The Midnight News 7.13.01
Posted By Hyatte on 07.13.01
Fly Writing, Bischoff, Who will defect next?, The secret code of wrestlers, Canada lashes out, and I do America proud
Newswise, it's a dead day. Even Scherer's Lariat was only 3 pages.... the first being that poll that everyone skips and the third being that "feedback is welcome- visit our sponsors- you just clicked to a worthless page and doubled my readership count" page
Really, there are only two major topics.... but I managed to get a surprise or three in here, so your visit is worth it.
SCREW THE FUTURE.... BOOK FOR TODAY!!!
Well, sometime yesterday, the WWF had a HUGE pow-wow to plot the current course of this whole "Invasion" angle. The word from The Torch
(although pretty much everyone else agrees) is that they are only concentrating on what will happen one day at a time.
For instance, the insertion of Paul Heyman and ECW into the mix was only to juice up the WWF/WCW war, then slink off and be absorbed into both factions. Now, with the heat Heyman got from the fans, that all may change. Even the planned WCW takeover of Raw is in question.
Scherer took it one step further and announced that plans for WCW Raw has indeed been scrapped, and for the time being, they will continue to run an "NWO Style" inter-company struggle.
I'd personally like to see the WWF run two companies. There are a lot of WCW guys who don't deserve to be shoved into the WWF midcard shuffle. Booker deserves to be built as a respected, credible champion.... not a second rate champ next to Austin or whoever holds the WWF belt.
THE MAN JUST WON'T GO AWAY!!!
Our very own Uncle Eric Bischoff is deep in discussions with DirecTV concerning creating a wrestling promotion that the Satellite company would distribute.
Henry Holmes, Attorney to the Wrestlers! (I thought that was Bob Barnett?) is working the legal Voodoo on Bischoff's behalf.
No one knows if this has anything to do with Bischoff's "Matrats" fiasco (Pro-Wrestling KIDS!!!).... which so far is only known for getting it's website hacked into.
There isn't a doubt in my mind that Bischoff will hook up with Hogan again, and it would not shock me if these dealings have anything to do with Hogan's new promotion. Two morons.
1Bob reported this nightmarish story.
SHOCKING DEFECTION SPOILER!!
I found this tidbit in my mailbox yesterday....
You heard it here first - Austin turns at "Invasion", and joins ECWCW.
Who is Jim Sullivan? He is a man with NO professional connection to wrestling in ANY way, shape, or form. He is just a fan.
Be prepared. Austin's defecting!
COOL WRESTLING SECRETS.... REVEALED
I got a letter from a guy who helped explain more fully proper Locker Room Etiquette in Pro Wrestling. He also cleared up a few curious wrestling slang terms some of you may have wondered about (I know I did).
Note the way he casually tosses off the word "rat"... something NO fan or writer ever does. This tells me that he is the real deal. This isn't some rube trying to F-with me.
I won't give up his name because I want him to KEEP writing to me every so often with more inside dope, whenever the mood hits him.
"Just a quick note to explain how it works in the locker room:
1: When you arrive it is considered rude if you do not go around the entire room and speak to everyone and shake their hand and to introduce yourself to the people you don’t know. If you have been with a company for many years (like Mark has) it is not necessary to shake hands with everyone but it is necessary to speak and acknowledge everyone present. If you are new to a company it is a must as to not project an "I’m better than you" attitude to the others as that is how it is perceived. Basically, common courtesy is the rule and this applies to everyone, even people you don’t necessarily like, it shows you are professional.
2: If you are out at a bar or restaurant with several of the boys if you are to leave to go to the bathroom or take off with a rat or whatever you need to let someone in the group know in the event you are gone to long someone can come to check on you to make sure you are all right, sort of a back watching type thing so that no one is left or approached without someone knowing how or where to find you.
3: Another subject, the use of the word 'potato' as it pertains to being accidentally (or not) hit by another person, this is usually shortened to 'tater' as in 'Dammit greenhorn, you just tatered me again, one more and you get a receipt.' If the two workers are friends and each knows that the 'tater' was accidental one will often yell 'IDAHO' as in 'Idaho russet potatoes', just another bastardized version of the slang.
4: There are lots of other words that are used by workers that haven't made the smarks definitions lists like, 'Carpenter' or 'Carpentry', the 'hook', 'powder' just to name a few (I would define them now but we can’t give away ALL our secrets).
5: While I'm on this subject, 'jabronie' is actually spelled j-o-b-r-o-n-y from the root word 'Job' which means to loose, several variations are J-Brone, Jobber and Horowitz, (just kidding on the last one).
Anyway, I hope that clears up some of that, I took from your article that you inferred that UT was just being an a$$hole, but believe it or not, there are actually some rules of etiquette even in wrestling."
I would NEVER call the Undertaker an "a$$hole". I just thought the whole "you-waited-too-long-so-now-it's-too-late thing seemed a bit loopy.
But, I do see the logic behind it... a happy locker room is one where certain standards are maintained. Helps keep moral up and fist-fights down.
There, so now you JOBRONYS are educated!
First and foremost, I want to mention that I've gotten a TON of Guest Column submissions yesterday... which is GOOD. This tells me that instead of you people just slapping together something as soon as I put the word out, you all took a few days and really WORKED on something. THAT"S what I want to see. Good job.
Sean McCluskey rifled off another action packed
Danny Birdwell actually recapped THIS week's
Tough Enough and got it in on the same day! Well done, m'lad. Well done.
No one else wrote anything in the opinion columns. HEY!! Who gave YOU guys the week off? Only *I* am allowed vacation time!!!
So, rather than hit up another wrestler's site for some words, I thought I'd end the week by going deep into the mailbag and pulling out some MORE comments by our red headed stepchild neighbors up North. Get ready to revel in American pride as we once again hear from.... CANADA!!!
YOU HOSERS TAKE OFF, EH?
Oh, and in case you missed the news I reported on Toronto's Mayor, click here and read the bottom part. It'll help you keep up with some of these letters.
First... some general Canada defending:
I guess alcohol really does kill brain cells, because you have the ramblings of a deranged lunatic. I thought the Missing Link was dead or perhaps you derive from the same gene pool as George "the Animal" Steele, whichever it is I beg of you..."Stop the Insanity". America saving asses in which war? Every time your America dares to enter into a combat situation that they have not carefully orchestrated and created, they get their asses handed to them. The USA was not a saviour for any of the World Wars, they were an example of a children with toys and how the uninformed abuse power. How else would you explain being over a trillion dollars in debt? How else would you explain staging the first lunar landing? or how about assissanating any political figure that offers an opinion of reason and understanding [JFK, Martin Luther King etc...] Insanity is defined as lacking reasonable thought: showing a complete lack of reason or foresight. The good old U.S of A may do better for themselves if they add the "I" for insane in there so that we don’t have to make assumptions. Because you know what happens when you assume....you make an "ASS" out of "U" and "ME", just like the the old Red White and Blue
I am Phits, and I am Canadian!! (lost the damn e-mail address)
*ahem... a leaf. You have a LEAF on your damn flag.
And YOUR flag is red and white.... no blue because all Canadian blue is in your Canadian balls from being IMPOTENT AGAINST THE AMERICAN DREAM!!!!!!
You know America was nothing until WW2 Canada was a much more military country, Americans, pff why dont you go play war with George Bush,When you wait up and realize in Canada you can walk down the street and 2am and be safe and not worry about some gun toting yank to blow your head off you see what we all see..
Ahem.... the danger involved in walking around at 2:00 a.m. in the morning is what makes American life SO FUN!!! It's also what makes us SO PROUD. How MISERABLE would we be if we had a nationwide 10 p.m. curfew?
There's a reason you haven't tried since 1812 and its got nothing to do with history and everything to do with the fact that it'd end up like South Park the movie: our hockey stick and chainsaw army would hand you your asses and eat your babies. And since the World Wars (which America entered when they were all but over), Vietnam and a bunch of tinpot dictators built up by western media to Hitleresque status and your cracker pilots still couldn't get it done in Serbia. It's as simple as this jerry: i'll get 5 friends, you pay 5 people to be your friend, 10 cases of Canadian beer and we'll see you under the table.
Oh no, there isn't a single Canadian ALIVE who could outdrink ME!!! F-the beer, I'll bring the JACK DANIELS... first Canuck to puke it all up loses.
Here's a little American love.
Hey, remind them that Britain/Russia/FRANCE were getting their asses handed to them in BOTH WWI and WWII until we got involved. And WWI was over within 8 months of our involvement which was lightning speed back then. Let’s rename Canada "Land of the Moose-blowers" just to piss them off. I mean... hey, they've got a beer called Moosehead!
"Land of the Mooseblowers"... I LIKE IT! It is now the official name for that American colony.
Now let's get to some comments about Mel Lastman, the Mayor of Toronto
Mel Lastman doesn't represent all Canadians, just like Senator John McCain doesn't represent all Americans. And Toronto is a hell-hole.
Yes, but to Americans, Canada is nothing but frozen tundra and Frenchmen surrounding a huge city called Toronto. To us, Toronto is the only shred of actual civilization you have.
Deep down in the souls of all Americans lies the essence of John McCain... a true American Hero! We all strive to be as courageous as him.
Hyatte, you missed a few points about Toronto's great mayor. His wife was caught shoplifting a pair of jeans a while ago and he has 2 illigitimate kids from an affair he had 25 years ago and the family is poorer than an Alabama Hillbilly while he is loaded. He is a jackass, makes Marion Berry seem like a good mayor!!!
How did he get elected anyway? I bet it has something to do with Hockey!
Way to stay on top of the news idiot that was like a month ago. Furhtermore I don't think any American is in the position to call anyone a racist or have you all forgotten the whole slavery incident.
Slavery incident? What slavery incident. I didn’t get a chance to read the paper this morning, what happened?
Just because your the loudest doesn’t make you right.
Of course it does, fool. Where've you been?
Before splitting for the weekend, I want to make this perfectly clear to you Can... Moose Blowers...
Yeah, I'm boorish, obnoxious, slovenly, bigoted, and retarded about my American pride... but I simply speak for ALL OF US!!!
We don't CARE what other countries think of us. We don't CARE if you laugh at our President or our Crime rate. We don't CARE if you make a face whenever you think of "those Americans". We don't CARE!! Our President is dumb enough and crazy enough to nuke everyone else out of existence and WE LOVE IT!!!!
We can kick your ass in war. We can destroy your economy within a single day. We can block shipments of food and clothing from coming into your land. We can outshoot you, outfight you, out f**k your women, and outsmart you. We know that deep down, you ALL want to live here. You ALL want to do what we do. You ALL want to be able to snort cocaine, smoke Cuban cigars, and have anal sex with a horny teenager while listening to Howard Stern make fun of retards without being censored by big brother. We are AMERICA... we OWN your ass... and we know that you HATE US BECAUSE YOU ENVY US SO MUCH!!!! FEAR US!!!
Our Flag can never touch the ground. When it is time to destroy it, we hold a formal burning ceremony, THAT'S how much we honor it's symbol! Our heroes are given a honorable and proper national funeral, THAT'S how much we respect those who would fight for our land! Each and every one of us is able to make as much money as they possibly can and spend it in any way they see fit. Our language is MANLY... we don't sound like fags when we speak it. Our women FIGHT against age and keep their body hair shaven! They wear skimpy clothes and LOVE to ride some stranger they just met. We work hard, we play hard, we f**k hard, and we fight hard.... and we LOVE IT!!
So, from all of America to all of Canada, Britain, France, Iraq, Iran, Turkey, Russia, Germany, Japan, China, and every other non-American country with their nuts all in a bind because you ain't sh*t without us... I proudly say... SUCK OUR D**KS!!!
This is Hyatte goddammit