Mop-Up Nitro 03.26.01
As I type this, I get a phone call from a nice guy named "Gray" (who had his own run-in with an former site of mine), who said that someone on tonight's RAW compared Vince to Alexander the Great, just like I did in last week's AAT. I know that it isn't exactly the toughest comparison to make.... BUT....
If they need more writers! My number is in the RAW recap! Of course, I trust you readers not to crank call me and tape me doing the "Krusty knocks his head with the telephone" gag.
Of course, I put my phone number in the recap because when you are addicted to "fame", you need it INSTANTANEOUSLY!!!! QUICK FIX BABY!!! GIVE ME THAT SWEET, SWEET STUFF.... OOOOH, YEAH!
Here's a new bit that will stay or go on YOU'RE say so.... unless I really like doing it, then screw yoos.
FUNNY EXCHANGE ON TV: This week, The Sopranos
Dr. Melphi: "I'm sensing anger from you two."
Tony Soprano: "Yeah? You must have graduated at the top of your f**king class!"
And the calm serenity that had soothed me all night suddenly VANISHED and a deep wave of DREAD awashed my being.... as I realized, with Nitro gone, I have NO excuse for not getting my recaps in on Tuesday.
One thing about Nitro that will remain the same until the bitter end, my recap of it will be SHORT!
Here's something you may or may not have thought of. What do Flair, Sting, maybe Booker T, maybe Disco Inferno, maybe Dallas Page, and MAYBE Steve Regal all have in common?
They're the only wrestlers who all appeared on the first AND last Nitro.
Chew on that awhile. I hope I'm the only guy to snag this observation.
Nitro (or: Killed, ground to dust, buried, AND peed on)
-WCW logo. I'M NOT DEAD YET, YOU BASTAAAAAARDS!!!! DON'T START THE FUNERAL DIRGE JUST YET!!!! I'LL OUTLIVE THE LOT OF'YA!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA
-Any big show knows that the first image they put out is what grabs you by the nuts and squeezes until you yank out your remote control's batteries and swallow them whole. Thus, in the famed fenced in backstage promo set, there stands VINCENT K. "Home of the New Hairpieces" McMahon, right there, LIVE (pre-taped) on TNT. Vince announces that he bought..... I say BOUGHT.... WCW. And later tonight, he's gonna throw a double network TV promo (the rubes call it a "simulcast") and explain just how he's going to F***K with every WCW loser who thought they were safe from his evil reach. Oh yes, heads will ROLL. Tonight, the fate of WCW is in the hands of Vince McMahon!!
-Man, I have GOT to re-post my AAT: "WCW Sucks and Here's Why"..... I called the WHOLE THING MONTHS AGO!!!! I AM THE IRRELEVANT GENIUS!!!!
-I never thought I would hear myself say this but.... poor Bischoff. He just wanted to give WCW a dignified send-off.
-fireworks shoot off at a safe, responsible distance from the drunken co-eds, WCW brilliantly it's two most popular concepts, the SPRING BREAK-OUT and the LAST DAMN SHOW EVER!!!! It's also the "Night of Champions" so the crowd gets to throw spark plugs at the talent ALL NIGHT LONG!!!! WHOO HOOO!!!!
-We are in Panama City, Florida. Schiavone and Hudson keep their jaws resting on their desk. Obviously, they knew this was coming, but it's fun to see that little vein on Hudson's head start to throb. They manage to tell us that all 5 titles are on the WHAT THE HELL IS VINCE MCMAHON DOING ON OUR TV SHOW?????? line tonight.
-If Schiavone says, "F-It" and starts to shoot his ass off, I might just give HIM oral sex.
-Who ELSE could possibly come out during this mind blowing event, who else should come out to tell us everything will be all right than RIC FLAIR? He wasn't in a good mood, but he didn't look like he was about to cry either. Somehow, I doubt he'll give Vince the old, "FIRE ME, I'M ALREADY FIRED, FIRE ME, I'M ALREADY FIRED" bit.
-HOLY CRAP!!!!!!! MAYBE NOW WE CAN GET ARN IN THE WWF AS BENOIT'S "SILENT BUT VIOLENT" MOUTHPIECE???
-stuff like that is best saved for the closer.
-Flair hits the ring. He has a mic. "Did I.....did I....WOOOO....did I....happen.....to hear... Vince McMahon....say that he was to hold....W.....(C.W, Ric) CW (attaboy)...in the palms...of his hands? (I believe he said "palm of his hand".... not plural).
-"is that what he said?" (Who the hell knows? We were too busy soaking in the very site of him ON Nitro to actually HEAR what he said)
-Flair asked if that means Vince will hold Jack Brisco, Dory Funk, Harley Race, the Road Warriors, Sting, Luger, the Steiners, Bagwell, Ric Flair, Steamboat... off of them in the palm of his hand? (answers, respectively: Did it, Did it, Did it, Did it twice, Not yet, Once was enough, Once was enough, Nope and damn happy about that, Did it, and Did it twice)
-Flair went on about how someone very "special" advised him NOT go out there tonight and cry over leaving everything that has the name "Turner" in front of it. Do NOT go out there and say you are sorry. Because he is NOT sorry.... he is Ric Flair, dammit.
-Let me just stop here.... I don't know if someone already hit this, and I don't care.... BUT I'M THINKING FLAIR VS VINCE MCMAHON AS EARLY AS SUMMERSLAM AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BOOK THE GODDAM THING NOW!!!!!!
-Flair is 14 time world champ (it's okay for him to say 16 now, right?) and the GREATEST IN the GREATEST WRESTLING ORGANIZATION IN THE WORLD!!! WCW!!!! (err... ahh.... ummm.... *COUGHfairytaleHACK*)
-Sting.... "the Lugers" (for the love of Allah, how many Lugers are OUT there?)... the Steiners, the Road Warriors.... his BEST FRIEND IN TGHE WORLD, Arn Anderson and the Horsemen. We (they) have run neck and neck with McMahon for years (I wouldn't go that far)
-Say, no mention of Dusty Rhodes? NO MENTION OF THE DREAM??? I detect some heat there.
-and come on.... no mention of Tully Blanchard? Of NIKITA KOLOFF? Of ERIK WATTS????
- and just for trivia, Flair announced that in '81, while Vince was honing his announcing skills, his father was on the Board of Directors and voted for Flair to be World champ?? (waaaait.... I thought you had to PIN SOMEONE to do that? What is all this "electing" hooha?)
-Geeze, first we learn that stc REALLY wanted the Pooh Jew before me, now we learn THIS. Will wonders ever cease?
-Flair starts having fun, the jacket came off. Reminding us that he is a "limousine ridin', jet flyin', kiss stealin', wheelin' dealin', son of a gun, that along with the whole WCW DAMMIT ALL, have kissed the girls worldwide! And made 'em cry." (He's proud of taking girls against their will? HE'S PROUD OF ALL THE RAPING?!?!?!)
-He said that this big war has always been a front office thing, and the boys worked as hard as their pride in the company would allow them. And those boys are here tonight (well, the ones who still sort'a need to work) ready to give the fans their very best.... NOT for Vince McMahon, but for WCW!!!!! WE ARE WCW!!!!! WE WRESTLE!!!!
-did you notice that somewhere along the way, I sort of took off in my own direction?
-Flair asked Vince when was the last time he wrestled for an hour? Umm, the time Patterson found Jake Robert's "Magic Fairy Dust" and spent half a day running around Titan Towers dressed as Peter Pan and screaming, "I DO BELIEVE IN TINKERBELL, I DO BELIEVE IN TINKERBELL!!!"
-When was the last time Vince cut himself 5 times? Probably about 10 seconds after Pat tossed him a sword and shouted, "HAVE AT THEE, CAPTAIN HOOK!!!
-When was the last time Vince bled for 45 minutes? (Like I said, Pat was out of it for half a day, do the Math)
-Ric accused Vince of never being in a dressing room (he never saw "Beyond the Mat"?, on the road for 40 days and 40 nights, (well, other than the time the Clique was causing major problems in the early 90's), bleeding, sweating, going to the next town, you weren't there, you can't hold people's lives in your hands!!! (Hello, reality knocking!)
-In closing, Flair said that his greatest opponent EVER (DUSTY RHODES!!!! And there is NO irony with Rhodes sharing the same first name with MY greatest opponent, because I do not seem to have one... PFFFTH)
-No, it's Sting.... so, tonight, if they are to go out.... there's going out on an old... I mean HIGH, HIGH note. Plus, since he's the only main eventer who showed up tonight.... let's do a classic "Sting vs Ric Flair".... and it'll be Sting's last chance to learn that in order to BE the Man, you have to BEAT the man!!! WHOO WHOO WHOO WHOOOOO
-a-hem.... beat him 500 times already.... whooo.
-all in all, the perfect man doing the best promo he could d under the circumstances. God Bless Ric Flair.
-Anyone else think that it would have been Bischoff cutting that promo if he had his way?
-coming up next.... Title vs Title.... Booker T vs Scott Steiner. REALLY??? What EVER will they do to combat the opening of RAW then?
-overhead shot of the aren... umm.... extended patio. We see a pool WAAAY in the back of the action, just in case someone gets too depressed over this and decides to fill their pockets with rocks and jump in.
-"The Night of Champions" begins in earnest as Big Poppa Pump comes out with his bimbo (she can go.... him, well...). Here's hoping Steiner lives up to his rep for REAL THIS TIME and shoots, shoots, shoots!! COME ON, LET'S GET A LITTLE MORE EMOTION IN HERE!!!!
-Booker T comes out. He's still doing the cornweave look (I think that's what it's called.... it's been a while since I braided my Master's hair). Booker's going bug-eyed. I see that look, and I know that it's time for a little shower luv (all the soap in the world ain't gonna get me feeling clean again).
-Tony admits that all the forewarning in the world could not stop the SHOCK of Vince showing up on camera and putting the fear of God into the entire crew.
-They get going, locking up, dancing the dance of... bleh.
-Scotty misses a clothesline and eats a spinning boot.
-Steiner bullies Booker into the corner and starts slugging.
-Off the opposing buckle, Booker throws out an elbow and tries a pin.
-Steiner turns a corner punch-away into a Powerbomb. I am sure there is a proper name for the old Second-Turnbuckle-Ten-Punch-Attack OTHER than a "Corner Punch-Away".... but F-it and F-YOU!!!
-Midaja gets involved on the outside. Steiner produces the pipe, (crackHEAD!!!!), he swings for the fences, Booker ducks. The pipe SMASHES against the post. I'm sure those cornbuds would have cushioned the impact.
-Back in the ring, Scotty kisses the bicep, then drops it, then does the push-ups. A few minutes later, he got the Belly-to-Belly off.
-Booker kicks out of the pin. Right at this time, Steiner starts favoring his leg.
-Steiner goes for the Back Suplex.... Booker rolls over and dropkicks him real nice and close-up-like
-Ghetto Blaster (I always thought it was the Scissorkick?). Booker hits the Pancake (Flapjack?)
-SPINEROONI.... (oh they couldn't have changed THAT one, huh?)
-Harlem Side Kick, although something tells me there ain't much kicking going on when you are fighting in Harlem. You're too busy using them legs to duck flying bullets.
-Booker goes for the Book-End, Steiner gets off a "Northern Light's Suplex"
-Steiner goes for a traditional powerbomb. Booker rolls out of it. THEN he hits the Rock Bo...Book-End (still chasing THAT dragon, huh?) Booker gets the pin... Booker gets TWO belts and is the NEW world champion!!!
-Booker celebrated HUGE.... acting like a guy who has no idea those belts are heading straight for the garbage can.
-and not a single HINT of shooting from Steiner.... who is said to have arrived and performed, and behaved like a professional. Hmm, what about the uncensored behemoth? What about the tape over his mouth? What about the uncontrollable RAGE when it's REALLY a life or death situation?
-the big pussy!
-Vince McMahon is on the phone with someone.... goofing on the fact that Nitro is playing their final show in a "beerhall". (Umm, during the Summer, at least once a year, the WWF comes to Rhode Island and puts on a show at a place called the "Warwick Musical Tent".... okay.... they play in a TENT!!! A TENT!!!!! Okay, Mr. High & Mighty!)
-Of course, it's NEVER televised on their signature show or anything.... but.... A GODDAM TENT!!!!!
-We see how Booker beat Steiner.
-Kaz Haya...and...... two Japs are in the ring. I start to feel my long running case of temporary dyslexia kick in as....
-3Cuont (DAMMIT) come out. Looks like Evan Karagias and Shannon Moore now make up the "band".... where the holy HECK is Tank Abbott anyway?
-Kidman and Rey Mysterio Jr. come out. It is explained that this is a 3 way Dance which the winner gets to face "Prime Time and..... I forget" with the winner securing the Cruiserweight Tag team championship.... because God knows the WWF has ALWAYS been about the little guys.
-Right off the bat, Kidman goes against..... Jesus, there was 4 different tags in the time it took me to type those six words.... I AM NOT WALLY WEST!!!!
-One of the 3 Cuonts (heh... I mean DAMMIT!) took a moment to swivel his hips in the middle of the ring. He paid for it.
-Yang was tagged in. Yang beat up a Cuont (sounds like my Honeymoon... BA DUM DUM)
-Rey FLIES.... I say he FLIES. Oh, I hope.... which is to say I PRAY.... that Mr. Patterson was part of the big WWF convoy to Florida and got an eyeful of cute little Rey Rey with those evil looking HORNS!!!! Poor Rey will never know what hit him.
-I hear Pat's biggest question of the night was, "Now where are dose two boys wid da blowpops?"
-that is.... of course, assuming that Pat was THERE.
-This frenzied affair (and that ENDS my descriptive narrative) ended with Rey crashing into a Cuont (*snicker*) with his big Legdrop move. He scored the pin. They advance.
-Trish Stratus joins Vince McMahon. They start making out. Vince hops on top of her. It's right up there with the time Bischoff french kissed a fat old bag.
-Define arrogance? Vince McMahon made NO attempt to explain to the Nitro audience what he was doing with a trophy half his age. He just ASSUMED you knew. THAT, mi amigos, es un arrogance
-Tony, funniest thing he's EVER said, ".......As the celebration goes on with Mr. McMahon, let us go back to..." blah blah blah. The momentary pause is what did it for me.
-He called Vince "Mr. McMahon" all night, maybe to make sure we know that this is all a work from a "gimmick"?
-We see the rise of "Sugar" Shane Helms on various PPV's, well, two of them.
-Chavo Guerrero Jr, (I get to go back with ED-DEEEEE) comes out. The camera pans the crowd. Tony risks getting a lightening bolt blasted down from a God who hates liars and says that "each and every fan in this bar has been a die hard, lifelong WCW fan for YEARS and is JUST as emotionally shattered as all of US are over this startling turn of events!!!!" (yeah, the guy in the back feeling up his girlfriend's tits looks REALLY chagrined)
-"Sugar" Shane comes out with a full compliment of babes and a rap song that NO inner-city Gangsta should be without. "Vert-a-breaka, vert-a-breaka, wrestling ain't fake-aa"
-Am I nuts or is this the sleekest entrance WCW has created for someone since Bischoff introduced "Berlyn"?
-They get going.... Shane spins Chavo around before dumping his face on his knee, (I'm guessing here). He followed that with a Flying Forearm Smash, (still guessing).
-Tony, "This is the most significant night in sports entertainment history and I don't think ANYONE would deny it!!" And, for the first time in his LIFE.... he's read the audience PERFECTLY!!
-Chavo dumps Shane over the top rope. Hudson says that Chavo is single handily trying to keep the Guerrero name alive! (Umm.... Did Eddie change his last name to "Lipshitz" over the weekend, or something?)
-Shane gives Chavo a sweet looking top rope Sunset Flip pin attempt. Chavo kicked out.
-Chavo with a T-Bone TazzPlex. Tony called it a "T-Bone CHAVOPlex". Man, why doesn't he just put a sign on Chavo's back that reads, "Red Hook is filled with Butt Pirates!"
-Plenty of pin attempts..... by that I mean, more than 1 and less than 100
-We get the "Sugar Smack"... a Superkick.... but it's cool.... Superkicks are the sweetest moves in the biz.
-A couple of suplex attempts are averted.... but Helms manages to get off his "Vert-A-Breaker".... Chavo is dumped. It's an awesome move.
-Helms wins. Give him time, and MAYBE HB2K will actually apply?
-Funny, I'm enjoying the matches more NOW then ever before?
Click Here For Part 2!!!
Mop-Up Nitro 03.26.01
-Booker T cuts a promo..... this CHAPTER of "Book"ers life might be ending.... but there are PLENTY of chapters left to go. (The bad news, Stevie Ray got lost and is wandering around in the Table of Contents)
-heh ha hah haa.... BWAHAHAHAAAAAAA.... sorry.... don't usually sell my jokes like that... but I got a big kick out of that, my own damn self.... (F-Ing dumb ass EGO!)
-Lots of chapters left for Booker.... lots of them. I think Vince and Shane will do right by him.
-World tag team title match between Lance Storm and Mike Awesome and Mike Palumbo and Sean O'Hare. Storm takes the mic and says, "If I can be serious for a moment", Come on, ya humorless Canadian (redundant? Take it from me, YES, YES, AND GODDAM YES!!!!!) DROP THE PANTS AND GIVE MCMAHON A BIG MOON!!!!
-He didn't. He played it straight. He and Awesome went on road that began last week (more like a crosswalk leading to a brick wall, but go ahead), and will end tonight with NEW tag team champions! Then he told the crowd to rise for the Canuck Anthem. No one did, but he got his anthem, I guess, because we took off for some more....
-Hmm, why give him his Anthem on the last show? As a sign of thanks for coming over? I would assume. You know, I didn't usually have these detailed conversations with myself. Oh, all right, of course I do. I also pretend to be a Secret Service Agent when I'm walking in a store and talk into my wrist....
-sometimes, when I'm in line at the Grocery story, and a lady in front of me pays by check, and she has to tell the cashier her phone number, I start repeating the number over and over out loud in front of the cashier. Chanting it.... committing it to memory. Talk about scaring the beejeezus out of someone.... booyaaa
-Vince McMahon gives WCW a taste of how he abuses his staff by threatening Michael Cole, who barged in on him a Trish with questions about firing WCW Staff members who have FAMILIES.... (just go on Welfare like everyone else? Hell, I conned the Government into thinking I have 4 kids named Toby, Tommy, Teddy, and Christopher Robin. One of them is a homo. I ROLL in the foodstamps every month!)
-Tony and Hudson sweat..... freely. Part of this is due to the fact that they aren't used to doing a show that was planned out carefully and with great detail.
-Palumbo and O’Hare come out. This match should be a blow-out.
-the match got going. Tony said it was a "privilege to have us on board". (of course we're her, Tony.... YOU GUYS HIRED VINCE MCMAHON AWAY FROM HIS OWN COMPANY!!!!!!!!!!!
-O’Hare and Palumbo started to work on Storm. Palumbo gave him the "Fall Away Slam"
-He then ran over and CLOCKED Awesome. Isn't Palumbo the douchebag who totally blew off a chairshot on Thunder last week and forced Tenay to comment that in 30 years he had NEVER seen anything like that? I wonder if it's too late for him to go be all professional
-Tony tried to explain to us that they really have no idea WHAT is in store for them tonight, so if they seem off kilter and flummoxed, it's easy to see why. (Hmmph, I couldn't tell a difference from any other floogin' performance)
-They fight awhile. Storm and O’Hare start fighting on the outside. Awesome has Palumbo up in a Running Powerbomb. Palumbo slips out and TUNES him with a Thrust Kick. Down goes Awesome.
-O’Hare with the Swanton Bomb. BIG pin. STILL the champs!
-I'm sorry, but something’s I REFUSE to deal with.... last Nitro or no last Nitro
-I do NOT recap the "Shawn & Stacey Show".... NONONONO AND NO!!!
-End result, Bam Bam Bigelow lost a tattoo match to Shawn Stasiak. I only have two thoughts about Bam Bam, should he be kept, (and seeing how EVERY wrestling company needs solid mid-carders, I can't see why he won't be kept)
-1: Bam Bam will get to know, and grow to despise, a nifty little invention known as a "Scale" once a week.
-2: If the XFL doesn't start cooking, we may see some old glories be re-lived by watching Bam Bam challenge the entire league one at a time.
-William Regal (HEY!!!! COOL!!!) plugs Wrestlemania (on NITRO.... it's still mind blowing, even after 2 days) advises Mr. McMahon that WCW "is a bloody awful place and the nonsense that goes on over there is unbelievable!" Vince assures him that he has matters well at hand. I half-expected Regal to chuck the WCW cameras the finger after that.
-"Diamond" Dallas Page didn't work tonight, he might have not even have been there, but he did cut a promo at a beach where he thanked all the wrestling fans for giving a kid from New Jersey a break. (KID????? WHERE???). He is sad that WCW is at it's end, but somehow, he thinks he'll be reaching new levels of "bangatude" Then he sent shout-outs to his boys "Stone Cold" and "Cactus". (and so, the worm begins his dig into a NEW tunnel)
-well, no WONDER he didn't show up. That man has a little something called "Job Security"
-video package flashing shots of great WCW champs in history. If you think I'm running through them all, you're out of your skulls.
-Vince is just about ready to do his thing.
-Flex Elixer and Kid Romeo come out. Rey Rey and Kidman come out. This is not important...
-what IS important is what Schiavone said during this.... what Tony Schiavone, who wouldn't say shit if he had a mouthful if ordered not to..... Tony hit us with a little mini-shoot.
-Concerning Regal, and after assuring us that it's Vince's money and he can do what he wants with it.... and that he is ONLY doing this because of his absolute adoration of his company....
-Tony, that sumBITCH.... damn near makes up for THE LAST 4 YEARS by saying, "To hear THEIR.... Commissioner..... RIP WCW? Come ON! I mean.... we had to do some crazy things, STEVE Regal, including PUTTING YOUR ASS OVER ON TELEVISION!!!!" (YEAH!!!!!! YEAH BABY!!!!!! I'VE WAITED FOUR F-ING YEARS FOR THE MIGHTY SCHIAVONE TO BREAK SCRIPT!!!!!!!!! THE MAN HAS GOT A PAIR AFTER ALL!!!!! GOD BLESS TONY SCHIAVONE!!!! FINALLY, THE VOICE OF WC-F-ING-W!!!!
-Here's what I want.... one night.... one show.... Ross and Schiavone calling the matches.... with a bottle of bourbon between them. Set the VCRs and watch the fists fly!!!
-Hudson, OBVIOUSLY stunned, and maybe amused.... tried to re-focus Tony by talking up the four men in the ring.... the future of Wrestling! Tony got back into it by declaring, "It's the one thing WCW does better than ANYone!" (he's not lying, yo.)
-Kidman spent most of the match in there, and took some beatdowns. He tagged in Mysterio and Flicker took a Bronco Buster.
-Kidman hit Slipper with the Kid Crusher and won the tag belts for his team. I have no more energy left.
-STING was backstage, surrounded by bats. He cut a promo about not missing this night for anything and how it'll be great to get one "final shot" at Ric Flair, and as far as the future holds for the Stinger, well, "Nuthin's fer sure". It's SHOWTIME folks!
-The man put more energy, enthusiasm, and JOY into that 30 second spot than he has in YEARS! It's nice of Sting to show up.... in EVERY sense of the word.
-I went this far without wishing some sort of painful, slow, excruciating death of Rikki Rachtman.... I won't kill my good spirits by doing so now.
-screw it... I HOPE SOMEONE INJECTS RIKKI RACTMAN WITH BATTERY ACID RIGHT BETWEEN HIS TOES SO HE CAN FEEL HIS BODY BURN FROM THE INSIDE AS THE ACID TRAVELS UP HIS LEGS, THROUGH HIS PENIS AND BALLS, INTO IS ABDOMINALS AND INTO HIS HEART!!!! I HOPE HE LIVES JUST LONG ENOUGH FOR THE EHART TO WEAKLY PUMP THE ACID INTO HIS BRAIN SO HIS EYES EXPLODE AND THE LAST THING HE FEELS IS HIS BRAIN STARTING TO MELT BEFORE HE DROPS DEAD, DEAD, DEAD!!! I DON'T CARE IF YOUR BRAIN DOESN'T FEEL ANYTHING, IT'S MY HOPE, IT'S MY FANTASY!!!
-Vince McMahon is on his way.
-Ric Flair comes out. In his robe. He is wearing a T-shirt. Well, the CEO is allowed to gain few pounds.
-Sting came out. The match is on.
-Tony and Hudson waste NO time in referencing the first Clash of the Champions where these two boys went at it for 45 minutes straight and they did it, directly opposite Wrestlemania 4. (the only thing I remember about that, as they faced each other down, Flair calmly reached across and gently felt up Sting's bicep.... but he did it in a NON-gay way. I thought it was the coolest move)
-Sting shoulderblocked Flair down. Flair popped back up.... he backed up and re-planned his strategy.
-Sting is backed into the corner.... WHOO, WHOO, WHOO
-after the fourth WHOO, Sting reverses things and does it himself
-Flair eats a dropkick.... Flair rolls out to stop the momentum.
-They bounce off the ropes. Sting goes for a leapfrog.... Flair grabs the ropes and stops. Both men smile. Hudson says, "They are putting on a show". Both men enjoy the moment.
-Sting with the Gorilla Slam.
-"Corner Punch-Away" by Sting. You can eat me.
-Flair pushes Sting away. Stands there. Falls on his face.
-oo, low blow by Flair.
-Flair with the snap mare.... followed by the corner knee drop.
-Flair climbs to the top turnbuckle. Sting catches him. Flair yells "NOOOOO!" Has that EVER worked?
-Flair holds the ropes again and Sting misses a dropkick
-Flair with the Figure Four. Sting reverses it!
-Flair chops away.... Sting doesn't sell any of them.
-Flair is sent into the corner... goes for his flip. Misses it entirely.... Father Time is a rotten old bastard.
-Sting with the Superplex.
-Flair submits.... Sting wins.
-Sting and Flair hug... many times. Hudson thanks Steve Borden and Ric Flair for everything. Flair seems a little stunned.
-The hugs continue until they cut to...
-RAW, which I covered in the RAW recap.
-NITRO ends with Shane in the middle of the Nitro ring.... well, actually, it ends with a plug for Wrestlemania.... which really does sum everything up rather neatly, as well as harshly.
-I refuse to mention the production glitches, why bother? I am feeling.... I don't know.... it's weird.
-Hey, FINALLY..... I simply cannot imagine what will happen next! Took them 8 months to deliver on that promise!
I have no idea WHO to give the night to. Oh, who am I kidding.... Nitro wins.
Okay, I don't know what kind of closer this will be, so let's just forge ahead and see what happens.
You know, it occurred to me while watching the Flair/Sting match that they more than likely didn't even TALK about what they were going to do? I like that, on a very basic level.
They put on a show. An old school show. No frills, no swerves, no pre-match conditions that were pre-arranged before the match with the booker. One guy gets put over more or he walks.... etc etc etc....
They had fun in there. They really did. Two professionals going out there and having a blast. Flair dumped the whole Heel CEO gimmick. Sting dumped the whole brooding shadow figure gimmick. They just went out there and enjoyed the pleasure of each other's impeccable professionalism.
And really, it was a throwback. It served as a celebration of a time when WCW didn't care about ratings, really. It didn't care about driving a stake into the WWF. It cared about giving people their money's worth, first and foremost. It didn't care about whipping peckers out with McMahon and seeing who could spend the most money.
I often wondered why WCW took a bad rap on the web. I wondered why I didn't enjoy it as much as I did when Saturday evening was the best time for a wrestling fan. Well, I ENJOYED it, I just didn't care for it more than I cared about the WWF. I think I know why, now.
Nitro did not feature the WCW I really liked. It featured the WCW Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff thought was best to attack RAW with.
I liked WCW back in the day because it was pure, and sweet when compared to the high gloss cartoonishness of the 80's WWF. It kept things all business in the ring.
Yeah, that all ended once Hulk Hogan came in. Which is not to blame him for anything.... it's just to say that the company needed a change and he and Bischoff provided it, but in the transition, they lost the purity of watching two professionals go to work in the ring, the guy who loses having no problem with putting the winner over.
Anyway, that's why Nitro never felt like a WCW show that I remember watching on TBS at 6:05. Maybe I'm just getting too old.
As far as the future goes? I can honestly say that I have no idea WHAT they plan on doing, but I sort of have this one, idea that I'd like to broadcast.
Shane rules WCW, Vince rules the WWF. Since part of the blame for WCW's woes are the fact that the people are used to the same faces and are jaded by the multiple attempts to repackage them, I really think some sort of major talent swap is necessary!
The WWF has five major main eventers. Austin, Rock, HHH, Angle, and the UT (yes, the UT.... listen to his pop for once, you punkass). Send two of them to WCW.... any two. just so long as Austin or the Rock are involved. Austin makes a more reasonable fit, but the Rock is a lot more fun. Throw in Eddie, X-Pac, The Big Show, and.... oh I don't know.
What I REALLY care about seeing is Shane sending a team into the WWF to wage a war. Flair is a must, because there is no point in life unless we can one day see Flair vs McMahon. O’Hare, because he can give ANY WWF worker a hell of a match, Palumbo, because he's tag partners with O’Hare. Lance Storm, STRICTLY to mess with Benoit. Sting, because it would be a kick... and SCOTT STEINER! Yes, keep Steiner, he's big, he's over, and he's intimidating. If he hangs around a WWF locker room for a while, he might even learn to relax more and behave.
Let's go through the money players and see who Vince should hire (assuming, of course, that I have ANY knowledge on this matter...)
1: Nash. Man, he got old in the 5 years he's been there. Too much partying. Hire him, he's over. But keep him on a short leash.
2: Page. Face it, the guy WORKS. He's a pain, but he friends with Austin. He's friends with Foley. And he is a great moral booster and very adept at taking younger guys under his wing. Keep it.
3: Scott Steiner. Hire him. He's over and like I said, he'd make a perfect "Enforcer" as a WCW "Invader"
4: Lex Luger. See ya. Lex was one of the first guys to start complaining during the Bishoff/Russo era. Lex just wants to pose.
5: Buff Bagwell. He can use a re-packaging, I think. He'd make a splendid RTC representative in WCW! If he accepts a pay cut AND agrees not to attack innocent staff members, give him a probationary job.
6: Sting. If he brings the zip he brough6t to the final Nitro? YES. If he doesn't? YES YES!
7: Hogan. Nope. Don't need him anymore. And does Vince really want to deal with a "Control the Book" clause in his contract? here, hire him for half a year JUST to get him into Wrestlemania with Austin or Rocky.
8: Booker T. Is he a big money playa? Who cares, GIVE HIM A RAISE!
9: Jarrett. Sad truth about JJ? He was only over in WCW by default. He's a nice guy and all and I admire him, but he was mostly boring. No dice.
10: I guess that leaves Goldberg: Ummm.... I honestly have no clue. There are positives and there are negatives here.... almost overwhelming on both sides. Sorry, I have to make like a Scaia and stay neutral with my thumb up my unwipped ass.... ooo, squishy.
I'm done here. Next week, no Nitro, but maybe I'll have something else up my sleeve. If not next week, then the week after.
And stop calling my house just to see if I really posted my number. Yeah, it's me.
Remember, we are only four days away from Scaia's big phony news column. It might not be too late to write to him and NICELY BEG him to re-consider
Austin wins at Wrestlemania. HHH wins. Angle wins. Raven escapes with a win. The Hardyz break up as E & C wins. Tazz wins. Shane wins. Chyna wins then spits on the chick title. Test wins. Jericho wins. And Pete Rose wins the battle royal by posing as the Gobbly Gooker costume.
And, of course, I win.... because I RULE.
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