The Midnight News 7.20.01
Posted By Hyatte on 07.20.01
Good Ol'JR, Steiner, Ryder, Gordy's Funeral, Dingleberries, Jake on Honky, and the conclusion to Ring Rats`
Sometimes, there is one HUGE news item for that day, and everyone snags it off one site and builds their entire newsday around it.
I am, of course, completely down with this.
JAW JACKING JIMMY JINGLES JOWLS
Jim Ross had a lengthy conference call yesterday afternoon where various reports got to ask him questions.
In case there was ANY DOUBT AMONG YOU LITTLE MORONS as to who really has the juice here online.... it was 1wrestling that got to take part of it... and everyone else cribbed the news from their site. Keller, Meltzer... EVERYONE.
Well, maybe wrestleline was there too... I never go to WL anymore, so I wouldn't know.
No, I'm not bucking for a writing gig at 1bob (Like that would happen even if I was), I'm just speaking what is so obviously seems to be the truth.
-Here are select cuts from the recap...
-Ross don't know from law (he's just a hillbilly, don'cha know), but the court overseeing the ECW Bankruptcy does not appear to have any problems with how they are using the ECW name and images. He says that they will look into purchasing ECW's library and intellectual property once all this is settled.
-He always admired the loyalty and the enthusiasm of the ECW audience, so he knew the pop for ECW's reformation was going to be big.
-Ross admitted that they all overestimated the popularity of the WCW brand, especially with the lack of really big stars they weren't able to land yet... so bringing ECW in the mix was done to jack up the WCW side of the war. He said the idea came from Vince McMahon and the falling TV ratings.
-Ross says that Sting is a forty two year old man with plenty of money and is pursuing other interests, so he's out. Goldberg wants to get PAID, muthafu**a. Ric Flair deserves every cent he's getting from AOL, which is more than what the WWF is willing to give him. Says that EVERY wrestler has to do what makes the most fiscal sense for them, but Flair especially will be welcome with open arms should he decide to go for it.
-Ross says that ticket sales and TV ratings have gone up since Invasion, and feels that making WECW the clear cut "bad guys" here may have something to do with it. Not because the WWF are natural "Faces", but because the clear lines being drawn help.
- Says that Buff Bagwell had a bad "aura" around him that he didn't try to change. He needed an attitude change in a big way. Instead of being outright "fired", Ross said that Bagwell is just chilling out for a while and will be brought back sometime in the future and will be re-evaluated.
-Ross says that the next big step for the company is to take all these guys they've brought in and give them the push they deserve. This takes time. Small time WCW guys, like Johnny the Bull, will have to bide their time in Farm companies before getting their chance to shine.
-Ross is deeply saddened on the death of Terry Gordy. He just saw him last week where they shared a hug (FAGS!!). He talked up Gordy, claiming that he could've been in the Wrestlemania main event based on his in-ring skills alone.
-The WCW had to become "the bad guys" because they were missing the big names. Says that the WCW brand and the WCW Show WILL happen, but it's going to take a lot of time. There is no target date anymore.
-Ross says that there WILL be no talent cuts in the near future, despite what the Internet (*COUGHSCHERERCOUGH*) said. There WILL (has been) a meeting set for Thursday, but rumors that there will be talent cuts are simply "half truths and lies"
-The Women's title is not dead, it'll just be forgotten for a little while.
-Ross doesn't know who will be broadcasting alongside him on Sunday, but they have a couple of ideas.
-Says that the Big Show has potential, but part of the blame for him is that the WWF hasn't done the best job they could have with him. He said that the Show was "another" WCW player who just wasn't ready for the big time. He still has hopes.
-Ross praised the next "big stars" that can rise from the holes in the main event roster (The Rock, HHH, Benoit) are guys like Edge, Christian, Jeff Hardy and Matt Hardy, who he thinks would make a great Heel. Cites the APA as a good example of two guys who patiently waited their turn... claims APA merchandise sold well even when they weren't on camera alot.
-Says that they tried to negotiate with Chyna's representatives for the longest time, but neither side could agree on a price. As of now, they plan on letting her contract run out without a fight. The door isn't closed and she'll always be able to return if (more like when) her TV/Film attempt bottoms out.
-Ross says that the WWF talent and the WCW talent are starting to get along. There was a lot of tension between the two locker rooms at first, but working the road together and getting rid of Buff helped things ease up. Says that everyone is starting to get on the some page.
-Ross misses Lawler, thinks he needs to work out other issues before coming back. But Ross would be shocked if Lawler did not come back sometime in the future.
-Ross says that HBK is under contract, and thinks he can and will definitely contribute to the WWF. But HBK has "personality issues" that he has to work out and for now, there is nothing in the WWF developed for him.
-Ross said that nothing is set, but you can go ahead and pencil the Rock in on making his TV return during the first week of August.
-Says that both Al Snow and Mike Sanders are being looked at for announcing duties. Snow will be brought up slowly, starting with Heat. Sanders worked with Michael Cole in Atlanta and will get more training in Stamford.
-Ross says that Gordon Solie was the absolute best announcer EVER(!!!), and everyone else is just fighting for the #2 slot. Credits Bill Watts for helping him develop his style because Watts knew how to make wrestling feel authentic. Ross always works on making his tone fuel the emotions of the fans, and should the day come where he become bored with the product and stop enjoying his work, he should be "put to rest"
-He tries not to know what's going to happen in the match, unless he absolutely has to know. He enjoys letting the match itself dictate his call.
-The Sandman isn't coming in now, or EVER!!! (butthedoorisn'tslammedshut)
-He is very excited about hiring Scott Steiner... when he gets healthy. Ross says he called Steiner ten times last month.
-He wrapped up by saying that Invasion has been a "fun ride" and very unpredictable. The Sunday show may be a rousing success or a trainwreck.
SPEAKING OF WHICH...
As far as Scott Steiner goes, a lot of people close to him think that his back problems will prevent him from ever wrestling again.
The good news is that in WCW, he underwent a strenuous stretching routine before each match that helped his back stay limber and kept any muscle from pulling on him. If he kept doing this, he could probably keep his career going, so long as he didn't overdo things in there (hardly a problem with the guy)
Really, a lot of people think the simple task of losing some of that obscene muscle mass would also lessen the strain on his back as well.
RF Video reported this.
THERE AIN'T NO "BADSTREET" IN HEAVEN!
The Observer felt it necessary to report on Terry Gordy's funeral. 300 people showed up. Michael Hayes was there and sat with Gordy's family.
Incidentally, Gordy died of a heart attack. This is old news by now, but just in case you didn't know.
SIX DEGREES OF RYDER FAKIN
Everytime one of these hits my mailbox... I'm posting it.
Not sure if you picked up on this....
On RAW Monday, Paul Heyman attempted to persuade Perry Saturn to join the WECW Invasion.
Perry Saturn's recent gimmick includes carrying a mop to the ring.
An Internet column titled the Mop-Up caused a controversy several years ago when the ICQ number of a top level Internet Wrestling Personality was published.
That number belonged to BOB.
Six degrees of Ryder Fakin
BECAUSE ONLY DOUCHEBAGS "ASK THE RICK"...
This note was sent to me earlier today, a question which I feel EVERYONE must wonder...
Chris: I'm far too embarrassed to ask my girlfriend, sister or mother... do girls get dingleberries?
Dingleberries are the little pieces of toiler paper that get caught in your ass hair when you wipe. Looking at Chyna's Playboy spread sparked this debate. Go back to the Nov. 2000 issue and take a look... she's got back/ass hair.
Please, help this young, troubled man.
Smackdown has been recapped faster than a virgin's first climax by someone who knows all to well what THAT's all about.... 411's very own Sean "Bean" McCluskey!!
Josh Nason has another Fight Club all set. The man read Foley's book and has reviewed it for you. And what a shock, he isn't 100% DROOLING over the thing... he actually makes a few critical points!!
Nason also gave you Indy fans (both of you) a thrill and posted
The 411 Indy Report go and see who is stealing YOUR favorite wrestler's gimmick and doing a lousy half-assed job with it!
TAKE US HOME JAKENKY
For some odd reason.... from time to time, Jake Roberts-who has a perfectly good site of his very own- decides to go on Honky Tonk Man.com to broadcast his views.
So, here is his latest diatribe, THAT SHOULD GO ON HIS OWN FRIGGIN' SITE...
Flair has another problem, he doesn't have anyone else's ass to stick his nose up! He really must be lonely. One of the few things that I really, really enjoyed was when Vince turned GQ Terry Taylor into the Red Rooster - seeing Vince and Pat Patterson trying to teach Terry to cock-a-doodle-do, and then watching Terry actually believe that it might work, showed me not only how good Vince was, but how bad Taylor was. Now I don't regret hardwaying him by DDT'ing him on that chair on Shreveport television, or even telling Watts that I never touched him, just to watch Watts bodysearch and accuse him of a blade job. Although Taylor is partly responsible for me going to the WWF, he is one that shouldn't even be in this business.
God Bless Jake... God Bless Honky.... God Bless EVERY old timer who just doesn't care anymore.
THE RING RAT SURVIVAL GUIDE
The final chapter... and maybe the best one...
Chapter 5: The Rat's Reaction
After a night of losing their dignity, a typical rat feels compelled enough to share their experiences with their online rat friends. Chapter 5 illustrates "the morning after" ritual of these should-have-been-abortions.
As soon as the rat gets home to her trailer, she immediately puts on her computer and posts about her sexual experiences the night before on a retarded message board like
A rat will never give you any praise, no matter how great your sexual prowess may be.
Here is an example of a typical post:
Subject: I banged The Rock, HHH, Gerald Brisco & some jobber all last nite!!!!!
Date: March 23rd, 2001
Hiya ppls! I just got home from the Smackdown taping last nite & I am so damn sore!!!!
ROTFLMAO! OMG! Duane is so huge, I am still bleeding like a pig. I could not even fit his **** in my mouth. Jean-Paul is truly the Game! He *** me doggy style and I *** so damn much. LOL! Brisco was good for an old man, his tongue was very nice :) His **** was surprisingly big, which I did not mind at all ;) And I banged some jobber, who lost to Steve Blackman. He was OK. He spent most of the time shoving a toothbrush up his ***, I am sooooo not into that gay stuff.
Talk to ya all laterz ~~ :)
Notice how the rat refers to the wrestlers by their birth names. They feel once they slept with a worker they have the right to refer to them in that manner. Justification
A rat will never admit to being a "slut" or a "whore". They will make up lavish excuses like these:
"Sex is a natural act, sleeping with 6 men in one night is a God-given right"
"I am like any other woman, hot-blooded & ready to go baby! My coochie itches"
"Everyone wishes they can have me, I am so damn good"
"If a guy sleeps with many women is he a slut? No, so why am I?"
Hopefully you will take into account everything that can be learned from this guide.
And there you have it. Please, feel free to go into the archives and go through each chapter from this week.
OR... you can go to
Fat Chicks with the Hardy Boyz and see the whole thing... with AWESOME pictures that make the experience even better.
In case you missed it, this is the first time I found anything useful from a GEOCITIES page!!! Yes, I feel dirty... I feel FILTHY!!!
As you log jam their site and make it crash... be sure to drop them an e-mail and thank them from me. I'd do it myself, but I'm MUCH too important.
Ahh... I'm all set. Another week knocked out. Personally, I think this was the best damn week I've ever had with this news thing. I'm starting to ROLL BABY!!! ROLLL!!!
So, I guess the downfall of Hyatte (two) will get going next week. Be sure to tune in and watch me go down in flames.
“My cootchie itches”.... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA
This is Hyatte.