Mop-Up RAW (Flashback May/June 1999)
By Hyatte
Mop-Up RAW
Hello. In case you skipped my way-cool AAT this week, I'll clue you in on what's up. Yes, I'm taking another one of my patented vacations. I figured, screw it... it's a slow week for rasslin', other than the Better-Than-People-Are-Claiming PPV this Sunday, now would be a great time to recharge. Besides, you little A-Holes gave me ZERO response, good or bad, to my little Todd Bridges thing I put in the Nitro recap last week. I mean, why the F*** SHOULD I put in the hard work if you little bastrards don't give a crap? DO NOT TAKE ME FOR GRANTED YOU LITTLE MUTHAF***AS!!!!
Anywhoo... I spent my Tuesday getting an eye exam, getting my oil changed, buying my sweetheart some roses, and renting some porn flicks and taping the good parts (I'm lovin' this Devin Storm number... booyaa)... so while I'm resting, you can check out one of the most popular Mop-Ups I've ever written. I call it the"Owen Mop-Up", because it was my first column after Owen Hart died. I think that this was the first column where I showed a more "sensitive" side to the sport and where people first started to wonder if maybe I was a little more than just some wise-ass. So, check it out while I see what Raylene, Tabitha Stevens, and Alexa Knight are up too. I'll catch you next week, where I PROMISE a run of columns no less than 8 WHOLE WEEKS long.
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Hello. This is the Mop-Up and I am Chris.....oddly enough, now a candidate for Humanitarian of the Year...all because I chose not to attempt a column so close after Owen Hart. Jeeze, all I was doing was making sure I wouldn't say something stupid during a very bad week...where even the slightest remark would have thrown everyone into an uproar...just ask Craig Kilborn. All I was doing was covering my own ass.....honest! I'm still a really evil, evil dickhead.......no matter what Al says...I'm EVIL DAMMIT....EVIL!! BOOGA, BOOGA, BOOGA...HAIL SATAN!!!!!!
BUT...just because I'm an a-hole.....it doesn't mean I'm a Fu**ing A-Hole.....I'll still treat the topic with respect and cautious sensitivity. I'm well aware that many of you...probably most are still VERY upset over this....and although I can't promise a joke free column on the topic....I'll try to ease into the subject of Owen Hart as delicately as possible.
Okay, let's get it going. First of all, there will be NO "eulogizing" of Owen in this column. The net is FILLED with eulogies from people who never met him, didn't know him, and probably didn't give much of a rat's ass about him when he was still alive. I won't criticize them for it...it's their columns and they can do whatever the Hell they want with them (and I am not just talking about the SCOOPS writers either)..and I have no problems with them wanting to share their sadness and shock about what happened. It's just that there is pretty much no need for me to chime in with another "Too Soon, Too Tragic" tale of woe. My feelings about Owen Hart are mine alone, and I'll choose to keep them to myself. Let's just say I liked the guy...I always looked forward to the day when he would emerge from out of his Brother's shadow...and it's too bad that he ran out of time before truly pulling it off. "Nuff said.
As for last week's missing column...there is more of a backstory than my letter to Al would lead you to believe. I was working on a special Owen tribute column which would be nothing but passages from past Mop-Ups that I wrote about him. As I soon learned, however....is that Owen was never much of an "in ring" personality...(apparently, judging from what we heard last week..he was quite the goofball outside the ring...but that's where it stayed)...and this column, more than anything else..is a personality driven column...be it mine, Austin's, Bischoff's, Patterson's, Lawler's, Hogan's, etc... I draw my "humor" from the personalities...from the "style" of wrestling.....Owen Hart clearly favored substance over style...which, while made him entertaining to watch....also left him pretty much untouched in this column....so I didn't have enough really juicy material to give him a proper tribute.
Besides....I could not recap last week's RAW and make Patterson jokes while the guy was crying his eyes out.....I have too much respect for the sport and for those grieving to try that....remember...A-hole....not FU**ING A-Hole. It was just better that I took the week off.....Zimmerman wanted to...but he couldn't since he is the only guy on that site who does the recaps....SCOOPS has a pair of recappers who take care of the shows in a serious manner...which last week's RAW demanded.
As far as Nitro goes....I was not in the mood for recapping ANYTHING......especially a Nitro that featured a ten minute segment on why we must now love Eric Bischoff.....and of course....Hogan. Hogan... now THAT'S an FU**ING A-Hole. What a C-Sucker. To pick THAT week...out of ALL THE POSSIBLE TIMES TO DO IT to call RAW the "Triple X PORN Show" was just so...so.....so FU**ING HOGANISH of him. Great timing dickhead.....still completely wrapped up in your own little Universe that you have no idea what's going on ANYWHERE else. He's a douchebag to the highest order. I hope that every time he shows up on Nitro...the quarter hour ratings drop to 0:00!! I hope...no..I PRAY to God, Jesus, Satan, Buddah, Dillenger, or even that Allah homo that every single Hogan appearance on Nitro drags the ratings down to GOOSEGGS!!! NOBODY WATCH NITRO WHEN HOGAN COMES ON!!!! BECAUSE HE DAMN SURE HASN'T LEARNED THAT HE IS YESTERDAY'S NEWS!!
What a PRICK!! Why can't Hulk start descending from the rafters now? Come on....Owen was a fluke..it's REALLY safe!
Finally....last week's RAW was the ONE show that EVERY self respecting wrestling fan should have on tape....period. From the kayfabe segments to the solid, no storylines allowed matches. This was the RAW where everybody was in character, but nobody was in "character"...and they just gave the fans a show and gave us a chance to see real people talking about their friend. Even the obvious "rush job" last 30 minutes where they realized that time was an enemy worked because it added to the semblance that this was "real"...or at least as real as wrestling will ever get. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler treaded new water here...going from the awkward "this is all new to us" play by play....to a little laughter as they exchanged Owen stories and Ross finally realized that this show was about celebrating Owen's life and not mourning it.....to the final...tearful sendoff where both men couldn't hold it in any longer. RAW finally lived up to it's name....it was as RAW as it has ever gotten. As far as Austin's final toast to Hart? I guess they HAD to get him in there....probably because he demanded it....and it was the best possible way for him to do it. Still, something about it rang false...maybe it just bugged me that while he hoisted a brew up to Owen...a guy that he had no great love for after he almost ended his career....he never addressed the death of his GOOD friend Brian Pillman on RAW television a few years back.
Okay...that's plenty for now. I'll have a little bit more to say on the whole incident in the closer.....some last comments and questions that as far as I could see, nobody addressed yet....although I could be wrong....because I was off the Net a lot last week and didn't get to read much stuff...including Al's little news flash about what a sweet little pussycat I am in real life.......WAY TO CUT MY BALLS OFF IN FRONT OF MILLIONS AL!!!!!!
Now I have to work EXTRA hard and start offending people again.....I DIDN'T WANT TO START GOOFING ON GOLDBERG'S RELIGION AGAIN!!!! BUT SCOOPS FORCED MY HAND DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!
RAW IS WAR (or: I should hire Sushi X's Press Agent)
-opens with a crowd shot. Jim Ross welcomes us to the big dance.
-Ross and Lawler solemnly look into the camera and remind us that Owen Hart died last week....(He did? WHEN????...err....ahhh.....I'm sorry about that..won't happen again). Then they told us that the funeral was held earlier today.
-Quick shots of WWF stars in full suits walking into the Church. We also see tearful members of the Hart family. They would have shown Bret in there....but those pesky WCW Lawyers would have a field day with it...and something tells me that Vince may want to start saving his money.
-What the Hell is Johnny Cochran doing there? Why that no good...dirty...ambulance chaser....COULDN'T YOU WAIT FOR THE BODY TO COOL BEFORE SWOOPING IN FOR THE KILL COCHRAN?????
-What the Hell is William Shatner doing there?
-WHAT THE HELL IS DON KING DOING THERE?????
-Back to the Announcers....Lawler expresses his deepest sympathy on behalf o the WWF to the Hart family.....Ross promises a whiz bang show in honor of Owen's memory (ANOTHER ONE???? MY GOD...ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE!!!!!!)
-That one was for the little Canuck himself.....R.I.P Owen.
-commercials
-Video footage reminding us that a new champ was crowned that Sunday....and the bloody show must go on.
-opening theme
-Lots of signs...lots of screaming retards
-Kicking things off, the Undertaker's music came on..the lights dimmed.
-Out came 5 people dressed in brown robes. Lawler said that they were Jews.
-JEWS??? JEWS WORSHIP THE LORD OF DARKNESS??? NO WAY!!!!!!!
-Although....that WOULD explain a LO......NONONO...STOP IT HYATTE!!!!! DAMMIT....THAT'S NOT FAIR TO THOSE FINE PEOPLE!!!!!
-you have my apologies.....
-Anywhoo....the Je....err.....folks in brown robes....were carrying out the Undertaker's Symbol......somebody is gonna get hoisted up tonight
-?????????? Are they SURE they want to do that? THIS early?
-The Ministry and the Corporation follow the J...dammit...brown guys in robes. Shane and hunter still look a little depressed over what happened last week..(or two days ago...if you will).
-Everyone hits the ring, Shane takes the mic and tells the cheap pricks out there (or at least the ones with a cheater cable box) that his hand counted to 3 and gave the WWF belt to the Undertaker.
-Then the Undertaker had Paul Bearer put the mic to his ace and he said that tonight he would deliver Austin "mind, body, and soul" to the "Higher Power" (He would've also gone for Austin's checkbook....but another "Higher Power" known as the "Ex" took that..along with the Bloodsuckers from the Law Offices of "Dewey, Scrooum, Updeass, and Howe").
-After a little more Demonic rabble rousing....
-Out came Vincent K (umm..maybe not...still too early) McMahon. Vince said that no matter how you sliced it, this crap is REALLY stupid...
-Then he remembered that he was on camera AND had a microphone on him..so he got back to business.
-He said that the Undertaker SCREWED Austin last week...so in retaliation, he was going to SCREW the Undertaker...
-At which point, Patterson ran out dressed in....dressed in......oh man.....give the guy a break huh? Let's give him a little time to mourn please.
-Vince said that the UT will have to defend the belt tonight against "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.
-Shane stepped in and said Austin will NOT be getting a title shot tonight
-Vince said that either way, Austin is going to "wipe the floor with your CARCASS TONIGHT Undertaker!!!" (Umm Vince......is "carcass" REALLY the word you want to use?)
-Vince, "In Stone Cold's owns words....'Austin's gonna KICK your ass!!!!"
-WHUP!!! IT'S WHUP YOUR ASS YA' OLD FART!!!!! I think the Toupee glue is leaking into Vince's brain.
-Kick your ass......for God's sakes.
-What's next? Is Vince gonna say, "DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS BAKING"?
-Or maybe "SUCK THIS"?
-Or maybe, "DAMMIT PAT, GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!!!"
-Oh shut up..one little jab ain't gonna hurt anyone
-Vince continued, barking at the UT to "look at me when I'm talking to you!!" (Thaaaat's what I wanted to see....a little TCBing...)
-Vince said that for all the hell that the UT put him through.....he'll get a shot to fight Vince one on one..for no other reason than to PUT HIMSELF OVER AS A MAJOR FACE!!! DAMMIT ERIC, WHY DON'T YOU JUST STAY BACKST...
-oh...wait a second...I thought I was recapping Nitro for a second there....wrong promoter
-Shane grabbed the mic, complimented Vince for finding his sack....then said that if Vince could beat the UT..then Austin can get his title shot tonight. Vince agreed
-The segment ended with UT looking into the camera and mouthing something....being one kick ass lip reader, I was able to decipher it.....
-He said, "Ischoffbay, allcay emay on ridayfay! Etgay emay outay ofay isthay ellholehay!" One could only dread what that cryptic message meant.
-The Ministration turned to go......they walked down the aisle when...
-Austin's music came on....
-Then Austin emerged from under one of the J....ahh....brown robes and started to swing at the UT....the rest of the group realized what had happened and went after Austin in force..
-Then the Union came out and cleaned house......everyone made mean faces at each other as Ross declared that CNN is on it's way over to cover this war that's brewing.
-My question is.....was Austin ALWAYS Jewish?
-If not...when did he convert?
-and Why? IS HE TRYING TO RIP OFF GOLDBERG NOW?????????
-My God..if that's the case..then I guess he'll soon refuse to wrestle until Vince gives him a raise....just to show what a self serving jerkoff he REALLY is.
-commercials
-footage of what just happened.
-Backstage we see Austin shove Test down to the ground....the rest of the Union look perplexed as to why he would do that....hey, Test used to road for Motley Crue....he's had more cooze than most guys have bowel movements......I'D be resentful too!
-Ross and Lawler talk up the night's major events.
-Then the Big Show came out.......
-Then Bad Ass Billy Gunn came out......
-Right in the front row...and right in our faces for 95% of the night....someone held up a huge sign that read, "SUSHI X"
-I'm curious......what is it with him? Why does he get signs? I mean, I get signs too....but I'd like to think that I get them because I produce 40 page epics (just about) every week that make you piss your pants in laughter. Why does he get them? Would someone tell me please.
-I'm not trying to "dis" him either....I'm just wondering
-Okay, Pop Quiz Hotshot! You got two stars who are in the middle of getting pushed! Neither one of them will be jobbing tonight. Yet having them go on until the end of the show will have fans SPRINTING to Nitro. What do you do..what do you do?
-The answer of course is....shoot the hostage and take the bitch out of the equation.
-That, or have Road Dogg run out and cause the DQ by attacking Gunn....then have Wight give Gunn the "Show Stopper" Chokeslam for good measure.
-Then have Road Dogg pretend to moon Gunn.....to show off his braided butt hair
-backstage, we see Beaver Cleavage with his Mother. He's nervous about his "WWF RAW debut" (Oy Bloody VEY). His Mother soothed him by jamming his head in her chest. None of this changes the fact that Hogan is still a dickhead.
-commercials
-Christian came out from under a ring of fire.....which is the WWF's way of saying that Christianity is the SPAWN OF HELL ITSELF!!!! THOSE BASTARDS!!!!!!! LEAVE MY RELIGION ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-We Christians were the only ones who believed that the fellow who called himself Jesus was the real deal and not some snake oil peddler........and what did we get in return? 2000 YEARS OF TORMENT, AGONY, AND EMBARRASSINGLY SMALL PECKERS.
-Not to mention a Bible filled with 9 million restrictions...Hell, technically we aren't even allowed to piss without saying the Rosary 4 times.
-Beaver Cleavage came out with his Mother in a grainy black and white film shot....which got annoying real fast.
-Y'know...suddenly..that Yeti gimmick sounds like a step forward.
-Ross smarty observed that beaver's "Mom" looks younger than the boy himself.
-A pretty good match ended after Beaver unloaded his finisher....which is pretty much an inverted suplex....or a reverse suplex.
-BUT...that was after the Hardy Boyz came out to grab Christian....then Michael Hayes showed up and WHACKED Christian with a cane...(SEE????? ISLAMS GET THE OIL, MUSLIMS GETS THE BABES, MORMONS GET AS MANY WIVES AS THEY WANT, JEWS GET THE MONEY, BUT WHAT DO WE CHRISTIANS GET????? A CANE RIGHT ACROSS OUR FRIGGIN' HEAD!!!!!! WE'RE ALWAYS GETTING SCREWED LIKE THAT!!!!!!!)
-Cleavage won...but the rest of the Brood showed up and beefed with the Hardy Boyz and Hayes. Meanwhile, I hear that Terry "Bam Bam" Gordy was just elected Sears "Salesman on the Month"!
-Backstage, the Undertaker s telling Shane that he's gonna be the World's richest orphan after tonight.
-commercials
-Local spot for a WWF House show coming to Providence in July.....they JUST had a PPV here and yet they are coming right back....I told you, Vince has been very, VERY good to us here in the Northeast.
-Vince is getting ready backstage...he's all buff and tuff....arms by Weider....hair by Teflon...(see..I could have tossed in an "Oil by Patterson" gag...but I didn't....see how cool I'm being?)
-Jeff Jarrett comes out with Debra. I feel bad for the poor schnook....he must be pissed off.
-The Godfather came out......he seemed to forgot something....
-Then out came the Hoes.....only 3 of them....two of them were EXCEPTIONALLY cute....the other one looked like a drunken Tommy Lee practiced drumming, "Dr. Feelgood" on her face one too many times
-The GF had the mic and invited everyone to come aboard the "Ho Train"...followed by a quick lecture on the hardships of...err...pimping.
-THEN...he reminded Jarrett that white slavery is alive, well, and living in the WWF....and Debra has to earn him $500 by the end of the night or she'll be drinking out of a straw for the rest of her life.....(and WAIT until you see the size of the Godfather's straw)
-Jarrett was not amused...he is a WRESTLER DAMMIT!!!! THIS IS A WRESTLING SHOW!!!!!! NOT SOME...SOME....HOE DOWN!!!!
-The match got going......then....much like any self respecting Ho.....Jarrett quickly went down.
-Then Debra climbed the ring apron....
-She teased the GF...the GF opened his shirt to show his smooth brown nubbins
-Then one of the Godfathers girls climbed to the ring apron and flashed HER bra....it's a competition!!!
-Then Jarrett woke up...hit the GF with the Chick belt....and scored the pin...we have a new IC champion.
-Jarrett mounted the top rope with his belt...mouthed the word, "OWEN"...and took off with Debra.
-Well done...well done. May Jarrett's reign be long and.....um.....long.
-Backstage, Bearer was leading the Undertaker out...presumably to the ring....possibly to the nearest Dairy Queen.
-commercials
-The Undertaker came out.....
-We see Austin watching this backstage.
-Vince McMahon came out.....looking like a man half his age times two
-Vince stormed the ring...UT started to kick..
-UT started to punch at Vince's face....well, he punched air mostly..but I'm sure the force of the wind raised bloomin' HELL.
-Vince kicked UT in the nutsac....
-Vince cornered UT and started to punch....very weak ass punches too....Vince has been in the business longer than spandex....you would think that he'd learn how to sell a punch by now...DAMMIT VINCE!!!!! YOU SELL THAT MOVE!!!!!!! SELL....THAT.....MOVE!!!!!!!!!!
-UT came back and the beatdown restarted...
-Then the Undertaker shoved the ref away...the ref called for the bell....
-Patterson and Brisco ran in to help their boss...Pat's head was cocked (heh heh) near Vince's tuckus. He was heard screaming..."TRIXIE...TRIXIE...ARE YOU OKAY??? SQUEAK FOR ME TRIXIE....SQUEEEAK!!!"
-OH COME ON!!!!! I NEED TO EARN A LIVING TOO DAMMIT!!!!!
-Backstage, Michael Cole talked to Steve Austin about his match with the UT...take a friggin' guess what he said.
-Oh...right..Vince won by DQ.
-Mankind came out and challenged Triple H to a Hardcore, anything goes match for that night. Why you ask? Well..there are a few reasons really....
-The Union wants a little payback..(although technically, that should be "kickback") for Vince.
-HHH did a number on Foley with a pipe at the last PPV....and Foley don't like "pipejobs".....(kick out her teeth Mick....then you'll like "em)
-and because the rumor is Chyna has been "checking him out" while he was in the shower, bending over to get the soap (I know EXACTLY what you're waiting for here...well you AIN'T gonna get it....PFFFFFFFFTH)
-I cracked up when he accused Chyna of "wanting to touch him in impure ways".....
-The Sexual Overtones continued right up until some....
-commercials
-then Ross took us to the action DURING those....
-commercials
-Where it seems The Big Bossman and Foley started to brawl...
-They were still at it when we got back....then the Road Dog showed up for his regularly
scheduled match with the Bossman....
-Eventually.....the Bossman DQed the Ref for using the Nightstick....
-err....that should be the other way around....screw you..I'm tired
-Bossman took the DQ...but still laid into Road Doggy with a chain...thus, a new, pointless feud begins.
-backstage, Shane is trashing his dressing room because Austin gets a title shot tonight...either that or someone FINALLY clued him in on why "Uncle Pat" is always asking Shane to sit on his lap.
-commercials
-X-Pac came to the ring
-Kane came out
-The Acolytes came out
-This is for the title.
-The tag title
-Let's see if I can sum this up in three sentence bullet points....
-Kane did well
-Bradshaw did better
-X-Pac took beating
-Shane came out.
-Ross bitched
-Bradshaw stayed in.
-Farooq stayed out
-Kane was tagged
-Farooq came out
-Kane cleaned house
-X-Pac tried move
-Bronco Buster move
-Shane had chair
-X-Pac kissed chair
-Bradshaw hit pin
-Ross said "Dammit"
-New tag champs
-Fire bad ARRRRRR
-Column bad too
-Austin was backstage, waiting for his shot
-commercials
-Apparently, not only can Mark Henry drown a family of four with his tears...he also craps like a Gorilla with the Diareehums. According to a bathroom camera and the fine thespian performance by D-Lo. That's pretty much all there was to that segment.
-Maybe all of Henry's bodily fluids are superhuman? I wonder if he can play paintball with his jizm?
-Val Venis comes out with Nicole Bass...they are lovers now................
-......................................................
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-....ever want to just drink and drink and drink until you can't think anymore?
-Ken Shamrock came out...looking like Tank Abbott just faxed him his WCW contract with a note that said "Snap on this you, little fem!"
-The match began.....
-the match ended.
-Debra and Jarrett had something to do with it....then Shamrock "snapped" and ran after them....then Val almost broke up with Bass....
-oh yeah, Venis rolled up Shamrock in order to take the pin and win...I KNEW I forgot something
-Val didn't break up with Bass either.....so this Human trainwreck continued
-Backstage, The Undertaker told someone off camera that he will not fail him.
-commercials
-Mankind came out
-Triple H came out with Chyna....who changed her name to "East Hemisphera" (Try to top THAT Asyia..you Smelly Goat!!!!)
-They started to swing at each other....it soon spilled outside the ring.
-Helmsley took some pain.....
-Mankind tried a backslide....Lawler's jaw dropped in amazement.....Ross was less surprised...only half his jaw drooped.....
-oh...wait.....right..I forgot.
-HHH pulled out a sledge hammer and went for Foley's head...Mick ducked out of the way.
-Ross, "Helmsley was aiming for the HEAD!?!?!"
-Lawler, "You think?"
-By the way....Ross has been looking better each week. His face is nowhere near as distorted.
-Mankind took a bodyslam on a chair...or maybe it was a hiptoss...or perhaps a suplex...or it could have been a backdrop...I was too busy typing this sentence to see.
-This was a remarkably tame Hardcore match....it stayed right around the ring area.
-HHH ran into Mankind from behind....which resulted in Chyna being slammed into the steps.
-The Mandible Claw......
-Chyna used the sledge hammer on Foley's sac
-Foley rebounded......Chyna ate a sock
-The dude holding the Sushi X sign was jumping up and down like a retard...he made a general imbecile out of himself all night....Sushi must be proud.
-Sushi X...good Lord....I can't believe there's a guy running around named Sushi X.....TWO guys in fact, from what I heard.
-:)
-I feel like such a fag right now for making that :) faces.
-By the way...yes, I DID see those TWO Mancow signs...I'll get to that moron in a second
-While Chyna was munching on Foley's sock...HHH came up from behind and nailed Foley's knee with the sledgehammer. OUCH
-WWF Officials charged in....Foley took off his mask....possibly due to the extreme agony.
-HHH and Chyna left.....than ran back in...chased away the WWF
Officials..and worked on Foley's leg some more
-Then the Rock ran out and chased them away.
-commercials
-Two days ago, Howard Stern played a tape where one of his Interns asked that MTV idiot Jesse Camp "why he acted like such a FU&*^%G retard" (that was the exact quote)...that kind of straightforward, brutally honest, and brutally funny comedy is why Mancow....who is nothing more than an announcer with a deep voice and a frantic "I'm so cool" delivery will NEVER...and I mean F'K'N NEVER be as great as Stern. I have never heard Mangirl do a bit that Stern didn't already do.....only funnier.
-Aw the Hell with it...I'M funnier than Mancow....and I NEVER compliment myself like that.
-Aw..the Hell with it part 2....ZIMMERMAN is funnier than Mancow!
-Aw...F-It.....SEAN F'K'N SHANNON IS FUNNIER THAN MANCOW! (Unintentionally....when "Slymm" ((sheesh)) TRIES to be funny...it's a disaster)
-during the break...we see Mick being helped out of the ring
-Backstage, Foley is being carted away in an Ambulance
-The Undertaker comes out.
-Austin comes out...rolls into the ring
-And rolls right back out.....PUSSY!!
-Oh wait...he just wanted to wrap UT's legs around the ring post....he ain't no pussy
-It's all Austin...lots of punches
-It's outside again...Austin takes a backdrop on the concrete
-Back in the ring...it's Austin again
-UT finally takes control
-Back outside....
-back inside...it's all UT
-UT crosses his throat with his thumb....Tombstone time
-Ross, "COULD THIS BE THE END OF STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN????" (oh...give it rest, Droopy..for Pete's sake!!!)
-NO!!!! It's a Stunner!!! Austin goes for the PIN!!!
-Bearer yanks out the ref.....Austin gives bearer what for.
-The Bossman rans in.....followed by the Corporate Misery
-Austin is banged around......then is held against the ropes
-UT faces the entranceway and kneels
-The lights dimmed....
-Lawler claims that he can "Feel him" Ross mumbles that he hasn't felt a thing since last Christmas
-Someone in a Brown robe comes out...so we at least know the Higher Power's religion.
-The Higher power hits the ring...looks at Austin...and peaks open his hood so Austin can see the face....Austin makes mean faces.
-IT'S GOLDBERG!!!!!!! IT'S GOLDBERG!!!!!!! ALL THE PIECES FIT NOW!!!!!!
-No..screw that....IT'S SHAWN MICHAELS!!!!!!!!! IT'S SHAWN MICHAELS!!!!!!
-Maybe
-WAIT!!!!! IT'S THE UNPREDICTABLE JOHNNY RODZ!!!!!!! THAT BASTARD!!!!
-Well...he IS unpredictable after all
-NO!!! IT'S TERRY TAYLOR!!!!! I TOLD YOU NEVER TO TRUST THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!
-One thing's for sure...whoever it is...his last name isn't "Hart"
-The show ends.
Let's save any commentary until we see what Nitro was up to.
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