Nitro Mop Up ... by Chris Hyatte

Doesn't matter what you read first...11/11/98 Mop-Up Nitro Okay, I am very pressed for time this week....none of your FU&^%$# business why so don't ask. So, this entire Nitro recap will have to be a very quick run through.....we're talking quick hits, then out. There's a billion recaps out there if you need to know more info...and 99.9% of them rip me off quite nicely...so you'll have no problems getting more details if you need it....but I have to buzz through this, and go deal with real life for a while. Got it Pancho? Good, let's rock... NITRO: (or I still like pie) -Opens with shots of people holding flags and the National Anthem was being played....Tony acted as if this Hogan for Prez thing was actually exciting news.... -Then he tied up Americana and inserted watching Nitro (and ONLY NITRO) in there...you are a Commie bastard if you don't watch WCW was the vibe I got. -Tony welcomes us to the Nassau Coliseum.....wasn't Raw there just a couple of weeks ago? -Tony says that the President of the United States is on the way over there......if he shows up there....and if he punches Tony Schiavone out..then yes, I will give him $50......if he knocks out teeth, yes, I will orally do him......apparently, it isn't exactly uncharted territory. -The Nitro Girls did something in the ring...nobody over there seems to understand that they are NOT helping the ratings at all. -Okerlund and Bobby Heenan were back in the "Docking area" to cover in case the President does show up...two limos pull up and next thing we know, Scott Hall is in a dumpster and the Giant is giving Konan the lousiest kicks I have ever seen in my life. -By the way, Gene is dressed just like Deep Throat....no, not the porn start either. -commercials -opening theme..... -crap from last Monday dealing with Bret Hart and Chris Benoit and Luger and Sting -Kaz Yayashi took on Juventud Guerrera.....Juventud may be Mexican, but someone must have given him PLENTY of warning about Long Island's religious majority...because he stayed noticeably quiet about "getting the Jews"...smart kid -Before the match could get going, Eric Bischoff came out and gave us his word that the President would be there tonight.....of course you know, this was just so Eric could come out in the first hour and show the world that HE WAS THERE THIS WEEK!!!!!!!! NO NEED TO SWITCH TO RAW!!!!!! I'M HERE TONIGHT, I MADE IT IN!!!!!! -I swear, sometimes I think I speak a lot more truth than fiction when it comes to guessing his motivations. -Anyway, the crowd started to chant "ASSSHOLE".....then Guerrera won soon enough. -actually, it took a while for him to win.....in fact, we even had to wade through a blistering set of.... -commercials -Oh yeah, he didn't even win fairly....Ernest Miller came out with Sonny Ono to make sure we knew that he was programmed to go against Hayashi...now that Jackie Chan is a bust out...... -Big Nitro Party Package...they really don't do them in the spirit it was intended for anymore, but who am I to trample all over the propaganda machine? -By the way, the announcement that the President is coming is certainly NOT A RATINGS PLOY!!!!!!! -commercials -remember 2 weeks ago when Nash went through a piece of drywall and Tony acted as if the Giant's brute strength had put Nash through brick wall with solid Oak paneling? Well they showed it again. -Alex Wright was in the middle of beating up Barry Horowitz........obviously, Nash cares a LITTLE bit for the company, because he, Konnan, and Luger showed up and got rid of them..... -actually, he helped Horowitz up from the mat and politely patted him on the backside. -In the ring, Nash said that he was tired of losing Wolfpac members..so he challenged any combo of the NWO to get out there later tonight for a main event jam.... -Then Luger called out Bret Hart for roughly the same thing..... -I'm tired of Konnan by the way. -Then Bischoff came out for the second time tonight...(OKAY FANS, JUST TO REMIND YOU..I'M IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT!!!!!!! NO NEED TO SWITCH OVER TO RAW AND THAT PUSSY VINCE!!!!!!) and said that the NWO accepted the challenge......Nash called him "estrogen boy" twice and "Princess" once. -The fans chanted "ASSHOLE" at Bischoff...Eric feigned ignorance it and talked over it......which is precisely why he will also come in second to Vince McMahon. -commercials -Lodi lost to Norton so friggin' fast it was over before I could find a way to get his tongue involved -I want to set the stage for you.....this segment involved Tony Schiavone, Brutus Beefcake, Horace, Vincent, and Stevie Ray. I will say 5 things, then I am leaving... 1: Horace always looks like he is either about to cry, or is trying real hard to concentrate 2: Beefcake looked like he has never concentrated in his entire life. 3: The crowd was stone dead for this one..but it didn't stop Horace from looking at the crowd in a confused stare, pausing, then EVEN THOUGH nobody was saying a peep, he screamed, "SHUT UP!!!! HOGAN MADE WRESTLING AND YOU KNOW IT!!!" 4: Horace was nice enough to wait for Beefcake to turn away before hitting him..... 5: Then the Warrior charged in and cleaned house! Including Tony, this may have been the greatest collection of losers and douchebags ever collected in one wrestling ring....how's about that huh? -oh yeah...note to Abu.......make sure you tell them....never EVER EVER EVER EVER REHIRE BEEFCAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER!!!! stay away from Horace too. -commercials -second hour arrives...it's almost over.. -So now the President arrived.....there was some attempted humor as Gene argued with the Secret Service about moving out of the way. It was Hogan, not Clinton..officially announcing his Candidacy because he can't stand to see Ventura get more respect then him. Bischoff was there too, which made this his third on camera appearence in under an hours time.....I want to see where they go with this before I say anything.....and I'm in a rush, so I'll skip everything that happens from this point, straight on to the... -commercials -I don't know why was wearing those black and white Boa's...I think it was because he is a Heel and he is required to dress like a fag every so often. -The Nitro Girls and a Konnan video clip (not even the whole thing...not that I'm complaining) were all we got....if we wanted more, then we would have to stay seated through these.... -commercials -Bret Hart came out for a nasty ass heel chat......the censors cut out a good chunk of his speech because the fans were loudly chanting "ASSHOLE"... -He hoped that Sting would get better soon so he can send him away again, -He hoped Page stayed away because he was too busy having some "Sunny Days" with Kimberly backstage. -He said he was all done with Luger because he already took the guy out (Jeeze...where have I heard that stuff before??) -No, instead Bret will be happy to slap a little fashion sense into Konnan later tonight...that killed the segment... -commercials Chris Hyatte
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