week....first, go to http://www.prowrestling.com/chat and help me take care of some bizness..and we'll bullsh*& around too. Then, go watch OZ...it's the BEST SHOW ON TV......MAYBE EVER....It's on tonight (Wed) at 11 and on Saturday night at 11 too. Remember...I THINK the "Simpsons" have their season premiere this Sunday and the "Rat Pack" is on HBO this Saturday...speaking of Rat Pack....whatever happened to my little group anyway? I guess I'll have to explain that, one of these weeks. Umm..oh yeah...Stern's late night show comes on this Saturday too....that'll be cool. Where is Mancow's TV show anyway? How come TV isn't banging on his door looking for his brilliant talent? Maybe because he has none?
I am SO outta here it isn't funny.
This is Hyatte (AOL Instant Messenger or ICQ?)
Chris Hyatte
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