Mop-Up Nitro 9.25.00
Although by the time you read this, the ratings have already been posted... but I have to point something out:
WCW will NOT have an opportunity like this again. This is it, folks. RAW is TNN's Flagship show. They will NEVER pre-empt RAW for Tennis or Dogs or a Fishing Tournament. WCW will NEVER have a Monday night to themselves ever again. If they can't make any headway tonight... they never will.
The ratings were out... not a huge drop or lift for either show... still think the war isn't over?
Nitro (or: Vinnie Ru comes home! He wasn't missed)
-Video production details Russo's long, hard journey to this moment... a crack at the WCW World Championship. Explain to me how different it would be if Chris Claremont started writing himself into the "X-Men" and helped the team defeat Magneto using his mutant ability to write well crafted female characters?
-Russo has arrived. He even has a valet in the form of Jeremy Borass. WHY IS THIS DICKFACE ON CAMERA NOW???? DOESN'T ANYONE GET THAT WCW LIVE IS HOSTED BY COMPLETE IDIOTS????
-Tony Schiavone welcomes us to Long Island... specifically Uniondale, (I would have called it "Teamsterchip", but I also thought Crystal Pepsi would take over the market too).
-They are at the Nassau Colisseum... right in the heart of SCOOPSCENTRAL!!! So, if we spot any signs that say "Hyatte Sucks"... chances are the guy holding it has a name that rhymes with "Lemmy Norieaga"... or maybe "Leakchoy"
-The New York crowd seems VERY excited... it'd not very often they get ot see Black people live and in person. (It's true... I swear!! )
-Big Vito came out. I wonder how long it takes before one of the Announcers reminds the fans that he is from New York, thus they should be SCREAMING...
-oops... they were too busy reminding us that Vince Russo was from New York... thus we should be SCREAMING when he comes out.
-Hudson said that russo was just coming out of surgery involving retracting Jeremy Boreass's head out of his ass. (Oh... Jesus... you know... that's the PROBLEM here. Boreass did a DECENT... not good... not great... just a DECENT job on the stick... nobody paid him much mind... so now WCW considers that a POSITIVE... so they put him on AIR. This is not smart booking... this is desperate booking. I don't WANT Jeremy Boreass OR Bob Ryder on camera... WHO THE F**K ASKED FOR THIS?????)
-Shot of Vito's Sister, Maria in the seats... she's a hottie. Madden called her a tramp, then added "BUNNNG" afterwards. Speaking of "Bung"... I raided Madden's Mother's BUNG hole the other night... but more on that later.
-Oh yeah, Scherer REALLY tears Mark up. Yeah, okay. Cross promotional bullshit is all that little "war" is.
-Johnny Da Bull came out. Tony calls this a "I Quit Stickball Bat vs Kendo Stick" Match. I call it, "Two Losers Who Nobody Cared About When They Were Together in The First Place" Match
-Think this place was sold out?
-Of course, they only showed the Sister so she could play a role in the match.
-I'll say this, the certainly put those sticks to use.
-Reno ran out and hit Vito from behind. Out of curiousity, is there ANYONE reading who is a fan of Vito and started to boo Reno?
-Vito was hung upside down on the corner and was ready to get tuned up "Fire Island Style!!" Maria ran in and covered Vito. She saved him. At least she was cute to look at.
-Backstage, Boreass was pumping up a silent Russo. Two nincompoops.
-commercials... wow, you can get the WCW Magazine delivered to your HOME! No more snickering from the cashier as she rings up the copy you used to buy.
-The Announcers get face time. Madden's sitting there quietly in his sunglasses. It's his "Joe Cool" look. He is imitating a cartoon Beagle.
-The way they are hyping it, the entire future of Nitro may rest on the shoulders of Vince Russo going for the title!
-You know what the sad thing is? Well, other than the fact that you are reading this and I am writing this? It's that all they had to do was call Hogan, bring him in to challenge Booker... play up that whole Bash at the Beach incident... and it would have been ratings GOLD. I'm an IDIOT... and even I realized this.
-Taped bit dealing with a furious David Flair, searching for "him"... you know, Bischoff treated the Flair name better than this.
-Jeff Jarrett came out.
-Scott Steiner and his Big Lipped Piglet came out.
-Jarrett got on the mic and stated that Russo has just scripted himself as the new WCW champion, and no one in New York can do a damn thing about it.
-Steiner got on the mic and ragged on the undefeated New York Giants and Jets.
-Then he spotted "Jumbo Elliot" (Isn't that the Jap guy who once beat Nick Bockwinkle and had a lengthy AWA title run?) and ragged on him some. well, looks like we're in for another "Sort of Famous Guy Run-In"
-You know... I LOVE it when I'm right... TWO weeks ago, I wrote: "wouldn't it be nice for just ONE week, NO ONE on Nitro calls the people in the town 'trailer trash'? Christ, they could play at Madison Square Garden and Scott Steiner would call the crowd 'trailer trash'."
-Tonight... Steiner says, "I want all you New York WHITE TRASH to stand up and get ready to kiss my ass!!" (Oh yeah, this guy is all SET to be the next Austin)
-Steiner than bragged about running Goldberg out of WCW. Then introduced the nexct WCW champion... Vince Russo!
-Vince Russo came out... kneeling and bowing to his HOMETOWN crowd. Boreass was with him.
-Russo entered the ring and grabbed the mic. Bet he talks for a good ten minutes straight. Bet I become fascinated with the size of his mouth at least 3 times during the course of his monologue.
-Russo says that he bent down and kissed the ground as he came out because there is NO place like Long Island. (Shouldn't he stick his thumb up and smile widely after saying crap like that?)
-Russo reference some New York legends... and Dr J (?? ABA?)
-Russo tells New York how lucky they are, because he now lives in Atlanta... home of Nascar, Bulldogs, and mating Cousins.
-Then he keeps up this whole pointless, silly, inane, unnecessary, meaningless, irrelevent, hollow, useless, worthless, empty, foolish, ludicrous, banal, and downright SILLY challenge he had with John Rocker... which maybe made sense 9 months ago... but now was already played out. GIVE IT UP!! JESUS CROW!! IT'S OVER!
-Russo talked up the fact that yes, he WILL actually wrestle tonight... because he is going to BEAT VINCE MCMAHON AT HIS OWN GAME DAMMIT!!!!
-Less and less do I believe that Russo is doing this strictly for the show and there is NO ego involved.
-Russo wrapped up... but Sting's music came on.
-Booker T was on the big Nitro-Tron. Sting popped up from behind him, (he turn gay on us or soemthing?) and announced that he's got Booker's back tonight... then pointed his bat at the camera and adviced Russo to look behind him.
-Russo did... stabding behind him was REMY "THE SLAMMER" ARTIEGA!!! MY GOD!! HE DROVE SCOOPS RIGHT INTO THE GROUND AND NOW HE'S TURNING HIS ATTENTION ONTO WCW!!!!!
-No, it was Goldberg... in the seats. He's BACK!!!! Three Announcers, Three Conniptions... leading us out right to some...
-Commercials... BIG changes for Sting promised for the next PPV... Big changes that I might have inspired!! (Even Scherer discreetly referenced it in his Tuesday Lariat)
-Backstage, my MAIN MAN, Mike Sanders informs Kronik that they will NOT be in the tag team battle royal tonight. Adams was so mad, he actually acted like he gave a rip.
-Three Count, The Harris Boys, Jindrak and O'Hare, the Jung Dragons and the MIA guys were in the ring. We see "Lea Meow" slap one of the Jungs across the face while he was kneeling. When did they bring her back? Or is this her bihg return and they are acting like she never left? It wouldn't surprise me if this was the case... they are ALWAYS pulling off stunts like that.
-The Filthy Animals came out. Rey was back into his little Devil Horns. Oh, he is so badly in need of a little Prison Rape.
-The tag rumble was on. K-Dog joined the announcers... and promised to take care of Disqo AND his Duck. Madden screamed, "Duck Him". It's coming.
-The Jung Dragon team was tossed out early... but they switched this around so that BOTH team mates have to be dumped before the team is out.
-Evan Karaigias was dumped over and into a table. Hudson screamed "GOOD NIGHT" to the departing thousands who sampled the show, and was not impressed.. (HAW... I LOVE IT!!)
-Kronik came out and dumped out the Harris Boys. They proceeded to clean out the joint.
-The Jung Dragons and Three Count were dumped.
-WCW Security came out and maced Kronik out of the ring. Madden declared that the WCW Security Force has won the WCW tag team titles. I WOULD sday that it was funny... but instead I'll just say:
-HEY MARK!!!! MARKY BOY!!! HEY MISTER "I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE INTERNET BUT WHY DO YOU GUYS RAG ON ME"... I GAVE YOUR MOMMY THE STINKY PINKY!!! I WAS DFOUNG HER FROM BEHIND... I WEDGED BY PINKY FINGER INTO HER CHOOCH AS I WAS GRINDING AWAY... THEN I YANKED IT UP, REACHED FORWARD... AND JAMMED THAT BASTARD RIGHT UP HER NOSTRIL. I YANKED HER HEAD UP MARK!!!! RIGHT THE F*** UP!!! THE BITCH SQUEALED, DAMMIT... SHE LOVED IT!!!
-With Kronik out of the way, it was Jindrak and O'Hare against Rey Rey and Juvee. Rey got the living crap kicked out of him for a little bit... then Disqo ran out with his duck and hit Juvee with it. Juvee swunbg at Disq... Disq pulled him halfway over the top rope... Jin and O finished the job. K-Fay chased Disq away. It was two onto one.
-Rey tried to Hurracarana O over the top, but both men lheld on and pulled themselves back in... Jin picked Rey up and crotched him on the top rope... then O deleivered a top rope flying clothesline... Rey hit the floor hard. Jindrak and O'Hare are the new tag champs... Jindrak and O'Hare have been in professional wrestling for 3 months... tops...
-screw it... I like them. GOOD JOB!!!
-Torrie Wislon was applying baby oil to her legs. That is not a flattering hair style for her. makes her look a bit... err... seasoned.
-Mean Gene Okerlund had memebers of Howard Stern's Whack Pack with him and Paula Pollshock. Gee, where's Opie and Anthony? I thought they were the new KINGS OF NEW YORK???
-Stern had Austin on his show on Monday... and Chyna is either coming on, or was on Tuesday... kind of makes WCW looks second rate, doesn't it? Oh perish that thought.
-in case you cared, in the past two years or so, Stern had on Austin 3 times, Sable twice, The Giant once (as a WWF talent), Mick Foley once, BB, the Cat, Torrie, and Ivory, and Lawler. For WCW... he had Bret Hart on once and Hulk Hogan, who tagged along with Dennis Rodman. Oh, and he also had Roddy Piper call him out on Nitro once.
-Funny thing is, Stern doesn't even like wrestling all that much. He rejected Rocky during the MTV Awards, too.
-Anyway, Mean Gene had Hank the Angry Dwarf (suddenly, he wasn't "Drunken" anymore... obviously, WCW didn't want Hank inspiring kids to drunk), Crackhead Bob, High Pitched Eric, Frec the Elephant Boy, and BEETLEJUICE... (who really is a truly stupid dude, but look at his head... his brain must be the size of your fist)
-Kevin Nash showed up with the Natural Born Thrillers and gave Gene hell for talking to these guys when he could talk to the FUTURE of WCW... then he looked at Beetlejuice and said, "Good to see you, Flex"... which was funny as ALL Hell.
-By the way... High Pitch Eric has this high, high voice... Mickey Mouse high. He had glasses on. Thick glasses. A bad Goatee. A HUGE pot belly. And a look of total fear and nervousness on his face. Basically, he looks like EVERY SINGLE INTERNET WRESTLING WRITER OUT THERE (exceptme)!!!! PEOPLE... DON'T TELL ME SCAIA, SHANNON, KEITH, ALL OF THEM DON'T LOOK LIKE THIS!!! JEEZUS... EVEN HARRY KNOWLES WEIGHS 600 POUNDS. THIS IS WHO YOU READ AND ADMIRE!!! THIS IS THE FACE OF A DELPHI POSTER!!!!!!
-The ICP came out alone, dropped a bunch of names I've never heard of before, and challenged Mike Awesome and his Bus to a hardcore handicapped match.
-The Buss rolled in... eager to accept the challenge, how can this thing roll over on it's back without flattening half the building? ICP ran to it and tried to get inside.
-Awesome sprayed them with a fire extinquisher. He stepped out wearing tight jeans and an open throated shirt... oh man... I used to WEAR shirts like that back in '92.
-Awesome stomped them around a little... then Shaggy 2 Dope climbed the top of the bus as Violent J set up a table. Awesome recouped and started to climb up the bus himself. J tried to stop him, but was sent through the table.
-Madden said that ICP wanted to "Do it, do it, do it, 'til they were satis...FIED"... in some 70's reference. The sad this is, Mark was in his TWENTIES back in the 70's... he is SO old.
-Not as old as his MOTHER is... HEY MARK... I... I... you know what... let's save it. You get ONE this week... just ONE... PFFFFTH
-Awesome climbed to the top of the Bus and gave Shaggy Big Dope a HUGE Running Power Bomb which looked NASTY... then Shaggy slid off the Buss and crashed onto the concrete which WAS NASTY... Awesome jumped down and scored the easy pin. Afterwards, Awesome started to scream, "1976 RULES!!"... Hey douchebag, NOBODY in the 70's said that ANYTHING "rules"... "RULES" did not become popular until then 80's. IF YOU WANT TO BE A STUPID GIMMICK, AT LEAST WORK THE THING CORRECTLY.
-"Groovy"... "Far Out"... why isn't he saying those things?
-Major Gunns was getting ready.
-The Cat and Miss Jones were ready for their segment.
-commercials. Buff Bagwell might be gone, but you can still use a WCW Credit Card with his face on it. Actually, the WCW Credit card works about as much as he does now... (I SWEAR... that line is funny in SOME reality)
-David Flair runs into a Chuck-E-Cheese with hjis crowbar and gets into a shouting match with a young lady of color who read her lines quite nicely. She was really in character too, she sounded and acted just as annoyed as every young countergirl I've ever met in my life.
-okay... so going into a Chuck-E-Cheese with a Tire Iron and acting all beligerent... then diving into a mound of balls and looking for "him"... THIS is the "reality TV" the Russo swears will take Wrestling into the next phase?
-The Cat comes out with his Girl... he looks at madden and said, "I hate your fat ass!!!" (YEAH!!!! THE CAT RULES!!!! GOD BLESS MILLER!!!! HE HAS JUST EARNED MY RESPECT!!!)
-Madden had that shocked smile... mock outrage is the expression.
-Basically, Miller said that Russo will get his cage match, but if nash, Steiner, or Jarrett enter the ring... they will be FIRED!! That was all he had to say...
-BUT... Mike Sanders came out... (He's my MAN too!! Hard to believe this company is producing new stars that I am REALLY enjoying. But there are two of them, right there.)
-Sanders gets into the ring and says "Listen up, Cupcake!" (heh... he had just the right inflection with it). Then said that Mr. Russo had a very important match tonight, and he was there to make sure Miller didn't screw it up like he does everything else.
-Then the segment was ruined by STUPID, MORONIC, ASSHOLE CENSORS!!
-See... the crowd started to chant "ASSHOLE"... which was totally silenced out. We were treated to a total shut-off of sound. They DID show Miller clearly flipping Sanders the finger... because WCW's core audience must be blind.
-The sound was turened back on. Sanders asked, "What did you say?"
-again... dead silence...
-Sanders, "What did you say?"
-come on, people... it's been 6 years of stupid moves like this.
-Sanders went back to business and said that Miller could either leave, or take a beating with this bat that he happened to have brought with him.
-Miller attacked... Sanders swung the bat... Miller blocked it and flipped Sanders over. Miller karate kicked Sanders down.
-Nash came out with his NTB's... he told them to charge... they charged... Miller got tuned on. Nash watched with approval. The segment ended.
-Backstage, two of the three major black chicks of WCW were getting all ebonic with each other, yo
-Okerlund was in the ring with Paula Pollshock... who was wearing this fur coat that you just KNEW wqas going to come off. (I'm sure it was planned that way)
-Why is he calling this the FIRST WCW Bikini Contest? They ran the same thing two years ago at Spring Break... Torrie won it. Nash said, "Sable, eat your heart out!"
-The Whack Pack came out. Hank the Dwarf stumbled out last and took an hour trying to climb into the ring. He also squeezed Torrie's ass a little... which REALLY pissed her off. I mention this NOW, because I don't feel like mentioning it later... go F-yourselves if you're bothered by off-kilter continuity.
-God... look at High Pitch Eric's belly. HE'S AN INTERNET WRITER, DAMMIT!!!! THAT'S WHO WRITES FOR WRESTLELINE!!!
-I should point out that on the radio... Hank is the shit. is favorite expression, "GO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR MOTHER!!" Followed by, "GO HAVE SEX WITH JESUS CHRIST!!!" I SWEAR, the first time I heard him say that I really had to pull over on the side of the road and just roar with laughter.
-With the Judges in place... Okerlund introed the contestants. Chae went first. She's cute, but she kept her robe on. Madden begged her to take it off. (When it comes to seeing T & A... Madden acts like a nervous little kid who is going overboard to show have horny he is. I realize that doesn't make much sense, but it's the best way I can describe it. It's annoying as hell... and it does not paint him in a good light).
-Chiquita was next. A lovely nubian Princess.
-Torrie was next. She's looked better.
-Tygress was up. She's more ragged out than a ten year porn vet. Shge's got saddle bags under her eyes... AND she's got some fat on her.
-Tygress moved things along by asking Paisley to join her. Another hot one.
-Lea Meow was next. Naah.
-Major Gunns came out last... just as she took off her robe...
-HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN CAME OUT... HOOOOOOOOO
-Hacksaw had his face all twisted and contorted to show that he USED to be an idiot... but now he's an idiot HEEL. HOOOOOOO
-Meanwhile, Gunns had an American Flag Bikini on. Madden screamed that she was a Canadian now and she should take off that bikini right now. (oh screw it.. it was funny, dammit)
-Hacksaw entered the ring... hitched up his pants (oy) and told the crowd, "SHUT YOUR MOOOOOOOOUTHS" HOOOOOOOO
-He yelled at Gunns for disgracing "our country"... Gunns said, "But I'm an AMERICAN!!"
-Duggan, "I SAID... SHUT.... YOUR .... MOUTH... WOMAAAN!!!" (I don't know why... I don't know how... but the sonofabitch makes me laugh... HOOOOOOOO)
-Oh.. wait.. I DO know why... because he is HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE AND I AM ENJOYING WATCHING HIM HAVE FUN!!! HOOOOOOOO
-Duggan wrapped Gunns up with a Canadian flag and dragged her away
-The rest of this was Pollshock deciding that she was too hot and taking off her coat to reveal a NON bikini top that showed off some MONSTER cans. The Whack Pack all named her Miss Nitro... (Chiquita should have won it). Then Leah Meow attacked Pollshock in a real lesbo moment. Then Steiner's tramp showed up and got into it with Meow for no reason.
Click Here For Part 2!!!
-Backstage, Mike Tenay sweated thought the three Whiskey Sours he slogged down earlier and listened to Scott Steiner promise to put Goldberg out once and for all. Goldberg ran out and attacked.
-Disqo Inferno was in the ring. He said that the one thing everyone has been asking him is when he's going to let Rey, Juvee, and Konan back into the Filthy Animals (bwahaha... I enjoyed that, myself). Disq said that he never will, because "they don't got it like that".
-He DID have himself a new partner... and he wanted to bring him out right now... he pointed us to the entrance way.
-Steiner charged out. No, he wasn't the partner...
-Steiner threw Disq out, threw the duck at Madden, grabbed a mic, and demanded that Goldberg get his ass out there right now.
-Goldberg stepped out with a mic and said that they can go right now if they want... but he wants it in the cage that was hanging up there tonight.
-Steiner was cool, with that. He got on his facemask.
-Goldberg headed down. The cage was being lowered. Steiner... who was SHOVED as a guy who JU8ST WANTS TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF PEOPLE... turned tail and tried to RUN LIKE HELL LIKE A PUSSY!!! (Geeze... talk about out of character)
-GB caught him and went to work... including choking him with Madden's headset wire. Madden and the other two were long gone, by then)
-GB got Steiner back into the ring before the cage touched base. GB tossed him around a little.
-Steiner hit a belly to belly and a suplex.
-GB fought back.
-Steiner with a clothesline, followed by a Flying Shoulder tackle.
-Steiner qwith a square kick in the balls.
-His tramp came out and gave Scott his lead pipe. He worked on GB a little with it.
-Steiner tried to walk out of the door. Jumbo Elliot blocked his path. They argued. GB got back into it.
-GB speared Steiner and a good part of the Pipe too
-GB strolled out of the cage and won the thing. He grabbed the mic and said that Russo was next.
-Backstage, Jarrett hit Beetlejuice with a guitar. The little moron sold it well.
-Booker T told Pamela Pollshock that Russo was in deep doo doo. It was fun watching Booker try so hard not to stare at those boobies that were right there in his face.
-General Rection fought Jeff Jarrett. Storm and Duggan showed up to assist the Jarrett victory. I'm totally out of gas this week. Totally. Thankfully, no one is reading.
-The MIA's ran out to help Rection. Then Sting was out with his ball bat. Sting cleared house.
-Then, Storm got on the stick and challenged Sting right there, right then. Sting got on the mic and said, "Okay, so long as you don't dick around and we wrap this up in 5 minutes." Storm agreed. We got this match just as soon as we plow through these...
-They were going at it. Stinko took Storm down with a series of clothesline. Hudson asked, "IS THIS A MAN WHO'S LOST IT?? IS THIS A MAN WHO HAS NO HEART???" (wow... I... I am speechless. Hey WCW, where's that T-shirt? I deserve at LEAST that!)
-Sting missed a Splash... but tossed Storm outside and worked on him a little.
-Storm rebounded and rolled Sting back into the ring.
-Storm missed a top rope splash... Sting threw him into the corner and connected with a Stinger Splash. Sting went for the Deathlock.
-Storm rolled out of it and turned the deal into a full Maple Leaf! Impressive spot.
-Sting grabbed the ropes.
-They fought for a few more seconds... Sting went to bodyslam Storm. Storm fell back and planted his fett on the ground. Sting quickly dropped back and Storm ended up taking a slightly modified Scorpion Death Drop. Sting won! Good match.
-David Flair went t the wrong house looking for "him". The guy whose house he did break into... oh F-this... this is the dumbest angle of the year.
-there were some...
-wedged into this segment too
-Russo was all suited up football style and told Okerland that the time is now and now is the time. He's taking this way serious-like.
-Hudson said that he had it on good authority that Russo grew up in Hoboken, NJ. That was amusing.
-the cage was being lowered. Thank GOD there were quality announcers to make the passage of time go by quicker. The bad news is that these quality announcers were currently calling another match on TNN.
-Russo came out wearing a football helmet AND mouthpiece to go with the rest of his bads.
-Booker came out. He walked around the ring, shaking hands.
-Meanwhile, that homo Boreass joined the announcers and claimed that Russo was "9 and 0".
-Booker entered the ring. Mickey J stalled for time as...
-Various WCW mid-carders came out in support of Booker. Many of them were the "New Blood" who were behind Russo and Bischoff on that fateful night in April.
-Meanwhile, Russo pulled out a baseball bat out of his pants (heh... bitch must have had PLENTY of room in there... HAW) and attacked Booker with it. Oh GOD.. HE IS SO SMART!!! THE ULTIMATE HEEL!!!!)
-Russo tried to walk out. Mike Awesome blocked his path.
-oh, and earlier, Hudson said Russo was from Hoboken again. Madden said that if Hudson mentioned Hoboken again, he will rip his lungs out. Hudson didn't wait a nanosecond before saying "Hoboken" again... Madden didn't do or say jack shit... Hudson is GOD!!
-Russo continued to work on Booker.
-Russo pilled out a ladder. Set it up in the ring. Climbed it. And poked a hole out of the ceiling and climbed out of it.
The New Blood climbed up to meet him. Sting swept down from the rafters and landed on the roof too.
-Booker recovered and tuned on Russo's pads. The helmet came off.
-Booker started to flail away at Russo in the corner of the cage.
-Lex Luger popped out from the seats and slipped a pipe between the mesh. The crowd didn't even seem to notice.
-Russo took the pipe and went to work on Booker some more.
-Then Russo knocked the Ref down with it.
-A multitude of Ref's came out. Russo knocked them all out. (This reminds me of the time Eric Bischoff beat up three men at once. Remember that?)
-One of the WCW guys who entered the ring was Ric Flair. Flair knocked Russo squarely on the face, threw him into the ring, and TRIED to put Russo in the Figure Four. Russo roilled out of it because he is a technical marvel.
-The NTB's ran out and fought the New Blood out of the cage area.
-Booker beat on Russo some more... grabbed a mic. Told Russo about not hating playas then was about to leave the cage when...
-Goldberg came out. For no reason I can see. Booker stayed in the cage and waited for GB to enter. Slapping palms as they met.
-THEN Booker tried to walk out. Scott Steiner ran out and slammed the cage door in Booker's face. Booker bounced back and kicked the cage door hard into Steiner's face. Steiner went down.
-Booker started to walk out. Russo ran for the door to beat him. Goldberg caught Russo mid-run and Speared him through the cage. Russo's head slammed into a padded Guard rail leg. His football helmet flew off. Booker stepped out at the same time, or as closely as possible. GB and Booker slapped palms as the announcers screamed, 'WHO WON?? WHO WENT OUT FIRST?" No questions were answered as...
-The show ended.
They show was okay. There were a lot of moments I really, really liked. But... well...
The thing is... I will NOT give the night to ashow that has the head writer put himself over. I mean, I thought with Bischoff gone, we were done with this sort of nonsense?
-And besides... no matter what they did tonight... they were up against Austin. I still mark out for Stone Cold... because I appreciate the dues he's paid, dammit.
The recap is over... here is the BIG closer!
So, last week I ran a game... with the coolest possible prize I could come up with.
The game was simple... I re-worded some well known movies, and the one who got them all... became GOD in this recap for one week. I tried this before, and the results were less than encouraging.
WOW... you folks have redeemed yourselves.
119 people got them all. 119. AWESOME.
Problem is... even if I broke it down so that two people a week got to be GOD in one recap apiece... I'd be doing the damn thing for a year... and given my penchant for "vacations"... it could stretch WELL into 2 years. We can't have that. It would ruin the "specialness" of it all.
So, I thought I'd have ROUNDS... and do it again. Only THIS time, while everyone is more than welcome to play just for the sake of playing... only the people who got them all last week are eligible to be God. I'll keep doing this until I have it down to four people, then I'll have them make a speech explaining why THEY should be God... and I'll have you readers vote for the winner. It'll be a "Survivor/Presidential Election" thing... t'is the season, after all.
Or, if nobody cares about that, I'll just have the four finalists pick a number between one and 50... and the closest to the number I picked wins... but no one should worry about that now.
So, I'll list the answers to last week's game... list the WINNERS... list the Game for THIS week, toss in some rules, and we'll go home. Sound good? Good.
Oh, and hey... thanks to you ALL for playing. It really makes me feel good to know that I'm doing shit here that you guys get into.
Anyway, here are the answers to last week's game, and some notes included as well:
1: Courageous Cardiovascular Organ - Braveheart (Damn near everyone hit that)
2: Many Massive Battles Between Celebrities - Star Wars ("Battlestar Galactica", "Battle of the Titans", "Hyatte Sux Dix", were popular guesses... tougher than I thought)
3: Spanish Version of White House - Casablanca ("Casa De Blanco", "White Palace", "Hyatte Drinks Piss")
4: One Subtracted From Eight - Seven (no problems there... one joker busted my nuts and put "Eight Men Out")
5: A Trio of Male Rulers on the Throne - Three Kings (Easy)
6: Those Who Marauded the Missing Biblical Ocean Vessel - Raiders of the Lost Ark (Pretty much everyone hit this)
7: Invented Stories Based on the Remains of Mashed Fruit Tissue - Pulp Fiction (some had real trouble with this)
8: Virus Caught on the Last Evening of the Calendar Week - Saturday Night Fever (Easy)
9: Visage with a Pockmark - Scarface (Surprisingly hard. Lots of "Face/Off",one "Man Without a Face", and a few "Hyatte Fears Talent")
10: Prepared for Fonzi's Idea of a Fight - Ready to Rumble (Easy, but I took a lot of crap for bringing this movie up. hey, I said these were well known movies... and if you are reading this, you are very much aware of this WCW crapfest)
11: Warmth - Heat ("Body Heat", "Red Heat", "Die, Hyatte Die")
12: Body Movement to Music in Need of a Wash. - Dirty Dancing (Easy)
13: Male Corpse on a Casual Stroll. - Dead Man Walking (Cakewalk)
14: Highest Card in the Deck that Shares the Same Last Name with a Certain Governor Who Investigates Matters Concerning Domesticated Animals. - Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (Simplicity)
15: Lacking Any Sort of Hint - Clueless (A few guesses of "Clue"... but not a lot)
16: Conceived Within the Confines of Our Nation's Official Day of Independance Celebration - Born on the 4th of July ("ID4" was a little popular too)
17: The Undertaking That Deals with Lisa Welch's character from the "Facts of Life" being a Truly Evil Girl. - The Blair Witch Project (Hyatte, I had to look up the damn show to get it. You suck!)
18: Exiting the City of Sin - Leaving Las Vegas (or "Los Vegas", or "Lost Vegas", or "Last Vegas", or "Hyatte should be fired")
19: The Jealous Four Times Around a Standard Racetrack - The Green Mile (Tough, but most got it)
20: Holler - Scream (Quite a few actually said "Shout"... which starred John Travolta waaay before "Pulp Fiction". I said WELL KNOWEN films... that didn't qualify)
Okay... and the winners, in no particular order... ARE....
Todd Graff, Dan Peck, David Black, Rich Shell, Pete Stein, Kate Lanman, Dan Koffman, Graciano Da Ponte, Duke Aardvark, Chris Stephens, Chad Allen, Adam Cozen, Abraham Lara, William Lehecka, Wes Vansandt, Wade Matistic, Tim Williamson, Alex Williams, Troy Babbs, Timm Chapman, Todd King, Tay, Jim Sullivan, Stephanie Hanus, Steffy R, Ray Reasoner, Jamil Sneed, Sean Wilkinson, Sean McMillan, Nick (Last name withheld by request), Scott Flowers, Scott Grantham, George Saridakis, Samuel Hinson, Wray Smith, Ryan Stitt, Russell AKA Dreamman0, Russ Mullins, Rude Dude, Rob Erving, Rob Wilson, Rob Browning, Gary Sweet, Phil Zeman, Joe Petro, Pete Stein, Pete Graves, Chrissy (of Chrissie and Peter fame... either making her a chick or a fag), Paul Lalli, Paul Coffey, Brian Palpatine, Michael Zeidler, Mike Martin, Mike Lodick, Mike Capley, Matt Etling, Mark Polishuk, Ludo, Lou Castagno, Loki, Kevin Proctor, Kevin Herold, Katie Prodoehl, Kalon Jenkins, Josh Beers, Leslie Juhlke, Jonathan Hurtado, Johnny Betts, Jonathan Nusholtz, John Nieminski, John Spanraft, John Gillies, Joe Saldivar, Joe Moya, Jay Evens, Jason Higdon, Michael Harbour, Pat Grant, Guy Salerno, Hank Irons, Gabe Owens, Alan Reddens, Frank Black, Joe Filipowicz, Evan Gold, Ed Alves, Eric Jackson, Duane Moore, Drew Berry, JJ Drake, Murtz Jaffer, David G, Darren MacDonald, Dale Glaser, Corey Gaudette, Daniel Rzeczkowski, Chris Rodriguez, Christian Arcand, Chuck Schonhaut, Chris Fisher, Chris Bulger, Brian Smith, Chris Polgar, Chris Boyle, Brendan McDonald, Barry Petchesky, Angus Gordon, Andrew Curry, Joe B, Asa Downs, and Aaron Marco
There were a couple of no-names and just E-Mail addresses... if you know you got all the answers, write to me and tell me. I have ALL the e-mail addys and names on file... so if you match up with my list, you're in.
Now... here is the NEW round... this will be tougher... but they are ALL movies... AND, I have a cheat sheet that you ALL can work from. Remember, EVERYONE reading can play, but only the names listed above are playing to be GOD!!!
Here is the NEW batch... then we'll wrap it up...
1) Body of Water Serene
2) A Single Deputized Servant of the Law with a High Threshold of Pain
3) Domestic Fire Breathing Reptiles of Lore
4) Bar-B-Q Necessity Spelunker's Female Child
5) Sharing a REM Cycle with a Hated Opponent
6) Heir to the Throne as a Representitive of an Urban Metropolis
7) In Cuisine Lingo, Usually Found in Front of Mex,
8) What Serpents Use to See With
9) The Ones I Have Always Looked Up to and Admired Tend to Play Pro Ball in Dallas
10) A More Superior Direction to Take in Order to Perish
11) Gay Cross Dressers Doctrine of Inference
12) Myself and My Friends Cannot Claim to Play Professional Baseball in California.
13) Home of Leo and Sometimes Virgo
14) Made Up Misdeeds
15) Final One to Formally Give Up
16) Ghoul Exposers
17) Flying Rodent Over the Legal Drinking Age
18) Sightless Appointment Scheduled in Advance
19) Bloated Stomach
20) Losers Who Vehemently Argue Over Picard vs Kirk vs Sisko vs Janeway
Now... the cheat sheet... All of these movies can be found in the back listing of this week's TV Guide... (with FALL PREVIEW on the cover and dated Sept 30-Oct 6). You know how the mag lists an alphabetical lineup of all the cable movies? Well each and every flick came from there. Some are well known, some I made VERY easy... but there are also some lesser known movies. NO soft core porn shit that Showtime and Cinemax runs on late night... but there is definitely a variety of choices.
Another important rule is that I am going on a point system. If you get only 7 of them... and everyone else gets only 5... then you WIN. The more you get, the better... but it is entirely possible that a lot of folks get really stuck, and a lot more don't bother playing. So even if you can only hit 4 of them... you could still win!
Oh, and there is NO time limit. I know some of you wait until the weekend to settle in and read this... so you have your chance too. Just get them in by Sunday evening... the deadline can be right as "The Simpsons" starts. 8 pm, est. Whether you get them in on the day I post this thing, or at 7:55 Sunday night, it does not affect your chances one bit. Plus, say you send in only 5 answers... but a day later, you get 3 more. Or if you realize you made an error and want to correct it. Just get your final list in by Sunday and I'll take it.
One last thing. Remember. It may be hard, but it won't be impossible. TWO people sent me their games to play... both of them took the movie "Gladiator" and broke it down into consonants "glad-I-at-or" and re-worded it as "Man Who Is Very Happy To Have Gone Down On A Female". See, I won't do that. I would have used "Arena Warrior" or something. See what I mean?
So, good luck... have fun... or skip this and demand to Widro that I get booted. He won't listen. He LOVES me.
Told you this would be a Monster Closer
Nobody sucks... you have redeemed yourselves
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