Mop-Up Nitro (Flashback January 1999)
HYT: Okay, if you skipped the RAW recap, I have to tell you that this is a special edition of the Mop-up. Written in script format because of my co-host for the week. Ex girlfriend (and thank Bloody Jesus for that) Amy Corillini is joining me for a one week only tour de farce. Say hello Amy
AMY: Hi! If Chris seems cranky, it’s because I’ve been absolutely destroying him all through the RAW column. It’s been way too easy. He went down harder than the Titanic.
HYT: And if anyone is an expert at “going down”, it’s Amy. Anyway, me and the hosebag have formed a bit of a truce in order to provide a different perspective to recapping. Be warned though, if the RAW recap was an indicator, this may not be the Mop-Up for you. So read it at your own risk, and don’t come bitching if you didn’t enjoy it.
AMY: I thought you LOVED hate mail?
HYT: I do, but I wanted to give them fair warning. You’re not exactly a magician behind the keyboard you know.
AMY: Oh, but I think I am...after all, I did pretty good at making your fat EGO disappear!!!
HYT: We’ll see it’s not over yet flapjacks, and I’m getting my second wind.
AMY: Heh, usually you’d pass right out after your first wind, which lasted all of 5 minutes.
HYT: No, that was me passing out from the stench of that Tuna boat you have setting sail down there.
AMY: That comment doesn’t surprise me, “Sailor”, you always did prefer to hang out with men for long periods of time.
HYT: Yeah, but you LOVED those “Seamen”
AMY: F*CK you
HYT: Only on your best day, Sweetness
AMY: Something you have YET to have, Chrissy
HYT: And so we pick up right where we left off. Let’s move along with NITRO (or: Is Eric’s pubes gray too?)
-opens with still shots from Souled Out, when Flair’s kid was strapped by Hogan and the NWO.
AMY: Don’t you recap all PPV’s for SCOOPS?
HYT: Yes, I try to
AMY: Did you recap this one?
HYT: Because the first hour was the most insulting hour of paid for wrestling I have ever seen. I had to turn it off and breeze through it later with the fast forward button.
AMY: But I thought this was the GREATEST PAY PER VIEW IN THE HOISTORY OF WCW?
HYT: Where did you hear that from?
AMY: That announcer guy? Tony.
HYT: What? Did you blow him too?
AMY: Oh go to HELL!
HYT: Been there my luv, I call it my life with YOU
AMY: Getting a little cocky now are we? Okay, I’ll just have to turn the heat up a notch.
HYT: Yeah, you do that.
-Kyron tells us that earlier tonight, the Horsemen were having a conference backstage over the treachery that is Hogan’s bookmaking. Flair was reduced to kicking a garbage pail around and screaming “HOGAN!! HOGAN!!”
AMY: Wait, here’s my Col. Klink impression, “HooooooGAAAAAANNNNN!!!”
HYT: Very funny
AMY: Funnier than anything YOU ever wrote this week
HYT: Uh huh, too bad physical comedy and impressions is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE TO TRANSLATE ON THE WRITTEN PAGE!!!! DUMMOX
AMY: They got the general idea, Guido
-The camera pans through some of the crowd as Schiavone eats up time before the next segment. I catch I sign reading “BIG CUBAN” Amy, ever have a big Cuba
AMY: No, but I had a “Little Hyatte” once or twice
HYT: But no “Big Cuban”? Surprising, since you’ve had them all.
AMY: Ha ha, very funny.
HYT: Thank you. Tony then sends us too..
-a camera in the NWO Limo. Most of the wrestlers are jammed in there. They are celebrating their whuppin’ of the Flair kid. They pull in.
AMY: Do they always have a camera in there?
HYT: Nope, never. Except when an important booking development is about to take place.
AMY Such as?:
HYT: Such as Flair showing up and smashing in a window with a tire iron, which gave Hogan a chance to scream, “I GOT GLASS IN MY ASS” Then the Limo pulled away in a hurry.
AMY: “I got glass in my ass?” Did someone actually WRITE that?
HYT: Probably. Although Hogan could have improvised it, which is equally as scary.
AMY: But not as scary as seeing Chrissy naked.
HYT: Ooo, good comeback kiddo, you really nailed me.
AMY: I’m just getting warmed up dude, trust me.
-Flair ran right from the backstage and straight to the ring. “Mean” Gene Okerlund was right at his side, huffing and puffing as he ran alongside him. Gene had to stop to pack on some more pancake makeup from that sweaty crown of his, or else the shine from the lights would blind us all.
AMY: Right, like you’re not losing a few strands up there huh? Hypocrite!
-Flair made it to the ring and was in rip roaring form. After saying Hogan’s name about 15 times, he opened things up by announcing that he would be fighting Hogan for the World title in February’s Superbrawl. His official quote was that (Hogan) “will wrestle my ASS for the title”. (The tumor on his back will serve as guest time keeper)
AMY: Flair’s growth, Vince’s rug. Norton’s tongue, Severn’s mustache....IT’S ALL THE SAME JOKE!!
HYT: You’re point being??
AMY: If it isn’t clear as day already, then you really are in deep trouble, loser
-Flair called Hogan a “son of a bitch”, the censors let it go. Then he promise to KILL HULK Hogan. One could only pray he wasn’t kidding around.
AMY: Why do you want to see Hogan dead? Jealous of his success?
-oh grow up, and stop trying so hard to “get me”. You’re starting to sound like every single web guy out there.
AMY: Who? The ones who you “destroyed every week?”
AMY: Oh yeah, I bet they’re REALLY scared of you! Oh BOY, I bet they REALLY care what YOU think!
HYT: You have no idea what you’re speaking of.
AMY: Uh huh, what I DO know is that they are all laughing at you.
HYT: That’s the point of this column, Einstein.
AMY: No, laughing AT you. Not WITH you. BIG difference.
HYT: Don’t you have an Italian stud that needs to accidentally knock you up?
AMY: I can have him come back and come online if you want?
HYT: NO, KEEP HIM AWAY FROM MY COLUMN!!!!!!
AMY: That’s what I thought.
-Then Flair ordered Bischoff out there. Bischoff was only too happy to oblige.
-Bischoff came out all smiles and attitude, with a mic in hand. he claimed ignorance over what happened last night.
-Flair challenged Bischoff to another match between them. Flair offered to put his hair up if he lost.
-The fans started to chant something, but the censors ate it up. My guess would be “ASSHOLE”, which Eric was only TOO happy to steal as his own.
AMY: Why would he want to be called “asshole”?
HYT: Because it’s what the fans call Vince, and Eric wants to be more popular than Vince. Any other dumb questions or can I continue?
AMY: Oh, excuse me Mr. Self Important. You’re such an important guy, even though you don’t have a pot to piss in.
-Bischoff refused the match, Flair asked him again, then beat the hell out of the mat for dramatic effect. Much like Amy, the Mat didn’t even try to move. It just laid there.
AMY: That’s because, much like Amy, the mat barely FELT ANYTHING!!!!!
-Bischoff refused again, then turned away to walk out. Flair upped the ante by offering to give Bischoff WCW back.
-Bischoff froze with his back to the camera, in one of those moves you ONLY see in sitcoms, it’s called “mugging for the camera”
AMY: Jeeze, just let him do his thing. Why be so critical. He DID make the company a success after all!
-I’ll ignore that. Bischoff turned around and repeated Flair’s offer just so we hicks understood everything.
-Then David Flair ran into the ring, shoving Bischoff aside as he ran by him. David hit the ring and started to SCREAM that he wanted Bischoff in the ring tonight!! Then he ripped off his t-shirt!
AMY: WHOA!! Nice pecs! No arms though. And why is are his cheeks so red?
HYT: I think it’s an allergic reaction. He tried to dye his beard stubble the same white color as his Father...and something went terribly wrong
AMY: Sad thing is, it took you a good 10 minutes to think that one up.
HYT: Don’t LIE!!!
AMY: I don’t NEED to. The truth is SO much sadder.
-ahem, okay, so Bischoff accepted the terms, he’d fight David for the company and Flair’s hair. Flair increased it by putting Bischoff’s hair up to it too. Then he wanted to shave Eric’s ASS as well. Zbyszko didn’t want to see that but Tony was all psycked. I guess he’s sick of picking hair out of his teeth. That is SUCH a pain, RIGHT AMY??
AMY: I wouldn’t know Chrissy, after you, I stuck only with smooth bodies. No more hairy backs and asses for me!
HYT: So I guess your father went to your sister now right?
AMY: OH YOU BETTER KNOCK THAT OFF RIGHT NOW, ASSH*LE! I’M WARNING YOU!!!!
HYT: hee hee...score one for Hyatte
-Everyone left, Tony asked, “WHERE AN WE GO FROM HERE?? JUST TEN MINUTES OF NITRO AND ALREADY, MORE EXCITEMENT THAN IN A FULL YEAR OF THAT OTHER CRAP FILLED, SMUTTY “OTHER” COMPANY!!!!!”
AMY: He didn’t say that! Get the sh*t out of your ears.
HYT: I am exaggerating for comedic purposes!
AMY: Really, then tell them how much you get paid. Even exaggerated, it would still be a hilarious “comedic purpose”
-opening theme. Practically on time...go figure
-clips from Souled Out. Goldberg/Hall. Tony jams the encore presentations down our throats. Tenay called it the “MUST SEE PAY PER VIEW EVENT” I want Tenay’s tires slashed.
AMY: Right, like anyone would be dumb enough to listen to you!!
AMY: What did you just write?
AMY: Oh...OH.....I can’t believe I walked into that one. Oh SH*T.
HYT: Heh heh heh... there are the Nitro Girls. What do you make of them Amy?
AMY: I like them, they aren’t as bad dancers as you would have people think.
HYT: Thank you for your sparkling wit. I knew I could count on you to make a little joke when needed.
AMY: No, the joke would be watching you fumble around like a fat teenager if you ever met one face to face. Then would you comment on their intelligence?
HYT: Of course not. I wouldn’t insult them to their faces.
AMY: That’s right, because you are a COWARD!!!!!
HYT: No, because I’m damn sure that THEY DON’T READ THIS COLUMN!!!!! I doubt some of them read.
AMY: Little pussy, you talk tough when you’re all alone in that “spacious” apartment of yours. Gutless wonder.
HYT: No, that’s “dickless wonder”, as quoted by Sean Shannon.
AMY: Is there where you remind everyone that you chased him and his “posse” off the web? Tough guy?
HYT: Of course not......cough cough.
AMY: yeah, I’m sure you had EVERYTHING to do with it.
HYT: You keep rambling, I’m going to move on
AMY: As always, with your tail tucked between your legs.
-First hour fireworks go off, we are in Columbus Ohio. For some reason, they were REALLY pushing for us to re-order the PPV.
-more clips from the ladder match.
-Chris Jericho came out with Ralphus. And of course, Ralphus is none other than....some web guy who’s name I still can’t mention, but now EVERYBODY is talking about including the WWF’s own Kevin Kelly and that CRZ guy who is slowly, but surely getting into the act of stealing all my ideas.
AMY: Oh, will you just GIVE THAT UP!!! NOBODY IS STREALING FROM YOUR LAME ASS!!!! It’s boring, sickening, and ego stroking and EVERYONE IS SICK OF IT!!
HYT: Now YOU’RE stealing my style!!! See how EASY it is??
AMY: Wrong, nimrod. I am upper casing things to make a POINT! Listen Chrissy, this is from ALL of us ‘net browsers who read all sorts of recaps. We SEE that there are some things that you created that other people use. We GET IT!! We DON’T CARE!! You don’t have to DRUM IT INTO OUR HEADS!!!!!! It makes YOU look pathetic!! STOP it!!
AMY: YES!!!! Okay, you invented EVERYTHING. Fine, wonderful..now STOP TELLING US THIS!!
HYT: Okay, fine, maybe.....
AMY: And you are NOT cool!!!!!!
HYT: BULLSHIT!! I’M THE COOLEST!
AMY: You are a LOSER!! EVERYONE knows it!!!
HYT: Oh shut up, saddle bagger
AMY: Saddle bagger? Look out, Hyatte’s on the ropes and sinking fast
HYT: Let’s move on shall we?
AMY: You know how some animals in traps gnaw off their legs to escape?
AMY: START CHEWING!!!!
HYT: Oh, by the way, while I’m at it. I’d like to apologize to the hell’s Angels for my remarks last week. They were uncalled for, unfair, and completely out of line. I have nothing but the utmost respect for Riders (with an I...not a Y....Riders with a Y instead of an I are dickheads) and truly hope I didn’t offend anyone. Thank you.
AMY: Thank you for backing up EVERYTHING I’ve been saying about you all night long. You little chicken sh*t pussy!!!
HYT: Hush, hush......shush dammit
AMY: AWWW Poor wittle Chrissy was threatened?? Waaaah, waaaaah.
-Jericho hit the ring, it took a little while
AMY: Here’s another cutie pie. I’m starting to like him more than HBK now.
HYT: Well, that’s just SUPER. EVERYONE wanted to hear that, I’m sure.
AMY: Just as I’m sure that everyone really wants to hear you brag about inventing everything!! Who do you think you are? Howard Stern?
HYT: Oh, let’s not go THERE again!
AMY: yeah, okay. WhatEver, putz.
-Booker T came to the ring, looking friskier than ever. He looked thrilled to be back at work. He was so excited, he forgot to call anyone a “suckaa”
AMY: Geeze, why don’t you just tell some “Amos and Andy” jokes?
HYT: I’m not being....sigh....he uses the word “Suckaa” ALL THE TIME!!!
AMY: Well, I never heard him say that.
HYT: That’s because, like every other chick, you are too busy talking about YOURSELF to listen to ANYONE ELSE!!!!
AMY: But you are not bitter right? Jackass!
-After a long match, Booker got the clean win following a Missile Dropkick. This is what happens when you don’t sign a contract as soon as Uncle Eric hands it to you
AMY: It couldn’t be because Booker is a more talented athlete could it?
HYT: Of course not, this IS WCW after all.
AMY: Are you calling WCW racists?
HYT: WILL YOU STOP THAT??? DO YOU KNOW HOW TOUCHY THAT SUBJECT IS?? YOU STUPID BROAD???
AMY: Don’t call me stup..
HYT: SHUT UP!! Listen, as far as I know, as far as ANYONE AT SCOOPS knows. WCW is a FINE, UPSTANDING, EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER. They pay attention to TALENT AND SKILLS above and beyond ANYTHING AS TRIVIAL as skin color!! PLEASE!! Do NOT pay attention to what myself, or my co-host says, for it is merely in jest, or to provoke thought. It is NOT to be taken seriously in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM!!!!! We are just a couple of dumb wrestling fans.....period!
AMY: Who is Bobby Walker again? And why did Teddy Long get fired again?
HYT: Oooooo....ixnay on the alkerway and the onglay....okay?
-Okerlund pulls in JJ Dillon for some thrilling angle development. JJ officially suspended Referee Scott Dickinson for 30 days because Nick Patrick simply refused to try to do this angle for a third time. Then he said that Scott Hall, Goldberg, and Bam Bam Bigelow would jam in a 3 way. Then he hyped up the Bischoff/David Flair match. Any of those matches turn you on Amy?
HYT: Hey Amy, let’s have some fun? Shall we?
AMY: Are you going to put your nuts in a vice and let me turn it?
HYT: No, how about a little CARNAC!?!?!?
AMY: Oh, okay, why not.
HYT: You be Ed. Go...
AMY: Letter, number !
HYT: You’re supposed to say, “I hold in my hand an envelope...blah blah blah?”
AMY: Oh. let’s just do this please!! Stop with the stupid buildup!
HYT: Okay, I’ll take the first envelope
AMY: this is so ridiculous....
HYT: Ahem....the first envelope
HYT: I will now divulge the answer without....
AMY: JUST GET ON WITH IT!!!!
HYT: Onions, dead fish, and poop
HYT: You’re supposed to repeat
AMY: I AM NOT GOING TO REPEAT!!!
HYT: Okay, nevermind. *rip* *poof*
HYT: Name three odors that comes out of my ex girlfriend’s major orifices
AMY: Oh that’s so FUNNY!! I totally forgot why dumped you’re lamo ass!!
HYT: May you have to spend the rest of your life with my co-host here
AMY: I got one of my own!!!
HYT: Too late, we have to move on....
AMY: You are SUCH a..
Click Here For Part 2!!!
-Footage from earlier dealing with Flair and Bischoff.
-Larry says hello to the fans as Tony and Tenay talk about the “Pressure cooker” that is Nitro. I find Tony’s expression as the other two speak fascinating,
-Mean Gene talked to Rey Mysterio Jr. Suddenly, Rey Mysterio is ALL ABOUT the LWO, and he NEVER tried to get out of it...EVER. He also talked about his mask, and Lex Luger
AMY: He is so cuddly.
HYT: Cross your legs dear
AMY: Don’t you talk about “doing” Chyna almost every week??
HYT: yes, but I’m a GUY, I have a penis..it’s the LAW
AMY: The case isn’t yet rested on the guy and having a penis thing. They have yet to hear my testimony.
HYT: Oh, go drool over some Mexicans.
-Souled Out stills with Flair and his kid. Tenay called it the SICKEST DISPLAY EVER BY THE NEW WORLD ORDER!!!!! Then BEGGED us to order the replay....NOW DAMMIT!!!!
-David Flair came out, looking whiter than Larry Zbyszko after seeing how much his third wife wanted for alimony payments.
AMY: LOL...that was cute
-Thank you, then Bischoff came out, he beat the hell out of some oxygen as he walked down the aisle.
AMY: weak, Chrissy, weak.
-Look, long story short....Bischoff got some HORRIBLE shots in, then turned around. Flair got off one HORRIBLE shot in. Bischoff froze solid, then dropped, because it’s his GIMMICK. Tony acted like it was the single fiercest punch he’s ever seen in his LIFE
AMY: I have to admit, it looked SO cheesy. It really did look like a sitcom.
HYT: Thank you. Bischoff went down, David got the pinfall, and Ric Flair kept the company.
-Oh right, and Bischoff got his head shaved.
AMY: And it was WIERD!!
-Thank you Amy for that detailed commentary. We all knew that Bischoff was going gray, but the EXTRENT was amazing!! Every single sheer from the razor produced a white streak. This guy’s entire HEAD is gray. I DARE you to tell me that the pressure of getting beaten by Vince isn’t getting to him!?!? I DARE you to tell me that Bischoff isn’t getting SCREAMED AT by Turner representatives for losing the ratings war. This guy is ALL GREY..and he’s not that old either. He’s GOT to be in his late 30’s at least. It was almost sad. Care to add anything Amy?
AMY: I just would give him props for having the guts to do that!!
HYT: I have to be honest, so would I. It takes guts to do that. I know for DAMN sure Vince wouldn’t. Destroy that Top shelf rug like that? He wouldn’t DREAM OF IT!!
AMY: Hey Chris, now I’VE got a secret for you!
HYT: What? You’re still in love with me?
AMY: Dream on, fatso.
HYT: That Paulo smells like Guacamole?
HYT: That you don’t really exist and this is all a figment of my imagination?
AMY: Uh uh..
HYT: Then what?
AMY: Vince’s hair...
AMY: It’s all REAL!!!
HYT: Amy, once again, you proved yourself a remarkable observer of the COMPLETY OBVIOUS!!!!
AMY: Well, JUDGING FROM THE WAY YOU CARRY ON WEEK AFTER WEEK AFTER WEEK!!!! How would I know, you piece of HORSE SH*T
-Bischoff eventually woke up and freaked out accordingly. He makes Hogan look like DeNiro.
-Second hour arrives. No fireworks go off because someone figured out that they make the Pavlov Dog’s automatically switch to RAW
-backstage, Jericho pitches a fit and makes “Jo Jo” Dillon make Saturn wear his dress from now on. remember, Saturn agreed to this to GET OVER with the fans.
AMY: Is there anything wrong with that?
AMY: Then why make fun of it?
HYT: Because it’s WHAT I DO!!!
AMY: I could think of some OTHER people who SHOULD wear a dress.
HYT: I’m sure you could.
AMY: Not to name names but....cough cough Chrissy cough cough
-Konan came to the ring, and said that he represented ALL THE HOMEBOYS IN THE CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES!!!!!! Then he lectured Nash and Luger on thug life.
AMY: He’s Paulo’s favorite wrestler
HYT: yeah, but Paulo’s parents were cousins,
AMY: THAT IS SUCH A LIE!!!!!!
HYT: Uh huh...hey, Konan also said that he would get “up (Nash and Luger’s) pants like a pair of tight jeans”....no wonder your homoboy likes him.
AMY: You better watch that, wiseguy.
HYT: Has Paulo been up you’re tight jeans? Still a size 34 right?
AMY: stop it, STOP IT, STOP IT!!!
HYT: You’re right. I’m sorry. I truly am sorry
AMY: You are?
HYT: I swear to God. I’m sorry. I know I can be a jerk sometimes. So I’m sorry.
AMY: Okay, good. Good boy.
HYT: I’m very, very sorry.
AMY: I heard you the first time. Thank you.
HYT: I am SO sorry.
AMY: I KNOW. THANK YOU..Let’s move on.
HYT: I am so sorry that every time you go to the Zoo, the Polar bears catch your odor and try to jump the fence for lunch.
AMY: Oh that’s it.
HYT: I’m SORRY that you and Greasy are bound to have the UGLIEST BRATS THAT EVER WALKED THE EARTH!!!!!!!!!
AMY: You are such an......
HYT: I’M SORRY THAT THE SHOCK OF DUMPING YOU MADE YOU RUN TO THE CLOSEST AVAILABLE SKID MARK!!!!!
AMY: I’m leaving, I’ve had enough!!
HYT: ISN’T IT TRUE HE SWEATS OUT ENOUGH GREASE TO PROVIDE YOUR’RE OWN KY JELLY WHEN HE WANTS TO GO INTO YOUR BAD PLACE?????
AMY: You suck Hyatte!!
HYT: Too bad you never did, or maybe I would have let you revel in my glory!!!!
AMY: I HATE YOU!!
HYT: YOU LOVE ME!!! THAT’S WHY YOU’RE SO MAD!!! YOU PISSED BECAUSE I LEFT YOU OUT TO DRY AND WON’T TAKE YOU BACK!!! YEAH. YEAH YEAH
AMY: You wish Chrissy
HYT: No, you WISH!!! You could have left ANY TIME...instead you chose to STAY!! Because you were INTO it!! You were into ME!!! YEAH
AMY: Yeah? Well watch me leave now, goodbye
HYT: Aw what’s the problem honey?
HYT: Aw...she’s gone. Too bad. Excuse me while I shift out of script mode and finish things up.
-There, much better. Okay....back to normal. Which is all for the better, because I am DESPERATELY pressed for time.
-What? Did you think I would let her get AWAY with all that crap? Oh no kids, you simply must trust Hyatte...I ALWAYS have a plan.
-but really, I have to fly through this. I have like, two hours before I have to be somewhere. head on over to page two and we’ll do some flying...
-Konan was STILL talking, mostly about he and his “crew” would drive by all over Nash’s ass. He actually almost sold me on the idea that he won’t be jobbing to Vincent the first time out of the gate.
-Who is Konan’s fan base anyway? Lowriders? Homeboys? You think the Crip/Blood war in da “hood” actually has a cease fire every Monday so they can all sit down and watch Konan preach?
-Footage of the head shaving
-Mike Enos and Bobby dunCUM Jr took on Meng and the Barbarian. The Faces of Fear are BACK BABY!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!
-I wonder if teaming dunCUM with mike’s ENOS was someone’s idea of a sick, sick joke?
-Wasn’t dunCUM Jr. getting pushed as early as a MONTH ago? The hell happened?
-Oh right, Hogan’s back...of course. The NWO Limo pulled back in and the gang got out. The marched right to the ring and cleared out the riff raff. Bischoff should save us all the time and just hand the tag belts back to Hall and nash..that’s where they’re going anyway...everyone knows it.
-Hogan did all the talking and accepted Flair’s challenge. he also said that it would be FLAIR who dies that night.
-a video clip reminds us that everybody’s favorite Jewish person still resides in WCW
-Bobby Heenan joins the gaiety as Disco Inferno comes to the ring. He was about to lose to Wrath, but Scott Hall made the save and helped seal the deal that the silly push Wrathberg was getting is over and DONE with. He REALLY should sign his contract. Where else can he go?
-By the way, DINF won with a Chartbuster, which means that Beefcake really IS gone from WCW...for the moment. He won rather cleanly too...SIGN THAT CONTRACT WRATH!!!! Because I for one do NOT care to see Adam Bomb make his return.
-spot for the Nitro Girl’s calendar...did you know that Whysper’s period is a monthly holiday in Tunisia? We-ell it’s TRUE...it says so right there!!!
-The Nitro Girls make me feel like sleeping (gonna sleep my life away), Tony seems to be stalling for time, talking about how they are such a BIG part of Nitro....then...
-Scott Steiner comes out and tries to get all of them to blow him at once......not in so many words but....he DID rhyme “dancin” with “romancin’’ tho’
-FUNNIEST thing to hear is Tony, “Oh no, he’s going to Chae! YOU!! YOU STAY AWAY FROM HER!!!!” He was about to jump to his feet, but then he remembered that it’s kind of tough to stand when you have NO SPINE AT ALL!!!!!!
-Tony DID demand that they cut away from this guy mid speech. They ALMOST DID, then someone remembered that Tony was giving the orders, so they stayed on Steiner until he was damn good and ready to bail.
-More fun with Steiner and Bagwell. This time, he’s in the ring, looking for a “hooch”.....that’s what I can’t stand about WCW, they take a SOLID idea...like Steiner’s little mic rant, and they just run it into and into and into the ground. Now Steiner is going to be a desperately horny mutt sniffing after the Nitro Girl’s hoochies......
-Saturn came out in his dress...he looked PISED and embarrassed.
-Say? Where is Lodi?
-Inside the ring, Steiner did a horrible Lou Gossett impression by saying that only “two things come out of Texas, Steers and qu(EDITED BY THE GOOD FOLKS AT TNT! THE BEST MOVIE STUDIO ON TELEVISION)rs. Then surmised that Saturn MUST be a FAG!!!!!!!
-Saturn attacked. Even Bagwell sold a decent punch. Bully for him.
-Steiner fought a hunk of his match with a Michigan (something or you’re mother) hat
-Steiner also gave up the cross arm F-You...because if he tried the Middle finger, nobody would buy it.
-Steiner won with the Recliner, because Steiner refused to job to a FAG IN A DRESS!!!!!
-Oh Lord, I think this is the Third hour....I could be wrong...I hope not.
-footage from last week where Luger and Mysterio Jr went at it.
-Lex Luger, and Kevin Nash came out...so did Elizabeth. They had to say whatever they had to say. Nash talked about how Konan had no heart, no stamina, no SOUL. How he owed any sort of push he had to Nashy and how he is nothing more than an ass kisser. God, how I HATE ass kissers.
-By the way, God bless SCOOPS...the GREATEST WEB SITE OF THEM ALL!!!!
-I don’t know why Luger wants Mysterio’s mask, but he does. Even if he has to beat the refried beans out of him to do it.
-The Nitro Girls had Scott Steiner thrown out of their dressing room. I can only take so much of Steiner for one night.
-Psychosis waged mighty battle with Juventud Guerrera in a barn burning, ballet of grace and power that I barely paid attention to.
-I DO know that there were some...
-to break up the match. Eventually, the FORMER member of the LWO won......the other FORMER member of the LWO lost.
AMY: HEY AMIGO!!! I’M GOONA SQUASH YOU LIKE A CUCHARACHA!!
HYT: PAULO?? YOU GET OUT HERE YOU C-SUCKING OIL STAIN!!!! I’LL TOSS A MATCH AT YOUR HEAD AND DESTROY THE OZONE LAYER!!!!!!!
AMY: YO TENGO UN LAPIZ!!! UN LAPIZ ES ARMILLO!!!
HYT: YEAH? I HAVE A PENCIL TOO ESE...I’LL JAB YOU WITH IT RIGHT IN THE NUTS!!!
AMY: YOU QUIERO TACO BELL ESE!!!! LA RAZA!!! LA CUCHARACHA!!!!
HYT: YOU MISERABLE STEROTYPICAL GENERALIZATION!!!! GO OFFEND SOMEONE ELSE’S COLUMN....
AMY: OLAY, OLAY
-Sorry bout that. “Cough, cough
-Lex Luger came to the ring. He may very well be the only wrestler who can change from face to heel without any real obvious change of attitude!?!?! He’s the SAME GUY he’s been since day 1!!!!
-Rey Mysterio came out, because he wanted to represent the TRADIOTION OF THE LWO!!!!!!!! A TRADITION THAT HAS LASTED SINCE THE ICE AGE!!!!!!!!!
-And that damn mask too. He wants to keep the mask.
-Luger gave Rey one last chance to hand the shirt and mask over......Mysterio didn’t....Luger attacked.
-Of course, you do realize that this whole match was designed just so Nash could powerbomb the little muchacho!! Which of course happened. Then Konan showed up. I sort of liked it, I get a kick out of David vs Goliath throwdowns.
-Spot for the WCW Nitro Grill.....a press conference I guess. Of course, “Diamond” Dallas (Name a rest room after Nitro and I’ll cut the ribbon) Page. Sometimes, a push is simply not WORTH it.
-Didn’t I say that I was sick of Scott Steiner? Now officially Kimberly’s little puppy dog!
-Hall came out with DINF.
-Goldberg came out. He healed no one because Hyatte’s been through a LOT this week. F-You
-Bam Bam ran out. Attacked Hall from behind, and it’s a Triangle match of major proportions.
-Hall gets pounded first....
-Then Bigelow gets pounded.
-Then Goldberg Speared both Hall and Bigelow at the same time. Tenay went all out and called it a BRAND NEW, NEVER BEFORE SEEN MOVE FROM GOLDBERG!!!
-Then RAW ended.....so the NWO ran out to get this show off the air.
-But DAMN...this Goldberg FOIUGHT AND FOUGHT AND FOUGHT THEM ALL SINGLE HANDIDLY...NOT EVEN THE MIGHTY STING COULD DO THAT!!!!! GOLDBERG IS MY HERO!!!!!!!!!!
-It turned into a Horsemen/WCW vs NWO brawl. Which pretty much killed the night.
Well, on RAW, you had some GOOD wrestling and some GOOD storylines, and some BAD, BAD, VERYBAD storylines that had no bizness being there. On Nitro, you had some GOOD wrestling, some REAL good wrestling, a couple of good storyline, and a LOT of storylines nobody in their right mind would care about. I’ll give the night to Nitro. Because it as easier to recap. HA!
Not much on the closer. Other than to talk about what happened this week with this special Mop-Up. It is Wednesday morning right now. I am putting in the final edits of what went down. I don’t know how it will be received by the readers. I’m sure some will hate it, others will love it. That’s what happens when you do something totally off the beaten path, you get extreme reactions. Remember, you DID NOT HAVE TO READ IT.
By the way, now that it’s over..I can tell you the truth. I never threw anything into any ring...EVER!! I “planted” that cup throwing thing here last week because I knew she would see it and it would get a reaction out of her...in case she wasn’t in a fighting mood. It was designed to jack her up. She made use of it, even though she was obviously ready to go and I didn’t need it. I WAS at Bash at the Beach, but I didn’t throw sh*t.
Okay, I’m out of here.
You can all eat me some more
This is Hyatte
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