The Midnight News 5.28.01
Posted By Hyatte on 05.28.01
Raw, Interviews, Shamrock, Flair (not Him), 411 Guest Columnist, Honky, Message Board Madness, and me.
I know this is more of a Mop-Up thing but....
Hey dude, get a fu**ing life, your site is there for the purpose of giving news, not a drunks view on wrestling. The "sport" is in sad state as it is, a low life such as yourself can only make it worse. Mabye you should seek professional help, mabye even a 12 step program.
Yes, mabye I should
I'm Chris and I honestly had no idea what I wrote on Friday night. It was as new to me as it was to you.
Widro thought it was "too lewd".
Trust me, I paid dearly for it.... dearly. For the better part of Friday, I couldn't even hold down a glass of water.
Why wasn't there a weekend news report?
Anyway, we have a LOT of news to cover, some old... some newish, plus the return of the Honky Tonk Man and a poopload of Message Board quotes. Something for everyone.
RAW IS SPECULATION
Coming off a huge Monday Night Raw last week, one wonders how the WWF can top themselves? Well, speculation is flying hot and heavy, baby!!!
It's in Canada, and everyone's fairly certain (at least Meltzer is reasonably confident) that Stu hart will be there. In fact, the
Stampede Wrestling Newsletter talked about how great a reconciliation of a 50 year relationship that ended abruptly two years ago would be. The Newsletter also mentioned how Jim Ross publicly stated his desire to see Stu honored on Raw.
Of course, the fact that Stampede is about to launch a Summer tour and could use some publicity doesn't hurt. Nor does the fact that the WWF is helping them with their Owen Hart tribute site with some memorabilia. The site is due to open this week, by the way.
Plus, with two Canadians named "Chris" currently being pushed like a rocket to the main event. Well, the timing is perfect for some the return of the Hart name on WWF TV.
Don't expect Bret to show up. Although, stranger things have hap.... no, this would be the strangest.
I don't do the prediction thing, but allow me to drop this. The WWF has been literally screaming that WCW is about to launch, even though no movements about securing a time slot on TNN has been reported. Both Jim Ross and Linda McMahon have been swearing that the launch is just days away.
In July, we have Invasion.
The WWF needs to continue the roll it started last week.
PLUS, I hear that Rob Van Dam has been telling people he is a new WCW hire.
Could we be seeing some WCW people on the show tomorrow night? Lance Storm, maybe?
Oh screw it, AUSTIN VS GOLDBERG!!! TOMORROW NIGHT!!! IT'LL HAPPEN, IT'LL HAPPEN, IT'LL HAPPEN!!!!
It's been well covered already, but I want to touch on a couple of items Jim Ross reported on.
1) He said the WWF is interested in signing David Flair and putting him on the Ohio program for a while. Now, this sounds like a lure to get his Father to sign up, but you must never underestimate the eyes of the WWF talent scouts. After all, NOBODY liked the Rock when he's first showed up, now he's in Hollywood banging starlets.
2) He said that the Undertaker was not at Smackdown because of a family medical emergency. None of this stopped Internet monkeys from CONTINUEING to scream "The Undertaker's pissed that he got pulled from the main event program! This is all a political temper tantrum!!!" These are the same buttwipes who virtually ignored the fact that HHH allowed a "Walls of Jericho" to be put on him while his thigh muscle was rolling up his leg and STILL screamed "Glass ceiling!!! HHH is faking an injury so he won't have to put anyone over!!!" Shut the F**K up, you ignorant LOSERS!! No wonder no one in the business takes the Internet seriously!!"
SPOKANE LIKE A TRUE LOSER
The WWF had booked a house show for San Francisco at the end of June. On the next day, they were going to play a house in Spokane, WA. Well they canceled the 'Frisco show and will probably kill the Washington one too. They cited low ticket sales. Doesn't Washington demand mandatory drug testing for all athletes playing there? THAT couldn't be the reason, could it? Low ticket sales isn't just an easier EXCUSE is it?
*sniff sniff* yeah, that smells like an RF Video item
LADY JUSTICE IS BLIND... LET'S GOOSE HER
Jim Lewis is a Florida Defense Attorney who had the heady task of defending Lionel Tate.
14 year old Tate was accused of killing 6 year old Tiffany Eunick with a bodyslam.
Lewis, who's client had shown all the remorse of a Vulture picking away at roadkill, decided to focus all the blame on the violent content of WWF Smackdown. Lewis tried to prove that the show was responsible for the deaths of four children, including Tiffany.
The defense didn't work. Tate was found guilty of first degree murder.
The WWF, having lost over 30 advertisers thanks to Lewis, has now brought a lawsuit down on Lewis. Lewis tried to have the case squashed, but lost his motion to dismiss. THE HUNTER NOW BECOMES THE HUNTED!
The whole thing sucks. Tate had the right to a fair trial with full access to the Court system. he was entitled to the best defense possible. What his Lawyer did was do just that. The WWF had every right to sue Lewis as well.
Meanwhile the PTC tried to get the WWF's suit against THEM thrown out too, they were rejected. The WWF will get to put them on trial.
None of this stops a 6 year old from being dead.
I took this one from The Torch
LAWLER AND ORDER
Jerry "The King Lawler gave an interview to a radio show a few days ago. What? You don't believe me? Why not? When have I lied to you?
-He said that Memphis Wrestling has been on local air for 22 years now. Lately, they have been renovating the studio, so they have been running "Classic Memphis Wrestling". Lawler says that these shows have the feel of VH-1's Behind The Music
-He announced that they will be running a "Legends" show in the Mid-South Coliseum on June 15th. He'll be there, along with the Fabulous Ones, the Sheepherders, the Road Warriors, the Moondogs, Jackie Fargo, Kamala, and Jimmy Hart. (This was the show that Hogan was thinking about fighting Lawler at. So maybe he's going to be a "surprise"?)
-Lawler said that old schoolers "ad-lib" it.... he said that these days, the youngsters spend too much time choreographing their matches. There's no more "spontaneity" anymore. (Yeah, those Hardy Boyz should just go and "wing" a TLC Match against Edge and Christian! How tough is it to ad-lib a Flying Fistdrop?)
-He said that the TLC match was "Panic Booking". Booking on the fly. It's done only for ratings and it ruins the "magic" of a PPV.
-He claimed that Vince McMahon used to have all storylines planned out from Wrestlemania to Wrestlemania. Now, with all these writers, he's booking things only a week, or even a few days in advance.
-He doesn't want to brag, but he says that without him on the mic to balance out JR's serious style of broadcasting, there is no one on air who let's the fans know that they are trying to have fun too. Without Lawler, the "audience feels insulted." (WHAT???)
-He doesn't even watch the WWF product anymore, he reads recaps! (Can't go wrong with the Mop-Up.... best recap on the Net! Better than ANYONE!!)
-He said that the only way THEY'D come back is if Vince fires the Goober who talked him into firing Stacy in the first place. If Vince made everything back to the way it was.... then THEY would return.
-Lawler said that because of him and his Wide being gone, ratings fell during sweeps and the WWF lost "millions" in potential ad revenues. Because of HIM and his WIFE being gone. HIM.... his WIFE.
-He says that there is an audience for old schoolers.... people who don't care about the youngsters. If he and Stacy came back, they could run an angle which was based on this ordeal and it would SCORE!! (It's a little one sided viewpoint, but essentially, he's right on the nose. It WOULD work.)
-He says that Vince should NEVER let a wrestler book his own storylines. A wrestler is selfish. he said Austin talked Vince into letting him turn heel because Austin knew that the Rock was the number 1 face in the company and Austin figured a turn would keep him up there
as the number 1 Heel. Lawler called that an example of a wrestler making a bad decision. (Agreeing to star in an Andy Kaufman biofilm would be another, I guess)
You can check out the full interview at Wrestling Nation.com. For another take on this interview, keep reading.
DOUBLE K SPEAKS OUT
To promote tomorrow's Raw, Kevin Kelly did a small radio show in Tacoma,WA. Either Kelly lies like a pregnant nun, or NO ONE on the Internet has any friggin' clue what they are talking about.
-Kelly said that "a true Canadian hero" will be on the show tomorrow. (The booked Geddy Lee? WHAT A COUP!!!!)
-He said that Regal and the Jap guy might face Blackman and Grandmaster Sexay. (I thought he was supposed to get viewers to WATCH?)
-Said that Stephanie and Michael Hayes wrote last week's shows, all Heyman did was make coffee. (This might be a lie, only because it serves the grand scheme of the WWF.... that being GET STEPHANIE OVER AT ALL COSTS)
-Rock MAY do a one shot Raw appearance next month, just to save their candy asses from total ratings humiliation
-He said the main event at King Of The Ring is going to be Benoit and Jericho against Kane and the Undertaker, with Steve Austin as Guest Referee. (Oh, now he's just F-ing with us.)
That was all Meltzer, baby!
ARE YOU READY TO ZONE OUT ALL OVER AGAIN?
RF Video is reporting that Alex Marvez is reporting that Ken Shamrock is looking into getting back into the WWF. He's all done with real fighting and is ready to pretend again. I used to like it when Shamrock would do a mid-level "snap" and scream for no reason.
You remember Alex Marvez, right? He had to Scaia's nose surgically removed from his rectum a few years ago. Of course, Scaia simply shoved his face right into Mike Samuda's buttcheeks without missing a beat.
Chris Benoit sat down with the WWF's Byte This show and answered a few softballs.
-He said that he was one hurting puppy after last week, but since it was the "best week of his career", he considers it a fair trade.
-He gave props to HHH for finishing the match.
-In WCW, he had lost his love for the business (dare I say, he "lost his smile"?), but he found it again in the WWF. He learned to love the locker room all over again.
-He's gotten a few concussions from the Flying Headbutt move, but it really all depends on who his opponent is.
-He's never teamed with Jericho before now, both of them spent a few hours talking about how to make the TLC match as good as possible without hurting themselves, or anyone else. He said they had little time to prepare. (BAH!! Who needs prep time? Just wing that mother... like Lawler says!)
-He calls Kurt Angle a great guy in and out of the ring.
-He can't wait to get to Canada with the tag belts. In fact, the whole Summer looks to be the best damn Summer of his career.
-He said he had to leave WCW because he was tired of having the rug yanked from under him every time he made a little headway. He said every guy who left WCW for the WWF will attest to this.
-He said that neither Nancy, nor "Woman" will be showing up. She's too busy raising their family and such.
Soft sell interview.... but we rarely hear from Benoit.
Buddy Landel showed up on a radio show. How The Torch managed to get their hands on this red hot piece of news is beyond me. I really think they DO have "connections"!
-Buddy says that during the brief time Mid-Atlantic Wrestling ran on New England television, they tried to get a house show going in New York. Vince McMahon, that sneaky prick, held a free concert right across the street from the building they were playing at. The concert brought in about 3 or 4 thousand people. The house show brought in 200 people. (is it any WONDER Vince runs the world now?)
-He left High School early and was "ejjacated" on the ways of the world by such scholars as Ron Garvin, Bob Orton Jr., Randy Savage, and Boris Malenko. Dean's Dad also showed him how to wrestle.
-Bob Orton Jr. gave him a black eye in his first match ever. It took a month to heal. He was 17. At that time, there were a lot of small territories in one region and guys would routinely bring guns and knives to bars in case they ran into wrestlers from other territories. All this made Buddy think that this was all real.
-Instead of wrestling, he's been spending his time wrecking cars. Two Porsches and a Stealth is the current tally.
-He never got much chance to check out ECW, but he knew a lot of the guys from the Smokey Mountain fed.
-He says the biggest difference these days is that wrestlers now work under contract. This was an unheard of practice until 1986. (oh, I doubt Hulk Hogan got paid per show)
-An Old Schooler gets bitter as Landel talked about the "good ol' days" when Heels were Heels and faces were faces and the two NEVER socialized. Now, it's all about lightening quick matches and thrilling fast action. No one tells a story anymore. (Yes, Landel's famous "30 minute armlock" was a real page turner)
-At 23, he was jamming with Ron Garvin for 60 minutes a night and being groomed for a run at Ric Flair. Flair was 36 at the time.
-In 1985, he was inches away from jumping to the WWF, but stayed with Cornette instead. He wrestled four matches. Then, he slipped on some ice in Philly and tore his quad muscle. He was never the same since. (meanwhile, HHH has vowed to rehab like an animal to get back as soon as possible.... these damn KIDS!!!!)
Annnnnd, that's it.
Lots of opinion columns up.
Bryce McNeil has a new Foot On The Ropes which is Bryce's WWF/WCW "Dream Card". It's no longer just a fantasy, kids.
Ben Morse continues to impress with a new The Mean which examines the Undertaker from a "Smart" point of view, from a "Mark" point of view, then tries to find a philosophical "Mean" between the two. It's quite good. Morse also has the distinction of being the first person to have thoroughly annoyed me on AOLIM within 5 minutes in many, many months.
Finally, the very first writer in the 411's Guest Column feature is posted. He didn't answer my e-mails in time, so his name is TSS. His column is called The Magician Is Dead and it is the 411's Showcase Commentary of the week. If you think you can do better than him.... or if you want to be the second Guest, you have until Friday to submit something to me. If nobody plays, then I'll kill the idea just as fast as I killed the Comic Book Mop-Up (whoo... stinko city, baby).
Me? I have the latest And Another Thing all mapped up in my head. It's just a matter of putting fingers to keyboard.
Okay... because you are having HTM withdrawals....
BECAUSE WE ARE A BEAUTIFUL AUDIENCE
Of course, how can I recap a Lawler interview without showing what Honky has to say about it:
In an interview posted on wrestlingnation.com Lawler knocks Stone Cold by saying Austin turned himself heel out of insecurity. Lawler goes on to say Austin saw Rocky as the top guy and didn't want to lose the spot. This fu**ing Lawler calls it, "a wrestler making a bad decision." Well I got news for the Queen, Stone Cold does about 8-10 million dollars a year. And if he wanted to, he would just whip lawler's ass for knocking him. Sounds like the Queen is a little jealous of the top guys in WWF or anybody other than himself that can call their own shots. You are history Queen. Get over it.
Lawler says the WWF ratings are down due to his absence--Bullsh*t. He didn't wrestle on the road shows and they are down. What is his thoughts on that one. I guess the live gates are down because Lawler is not sitting beside J.R. What is with this fu**ing goof. He goes on to say how he could help the WWF as an in ring personality. But then, contradicts himself by saying, Vince should have been smarter to realize the last person to take advice from is a wrestler, these guys are out for themselves and working for their own position. Shows you how Lawler feels about the wrestlers. This is a cheap ass, dip sh*t, promoter talking folks. If he doesn't have his own agenda, then I'm a God Dam rocket scientist.
You know... I'm starting to think that maybe this is a WORK!?!?!
Who cares? So long as he keeps "shooting" like this...
Now, let's wrap things off everyone's favorite weekly feature...
ACROSS THE BOARDS
"Well, HHH suffered a good injury on Raw. It might require and could be out three monthes. You says this wasn't the best Raw ever."
"Vagina never hurt nobody, Deano."
"Tazz posted his final commentary on his website yesterday. I promised myself I wouldn't cry [voice cracks]...Oh no [sniffs]...Here come the waterworks. Talk amongst yourselves"
"I'm a Star Trek fan and I get laid all the time."
"It's obvious what following in Mick's footsteps brings the idiot who attempts it. Mick, and the WWF, loudly shill Mick's injuries and physical degradation as often as possible. Those who decide to follow his footsteps should clearly be labeled fools in their own right."
"Is Hulk Hogan somehow more talented because he never took a bump in his life and sucks just as much as he did a decade ago?"
"Hogan took plenty of bumps. Most of them were safe. Ditto Flair by the way, if you're looking to piss on someone."
"Hogan's days as an effective draw put Dynamite, Kobashi, and Mick to shame. The Cult of Broken Bodies doesn't have much longevity on their side, talented or not."
"Maybe they slipped Vince a mickey during the booking sessions for this week and knocked his ass out...or maybe he finally watched the crap they've been shilling since Wrestlemania"
"Who died and made DVD marks god!!! There seems to be a total lack of respect for respected journalism in here,,,firstly the DVD argument is hugely flawed in relation to the DVD 500. Secondly why bitch at guys who know more about this industry than everyone who has ever wrote a piece for this site combined."
"Waltman is the most consistently coked-up looking person on tv, from my viewpoint."
"Just because this guy's written a guest editorial for the Torch doesn't mean he knows WTF he's talking about. Obviously..."
"Vince Mac. better make Austin a face again or else the ratings will keep on dropping No Rock. No HHH. No HBK. it would not be smart to keep Austin the A$$hole! Maybe Russo can help them?"
"Oh my god, it's the INVASION OF THE SZULCZEWSKI ZOMBIE CLONES! Quick, distract them with a potential lesbian angle and run like hell!"
"I don't care if Bret hates Vince, everybody has a price. And if Stu is willing to show up on WWF TV, Bret showing up is not impossible."
"One of my friends from highschool got married with the Queen wedding march from Flash.
All the kids dug it, man.."
"C'mon - how can the WWF expect anyone to boo someone who quotes the Cookie Monster. Though, I wonder if this shoots holes in the WWF's "We don't promote our shows to children" defense."
"Suburban Commando is such a great movie. Even arcade games put Hogan over like he was the Messiah. And Christopher Lloyd does the worm."
"Why not put the Undertaker in a program with Raven? Raven could get inside his head and play games, and the Undertaker would eventually have to return to the dark side to even the score. It would put 'Taker in a compelling angle while allowing others to still get elevated, it would give Raven a much-needed boost, and it would definitely get a good fan response."
"You're calling Stone Cold Steve Austin a GOOD HEEL!?!?!? He's Stone Cold Steve Austin! He's the WWF Champion! He doesn't deserve.....to be called a good heel. He's like that damn Energizer bunny. He keeps going and going and going and going and going....... He was a heel in 1996. Now he's just an annoying piece of crap"
"Just browsed the Usenet newsgroup and found that I've been named the most despised poster in the group... :( And here I am without a proper acceptance speech. I guess not falling at McMahon's feet will do that for a fellow..."
"Well, the travel suitcases on little wheels didn't help either. Big tough wrestlers are filmed leaving the arena rolling their bags along? Come on..."
"Whatever the flaws of the DVDVR 500 are, and admitedly there are quite a few, they aren't half as flawed as those of the nutjob who come over here to slap it around. It's sort of like arguing with a creationist by taking the position the the universe truly began by being farted out of a giant elephant's ass. Creationism theory may be nutty as all hell, but Elephant's Ass is bong induced."
"iwrestilng didn't change for the worse. The new format was clearly better. Weren't you paying attention when Freakboy kept saying that the new format was better and was attracting more traffic despite the fact that everyone on the board was consistently telling him it sucked?"
"I walked into my kitchen this morning and said 'My NAME is Shane O'Bryant, and I deserve breakfast!!,' but nobody got me anything."
"When they go to Calgary for Raw is War! I wonder if Vince would dare go out to the Ring? I wonder and hope he gets a police escort! They ought to have a field day in funneling in crowd noise as well as takin signs and posters! Anybody know when RAW goes to Memphis?"
" 'Speaking or hairy, I bet you have really hairy balls.' Tell me that isn't the greatest line EVER spoken in wrestling."
"I't be a shame if Christian became Marty Janetty 2000"
"or even Marty Janetty 2001 :-)"
"Please..you are so far up your self that you get cheese on your toothbrush every morning!!"
" 'Get bent.' Someone explain how this is an insult. What does it mean? 'Get bent' has always struck me as one of the lamest, no thought insults people toss around."
"If you go anywhere near my cat I will punch your face through the back of your skull."
"Because I'm not attracted to a woman who looks like Steven Tyler with a boob job and a tan, I must be attracted to men?"
"I'm not being mean, but why exactly are you going to 1blob.con?"
Well, that's enough from me.
I was going to wish you all a happy Memorial Day, but then remembered that I didn't give a flying crap whether you were happy or not.
I have my own headaches, jerkweed.
This is Hyatte