Mop-Up RAW 9.11.00
"Your wrestling knowledge is quite very minimal as well as depleted and minute...again, its a pity for filth like you to take up space on my planet... Deal with it, Christy..."
Schott, Charles SchottC@NRD.NISSAN-USA.COM
Wow. Not very Christian of him.
With a name like "Schott", I wonder how he would eliminate me from "his planet". Does he have an oven with my name on it?
He works for Nissan. A Japanese car company... Germans and Japs, they ALWAYS find each other.
HIS planet... long live the Master Race... seig heil
'Lo. I'm Chris and this is the dunce cap. I'm a little pissed off at a few things... well, one thing in particular. So I have a lot of little stuff to tend to and one big bitchfest.
1): Obligatory plugs. This week's AAT is the flip side to last week's column about how WCW lost the war. This week looks at it from the WWF's side.
This week's closer is some notes from the MTV Video Music Awards. The show's a week old, but you might want to check it out. No big deal, just some thoughts and opinions. There's more to life than wrestling, you dippy marks.
2): I'd like to thank Mike Samuda for skipping out of any column this week. It really helped my "Ask the Prick" closer seem that much real. Now, after tearing his ass up, the very best comeback Scaia had was commenting on how the "Torch" has 24 hour coverage of "OZ". See, he knows I spent the last two columns raving about the show, but since Dicky is under the delusion that to be mentioned in his column is some sort of "honor"... so he specifically did NOT mention my name, but intentionally wrote something that ALLUDED to me. That's what kind of useless faggot he is. He thinks that I WANT him to mention my name. I don't Dicky... you overblown, bloated, fat little c-sucker... there is NO "honor" in getting mentioned by a guy who had to suck Mike Samuda's balls in order to get some attention. Suck boy.
3): This "Big Brother" show really ticked me off. First, you have this Old Cow... the Mother with huge teeth, who barely a WEEK into the show announced that she no longer loved her Husband. The show, being the intrusive leeches that they are, immediately ran to him and taped him reading a poem to her... or something. A few weeks later, she BEGS the audience to vote her off the show... Goddam BEGS them. Why did she go on in the first place? Finally, she's voted off, she leaves her Husband, takes her kids, and moves cross country. What a worthless piece of donkey sperm. Nice way to destroy your Husband's life. In front of national TV. Nice way to F-ing humiliate him... you are trash. You are scum F-ing waste. I don't care if you caught your Husband snorting cocaine off a teenage homo's buttcrack. You aired all your problems on nationwide TV and thoroughly disgraced your family. I hope that OJ finds you and cuts your saggy tits off.
Then there is George. That hillbilly piece of white SHIT.. who likes to wear camoflauge and dye his hair green because he thinks he looks "cool". George's wife, a fat cow who do what all fat bitches do once they hit 35... they cut their hair tight short... obviously so that it doesn't get in their way as they shovel in the Fritos and Bon Bons... she had gotten their WHOLE ENTIRE town to rally and systematically vote out each and every member one by one so her inbred husband can win. The town, Bumblefu**, USA... even arranged it so the people can call the hiotline number for free... so those retards can call again and again to get that Bumpkin the money... obviously so they can buy a bigger trailer... maybe buy a new Pick-Up. What a pile of LOSERS... WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???? HAVEN'T YOU WHITE, IGNORANT, DISGUSTING CHICKEN HUMPERS GOT ANYTHING BETTER TO DO??? GO KNOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS!!!
I am absolutely mortified at the color of my skin and my Country right now. THIS type of red neck behavior is why God should flood us out for another 40 days and nights.
Apparently, on Wednesday, the House guests might stage a walk-out for some reason... because they now "love" each other and want to split the money. What a pack of idiots. I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when they realize that the show is a bust and nobody is paying attention to them anymore. Yeah, they're in for a shock. This is what happens when talentless idiots try to get famous... it's turns out to be an embarrassment. Later, they go write for wrestling sites on the Internet.
4) I got a sign with my name on it on "Thunder" last week. Thank you. Too bad I won't waste my time with friggin' Thunder. I wonder what all these other writers think the second they see another sign with my name on it? Ooo, they must get so PISSED. "He left Scoops a long time ago... how come he isn't being ignored for MY greateness anymore?" A-holes.
5) Letterman now has won 4 Emmys... 3 of them in a row. You KNOW it drives jay Leno absolutely ape shit. He may deny, deny, deny and act all nice. Don't buy into it. He'll never be Carson... he'll never be Letterman, and every year the Emmy's remind him of this. Much like WCW, all Jay does now is rip off Letterman's gimmicks... and rips them off poorly. He wins in the ratings, barely, but everywhere else... he is a LOSER.
Okay... I'm done. If you care about the VMA awards... well, then you have a reason to read the Nitro recap. If you don't care about the VMA awards... and you don't care about Nitro... then I guess you're fresh out of luck.
RAW IS WAR (or: Jesus Stephanie, stay DOWN!)
-WWF: One World Leader. Play it in slow motion and the words, "Gore likes little boys" appears. BY GOD!!! THEY ARE CONSERVATIVE!!!
-Opening theme. I wonder how close they were to removing that opening shot of Austin.
-Fans and Fireworks. They are at the "American West Arena" in Phoenix, Arizona. That must explain all the "BRING BACK TATANKA" signs.
-Jim Ross welcomes us to the show. Ross tells us that EVERYONE in the WWF is talking about the accusations leveled by one "Stone Cold Steve Austin" about who ran him over with a car last November? Meanwhile, hun... err... dozens of accusations are currently being leveled at me about why did I use quotation marks over his entire name. (get a LIFE, people!)
-Right off the bat, out comes Mick Foley. Think he'll go longer than 10 minutes?
-BIG sign that reads, "GOD IS FOLEY"... I truly think that "God" would give himself a full set of teeth.
-Mick gets on the stick and thanks the crowd for their warm, non-Rocklike, pop (give them a break Mick. it's not like Phoenix is rife with Samoans. This will be a first for them).
-He apologized in advance for the show (uh oh)
-He also apologized for not taking advantage of the unique, Arizonian environment by coming out as "Cactus Jack" (Phoenix is filled with pricks, y'see)
-Even though he missed the opportunity of a cheap pop by going, "BANG BANG".. (which got a cheap pop... obviously... it would have ruled if they sat on their hands), there are more important "returns" are at hand.
-Such as, the return of Steve Austin... and those accusations he has about who hit him... accusations that he plans to bring forth at Unforgiven. (Fans popped... Christ, why don't they just empty their wallets as soon as they enter the building?)
-Mick didn't want to WAIT for Unforgiven. Yes? Why buy the Cow, when you can sneak into the farm and fellate the teet for FREE??? He wanted to know who hit Austin RIGHT NOW!!!!! (My first guess... his ex-wife's lawyers... THOSE sumbitches hit him pretty GOOD!)
-So, Mick asked whomever did this "FELONIOUS CRIME"... which Austin was good enough to waive ALL criminal charges against and settle this "in-house" (ah... t'is a shame that the Wrestleline crew aren't as forgiving towards each other)... to step on out and show themselves!
-The Rock came out... much to Ross's disbelief (IT CAN'T BE!!! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT!!!! HOW, DAMMIT???? WHY, DAMMIT????)
-Rocky entered the ring. He spent two long minutes posing to the crowd. Ross openly wondered what OTHER crime Rocky might have perpetrated. Then loudly announced, "THE ROCK STOLE MY WATCH!!!!!!!!!!! MAYBE HE EVEN STOLE MY SMILE!!!!!!"
-Foley had the mic and said, "YOU?? YOU did this? You have some AUDACITY assaulting the rattlesnake, like some cold hearted, callous so..."
-Rocky told Mick to talk to the hand. Ross wondered whom Rocky stole that ring on his finger from. "Can't trust ANY of 'em, King!"
-Personally, I think it was Brother Love! Gorilla Monsoon used to always look at Love's jewelry and ask, "I wonder who he WHIZZED that off of?"
-Or maybe it was Mr. Fuji? Gorilla ALWAYS swore that he wouldn't let Fuji sell him a used car!
-Or maybe it was maybe Bobby Heenan? Gorilla ALWAYS accused Heenan of having, "short arms and deep pockets!"
-all three comments cracked me up endlessly, by the way.
-"Nice watch! I wonder who he whizzed that off of?" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
-"In my day we never had tights like Rick Rude! It was always either black or green, and if you wanted to get fancy, a few had a stripe running down the side!"
-I would always imagine Fuji, in his gaudy tuxedo, trying to sell someone a used Sedan... OH... I'd laugh.
-Anywhoo, Rocky stopped Foley... took his own mic, took his sweet ass time... and said.. "The Rock admits it!"
-Rock., "THE ROCK ADMITS THAT THIS IS THE BIGGEST HALF ASSED INVESTIGATION THAT HE HAS EVER SEEN!!!!!!"
-The Hyatte admits that this was LAME scriptwriting.
-In a related note, "The Rick" has just admitted to knowing the entire Television schedule on Friday nights.
-Mick said that Rocky just admitted to NOT running over Austin.
-Rock said no... then he added "aw Hell NOOO" (I wonder if they'll even wait until December before turning Austin heel?
-Lawler said he KNEW that Rocky was innocent, Ross still wanted to know what happened to his smile?
-Rocky said that he told EVERYONE he didn't do it. He gave his WORD, in fact. So, he's just as anxious for Unforgiven as everyone else is to see what goes down. Then he said something about Foley dropping his pants.
-So, Mick asked why Rocky is even out there? Rocky asked Mick if he is the Rock's mother. (well, he does have the fat ass!)
-Rock said he's out there for one reason, and one reason only... payback. Payback against Kane... for chokeslamming him on Smackdown. See, the Rock understands that Kane has had a tough life... that when his friends came to his door and asked if Kane could come out to play, Kane would say, "Well, I'd like to come out but the raging fire is consuming my soul and AW SHUST YOUR MOUTH, YOU LITTLE PUNK!!!" (it was funny)
-Rocky doesn't care if Kane's arm is on fire, his face is on fire, "liar liar, your's dicks on fire"... (Lawler was rolling)... all he cares about is that Kane shows up there with his number one contendership and Rocky gets to lay the smackdown on his candy ass!!!
-Chris Benoit comes out... so STEEP is the entrance way that he has to tell his legs "WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA" before they could stop.
-Benoit shouted, "Now just hold it... right... THERE!!!! MICK FOLEY.... I KNOWWW... YOU AREN'T THAT... STUPID... ENOUGH TO ALLOW... THIS... TO... OCCUR!!"
-Benoit reminded Mick that the WWF stands for "World WRESTLING Federation"... and that not only is he the BEST wrestler in the company... he's the best wrestler in the SPORT!!! (Gotta get that out, before WCW uses it on Lance Storm so much that it actually STICKS!)
-Foley asked if Benoit was saying that HE should be the number 1 contender and not Kane.
-Benoit asked him to "prove him wrong". Foley said that he'd go mull it over backstage when...
-Kane walked out... he was SO mad... he POINTED at everyone!!!
-The Undertaker came out with a microphone. Hear that pop? Yeah, remember it next time one of these web "experts" jump the gun and decree that this NEW Undertaker is a heatless wart and he should RUN, not walk back to his old gimmick. NEVER LET IT BE SAID THAT THE INTERNET DOES NOT JUDGE GIMMICKS TWO SECONDS AFTER IT DEBUTS!!!!
-KWEE WEE SUCKS!!!
-THE HOGAN THING WAS A WORK!!!! I KNEW IT THE SECOND IT HAPPENED!!!! NOBODY ELSE WILL JUMP THE GUN AND MAKE A RAPID JUDGEMENT CALL!!! ONLY ME, ME, ME!!!!
-UT had his mic and said "don't forget the ol' Deadman!!" (NO!! HE got his soul back!!! I wrote about it in one of my "And Another Thing"s (bestdamncommentaryaround) "A New Life in the Valley of Death"
-Of course, this thing broke down into a brawl. Even Mick Foley took a clothesline and went over the top ropes. Dozens of Internet Writers watched the fall screamed, "DAMMIT, HE RETIRED!!! HE CAN'T COME BACK LIKE THIS!!! IT'S UNFAIR!!!!"
-Rock and UT cleaned house. The Rock's music played.
-Yes, this bit went over 10 minutes.
-Mick Foley told Michael Cole that he will NAME the #1 contender tonight... and all four of those men will be in a tag team match!!! Take a flippin' GUESS as to what the sides will be.
-The Dudley's come out.
-The Hardyz come out. The winner here will get a title shot at Unforgiven. A TAG TEAM title shot. No, I doubt we will EVER live to see the day D-Von Dudley go up against the Rock.
-Edge and Christian come out to scout, study, and announce that they will "embark on a screwjob."
-Edge said that they offically became the "Most dominant Tag Team Champions ever", and that it came down to a "midget, a hockey stick, and Christian's genitals." Lawler, Ross, AND the world was completely lost.
-After a couple of minutes of HEART WRENCHING ACTION!!!!!!!, Christian took off to see if Matt was alright after doing one of those top rope flipper things on D-Von. Edge, meanwhile, said it was time for one of their ECRI. Lawler figured out that it meant "Edge and Christian Run-Ins. (Funny, I thought it was one of those tests Porn Stars needed to take before every movie)
-Edge hit Buh Buh with a tag belt. He went down and backwards, right into Jeff. They both landed on their backs in a pinning position. The Ref counted both shoulders down. (or, all FOUR shoulders... if you MUST). Everyone wins.
-E & C started to kick at the Hardy Boy... the Dudley's ran in. We got us a "WAZZUUUUUP"... then we got a "D-VON, GET THE TABLE!!!"
-Edge went into a table. It didn't break. Buh Buh was AWFULLY pissed. So much so that he yelled the "F" word. (Frick... he actually used the word "FRICK!!" Lord O' Mighty)
-Speaking of "frick"... on Nitro, during the Wedding, a sign was held up saying, "CRZ AND WRESTLELINE ARE IDIOTS!!" (ooo, careful... they might SUE!!!!!!)
-See, I get COOL signs... "Madden Fears Hyatte", "Hyatte is Patterson's Love Child!", HYATTE KIDNAPPED BY THE VILLANOS!" THEY get called "Idiots".
-and quick, someone tell Scaia that this does NOT count as someone finally getting HIS name on TV. (7 years on the web and counting... not one single sign. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA)
-commercials. Chyna tells us that Stacker's IS the way to go. F-the Doctors.
-Lita came to the ring. We see that Charles Barkley is in the house. Nice to see Sir Charles is still alive.
-Ivory came down. They fought.
-Lita won. Because the WWF WANTS a Women's division... a SERIOUS Women's division!! Women CAN ignite a company. Women CAN work. THEY JUST AREN'T EYE CANDY, DAMMIT!!!!! THEY ARE WORKERS!!! ATHLETES!!!!
-Oh, and Midean ran in and streaked. Ass and all. They needed something to keep the audience interested. Jeepers, even I flipped to Nitro once during this match.
-Incidentally... can we please NOT have a "Survivor match" between Susan and Kelly? PLEASE????????
-Backstage, Kurt Angle explains to Mick Foley that since HE is taking on T & A tonight... wouldn't it make sense that HHH work tonight TOO? Foley stared at him and said, "Umm, no? That makes NO sense at all?"
-Angle continued to plead... so Foley promised to give HHH a suitable opponent for tonight so long as Angle kept his mouth shut tonight. It took a few tries, but Angle zipped up. (his LIPS... morons!) Mick rolled his Office away on a Golf cart (I guess). Ross, "THE TRAVELING COMMISSIONER'S OFFICE?? WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT??" (come on Jimbo, it wasn't THAT exciting.
-Ross and Lawler talk up the sage of Eddie and the Man Who Would Be Chyna.
-Dramatic, soap opera music played as we see footage of love gone awry... of burning passion being stomped out by greed and anger... of Eddie and.... CHYNA!!!
-Backstage, Eddie keeps trying to explain himself to Chyna... she keeps pushing him away by his face. Eddie manages to get in and told her how much she means to him... (WHAT?? I thought that only worked on 17 year old girls?)
-Chyna said that Eddie has GOT to control his "latin temper". Eddie sez, "When Tito gets back, he can have the short fuse gimmick BACK!!! Until then, I'm riding this OUT, ese!"
-2 Cool (suddenly, I'm Prince) come out.
-Eddie and Chyna come out. Chyna shakes Too Cool's hands... (translation: Meet me in the boiler room after the show! Learn to READ Women, kids!)
-Eddie attacked and went to work on Brian Christopher. The fans remember his WCW days and get a BIG "EDDIE SUCKS" chant going. (Cool, it's been a while)
-Eddie takes a beating. But he refuses to tag in. So he continued to get tuned on.
-He gets the Worm.
-Chyna finally runs in. She clotheslines Scotty out of the ring. Then she jumps out and apologizes. (Yeah, okay... burn 'em, then try to "be friends"... she IS a woman!!!!!)
-Meanwhile, Christopher hits the Flying Legdrop, and gets the win for his team. Eddie gets up and yanks Too Cool towards him. He offers them his hand. They took it. Then they invite him to dance with them. Eddie puts on sunglasses and does it with Chyna.
-During the dance, Eddie slipped out, slipped back in, and used his belt on both "Coolers". He stomped away. Rikishi runs.... heh... waddles in. Rikishi pastes Eddie, then proceeds to sit on him. Chyna hesitates, then hits Rikishi with the IC Belt.
-You know, this gimmick would be more real if Chyna learned to "HIDE HER OBVIOUS DISGUST FOR EDDIE!!!" (I mean really, she looks in PAIN with him!)
-Backstage, HHH gears up and bitches at Stephanie about how unfair it all is. Then he tells Stephanie that she has to stay in their dressing room tonight. Stephanie gets all "sexy"... HHH promises to throw her a little something after the show... yowzaa... heh heh heh... ho ho ho... hee hee hee... if ya know what I mean?... nyuck nyuck nyuck... huh huh huh... bwa ha ha... mwa mwa mwa.... nya nya nya... oh ho hooo someone kill me, please!
-footage of what just happened.
Click Here For Part 2!!!
-3H comes out. Again, I SWEAR I hear the singer of his theme support the Unionization of Wrestling by screaming, "LOST TIIIIME, LOST TIIIIME, LOST TIIIIIIIIME!" (Fight on, Brother!)
-Backstage, Chyna informs Eddie that she's going to be in Playboy in a couple of weeks. Eddie is so mad, he threatens to go straight to Hefner's mansion and strangle everyone... (Sh'YEAH!!!
IF THEY WON'T ALLOW ERIK ESTRADA IN... YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE IN HELL, BITCH!!!!)
-"NEW PICTURES MY BUTT!!!!" (old habits die hard, I see)
-Meanwhile, HHH was nice enough to wait this out by posing. The bit took so long that they played his theme song TWICE!!
-Y2J came out. HE was the "quality opponent" tonight. Jericho had a mic and goofed on Hunter for his latest angle development. (Get it? Angle... Development???? HAW HAW HAW HAW HAWWWW)
-This is just so I can say that at least ONE person enjoyed the column this week. That person being ME... but still
-3H and 1C1J went at it. I tell you, no one grunts and yells like Jericho during every bump! (WAAAAAH, HAAAAAAAW, RAAAAAAAH)
-Jericho ended up outside. HHH followed him and worked away. Jericho was tossed outside and hit the springing bounce dropkick.
-It went into the seats... it went OUT of the seats.
-Y2J with a flying elbow.
-Stephanie came out just in time to see HHH power out of a Walls of Jericho", take a flying Bulldog, and lift his knees up so Jericho can springboard into his shoelaces.
-Kurt Angle came out to pull Stephanie away. HHH disposed of Jericho, then ran outside and took Stephy from Angle.
-As they bickered, X-Pac ran out and jumped on Jericho. This caused a DQ for ol' HHH.
-HHH didn't like that. (He's a COMPETITOR, DAMMIT!). He entered the ring and argued with X-pac. pac pushed him by his face. HHH pushed back. X-pac went down. X-pac rolled back up and jumped out of the ring. He called HHH and "A-Hole". Stephanie had a shocked look on her face... a look usually reserved for chicks getting a surprise salami up the old ying yang for the first time.
-The Rock was on MTV Video Music Awards. Chyna too. Not to be outdone, WCW booked General Rection to be on "Willy's Cable Access Gab Show" in Southern Peoria! I hear Rection promised that WCW is breathing down the WWF's collective NECKS!
-The RTC came out... Bull and the Goodfather.
-The Acolytes came out.
-We had a fight. Val Venis came out with a chair and just watched.
-Ross praised the Lord and passed the sauce once Val entered the ring with his chair. (VAL DOESN'T BELIEVE IN CENSORSHIP AND NOW THE RTC IS GONNA PAY!!!!!!! DAMMIT!!! THEY CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!!! I RAISE MY CHILDREN ANY DAMN WAY I PLEASE!!!)
-To the shock of nobody under the age of 4... Val chaired the Acolytes. Val is now a member of the RTC... Stevie Richards appeared and was all smiles. Come on, this was so obvious, even Dan Doomsday figured it out.
-Al Snow came out dressed as a German... not a COOL German like those natty looking Nazis... but like one of those Sausage eating, Oktober Fest Germans. he gave Lawler a picture of David Hasselhoff... who is a big, big star in Germany. (I was once totally transcribed in German by this guy as part of a SCOOPS deal... so on the first column, I introduced myself as "You're New Fuerer"... that deal lasted one week.)
-Tazz came out. Lawler called him a "jerk" 22 times before he entered the ring.
-Tazz went right after Snow. This was for the European Championship, by the by.
-Snow ate ankles off a Moonsault. Ross stuttered out some praise to Lawler for not only the way he's handled Tazz... but how he can successflly get away with screwing a Girl who is THE SAME AGE AS HIS SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE LAWLER'S PENIS BRONZED!!!!!!
-Tazz threw Snow INTO the Announcers. Lawler went down. Ross pinwheeled his arms
-Tazz threw Snow back in. Lawler got up, grabbed the Hasslehoff photo, and smashed it over the back of Tazz's head. Snow rolled Taz up for the pin. Another loss for Taz. Has he ever WON a match?
-Tazz grabbed the mic and told Lawler that "this was it!" He cannot "compete with Lawler's political stroke"... he is "tapping out" to the WWF machine. He was never wanted by anyone since the day he got there... he was an "outsider" (MGTROE!!!!!!!!!!!) So, now, the Outsider is through tryhinjg. Tazz is "just another victim" to the WWF. (He's also "just another victim" to referring to himself in the third person... apparently). With that, he left.
-Of course, next week... Tazz unveils the "F-This Company" Title.
-WWF fans tell the cameras why we SHOULD.... nay... MUST vote and why GWB and AG SHOULD... nay... MUST Debate on WWF TV! (Aw... you damn Generation Y'ers... DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ANYTHING????)
-Since MY Generation X is gone... can I still lazily slack my life away?
-T, A, T S & K A are all prepared for the next match that will end with some sort of HHH involvement.
-"Cover Me" girl complains about how her Daddy makes her wear a wire... even in a bikini. Plenty of room in those missing boobies, kiddo... you could hide the entire Watergate tapes in there.
-Kurt Angle is out... with a mic. He dedicated this next match to all the American Athletes who will aspire to "go for the gold" at the Olympics this month, (ARRGH... 2 WEEKS OF TEDIOUSNESS!!!!!) gold that, of course, he already WON!!
-He also dedicated the match to his "good friend", Stephanie McMahon-Helmsely. Because T & A... well... they weren't nice to her. (Yeah!! Jeeze... all she did was LEAVE ONE OF THEM AT THE ALTER!!!!!!!!)
-In fact, T & A reminded Angle of Randy Johnson and Kurt Shilling. Two big lugs who have ultimately accomplished nothing in their careers! (Randy Johnson... the man re-defines the REDEFINITION of the word "Ugly"... yes, he redefines the redefinition! Try that on for size, loser!
-T & A come out with Trish. They get going.
-Angle avoids a Albert charge, then gives him a belly to back suplex. As soon as he pops up, Test hits him with a big boot.
-Backstage, HHH and Stephanie were watching this. Hunter was loving it. Stephanie stayed quiet.
-Kurt got worked over. He ended up hauled over the top rope.
-Backstage... Hunter realized that Stephanie slipped out from under his nose... heh... hehheh... hee hee hee... haa haa...*titter titter*... *snort snort*... bwahahaa... you can... ha... you can... HA... you can smuggle Nuclear Missiles from under that mothafu**in' thing... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA
-Trish started to kick on Kurt a little... she couldn't do much, not with that tight ass skirt...
-Stephanie ran out and yanked Trish down by her hair. She faked some kicks at her.
-Test came around and backed Stephannoyme into the ring... he followed. Test put Stephanie in Powerslam position (familar turf for Ms Thang's head, I wager).
-DO IT!!! DO IT TEST!!! DO IT FOR EVERY GUY WHO'S EVERY BEEN BURNED BY SOME SMELLY COOZEBAG WHO SENDS YOU PACKING THE SECOND A BETTER DEAL COMES ALONG!!!!!! DO IT FOR EVERY SLUT WHO THINKS YOUR THE GREATEST THING SINCE WELFARE WHEN SHE'S DRUNK AT 2 AM BUT HAS A SUDDEN CHANGE OF HEART ONCE THE DAY BREAKS!!!! DO IT... DO IT!!!
-HHH interferred and broke it up... damn him. Hunter worked on both T and A.
-Angle ran back in and helped. They cleared the ring.
-Angle went to check on Stephanie... HHH noticed this and had a cow. He yanked Kurt off her.
-They were about to go at it. Stephanie got in the middle. HHH shoved her away.
-She got back up and tried again. The Ref pushed her away... she slapped the ref. The Ref sold it WAAAY too much.
-HHH tackled Angle and started to swing. She pulled them away.
-The Refs ran in... HHH and Kurt both slugged them down.
-HHH went for the pedigree. Stephanie wrapped her arms around his waist. He elbowed her in the head. She went down.
-HHH was all like, "Oh darn!"
-Angle yanked HHH up.. punched him twice. On the second punch, HHH went down and sort of elbowed the Princess. That was funny.
-They started to fight again... Stephanie rolled to the ring apron and stood up. HHH threw Angle into her. She went down and hit the mat.
-HHH got rid of Kurt and tended to his wife. He picked her up and carried her away. Mid-way up the ramp, Kurt turned HHH around, smiled, and knocked him down Stephanie went down with him. Somehow, she managed to roll her head so that the back of it was resting against his crotch... then she leaned back further and her chest stuck out. She is either a real firecracker, or a real dud in the sack.
-Angle jawed his way up the ramp as WWF Refs ran to the scene. Stephanie had something white and shiny on her cheeks. Funny, I thought Hunter was slick!
-footage of this huge brohaha
-Backstage, Mick Foley, making a RARE second hour appearence, told HHH that he can have at Angle at the PPV... and Foley will be the Guest Ref. Unless Stephanie turns on her Husband, I can't see how HHH can lose this match.
-Chris Jericho made it possible for Steve Blackman to retain his Hardcore title against X-Pac. Next time, try watching the show.
-Backstage, Benoit told Kane that he had better get with the program tonight. They have a No DQ match for tonight. (Jesus H... Benoit's been given dialogue)
-During the Break... X-Pac attacked Jericho backstrage with a pair on nunchakus. Jericho was left bloody... again. Who's gym bag did Jericho crap in?
-The Rock finds the Undertaker and lays it out for him... "Look, we ain't brothers, we ain't partners, and we ain't friends... but if Benoit or Kane get away with that money, you're gonna be sorry you ever met me!" UT turned away, spat out a wad of chaw, and responded, "I'm already sorry!"
-Kane came out. Benoit did the same. UT RODE out. The Rock did the same, but with no motorcycle.
-Oh, and Mick Foley came out to join the Announcers. His excuse was that even though he knew UT, Rocky, and Kaney... he didn't know Benoit very well... so he was there to scout him.
-It got going with the UT pummeling Benoit.
-Rocky was tagged. he went for the Crippler Crossface. Kane stopped that.
-Foley, "The Rock isn't all about Rock Bottoms and People's Elbows!! The Rock has been schooled in all facets of the mat game!" (this coming from a man who stuffed his two fingers in someone's mouth and called it a Finisher?)
-Benoit was able to get something going... but Rocky fought back. Kane MIGHT have been tagged in once, but I was too busy typing gems like, "(this coming from a man who stuffed his two fingers in someone's mouth and called it a Finisher?)"
-Rocky tried the Elbow on Benoit... but Kane grabbed his feet off the ropes.
-Benoit with his Flying Elbow. Rocky kicked out.
-A fan tried to run in. UT kept him at bay until WWF security got deliver the proper mugging.
-UT was tagged in... he gave Benoit a BIG Chokeslam.
-UT went for a Powerbomb... Kane shoved him back. Benoit rolled over him and hooked a Flip pin. The Ref counted.three. Ross screamed that "JERICHO PINNED THE UNDERTAKER!!!"
-The fighting continued... including Rocky and the UT having a bit of a staredown. Foley announced that the ONLY way they can settle this is to make it a "Fatal Four Way".
-Ross mentioned "Unforgiven" 13 times in the last 15 seconds of the show. At the end, he dropped all pretense and just shouted "UNFORGIVEN,UNFORGIVEN, UNFORGIVEN, UNFORGIVEN" over and over until the Refs ran in, the brawl continued, and...
-The show ended.
It had it's moments... but one would kind of hope for a really packed show after a two week layover.
The Stephanie assault was fun!
Um... yeah... that's it... I'm done.
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