Nitro Mop Up ... by Chris Hyatte
Another week, another nightmare almost over...11/11/98
Mop-Up Nitro (cont.)
-More Konnan clips...Bobby Heenan joined what passed for fun around here
-Eddie Guerrero came out holding an LWO shirt
-Rey Misterio came out wearing his own shirt....he had a brand new theme song that made frequent use of the word "Yo".
-Eddie offered Rey a LWO shirt.....no soup
-So they fought, Tony and the boys marveled over what a wonderful country this would be with Hogan as President (I kid you not).
-Chavo showed up and Eddie lost because of it.....I would tell you more, but then I would have to kill myself.
-commercials
-It's the Konnan video.....WCW is trying to corner the ratings market on the elusive demo: Men in Prison 18-35
-What I liked best about this was that they were nice enough to tease us before with TWO clips of the video before showing us the whole thing.
-Eric Bischoff came out with Elizabeth for appearence number 4 of the night....anyone wanna bet that this will be pointless?
-yup...sure was...Bischoff ended up SINGLE HANDIDLY BEATING UP THREE GUYS AT ONCE!!!!!!!!! HE CAN'T TAKE A 12 YEAR OLD KID BUT THREE GROWN MEN ARE NOT A PROBLEM!!!!!
-Of course, let's not forget that he also BRAVELY FOUGHT OFF THE ATTACK OF AN ARMY OF CHICAGO POLICE AND SECURITY GUARDS FOR MINUTES BEFORE FINALLY BEING OVERTAKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD!! IF ANY OF YOU THINK THGAT BISCHOFF DOESN'T DESERVE RESPECT FOR HIS RING SKILLS, THEN YOU CAN GO F-YOURSELVES!!!! HE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ANY OF US....AS WELL AS VINCE!!!!!!!!!
-Told you it was pointless....and I am now convinced that the hunting story is just that, a story to pump him up.....same as the new butch haircut. It's all the work of a good Publicist...trust me.
-commercials
-Third hour....I told you this was going to be quick.....
-Last week's mess with Steiner and Dillon...
-Scott Steiner and Buff Bagwell came on out to the ring. The Referee bailed out because he may be dumb, but he ain't stupid......
-Steiner has become WCW's idea of what Val Venis should REALLY be like......talk about "phreaks" for a second, then drop the whole idea....
-Bagwell said that since the Refs were afraid of them, then he would have to hire their own....
-Then Steiner sent out a challenge to anyone out there to come on out.
-Out comes Chris Adams......IN THE THIRD HOUR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
-Christ, I truly hope that Shiavone doesn't even TRY to even HINT that this week is truly the BEST NITRO EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-So, Chris Adams came in and got his British ass slaughtered in a double team....
-Then Ricky ran in to wrap this up.....he chased them off, then challenged them to an impromptu tag match for later that night.......except he didn't name the partner....I smell a Barry Darsow appearance coming.
-commercials
-video clip of the Nitro Girls....they should give them their own show
-the Nitro Girls live.....sheeit...I think they DID already!!!
-Hey, Luger is strong, smart, and is a skilled ring technician who can pinpoint his opponent's main weaknesses and ignore them in favor of slapping on the Torture Rack. having a forearm that has a steel plate welded to it doesn't hurt either. So why not HIM for World War 3???
-commercials
-Steiner and Bagwell came out...time for the match
-out came Rick Steiner......he came to the ring alone...stopping halfway to motion for his partner...
-out came JUDY BAGWELL!!!!!! LOOKING TO SMACK SOME SENSE INTO THAT NO-GOOD SON OF HERS!!!!!!!!!!! AND WHAT'S WITH THE HAIRCUT TOO MA??????? MAKE HIM ACT LIKE A MAN MOTHER BAGWELL SHOW HIM SOMETHING!!!
-Bagwell swung at his mother........she ducked and slapped him.....he hit the mat hard.....no way in Hell anyone in there right mind should have sold it that hard.
-Bagwell and Steiner took off.....just as soon as they made a match for World War 3 a go.......a 50 year old woman as an incentive to by a wrestling PPV? Think about that for a bit would you...
-commercials
-Konnan came to the ring to get his ass whupped by Bret Hart....a duty which he performed admirably I may add.......then Luger showed up and chased him away after he was DQed for using a chair on K-DIK
-Mean Gene called out Chris Jericho.......who came out with his old fart bodyguard.....(How Bob Ryder can be so blatantly working for WCW and on WCW TV like this and STILL claim to be totally unbiased is beyond me)..
-Jericho's hair is all messed up....no explanation....
-It's Jericho's birthday today, he is 28 and was born right there in Long Island
-He reminded us that he beat Goldberg 4 times already, and he had challenged Goldberg for tonight, but Ryder has told him that Goldberg wasn't in the building....
-well, as luck would have it...Goldberg just arrived in his dressing room...he heard what was going on thanks to a TV that was on in there. He heard Jericho badmouth him, he tore up his dressing room some.....
-then the camera followed him from behind to the entrance way, then right up to behind Jericho, who was on the ramp....one thing leads to your mother and...
-Goldberg spears Jericho right on the aisle.....oh man, that HAD TO FRIGGIN' HURT!!!!!
-Goldberg tossed Jericho around some more..then tore off his shirt.......
-As he was kicking Jericho around a bit, he looked up and saw nobody, he didn't touch anybody either.....but word has it his Godly sperm may have had something to do with Terri Runnels bun in her oven.......the wild thing is...THEY NEVER EVEN MET!!!!!!!!!!!!
-The Announcers show us several shots of Goldberg spearing Jericho.....I really didn't mind this time around.
-Buffer told us to prepare ourselves for some sort of Rumble.
-The Giant and Scott Hall came out....Tony Schiavone stongly hinted that the Giant was the sole reason why the "Water Boy" was such a success.
-Nash and Luger came out....they get going...
-Hall and Nash start out first.....imagine that?
-Then Luger tagged in.....and the Giant eventually
-Luger went down and stayed down some...then he tagged in Nash....
-Nash rocked a little, and rolled a little more....just when they reached the final page of the script....
-Bret Hart ran in and attacked Nash. Ding Ding went the bell.
-Hart and Hall worked on Nash for a tad......then Luger ran in with a chair and chased them off...the show ended on that note.
Guess who won....that's right.
Look, I'm sorry this this week's column was rather sucky....but I am really jamming up here in my real life and couldn't put in any real time.....Hell, I almost did the whole column without mentioning the UNPREDICTABLE JOHNNY RODZ!!!!....Heaven forbid.
No closer this week...so very, very busy.....
Nitro PLUS???? You'd think I'd recap THAT??? Are you out of your FU&^%$G mind??
I'll have something way cool for next week...I promise...
This is Hyatte
Chris Hyatte
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