The Midnight News 8.13.01 

Posted By Hyatte on 08.13.01

HHH, Heenan, Bagwell, New Jack, Liars, Bischoff, The Scoreboard, Fat Chicks, Too Many Damn Message Board Quotes, and a Bonus at the End 

My computer tossed me off-line on Thursday night/Friday morning and I was too damn tired to get back on. There was no news going on anyway, so I just took the day. I'm sure you didn't notice.... a-holes.

Huge news day/night/morning... plus a load of message boards quotes... PLUS something special at the very end. Hell, I even have to bump a few big Honky Tonk Man newsbites until tomorrow. You're free to go to his site yourself to see what's going on, but isn't it more fun to wait for ME to report it?


Someone cobbled together a Memorial Show for the late Freebird, Terry "Bam Bam" Gordy over the weekend.

Names like Mr. Wrestling II (has he taken off that damn MASK yet?), The Honky Tonk Man, varies members of the Armstrong clan, Tommy Rich, the Honky Tonk Man, the Dirty White Boy, Bobby Eaton, and Robert Gibson were on hand, some wrestled, others just worked the mic and praised Gordy. Sherri Martel was there too.

Of course, Michael Hayes came out and worked a tag team match.

But the surprise of the night was when Triple H came out and gave props to Gordy on the mic. Even though he conveniently rehabbing his leg in Birmingham, it was still nice of HHH to gibe the fans there a thrill and pay respects.

Of course, the Net will IGNORE this simple little unselfish act on his part and CONTINUE to berate Helmsely for being a maniac who keeps everyone down and acts only in his best interests. A clean job to the Undertaker at Wrestlemania didn't stop these imbeciles... so there's no way showing up at Gordy's memorial will.

Jerkoffs... 87% of you suck.

I snagged this off 1wrestling


Well, they had their show... naah, I won't run down any matches or anything... but I want to touch on SEVERAL things that went down during the show, and as a result.... 


I don't know if this John Collins guy has any background in wrestling, but he's already lying his ass off like a true promoter...

From and Interview conducted with Collins by the boys at
No Hold's, the topic is surprises coming at the show:

NHB: "You know we'll be looking for those surprises John." 

Collins: "You know what, no I'm not going to do it." 

NHB: "You should do it John." 

NHB: "Come on, John" 

Collins: "In my opinion one of figuratively the greatest ring announcers to ever ring announce, who would you say?" 

NHB: "Bobby 'The Brain' Heenan" 

Collins: "Oh my god did someone leak that out?" 

NHB: "He's been a guest here on the show before, is the brain going to be in attendance because we're looking forward to seeing him?" 

Collins: "Yes he is. King of the 1 liner." 

Okay... Heenan wasn't there, and 1wrestling wanted to know WHY!!!

Turns out Heenan was in Florida, at home on Saturday night. Collins never even CALLED him, much less sent a plane ticket for him. ""(Collins) never called or sent an itinerary, and I'm certainly not going to pay for a ticket myself to go to the Philadelphia Bingo Hall" Heenan said.

OOPS!! Not nice getting balled faced BUSTED like that, Johnny boy!

Part II:

On the night of the show, Collins stayed at the front of the building and personally shook hands and thanked almost each and every fan for coming. (1bob). 

RF Video added early in the weekend that Collins would NOT be an "on-air" promoter.... he feels his role stays solely backstage...unlike that McMahon loser who thinks he has any sort of wrestling knowledge.


Nobody has any f-ing clue WHAT happened between Collins and Tracey Smothers... other than he was there and both men have different stories about whether he has quit the show at all. 

All I know is that I was doing just fine in life without EVER dedicating ANY sort of space to some dude named "Tracey". What the CHRIST!!!


New Jack, seeing how Barry Blaustein has yet to return any of his phone calls from the past three years, decided to get himself involved with the company by a generous amount of begging. However, he ticked off Collins by cursing in his promo.


During the show, the man who was formally packaged as a "Stalker" threw a fit because he didn't like what they wanted to do with his character. So instead of working a tag team match with Mike Rotundo, still geared as "VK Wallstreet", Windham chose not to work.


Clearly, Buff Bagwell wouldn't know humility even if it crawled up his leg and buried itself in his tuckus. He whined about the intended finish of his match with Steve Corino and made Collins change it.

Corino refused to let Bagwell have his way, officially claiming that a clean loss to Buff might screw up his contractual obligations with the NWA, (oh, I think he just didn't want to let Buff get away with this silliness). So, their match was scrapped and instead, Bagwell wrestled Jack Victory and won.... cleanly.

Buff was out of there by Intermission. The Observer said that the entire building booed his ass BIG TIME.


This is all going on TV, and Collins will do whatever he can to tweak the production and get those chants of "ECW" to sound more like "MECW"

I hope this thing succeeds, if only for the behind-the-scenes entertainment value.



The current tally of the WWF/WECW war is now as followed:

After Smackdown. 

WWF: 36

The Alliance still leads by three.

Joe Stock 


Having failed as a wrestling promoter, and with his reputation tarnished with this Gold Club Trial Eric "my wife likes vag" Bischoff has decided to re-build his image by becoming a sleazy agent.

He and two others have formed "Battle Management"... an agency that represents talent in the mixed martial arts. Mark Coleman and Randy Couture have already signed on.

Creative Artists Agency is partnering with BM to help with packaging and television distribution.

It is said that martial arts worldwide popularity is second ONLY to soccer. To that, Bischoff responded, "Soccer has lost it's grasp on the pulse of the worldwide audience! Give me a few years and we'll have are audiences rioting and tearing down the arena!"

1bob took this from


My boyeez at the Fat Chicks with the Hardy Boyz site e-mailed me and said that they have updated the site and loaded up more pictures of fat chicks than you can shake a Snickers bar at. Go kill some time there.

In fact, here's a preview 


Whoa, a CRAPLOAD of stuff to push today...

Tough Enough was 'capped up by Danny Birdwell. Danny's arch enemy in life is Larry Brokenwing. True story. Not really FUNNY, but true. 

Pat "Don't call him 'Bulldog'" Brower is the unlucky bastard who drew the short straw and has to recap Jakked. If I was still at Scoops... and it wasn't shut down by the evil Remy Artiega, this show would've been recapped by Freakboy... and he would have VOLUNTEERED to do it! In a nutshell, this is why I had to leave.

Carlos Mahuad recaps Heat this week. He's already bragging about doing it faster than ANYONE! Hmm, I thought someone gave the fastest recap title to the Lords of Pain already? I guess that certain someone is a moron. A moron IN LOVE WITH ME!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAAA

Moving onto Opinion Pieces... and do we have a BUNDLE....

What is this? A writer on the Internet actually APOLOGIZES FOR SOMETHING AND RETRACTS A STATEMENT??? Did that douchebag Brian Sullivan throw another tantrum again??? 

Jeff Gardner does a little weeding with part six of his "real world" parody that he calls
Hanging Gardens. How long is this series anyway and maybe Jeff should look into a little editing?

The Pre-Match Ritual is Joshua Grut's debut Wrestling Tale column that he calls his very own. No more Showcase entries for this kid... 411 has him permanently and we ain't letting him GO! It's only a matter of time before Josh gets signed to a REAL book deal anyway and ditches me... US... like a used tampon, but until then, enjoy this AWESOME piece of fiction. There's no heavy irony, no hidden message, just a straight out fun story with a neat ending. The kid's seriously good. 

Foot On The Ropes is from Bryce McNeil. Bryce gives props to Dean Malenko with 411's first column dedicated to his legacy. Other than MOST (*cougheverydamnoneofthem*) columns about Malenko that are more about the writer showing how "smarky" he is by praising this overlooked wrestler, Bryce actually puts a little emotion into his piece.

Finally, this week's Showcase column is a more "traditional" type of column. John C. uses history and structure to explain why the Rock deserves all the cheers he gets and why he deserves more credit than some smarts like to give him. No bullsh*t, just smart writing. After reading it, I hope y'all will see just how diverse the Showcase commentary can be... ANYONE can submit ANYTHING and it will be seriously looked at and considered by moi. So don't be afraid to send them to me.

Off we go to our Monday tradition, with a VERY SPECIAL BONUS tacked on at the end!


This week, all quotes pulled from message boards of the Smarks, 411, TOA, and DVD. 

For fun, we start off with a series of quotes coming from a single thread on 411, concerning the WWF vs the WWF:

"Well, the initial ruling is in, and the WWF will apparently have to give up much of the use of the initials 'WWF', including This is pretty serious, seeing as how anything & everything involving the WWF has that scratched steel logo emblazoned on it. All of their merchandise also carries the logo... Will we soon be watching WWFE Raw is War? WWFE Smackdown? They will be losing arguably the biggest aspect of that all important 'brand recognition'"

"Stupid tree huggers stealing our letters!!!!!! I'm gonna go kill an elephant or 2 to teach them a lesson."

"Hahaha ya I'll go kick some panda's ass all over the rainforest!!"

"But fellows, we cannot have the endangered species and plants of the world associated with violence! As the World Wildlife Fund said, let's put SCSA in a ring with some wild pandas and see who comes out the victo! Chuckle Chuckle!"

"Vince better get in there & fight for the WWF initials, i mean c'mon he has to be able to afford much better lawyers than them damn hippies"

"Can't they just bring 'Frankie' back as a consolation & call it even?"

"I used to love coming here but these c*mstains are turning that into a chore."

"Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated by the queer collective. "

"With every sign you hold up saying ''Herb's Tidbits Suck!', you too can become a member of the nWWWo army! If you rise high enough, we may even include you for membership in this exclusive club!"

"Just get Triple H in the courtroom with like a polar bear or something and have him put the bear in an armbar threatening to break it...and have JR screaming 'That son of a bitch! That's exactly what he did to me, but The Game would do anything for this business!'"

"Unfortuatley there is a similar situation going on with WCW. Yes the 'Wally Cleaver's whorehouse' site has already started legal action."

"Regal and Tajiri remind me of Han Solo and a good way. "

"Well X-Pac is no longer the LH champ and better yet it now belongs to Tajiri. Yup Heyman certainly has some say it what goes down these days."

" the way, on the way to the MECW show, i saw on the Philip Seymour Hoffman on the C train, wearing a Wilco t-shirt. thought that was cool." 

"If (Disco vs the Kangaroo) happens, and there's a tape of it, would the kangaroo be eligible for the DVD 500? I bet it'd beat out Rob Van Dam."

"Dave Scherer, by the way, is the biggest hypocrite on the Internet. He criticized HTM for kicking Lawler while he's down, but uh, Dave, does Al Isaacs ring a bell? You and Ryder do the same thing to Dave Meltzer in a backhanded compliment way all the time."

"I saw Buddy Landel last weekend feign homosexuality and put a water bottle down his trunks about 15 minutes before saying he was gonna start doing the Lord's work. I'm down with religion like that."

"I saw Buddy a few months back, if I didn;t know he was putting it to one of the ring rats, I'd swear he's smoking the pink pipe."

"People blasted WCW for misusing guys but the WWF is a hell of a lot worse in that department if you ask me, case in point Dean Malenko."

"Hey, it wasn't Vince's fault that Vader was a bust in the WWF. He was booked to beat Michaels for the title at Summerslam, but Shawn threw a temper tantrum. If Vader had won the title, I would think that he would have gained plenty of credibility, and would have main-evented for at least the next six months." 

"If this group can continue to run ECW arena and surrounding areas and not overpay guys like Bagwell and Hennig there's no reason they can't survive. Paul E. did for many years and he didn't have anywhere near the bankroll of Collins."

"I find it funny though, that now, Bagwell has even less value in the wrestling business than his former partner, Scotty Riggs, and that ain't much folks."

"I think my happiest day as a wrestling fan will be when I walk into my local video store and see Vince Russo stocking the soft core porn section with Bagwell's return to the, ahem, industry."

"'Sports Entertainment, My Ass' is the new slogan (of MECW). Thats not so family friendly."


"I've had the misfortune of meeting Brian Christopher on many occasions. He is the biggest prick that I have ever met. My girlfriend once shared a flight with him and he cussed her and a flight attendent out because the flight attendent told her to put her bag in an empty space in a compartment in first class and Christopher wigged out because he thought that it would wrinkle his jacket." 

"Is a Sober Russian an Oxymoron. Just curious "

"On a totally different note...did anyone see those pictures John Petrie posted of himself? Yikes! I used to be a Petrie I'd be a fan of the guy who managed to hack that site and take them the f**k down!"

"Anybody with half a brain can tell when a board caters to people who post intellegent thoughts and arguments, and when riff raff like the latest batch of dipshits come in and post useless crap like 'F*CK YOU !!!!' 200 times in less then 2 weeks, then the we have a right to bash them." 

FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST, THERE IS A FORUMN PARTICULARLY DESIGNATED FOR THIS CRAP, AND NOBODY GOES THERE BECAUSE THEY DONT WANT LINKS TO INANE WEBSITES, THEY WANT WRESTLING DISCUSSION. If you are going to start whoring the board out like this on your fifth post maybe you should look elsewhere Skippy. I have added 6 posts to my name today just do to peoples inability to read f**king directions. I mean really,do you people piss with the lid down too?"

"Christ, what's so damn wrong with Undertaker? He's earned the right to not have to put on a ***** match every night. And show me one person who can make an angle as stupid as the "DDP as the stalker" angle work, and I'll show you a wrestling GOD. And nobody is a wrestling god. It just doesn't happen. But Taker's definitely in the running."

"Shawn Michaels-he isn't getting any younger, and he is reaching the point where he really does get a little slower everyday. So quite frankly, while I do love HBK, I wouldn't mind it if he never fully returned to wrestling. I thought being commissioner was the perfect role for him. I don't want what he did long ago to be replaced by the image of some arthritic gimp who should have hung up his tights a long time ago."

"It's pretty sad you spent your day looking at various HBK websites to try and find any news that he might be on RAW."

"The whole 'reading stage directions' thing is a comedy staple for sitcoms. It's not only Get Smart that did it. It's also a common accident on stage during rehearsal when an actor's doing a cold read of a script. I know I've done it."

"If The Big Boss Man joined the Alliance he'd come full circle."

"And just what the hell does SOL mean? I missed one damn Nitro and 18 months later I still don't know!!!"

"I feel so bad for you, because I think you're honestly clicking on every post with a small amount of hope, even if that amount is a little smaller every time, that you're going to find some intelligent discussion going on. Unfortunately, for both you and me, that doesn't seem to be happening. It's threads like this that make me wish I was from anywhere besides the backwater hick landfill known as Arkansas, because I may live near some people I could talk wrestling with or something."

"Remember--arguing on the internet is like getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded."

Hold it right there SLICK ! I don't no who you 3 think you are,but if you think to dragged ininto your argument you3 better back the hell off.If you have some problem with some body take it up with them and leave me alone.I just start an topic,so please if you want to come here for talking SH*T,you can't go to FLAMING FORUM. But am not sorprise if you are 12 yr old kid just play with a PC.Get on real life 3 Jabroni and 1 pennyless.... That is all i have to say.Good bye."

"Boy, oh boy. These are the intelligent conversations found on WL forum. I liked it better when we had civilized people with good grammar and spelling starting coherent topics on issue in pro wrestling."

"Tank Abbott was horrible, period. Couldn't get much worse than that. Maybe he was a good shootfighter, but as Ken Shamrock showed us all, a good shootfighter doth not a good wrestler make."

"My $5 "Die Saturn Die Club" membership fee is in the mail. I'll be waiting by the mailbox for my first newsletter."

"Does anyone else give a hot damn about this MECW promotion. I have no interest in reading about this soon-to-be flop of a company."

"But just for the record, I'm 26 with a Bachelor's Degree in Communications from and I have a job working in the publishing industry."

"I got this news..... The hardyz Boy's and Lita are expected to add another member to their alliance in the upcoming weeks..?? Who will it be ???"

"Gaylord McGay of Gayville. Or a really butch woman...possibly Jackie.."

"HBK totally carried HIAC from a physical standpoint, but the match wouldn't have been the same without The Undertaker."

"If you're not Italian, THEN what's your excuse for your grammar?"

"Rumor has it that Y2J is set to start a fairly big program with Rhyno which is designed to elevate both guys. There may be some quality matches out of this idea."

"I'm waiting for someone to finally give Jericho credit one day for being good in the ring. He actually is pretty aggressive during his matches, just not outside of them (those chops are usually vicious). "

"And if you know Scaia, you know he'd NEVER take a stand against anything or anyone. It's just not his style. Why do you think Scherer thinks so highly of him?"

"tod gordan was working as a mole for wcw. By acting as a go-between for the wcw management and guys like saturn , rob van dam and even new jack. i think the sandman's name was mentioned as well. any way heyman found out that there was a mole so to speak in ecw and he thought it was saturn.Perry told him otherwise but was pissed that he accused him of it and left for wcw the following august. gordon was then fired. he was 43 years old" 

"I heard a rumor about Wall being fired by WWF for drug use. Any truth to that ? Was he even hired by the WWF ?"

"Every time Vince is not on the screen, everyone should be looking around and saying, 'where's Vince?'" 

"I have sad feeling (Eddy Guerrero) won't kick the addiction. Although I'd Mark out Seeing him Froggy Splash RVD out of nowhere."

"Hell, I am surprised that they don't have someone who's pro-stem-cell research fight someone anti-stem-cell research. I could hear Ross now. "'He's fighting to give all those frozen embyros a chance!'"

"Dump the C. MEW is better. Main Event Wrestling sounds better. The C makes it look like M-ECW. Like Missing-ECW wrestlers."

"(Jerry) Flynn looked like your neighbor who went to the gym a lot, then came home and drank and worked on his car. Just a nobody."

"Lita is going to be the next WWF yak that gets the 'Playboy Curse'". 

"Sorry, Dean, but it was time to retire two years ago. You didn't realize it at the time, but Hogan was right in respect to your role in US wrestling. You WERE a good little cruiserweight."

"I don't mind LOOKING at Steph, especially since she got those new torpedoes on her chest, but LISTENING to her fingernails-on-a-chalkboard voice? AAARGH!" 

"Jet fans aren't human. They're what humans crap out after a bad meal at a Mexican restaurant." 

"And people thought the WWF must have a good legal team for settling the Owen Hart lawsuit out of court. But as I recall it, when the WWF goes to court in these lawsuits, they usually don't do so well (Jesse Ventura and Chad Austin are the first two that come to mind)."

"did you notice DDP sells more for Sara than Taker does for O'Haire? F**K YOU CALLOWAY." 

"face the fax, malenko is a nobody,he hit his peak in the jericho feud.if malenko was a movie he would be three ninjas three escape from death mountain."
"I prefer to call DDP Paige Faulkenburg or whatever the f**k that worthless bastard's real name is."

"Oh geez, THAT'S what we really need, another Kevin Nash/Undertaker fued, as if the first one didn't suck 10 types of ass! Two guys not selling for each other? Ugh!"

"Are Vince McMahon and Aaron Spelling related? I mean both give their no talent daughters a ridiculous amount of air time. Stephanie McMahon invokes about as much interest as Bastion Booger."

"just to let you know that I took offense at your quote on Sting being a 'bible-thumper.' Be careful w/ statements like that... we're EVERYWHERE."

"Heyman always felt that legit heat/legit feelings made for a better show. I think he was supposed to go off on (Terri), but the things he said weren't scripted word for word and he got a little bit personal and said some things aloud that he might actually think about her. I think it got a little more personal than originally intended"

"By the by, did anyone else hear that the Oct 1 Raw is going to be STAR TREK themed? What's next, the kids from American Pie 2 trying to give the Rock a warm apple pie?"

"Definitely not a great Idea to use the Apes for a skit, maybe RVD passed around what he was smoking tonight to all the writers and they came up with that dumb idea."

"My 2nd fave Regal segment was when he was reading Hamlet and SCSA came out and went KICK WHAM STUNNER and walked to the back. That was hilarious. "

and did you see those jublies bounce when she got hit.HHHHHHMMMM booby pie....aaaaaggghhhhhhhhhrrrrrr....."

"Suck on my mom's tit? wow, thats pretty funny of you, you must be a devil with the ladies, seeing how your obviously very quick witted."

"The XFL is just pretending to be gone, much like Mick was 'fired.' It's a classic storyline, and when they bring back the XFL I guarantee that all fifteen of the XFL fans will go apesh*t."

"The best moment from RAW was watching Taker get not-quite-miedeval on DDP's shrine. Seriously, my little cousin can tear up a room better (and faster) than Taker did. Why the hell would you kick pictures on the wall? And it was also funny seeing him try and pull the TVs off the wall, but at the same time afraid they were gonna fall on his head."

"yeah, there's not a big calling for over muscular transvestites in hollywood." 

"I think Chyna could get work starring in a 'Lifetime' movie about women with masculine features and how they have feelings too. 'Stop Staring At My Jaw Line: The Chyna Story'" 

"But Chyna already acted a lot. She was in the end part of Jurassic Park III. She (the Chynasaur) jumped out of a bush and said 'MO MONEY! AHHHHH!'. Then she ran after one guy and he almost got away, but he got killed when she smacked him with one of her testicles." 

"No one takes you seriously. If you had some points with your negativity you'd be more then just a second-rate troll. "

"Well, you saw those old Looney Tunes cartoons with Sylvester (or whatever the heel cat's name was) against the big boxing kangaroo, right? Those suckers are not to be trifled with! Disco could well end up having an anvil dropped on his head." 

"Then again, maybe the kangaroo was the real, REAL father of Stacey's baby?"

"The Hardy Boys own, plain and simple. They're marketable, teenage girls love them, and they're the closest that the average person is going to get to being a pro wrestler."

"North Carolina sucks. People down here think that 'Central America' is in the United States. No one knows what 'Oregon' is. It took an entire minute for someone to find North Carolina on a map. And of course, 'Rio de Janeiro' is 'one of them fancy California towns'. Dumbasses..." 

"Look for Greg to win the WWF Tough Enough reality wrestling competition. Seems he already has a WWF developmental deal and this is a vehicle to get him over. His possible WWF debut could then tie into the show on MTV and be the basis for his gimmick."

"How about the girl doing the reading with Booker? She's as actual actress, and was in (Among other things) some soap opera, MTV's Undressed, and the movie The Patriot. Who did she piss off to need to take that gig?"

"well i guess Ivory is the first rtc member to get their 'repackaging.' what's next? Godfather goes to WCW as a cheap rip off gimmick of his wwf one (like WCW usually did) called Master Pimp or something.....Val Venis can start f**king the newly single Terri, sending his career into reruns......Richards can become an ECW announcer lackey, meaning they'll never use him right..."

"Everybody knows that the McMahons are ratings-getters! Just plaster Shane and Stephanie's faces all over Nitro, and you'll have a guaranteed winner on your hands. Because NOBODY ever gets sick of the McMahons..."

"I didn't care for Ahmed Johnson, but I love Big T. If I was a gay man, I would like to make love to Big T."

"What a f**king trashbag!!!! What kind of idiot sayz touche??"

"Vince : 'I have to go now, my planet needs me.' (Note: Vince was killed on the way back to his own planet)"

"...and Vince always recycles...TO THE EXTREME!!!!!!"

There you have it...

WAIT!! I'm not even done yet!! One more, small thing.


I'm always looking to juice things up around here... so I'm going to introduce a very special occasional feature. 

I ain't naming the website, because their are TONS of these around, but I will thank Yohann Trembley for pointing me the way. This was a popular Mop-Up feature when Mark Madden was inducing winces on Nitro, so why not bring it back?

Sick of the missionary position? Tired of straight doggy style? Keep your marriage alive with THESE nifty techniques:

The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her tush, thereupon she
turns around in a one- eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are
doing. At that point, you have received a "Fish Eye."

A Hot Carl - A simple maneuver where you withdraw your shaft from the
bowels of her tush and place it directly into her mouth for a cleaning. Apparently some guy named Carl first tried this. 

I've gotten the "Fish Eye" once... now that we have a name for it, I think back to that night and giggle.

PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE... DO NOT SEND ME MORE EXAMPLES. Chances are, I have them ALL... please... DON'T!! It annoys me.

It's looking like a big week over here... and maybe a brand new And Another Thing? Maybe two? Not the Stern one, but don't fret, it's coming.

I, on the other hand, am going.

This is Hyatte