Mop-Up Nitro 10.31.00
As a special treat... tonight's Nitro column will NOT BE PROOFREAD!!! Expect errors and tons of them.
Speaking of which... let's correct one error first...
To hear me stumble, stutter, and get all obnoxious tonight... go to The Edge
As of now... I'm 90 minutes away from saying something stupid and libelous.
Just remember... I'm on no sleep and 5 pots of coffee. Shadows jump at me from the corners of my eyes. It's going to be... interesting.
Speaking of things NOT very interesting so far this Season...
NITRO (or: LUGER!!!! Let the turnaround begin!)
-WCW logo. Turn the volume all the way up and you might hear it whisper, "How many storms must I weather before you realize I'm here to stay!!"
-Turn the volume down, you retards... it's an inanimate object. Doesn't even HAVE a mouth!
-WCW had a PPV last night. Once you realized that Sting's "Personal Demons from the Past" were just jobbers out to make a fast $50, you kind of get the sense of the innate and utter stupidity of this entire business.
-But Ray Allmighty... if it took you THIS long to get the sense??
-A limo pulls up. A WHITE limo! This has no significance whatsoever, so there MUST be a WCW Logic behind it!
-opening theme. Can't they erase that Demon image and put someone COOL there? Like... like... ah Hell, they're fresh out of cool guys. Okay... I'll take a blank spot instead.
-As the fireworks shoot off, Tony Schiavone clues us in that there WAS a PPV last night... but now it's thankfully over and they can continue on to shill for the NEXT PPV that no one will buy.
-We are at the "University of California in Irvine" Which, ironically enough, is actually IN Irvine.
-Irvine, California. These guys used to sell out the GEORGIA DOME, people!
-Tony introduces himself, the returning Scott Hudson (Holy Reasoner... that's actually EXCITING!!! Oh.. wait... no, it's just my underwear riding up my crack)
-but... WHY... oh WHY... does Tony play up the "Best Looking Big Man on Television" bit? Madden looks like he hasn't seen the sun in YEARS... or a naked woman... or a woman within 5 feet... or his pecker... curse of the big belly... makes a serious block in the view of your feet.
-I bet Madden is so big that his bulk kind of... jams his thing way inside... does that hurt?
-Tony says that "we know" and that "we have heard the talk" that WCW has a NEW CEO and he will be debuting TONIGHT. All Tony will say is that this person has a Son in the business... is BUILT for an older guy, is SMART AS A WHIP... has funky HAIR... is a wrestling SUCCESS STORY... and has a serious problem with Vince Russo... (My God... BRUNO????)
-Jindrak and O'Hare step out. We are told that they went ahead and won the PPV match last night... because they are the most things WCW has brought in since Goldberg... so expect them to... to... umm... nope... lost my thought.
-The Filthy Animals come out. You know, Kidman can start saying "Finally, The Jew has come BACK to Irvine" and he will pick up where Juvee left off PERFECTLY.
-Konan didn't die yet? Reasoner, Ray! Haven't I prayed to you ALL WEEK LONG?
-What's Tygress got in her mouth? a Lolipop? Does she NEED more sugar in her diet?
-Hudson gets the ball rolling early by saying that whatever Madden just said was "as outdated as that shirt". (AttaBOY Hudson!!! That's YOUR spot and you best FIGHT FOR IT!!!)
-Konan joined the announcers with some newspaper advertisement featuring someone. Yeah, well, Konan is just too cool for me to even deal with him.
-Konan references "Tom Byron". A porn star. He is always mentioning MALE porn stars. Chew on that.
-Speaking of which... Rey has now added a painted mustache and pointy beard to go wityh his Devil Horns. I full expect him to add a sign over his tuckus that reads, "DELIVER HERE" within a week or two.
-Rey turns a Jindrak Tilt-A-Whirl into a modified Hurracarana.
-okay... so THIS was amusing...
-Madden, "Oh come on, Tony... Jindrak and O'Hare are one of the greatest tag teams of all time. They rank right up there with the Road Warriors, The Fabulous Kangaroos, The Andersons.."
-Konan, "They suck."
-F-you... it IS POSSIBLE FOR SOME ACTUALY HUMOR TO SLIP THROUGH THE CRACKS, YOU KNOW!!!! (and one day, I intend to prove it in this column)
-Kidman took a tag as Tygress mumbled something. She must have been noching Fritos at the time.
-Geeze... you know... after mucking with Hogan... I kind of hoped Kidman would be onto bigger things... like US title wars, or something.
-GET KIDMAN INTO THE WWF!!!!!! Malenko could use someone to talk to.
-O'Hare with a Slingshot Powerbomb on Rey Rey which he performed after yelling into the camera about how they "punish people". These boys need better names.
-Kidman was tagged and was cleaning house. Madden asked why Rey didn't just stick those horns in someone's eye. My immediate thought was that I'm sure there's another hole Rey's more interested in.
-Following that, my next thought was how lame the previous thought was.
-Following that, I started thinking about how I FINALLY beat CRZ to the RAW recap.
-Following that, I went back to the match at hand.
-Jindrak lifted Kidman up into a Torture Rack-cum-Sumo Drop... or the "MJ Delight"... but the pin was busted by a flying Rey Rey legdrop. All that matters here is I once again succeeded in getting the word "cum" in a Mop-Up. BOOYAAA
-I LOVE these matches... small, fast, insane flyers vs Big, Strong, Bull Ox's... Great stuff.
-But then they blew it by having Disqo and Alex Wright run out. Totally cheapening the deal. These teams had a good, hard, solid match where either team could have won... WHY BLOW IT??? THIS COMPANY HAS NOT CHANGED ONE BIT!!!
-Konan got involved and things busted up. Tony mused about all this and screamed, "WE MAY NEVER KNOW THE ANSWER!!!!" (but that's what makes WCW so Raydam FUN They NEVER give decent answers!!)
-TNT is gonna run I Know What You Did Last Summer tonight... horrible movie, but Jennifer Love Hewitt looks her HOTTEST with the straight hair all stringy and with bangs
-Mike Sanders is the official Commissioner now... so of course he is immediately intimidated by Scott Steiner into getting a title match tonight. Kevin Nash is sitting to the side (anyone wanna bet that he couldn't stand up if he tried?). Steiner storms off... Nash tells Sanders that it's best to avoid Steiner at all costs and just give him what he wants. I will say this about Steiner. I do not have the slightest clue as to where his character ends and where the real guy begins. Is he ALWAYS the a-hole?
-That's a GOOD sign, by the way.
-Kwee Wee... Reno... are you on drugs?
-Thrillers were all in the ring afterwards. That's all you need to know.
-No... NO... NONONONONONONONONONONOOOOOOO I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THIS!!!! THERE IS NO WAY THEY ARE GOING TO SAY THAT "YOU CANNOT IMAGINE WHAT WILL HAPPEN" FOR THE 5TH RAYDAM MOTHERF-ING PPV IN A 5TH RAYDAM MOTHERF-ING MONTH IN A RAYDAMN MOTHERF-ING ROW!!!!!! WILL YOU DOUCHEBAGS PLEASE FIND ANOTHER TAGLINE!!!!!
-"Mean" Gene Okerlund was in the ring. Give the old coot credit... he survived a million changes in management. Hogan, Savage, Heenan, not even Piper can make the same claim.
-Geno brings out General Rection (oy... change ...name... NOW!)
-I don't know... could you see Gordon Solie saying the words, "General Rection"? Without sputtering?
-Welp, he came out... wearing the Canuck strap.
-He entered the ring and immediately stated that this will cannot go down without his boys at his side... and the blonde... so...
-the rest of the MIA came out. One might wonder if it would have been less time consuming if they just all came out at once? One might also wonder what a 30 year old man like myself is doing this silly crap for? Well, keep wondering, fan boy... 'cause I ain't telling.
-okay, now I'm going to go do the radio thing. Let the blood bath begin!
-and it's over... one hour of... well... let's just say that 411 was VERY well represented... my boy Dusty got a little juice...
-let's put it this way... all of my usual targets got hit... leave it at that.
- But... Greg Dillard rocked... and try as I might, I can't help but like Eric S and what he has to say. He's a smart guy and you could do a LOT worse than to check him out every Tuesday over at the Shooters . Yeah, so he torched me once and called me names... who cares? Think I'm not immune to a little lecture once in a great while? Of course, Eric was dead WRONG about almost anything but my name (yeah, remind me next time to ask him why he wante... oh, maybe later) but he was speaking from his heart at the time and F-It... everyone's entitled to voice their thoughts. We're squared... F-it. I AM RASPUTIN, RAYDAMMIT!!!!!
-I especially liked the moment where we both sighed and briefly reflected on what a great site 1wrestling is when you need to goof on something
-Screw it... PLUGS FOR EVERYONE... Dusty is BACK at RtP
-Last thing... I know this is all silly and pointless, and I tried hard not to act all self important... but if I was asked a question, I had to assume that it was because more than a few people were curious... so I tried to answer as best as I could.
-okay... moving on...
-So, I'm asking myself. Was there an actual DEMAND to get the bimbo back to the American team? They are treating this like the Allies just re-took Paris from Hitler.
-Everyone hit the ring. I smell a HUGE FACE PUSH for Hugh.
-Put it this way... if the companies were reversed and all the big WWF names were at another company... it would be... Albert in this spot... or that other guy... the Goodfather's partner. Wazzisface... man, that radio thing zonked my ass out.
-Hugh opened things up by saying that it was time to do something that everyone has been waiting for for the past three months and man, I HATE it when I repeat the same word twice consecutively.
-This being, pulling the Canadian decal off the US belt. I WOULD sniff at the cheap little decal sticker used to represent the Canadian flag... but come on... it's CANADA...
-Hugh said that "the fact that (he did this) at a Pay Per View was sweet... made sweeter by the knowledge that no one saw the friggin' thing so they couldn't see all my blown spots!" (wow... how honest!)
-Hugh said wazzup to his two kids.
-Hugh got loud as he said the US belt represtned EVERYTHING concerning the "C-Team Players"... then rattled off have the locker room except for the main eventers... WCW: A-C and screw B"
-*woof... I... I apologize... I am dead to rights wiped. Been a loong night for the kid... long day too.
-Gene promised Hugh that he is well loved, well respected, and a "true, American, friend"... then asked where the F**k Hogan was anyway.
-Gene had a special gift for Hugh, and tried to lead the fans into a healthy, yet respectful round of applause. Madden announced that Gene was giving Hugh the "clap"... jackoff BASTARD!!!
-The crowd wasn't biting... except those on camera... amazingly, I have the utter balls to actually consider doing a line about how WCW must have unleash a torrent wave of mosquitos on the first 5 rows just to make them clap... incredible, I have the utter idiocy to think that the line might be funny.
-suddenly... the WCW locker room EMPTIED OUT... and 15 people stood at the entrance way and applauded.
-This just in... Bob Ryder reported that Mike Tenay caught his nail on his wedding band andgave it a minor tear. It will have no effect on whatever it is that he does for the company. 1wrestling.com... the FIRST to report ANYTHING WCWish.
-Booker T came out. Looking none too pleased with wallowing with these mid-carders! (By Reasoner... he's getting more and more like Rocky EVERY DAY!!!!!!)
-Goldberg was out too... but only so he could grab the mic and tell Hugh (NOT General Rection... which JACKED the Big Monkey up a few dozen points in my book) that the chubby dude is DEFINITELY appreciated for all he's done. He also laughingly pointed out that Goldberg's streak had to start somewhere... which, naturally, any nitwit could have figured out.
-So leave it to Schiavone to point it out... douchebag.
-Suddenly... Lance Storm came out on the NitroTron and challenged Hugh to a match at the next PPV. Hugh accepted. GB gave his big ol' "nod of approval" by challenging Hugh to shut Storm's trap once and for all.
-The Limo is still out there. Hudson went out on a limb and said that the new CEO was none other than KILLER KHAN!!!!!!!! If I lived to be a thousand, I'll have no idea why.
-David Flair... Smooth... Who's the Daddy... I doubt anyone in the company has figured that out yet... the crowd started to chant "BORING" within 5 SECONDS AFTER THEY LOCKED UP!!!!!! The crowd more or less KEPT CHANTING BORING UNTIL SMOOTH WON. That's what I call a cool crowd!
-I had planned on giving this more attention, but I honestly feel like I just smoked a doob of the worst pot ever grown... I am SO zoning.
-Oh, and Buff isn't the father. At this point, I'll accept Madden as the father... JUST FINISH THE REASONERDAMNED STORYLINE!!!!
-Oh and the WCW control truck JACKED up the Announcer's mic in hopes of drowning out the "BORING" chants. Reminds me of the times the WWF grew tired of paying royalties for Hogan's "Eye of the Tiger" theme song so they dubbed this putrid Jimmy Hart created synthesizer swill on top of it.
-We are told that the following is a paid announcement from Jimmy Hart...
-Jimmy Hart is pre-taped as he issues an open challenge to any and all radio DJs to rassle' him. He also has the sheer nerve to call himself the "World's Greatest Manager" (he managed Huilk Hogan right out of the company). You know what burns me about this? EVERYTHING!!
-More particularly... the fact that Hart has spent the last 30 years working the same dumbass stunt... climbs to the apron, gets popped, falls down... not ONCE did the little homo change his routine. It's THAT kind of 80's style, lax effort that is why WCW lost the ratings to RAW. And since they are involving Hart in a brand new angle... I guess no one but me realizes this.
-Hart mentions Andy Kaufman. Strange, I saw LAWLER in the movie... but not HART!
-Tony directly offers Howard Stern the chance to go after Hart. I'll tell you what, you have a better chance of seeing me and Zimmerman PAY Sean MONEY to write exclusively for Rantslyvania before you see Stern on any WCW event.
-Goldberg announced that even though he just told Hugh that he was appreciated and that they were buds... this new streak is more or less a... philosophy... rather than a hard angle... and it's not about repeating the streak... it's about breaking it... and EVERYONE is next. Not the worst direction to go here.
-Oh, and he also squinted hard at Disqo and Wright and chased them out of the ring without pinning them... now that's no way to keep the streak moving!
-Oh, one more thing... GB started off by saying, "Let me tell you something" twice... then spat... then walked around... and I started yelling, "SAYITAGAIN!!!! SAYITAGAIN!!!!!"
-He said it again!! Which means it was NOT a shoot... because if he said it TWICE... they would have canceled each other out and it WOULD have been a shoot... but he threw in that third one... which now was just like if he said it once? See what I mean?
-This is what happens when I go for a Tuesday posting.
-The CEO is coming out. Hudson screams that he heard the guy's name was "something Irish". Madden openly wonders if Samuda would take him back again. Madden also identifies the shoes as Bruno Maglis and declared that OJ was the CEO... YET... the fat F**K was a bit TOO quick with it... I smell PREPARATION!!!!!
-HA!! Moron!! Pre-show prep is for a-holes. Look at me! I just did the Edge totally on improvisation (for the most part)... and I came across as a babbling, stammering, dopey little dickhead!
-wait a minute... aw shit.
-Side note... I have two computers (PC and a Lap Top)... neither one can download the show.
-Mike Sanders comes out. It is quickly established that he is NOT the CEO... or maybe he is.
-Sanders hops on the mic anjd said that he took out Miller hard last night, but he has... has... oh screw this.
-He turned tonight's one on one Title match into a 3 way.
-He then announced that this new CEO who will be running things will only be running to get Sanders coffee, running to get Sanders his report... etc etc etc... because Sanders knows the RING... and this pencil pusher probably never EVER saw the inside of one...
-Well, out came Ric Flair... even though they practically SLASHED the name "Vince McMahon" across the screen every time they broached the topic... oh well, it's Flair... cool.
-Flair entered the ring, soaked in the crowd (DEAD crowd)... is WCW piping in ether in the vents or something?
-Flair introduced himself to Mike... said he used to be a "big star"... but now he was retired... (sh'yeah)
-But, in Atlanta... last Friday... he was named... CEO! (Someone give Ric a fiddle... cause this Empire be BURNING DOWN!!!)
Click Here For Part 2!!!
-Ric told Sanders that he's good on the stick, decent in the ring...but he's like... SO not fair in his booking skills, so now the Leash is on.
-Flair told him that the first time he worked a title match, Sanders was ten years old.
-Flair said that "behind that curtain was the greatest array of talent in the history of sports
-The went off script as Flair's growing nose jabbed Sanders right in the eye.
-Flair was all about the RULES! (Madden reminded us that he used to call himself the "Dirtiest player in the Game" )
-WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT, TWO YEARS AGO... RIC FLAIR WOULD HAVE OUTLASTED ERIC BISCHOFF???????
-Flair threw Sanders out of the ring... but not before telling him that he'll be fighting the cat in a re-matrch right there, tonight. Tony said "S.O.L"... still not sure why everyone's spelling out the proper name of the Sun all of the sudden. Why in Ray Reasoner's name would they do that?
-Flair said that he was there because WCW is the "buiggest company in the world, with the biggest names and the biggest star..." ARRRGH OWOWOWOWOWO... THE DAMN NOSE JUMPED OUT OF THE SCREEN AND POKED ME IN THE EYE !!! JESUS H REASONER!!! YOU SONOFABITCH, RIC!!! OWOWOWOWOWOWO ARRRRRRGH!!!!!
-He said WCW also has some problems. But it's a NEW day and he will do everything he can to turn it all around and make WCW #1 again!! ( HAH!!!!! HE'S GONE SENILE!!!)
-The first thing he did, was re-instate Lex Luger!! (umm... did "Team Package" REALLY take off? Umm.. whatever happened to his commitment to make WCW #1?)
-He thanked Luger for helping watch David's back at the PPV... and implied something that the mill... heh... dozens of viewers watching totally missed... myself included.
-Then, Jeff Jarrett came out. Presumably to call Flair "Slappy" and/or "Slapnuts"... and soon as he could get his mic working.
-Which he did...
-Jarrett, "Don't you ever go away?"
-"if and when civilization ends... the only two things that will be left will be cockroaches and Ric Flair"
-Flair, "The only time you are the 'Chosen One', is when you are in a roomfull of Girls, pal!" (Well, that's not really an insult, is it?)
-Flair's the Boss... and Jarrett's F-ed 6 ways to Sunday.
-Jarrett'll take care of Flair just like he took out Sting the other night.
-Flair LOUDLY pointed out that he is RETIRED... but he is the BOSS... so Jarrett can only follow orders!!
-and with that, it ends. Not the worse possible... oh f-it... it rocked!!!
-Lex Luger made is BLISTERING RETURN!!!!!! Apparently, during the commercials, the crowd bailed in droves so they had to stick mannequins and blow-up dolls in the seats.
-Lex had a mic and said ... Ray Reasoner... did his head INFLATE??? LOOK AT THAT FOREHEAD!!!!
-Lex said that the "true legends" were back to take their rightful spots. (AND HERE COMES HOGAN!!!!!! I KNEW IT WAS ALL A W... oh who am I kidding, it was a shoot after all.. but at least I TOOK A SIDE!!! I TOOK A SIDE AND RODE IT OUT UNTIL IT WAS CLEARLY THE WORNG SIDE!!! NOT LIKE ALL THESE OTHER FAGGOTS WHO PLAYED THE "It is a work unless it's a shoot either way I'm covered!" BULLSHIT SCENARIO!!!!
-Lex took off his shirt. That's 85% of his act.
-He called himself, among other things, a "multi-BILLIONAIRE"... (well, hokay... he's not shooting)
-Luger told Buff that there was nothing personal last night... it's ALL business. Then he said that Vince Russo blows 8 year old Boy Scouts (EASSSY dude... lawsuit city!)
-Luger up and challenged Bill Goldberg. Lex wants to be "next". Interesting.
-Buff Bagwell came out. HE was ignored, too.
-Buff challenged Buff right there, right now.
-Lex... Reasoner Christ... he looks ODD... agreed.
-Buff brought out a Ref and hit the ring. They fought...
-Lex yanked the Ref in his way and Buff "Blockbusted" him. Silly to expect that it would look legit that Buff would perform the whole move without not... oh... right... WCW Logic... nevermind.
-Lex used a chair a couple of times... then Torture Racked Buff and won. he got back on the stic and re-iterated his challenge to any and all Jewish wrestlers, except for Kidman. That's the best I can do? Umm... yep.
-Nash told Pollshock that Stasiak and Palumbo were now a well-oiled machine... Stasiak apologized for being such a dick. Nash and Pollshock spanked them. I just want to go to bed now.
-Kronik took on the Perfect Event as Nash joined the announcers. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I am going to fly NOW. If Nash had anything to say about Scott Hall, I'm sure Widro ignored it too.
-And JUST as I was typing this, the fans started to chant "We Want Scott Hall"... Nash asked what they were chanting?
-Say doesn't Luger owe Palumbo a little payback?
-During this match, Hudson sensed that the entire Eastern Seaboard was about to check out Ally McBeal and wished them a fond "Good Night"... RAY I LOVE THAT!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA HUDSON IS REASONER!!!
-Stasiak was shaken up. Nash told him to "walk it off"... so Stasiak up and walked away. Kind of cute.
-Nash and the NTB's go hunting for Stasiak... which sort of left Sanders all by himself.
-Booker told Pollshock that... oh whitey PLEASE
-Sanders came out with his belt.
-Miller came out. he danced a little, then worked some mic action on Mark Madden, which I am zipping through. There is PLENTY of Madden material in the closer
-Miller won cleanly. He's the Commish again, I guess.
-Shane Douglas came on the NitroTron and bodyslammed Miller's bimbo...
-Fat guy wins Halloween Havok tickets and we are shown PROOF that people DO have a good time at WCW Shows.
-Miller tended to his Girl... then looked into the camera and told the home audience to NEVER put our hands on his Girl! (was this a problem? WAS SOMEONE STALKING HER??? SOMEONE QUESTION BJ BETHEL!!! I'VE ALWAYS HAD MY DOUBTS ABOUT HIM!!!!)
-Mike Awesome told Pollshock that... oh why did he blow off ECW?
-Scott Steiner came out with Miss Lips.
-I'm sure he had things to say... I'm too busy seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
-'sides... t'was probably all bleeped.
-Booker T is out.
-They start fighting... where was Mike Awesome? (best guess... nope... too tired)
-Madden referenced Hogan's Heroes and did the classic "HOOOGANNNN"... did you ever wonder just how, in the name of Reasoner, Network TV allowed a show about Allied Sol... oh f-it.
-Awesome was out... Steiner was disposed of for a moment and B and A went at it.
-Funny... they kept it mostly one on one with the third guy taking a break.
-Spinerooni by Booker... Madden screamed it three times... you guys have no clue how close I came to declaring a Libertarian Presidential Candidate as "Go... Reasoner" for a whole column.
-In fact, they kept it one on one all match long... it was eerie.
-Finally (and a good 6 minutes later)... Steiner put Awesome in the Recliner for about a second...
-Then Booker kicked him... then Booker spin kicked him... then Booker "Book Ended" Awesome... then Booker won.
-Steiner went NUTS... but it took the cool, stern... evil hand of Dillenger to back him away.
-Steiner damn near tripped over some WCW mule he just knocked out.
-Booker got on the mic and dared Steiner to... oh F-THIS... NOTHING HAPPENED!!!
-the show ended.
Raw won. You read this closer while I collapse.
(Note: The stuff here gets pretty sickening... and graphic. Go away if you start getting offended and grossed out)
Okay, since I am still under supervision and life seems to run SO much smoother when I personally don't do these myself (oh, I caught a little heat for sneaking one or two in last week's RAW recap... believe you me)... I thought I'd enter the wonderful little burg known as LOOPHOLE CITY and proudly present...
TO MARK MADDEN... FROM THE FANS
Hey Mark! You worthless fat piece of dog semen, I just thought you might like to here what a few of the Internet readers think of you, and the little jizz tank of a female that produced you! Of course, these people don't KNOW your Mother, and we are AWARE that she is probably a sweet old gal... but since YOU choose to play up the "Internet Heel" and badmouth the Internet visiters during your infrequent postings, I have a few friends you would like to return the favor and assume the worst about the she-cow that made you. After all, just like YOU made assumptions about how we are all just jealous of you for being in the business, WE took one look at your sallow, pimply, obese, pasty body and made some assumptions of our own. Hey, since we ALL know that you really DO care about what people think... let's hope these little fantasies from the Net is enough to throw you into a fit of despair.
Remember Mark, you BROUGHT THIS ALL ONTO YOURSELF!!
1) Rick Lucas says, "I could have been Madden's father, but the line was too long and the guy in front of me had exact change."
2) "Mr G" involves some wrestling and suggests... Have Rikishi sit bare assed on Madden's face until he passes out, then staple mom's lips to Madden's anus and have Rikishi jump on his stomach. Everything that comes out will go directly into mom's mouth. Sidenote: It may be a good idea to plug Madden's mouth and nose so nothing is wasted or escapes the wrong way.
3) Terry Anderton went the methodical torture route... "You first tie her up, then you carefully gouge her eyeballs out so that everything is intact, then you slowly, (over several days), stretch them out of their sockets so the nerves are still intact, and so that she can still see and feel everything that happens to her. You can play around with the eyeballs a little, as long as they survive in the end. Next thing you do after that is you turn her little eyes around and first point them at her head, You let him see how butt ugly she, and just when she's about to cry, you place her eyeballs on some stable area, turned towards her stomach, then begin making cuts. Her shirt is, obviously, off. The cuts aren't lethal, maybe a little stomach-gouging, some rib removal, fairly safe stuff. As long as she doesn't bleed to death, it's okay. Find the largest stomach wound, and open it wider, all the while maintaining care. Rig a couple pocket flashlights to shine in there, and let her eyes soak in there for a while. Let him see what she's done to herself, and tell her to enjoy the peace, and leave her there. The next morning, she should be randomly shouting nonsense, such as "Snootchie-Bootchies!" and "Spinerooni!" She will also be hungry, as seeing a digestive system at work will have gotten her appetite up. Give her a feast. She will be thoroughly disgusted, seeing all this food enter her stomach, and will be compelled to throw up. Be careful - it will be monstrous. Her hurling will set off a chain reaction of "I saw myself eat, which made me hurl, which I saw, which was so disgusting I hurled again..." and so on. She will soon disgorge his entire digestive tract, and will never be heard from again."
4) Mr 44 keeps things simple... "chop off all her fingers with a hatchet, and shove them up her ass."
5) As does Paul... "I'd take a linoleum knife and make an incision around Mark Madden's mother legs, just below the knees. Then I'd pull the skin down like a sock"
6) Barrett has a few... "pop both eye balls out and then have them look at each other", "chop off her legs and then tie her up in suspended chair. Lower her down so her p**** can perform a spinerroni on your c*** as you twist her around and around", "F-her earlobe so she can hear you coming", "open up her skull cap and hit pressure points on her brain until you can see her arm move. Maybe this will be the exercise she really needs.", "Wire her eyes open and play every embarrassing thing that madden has said and done while on wcw", " Vlad the Impaler....put a pole in her pooper and then lift her up so that all her weight is on it. Lower her down slowly until she dies"," Build a time machine and go back in time when maddens mom and dad are f-ing....throw his father off and screw his mom. Come back to the future and give him TWO reasons why he has to call you daddy", "The Hydro Test....3 guys take every opening and test her for leaks."
7) Eric Jackson goes for poetic irony, "The only fitting punishment for Madden's mother is to shove Mark,ass first, back into that foul hole he came from."
8) So does Alan Redding, "I think it would be both funny, and educational to see Madden's mother gang-banged by every midget in every parody skit done in WCW/WWF. Kinda signifying Madden's life in a full circle perspective."
OKAY MARKY MARK... NOW THINGS GET REALLY UGLY!!! THIS MAY NOT BE FOR ALL OF YOU READERS!!
9) Keith Hunter has and idea... "I will pluck out your mama's eyeball, skull f**k her and make you eat her brains off my d**k."
10) Kris gets confused about certain things... but finishes strong, " I actually see Madden's Mom being accidently impregnated during one of her sodomy sessions. Nine months pass and the time has come for Mrs. Madden to perform the miracle of birth in the hospital. She's not quite ready and the doctors leave Mark alone to comfort his mother. Yet Mark see's an opportunity. Desparate now to know the orifice of a human female, Dr. Mark visciously performs ceasarian on his writhing momma and inserts himself into the soft spot of the writhing fetus. And though she should be experiencing terror, she loves it! Alas the child was male and Mark is foiled again."
11) Kurt Osterlund keeps it simple, "Can you imagine having to give birth to that festering fat lump of dung all over again? The thing is, if that happened maybe the cow could get something right this time around. And that would be a sloppy third trimester, self done abortion with a rusty coat hanger."
12) PsyckoGod goes nuts, "HEY MADDEN, YOU BABBLING AVATAR OF EVERYTHING THAT'S BAD ABOUT WCW!!! I SPENT THE LAST FOUR MONTHS WHACKING OFF TO PAMELA PAULSHOCK INTO A GLASS JAR- A SPERM COLLECTION, MADDEN!!! THEN, I TRACKED DOWN YOUR MOTHER IN HER RANCID CORRUGATED CARDBOARD BOX OF A DOMICILE AND RIPPED OPEN HER BELLY WITH A RUSTY SHRIMP FORK!!! HER ABDOMEN THUS RIPPED, I TORE OPEN HER LARGE INTESTINE AND POURED THE CONTENTS OF MY GLASS JAR INTO IT!!! MY CREAMY IMPREGNATORS WORMED THEIR WAY THROUGH HER GASTROINTESTINAL TRACT WITH THE SPEED OF A THOUSAND X-PACS!!! SHE WAS CRAPPING SPERM, MADDEN!!!SPEEEERRRRRMMMM!!!!!!"
13) and FINALLY... J. Villiard gets some friends and... "I stripped her fat ass naked, grabbed a couple of leather straps, and tied her to a bed. Then I called up about twenty of my friends, and they came over. You know what? She did us ALL! That's right! Madden's mom was the queen of the gang bang in Minnesota, last night! She kept it up all night long, too! She couldn't get enough! Sometimes she was doin' us two... three... four... even FIVE at a time (one in the front, one in the pooper, one in the mouth, and one in each hand... It was f-in' incredible, man. I couldn't believe an ape like her could have that much coordination. You had to see it!)! We blew EVERYWHERE! In her mouth! Up her slot! On her chest! Up her booty! In her eyes! In her ears! EVERYWHERE! She was squealin' the whole time, too! The b**ch was squealin' like a pig! The most amazing thing, though... was SHE WAS LIKING IT! Damn straight! The cheap slut was actually getting off on all of it! Hell, she was BEGGING us to do it more to her! Hell, when we got done, she begged us to do it to her, AGAIN! On one condition... we all had to sh** in her mouth each time we got done! You heard me right! We had to take a big, fat, sloppy SH** in Madden's Mom's mouth after we each got done! We didn't even have to ask if we could do it either! No, SHE... ASKED... US! That's right! TWENTY... count them.... TWENTY men, all banging Madden's mom, one (and sometimes MORE) after the other, and then each taking a dump in her mouth.... AND THE STUPID BROAD LOVED IT! SHE SWALLOWED EVERYTHING WE PUT IN THERE! Hell, I even took pitty on her and pissed in her mouth so she could rinse her dentures out... SHE SWALLOWED THAT, TOO! IT WAS UNBELIEVEABLE! I thought the old woman was going to kick off on us every now and then, too, she was going at it so hard. Every now and then, her eyes would roll up in her head and she'd start foamin' at the mouth. Hell, I brought a car battery and some jumper cables in just in case I needed to jumpstart her pacemaker. But she kept going right through the whole damn line."
There you go Mark. NOW you have a reason to bitch about the Internet.
Of course... I'm SURE your Mother is a very nice girl... think of this as... symbolic hatred.
Raymond H. Reasoner on the Cross... this even offended ME. I think I should calm down for a while now. This overdid it a bit... I think.
I apologize to all that were offended. Ray knows you were warned.
Hey, the next time I speak with you, we will have elected a new Prez. It all comes down to the guy who tries to be all things to all people, or the guy who's leadership and intentions are in question.
I say, let's get rid of the the Clinton/Gore Dynasty. Vote GWB. Screw it... he can't be that bad.
Of course, I don't vote. Keeps my ass safely out of Jury Duty, so don't pay attention to me. I just want to see someone in the White House who won't bang an Intern then lie to our faces about it.
And it's back to mortality for Mr. Reasoner. Just think, all because two kids thought they could outwit the KING.
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