The Midnight News 7.27.01
Posted By Hyatte on 07.27.01
No news worth anything and Im drunk... wanna guess what's in here?
Look... there be no news today. It happens... the fuc**in world does NOT reveolve around pro wrestling....sometimes, NOTHING happens... nada... zilch.... el zegundo.... see ya, wouldn'tt wanna be ya.
What? Am I supposed to provide in depth coverage of this... Indiana company that is sucking up the McMahon throwaways? The Hell I WILL!!!!
The truth is... I am Chris... I am drunk.... and I ain't like those other dippy dicky dicks who feel they have to do news every day WHETHER THERE IS NEWS TO BE REPORTED ON OR NOT!!!!!!
Scherer.... bless his old fart heart.... knows to take a day off when there ain't nothing to report.
I have bigger fish to fry.... see.... I just got home from a date with a lov... errm...... with a girl. I tell ya'... I almost punched her. I almost knocked the bitch out cold.... what is it with you broads? I know some of you MUST be cool.... I know a chick named Leigh B who is BEYOND COOL for reasons I refuse to dispartake. WHY ARE ALL THE CHICKS I FU**IN MEET LITTLE C-BAGS????
This chick.... this HUWAA.... she drove me batty all night long.... yammer yammer yammer yammer yammer yammer yammer me me me me me me me me me me me I did this, I did that, I went here, I went there. Here is my life story from the moment my daddy pumped a batch of hot white stuff into Mommy's cookie.... blah blah blah yakata yakata yakata, yakata squaw squaw squaw... oh god in such exsquisite detail..... every goddam word a goddam pearl that I am expectedf to goddam record and goddam save for posterity....
OH THE DRAGONS she slayed.... one thing ALL chicks have in common.... ALL OF THEM... MARK MY WORDS HERE.....they ALL LOVE to talk about the hardships of their life and how they OVERCAME them!! Hardships 6that would DESTROY a regualr mortal... but SHE.... with her BRAINS, GUTS, AND SHEER WILL POWER.... has DESTROYED.... DRETHRONED.... DISMANTLED... AND DECIMATED! Oh yes... you are not going out with just ANY chick... no nono... you are going out with WONDER FUC**IN WOMAN..
So.... this bitch.... whom I took out.... I'm sitting here... thinking maybe if I ride out her yacking.... (with quite a bit of self lubrication.... oh God... Booze kmakes it all so easier) at least I can still get a little slit action.... mkaybe if I nod my head and try to keep at least a SEMBLENCE of interest going.... MAYBE I can grab a quick tumble....
No no... didn't even get any oral.... YOU SAGGY C-BOX!!!!!!!
To makes matters worse.... judging from the way her eye kept wandering and checking out the other guys...... it dawned on me that she preferred the company of.... others
No, not women... you dink,.... BLACK MEN!!!! SHE KEPT EYEING ANY BLACK GUY WHO CAME WITHIN A 20 FOOT RADIUS OF US!!!!!
now look,.... I don't care WHO you like.... if you can find love with ANYONE.... no matter what color, creed, or even if they are a Jew... I say HAPPY TRAILS AND GOOD LUCK
But for the love of Jesus Christ and his band of twelve merry men.... DON'T DROOL OVER A BLACK GUY WHEN YOU HAVE A PERFECTLY GOOD WHITE GUY WITH A FIVE INCH PENIS RIGHT ACROSS FROM YOU!!!!
So we had the eyeing and the dragonslaying and the perservering and yammering about ex-boyfriends and daddys and abortions and tough live and work and nobody knows the trouble she's seen nobody knows the sorrow which gets me so nuts that I almost reached across the table hgrabbed her by the neck and screamed SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I dropoped her off.... she went to kiss me goodnight.... aiming right for my mouth.... lips slightly opened.... easy toungue job coming.... I TURNED AWAY AND LEFT!!! F-HER F-HER F-HER !!!!!
I went to a club in Providence.... found a few friends... we went to a strip club... and I paid some dyke named Tiffany $100 rubbing her titties in my face for the duration of the song, "I'm about to break" by Linkin Park, that "South Side" song with Moby, and something else... I forget..... Tiffany kept her damn fool mouth SHUT and I kept my damn fool hands off her.... we got along just fine and just fu*kin dandy.
Moral of the story? There is none.... this is LIFE. Life has no morals... you live the goddam thing in any way you see fit.
"Dear Suckface Hyatte! What does this have to do with WRESTLING!! 411 is a WRESTLING site!! Talk about WRESTLING"
SCREW YOU!!!! THIS IS ABOUT LIFE!!!!! LIFELIFELIFELIFE!!!!! THIS IS REAL, DAMMIT! REAL!! F-WRESTLING!!! WRESTLING IS A JOKE!! I AM A JOKE!!! 411 IS A JOKE!!!!! 1BOB, OBSERVER, TORCH, ALL OF US...., ONE BIG JOKE WITH NO GODDAM PUNCHLINE!
vy dread his di9eg poop.
thid us hymate