The Midnight News 5.24.01
Posted By Hyatte on 05.24.01
Smackdown, Chyna, WCW Announcers, Backstage info, and two names you haven't heard from in a long while.
Today was rather quiet news-wise.... and most of the juicy stuff was already posted on the newsboard here at 411.
But, I have a couple of things they DON'T have!!! HEH!
Let's roll.... this won't take long.
SOME WITTY TITLE HAVING TO DO WITH SMACKDOWN
I don't deal with spoilers.... no sense in them. What am I? So friggin' important to the "scene" that I have to tell you ALL that happened in order to show myself off as "in the know"?... FEH.... I say FEH!!!
I will tell you that the Jap guy everyone's been carrying on about finally showed up. Look for him to enjoy a long WWF career getting clotheslined out of his shoes by Bradshaw.
Look for Saturn to get some more mileage out of the "payback" beating he took during Raw
From all accounts, the main event, a four way TLC match, will have you popping at home. This, apparently, will be HUGE.
Oh, and precious few DQ's and countouts too.
Pick a damn website.... all of them had these spoilers.
THE JUICE IS LOOSE!
Juventud Guerrera was backstage at Smackdown last night. Chavo Guerrero was there too. Word is Patterson's head exploded.... no confirmation as to which one.... could be both.
HHH was there too.
The Undertaker was not.
Scherer wasn't there either.... but his sources were... oh yes.
JOANIE LOVES CHYNA
They say Chyna is officially "Miss Thang" now that her Playboy spread sold so much. Okay, who was the joker that sent her a funhouse mirror for Christmas so now she looks in it and sees something other than a carny sideshow?
What? Like I have a shot at her?
Scherer posted that one too.
DON'T BOTHER, YOU AIN'T GETTING HER, FANBOY
Yeah, that thing with Tammy "Sunny" Sytch auctioning off her time on Ebay? Seems like that's a hoax. Damn.... and my crack dealer don't take refunds. What am I supposed to do with all this rock?
I'm sure she is 100% sober and doing just fine in life. Shaddup.
THE MAN THEY CALL AL(bert)
The WWF really, really wants to push Albert. Ross and the boys have been selling him like crazy.
The thing is, he's a bit of a brat backstage, throwing tantrums when things go wrong in a match. Very uncool. Some WWF folks want to give him another half a year's worth of seasoning before letting him loose.
MAKE HIM A HILLBILLY!!!!!! WE NEED A NEW HILLBILLY FOR THE NEW CENTURY!!!
That's off the The Torch Newsletter
WILL IGNORE THE MATCH AND TALK UP THE MAIN EVENT FOR FOOD
Tony Schiavone has been hounding the WWF Offices incessantly looking for work on the new WCW. So Much so that he is actually pissing people off and ruining what little chance he had at the gig.
You know, he really isn't that bad an announcer.... it's just that he had to call matches and talk up the shows with no knowledge of what was coming later. Plus, YOU try speaking into a mic coherently when you had Eric Bischoff yelling in your earpiece and second guessing everything you said.
Just something to chew over.
That's off the The Torch Newsletter too. The Torch Newsletter.... bringing you news TOO HOT for the Internet.
Umm.... nope. Nothing new posted here at 411. Keep a constant eye on the Newsboard because we keep dropping news like MADMEN!! (in fact, I just stole the last two items right off the board, scant minutes after Widro posted them.... heh)
I said this yesterday, but it bares repeating:
See, I want to see some commentary from the readers.... or other web site writers looking to say something different in a different setting. So, you submit a column to ME at
I pick the best one and post it in the Guest column next Monday.
Do NOT title your column or introduce yourself or spend time talking about who you are. Let the meat of your article do the speaking for you.
This is NOT a chance at an ongoing gig. However, you can submit a new column each week.... if I see consistently good, quality stuff, I'll talk to Widro about getting you aboard full time.
You have until this Friday to submit. AFTER you see the winner's column posted on Monday morning, THEN you can send in your submission column for NEXT week.
I am not looking for anything in particular... just a unique voice with intelligent thoughts. The sky's the limit here. Okay?
Good. Get cracking. This weekend, I'll review all the submissions and offer notes and opinions if you wish.
Now that all the "hard news" (oy) is over.... how about some fun
VAGUE CRZ AOL MESSAGE TO ME OF THE WEEK
"I hear YOU'VE been making comments"
Then silence for twenty minutes. He does that ALL the time.
SERVING THE COMPU
The following are Last week's top searched celebs according to CompuServe:
1. Britney Spears
2. Pamela Anderson
3. Jessica Alba
4. Jennifer Lopez
5. Carmen Electra
6. Sofia Vergara
7. Jennifer Aniston
8. Cindy Margolis
9. Alyssa Milano
Take a wild guess where I got this from
Now, we give Honky Tonk Man a day or two off and end the column with a year old quote from the Oh So Quotable...
HELL'S A WIGGIN'
From The Warrior's website
And to think Terry Bollea had the audacity to embarrass himself by saying I was "one-dimensional". Oh, BROTHER. You let the World down, Terry, when you did what was easy, instead of challenging. Naked before the world you are, and like your bald head, uncovered and revealing will your lack of integrity forever be. I mis-respected you. But, integrity will not grow where roots can't take hold. You were never but a put-on of what Hulk Hogan pretended to be. When was the last time you grew? As a man? As an adult? As a hero? As a leader? As a role model? Who are you really?
I am proud of my growth. As a Man. As an Adult. As a Hero. As a Leader. As a Role Model. As a Warrior. I am Warrior
After much consideration in thought and warrior-like work on many letters and essays on all kinds of topics, I’ve decided to put off making any extensive posts at this time on matters related to wrestling. I’ve no answers for the multitude of questions that I receive asking this and that about the business. Anything I say only becomes fodder for speculation. I’ve more
important, and enjoyable, things I like to do. There’s much to learn about in this vast world and I find it concerning so many wish to waste any of their time on one subject alone or doodling around with rumors, instead of the truth. The truth is I’ve no answers to give. No surprises to spring. About wrestling, that is; the industry overall or any part I may play in it in the near or far-off future.
Different than some may think, my absence from the business has not caused me to become a responsible adult. It is being a responsible adult that has caused me to be absent from the wrestling ring, the business of pro-wrestling. Ultimate Warrior will always hold a special place in the mind and hearts of his fans. If he never returns to the ring so be it. No one is more saddened by that than me. No one is more let down than his fans.
I want to take one more moment to make a quick note, first, in response to all the wonderful mail I’ve received. Thank you. If I were to say it a million more times it would not be enough. There are never too many times we can thank others for the great things -- big or small -- we appreciate they have done. Never. Thank you again.
No, Thank YOU....
Okay, so with that pugnaciously reputable porridge of glorification dully noted and sublimely cauterized within the perpendicular dialysis of our unificated souls... I bid you, from the unfathomable reaches of my oderiferously fortuitious cardiovascular organ.... farewell, Worrywarts!
This is Hyatte