The Midnight News 8.20.01
Posted By Hyatte on 08.20.01
SummerSlam, RVD, Undertaker, The Score, Goldberg, Ryder Goes Off, Wrestleline, Steiner, and Message Boardom
That was stupid as sh*t, been better off just to write nothing.
write something worth reading next time
What the hell kind of Midnight News was that? I look forward to reading your insights on the happenings in the wrestling world. What I do not give a flying f*ck about is how drunk you are or the fiction that you are getting laid this weekend. You have disgraced the entire website for which you work. In my eyes, 411 just took a huge downturn as far as the entertainment value is concerned. I don't know if I will ever click on the Midnight News link again. Thanks for ruining one of my favorite parts of the site. I am trying to refrain from calling you a f*ckin loser for fear that I will sound like an uneducated punk. But I failed. F*ckin loser
How come you didn't delete that crap??? Cripes!
Ben Morse to Widro on AIM. Who would be best served to keep his opinions to himself.... The Mean isn't exactly setting the site on fire.
Hello, I'm Chris. Big PPV night. Not too much news, but plenty of stuff to get to.
The Austin/Angle match blew... huge. Everything right up until the end was doing great... outstanding match...
But there should NEVER be a screw-job finish in a major PPV.... to have Nick Patrick run in and DQ Austin served to set up the NEXT PPV, but that shouldn't be allowed for SS... not one of the Big PPV guns. I'm sorry, but that silly ending ruined the entire match for me.
The Rock won, which was expected... but how about Booker's first "real" WWF PPV performance? He scored, and scored HUGE. He's got what it takes.
Jericho screwed up HUGE a couple of times, but at least he didn't wreck the good match with it... and Rhyno was able to improvise enough to make it look less awkward. A satisfying match... they told their story and left the Jericho/Stephanie storyline open-ended. It can keep going on tonight's Raw or vanish for a few months... and no one will scream about continuity.
I've got news for you idiots. Complain all you want about Rob van dam and how he sucks. Go ahead, pretend to be "experts" by bitching about him because you're under the delusion that if you cheer for him, you'll look like a dumb mark. Keep it up.
Here's the truth... as plain as the zits on your pizza faces... RVD is a Star. Jeff Hardy was outclassed last night. Plain and simple. Unless he injures himself, or his ego gets out of control... RVD will play a HUGE part in the next Wrestlemania and WILL be THE star of the future. No sense crying about it. It's going to happen and there isn't a damn thing you losers can do about it.
Finally... it was obvious that DDP and Kanyon were not only SUPPOSED to lose to the Undertaker and Kane last night, but they were SUPPOSED to lose HUGE. Quit F-ing babbling about how the Undertaker doesn't sell... he's not SUPPOSED to sell much. It's been his character since the day he walked INTO the WWF.
Besides, I would suggest that this was a form of payback to Page for his recent WWF behavior. Everyone is saying that he's been acting very "WCWish" since showing up. Maybe this was his payback?
I love these douchebags who say "Undertaker complains about jobbing".... yeah, okay... how many times did he pin Shawn Michaels again? How about Bret Hart? Steve Austin? UT puts people over when he's supposed to. His LACK of ego is what makes him the leader of the WWF Locker room. HE'S the one everyone looks up to. Why is that? BECAUSE HE DOESN'T SELL????
After tonight's PPV, we have a MAJOR change in the race...
Proof that when it rains, it pours. Not just will Summerslam be my last WWF PPV because of DirectTV, but I lost my signal just as Angle Vs Austin was starting. Anyway, thanks to Widro for the free coverage.
The WWF for the first time takes the lead.
Thanks to Joe.
GOLBERG GOING TO THE WWF!!!!!
Well, no. But recently, a friend invited him to go to a WWF House show as a fan. GB was going to go, but decided that it might affect the millions he's getting from AOL. No F-ing house show is worth 3 mil.... sorry.
I forgot who had this rather useless info.
WHAT ABOUT BOB?
It's not often when Bob Ryder cuts loose on someone OTHER than an Internet Writer, Vince McMahon, or.... well, who am I kidding, he's ALWAYS telling people off.
BUT... in his latest go off on Buff Bagwell, he brings a little of his inside WCW experience to the column. It's always fun to see what Bob has to say.... whether you like him or not.
I've got news for you Mr. Collins. Buff Bagwell is not a "big name". He's not a "superstar". He won't draw money for your promotion, and has never drawn money for any promotion he has ever worked for. The very limited success he ever experienced was as part of a tag team or group. He has never been, and will never be, a singles star. In his best opportunity to break through as a singles performer he blew it. He was put into an angle with Roddy Piper and was given a high profile confrontation with Piper in an important segment of NITRO, and he forgot his lines. Piper had just rattled off all his great accomplishments and talked about how he had headlined Madison Square Garden...and all Bagwell could come up with after forgetting his lines was "I wasn't born yet". Piper pounced on his bumbling and the result was Piper came out of the interview looking stronger, when the intent was to use the interview to elevate Bagwell.
Bagwell has blown every opportunity that has been given to him, but thinks he's "A-list talent".
He wouldn't even be on my list at all...much less at the beginning of the alphabet.
Buff thinks rules don't apply to him. At Bash at the Beach last year, on what was turning out to be a very tense day because of the Hogan and Russo situation....Buff Bagwell came to the building and signed in, and then left to go spend the rest of the afternoon at the beach. He didn't show back up at the building until 15 minutes before showtime, and then balked at losing to Shane Douglas. On a night where the promotion was about to literally fall apart because of the Hogan situation, Vince Russo had to spend the first 30 minutes of the PPV trying to talk Buff into doing the job for Douglas. Forget that Bagwell had disrespected Douglas and the entire company by showing up at the building only 15 minutes before showtime...but he kept Vince Russo occupied with a problem that he shouldn't have had to deal with when he clearly had bigger problems on his mind. A compromise was reached, and Buff finally agreed to do the job...but only if he could get his "blockbuster" in at some point.
Bagwell was so upset a couple of years ago when asked to do the job to Ernest Miller that he took a swing at Miller. Luckily several other wrestlers were there to pull the men apart before Miller showed Buff why he is a 3 time world karate champion. Bagwell spent the rest of the day apologizing to Miller, probably because he was scared to death that Miller would stiff him in their match.
Almost every single time Buff has been asked to do a job in the last couple of years, there has been a problem. Fights, 30 minutes of a booker having to beg, or sometimes mysterious injuries...one thing is consistent, Buff never just says ok.
Buff thinks people are "beneath him". He doesn't just think that, he tells people they are "beneath him".
He's a pompous and arrogant ass.
That's right... he didn't add that Miller was so pissed at Bagwell's attempted assault, he went ahead and IMPREGNATED HIS WOMAN!!!
Man.... that's cold!
GOOFING ON WRESTLELINE SHOULD BE A UNIVERSAL THING
There ain't nothing like it...
This is something I came up with after reading material from Wrestleline for a couple weeks.
Top 5 Ways to tell you write for Wrestleline
5 ) You're more familiar with the high spots than the g-spot.
4 ) You insist that your mother call you The Rick when she badgers you to move out of the basement.
3 ) Wrestlemania is the pinnacle of your calendar year. ( This is true, not witty. Wrestlemania is the center of Scott Keith's pinnacle year.. he admitted it. Proof he's never seen a woman naked in his life. )
2 ) Chris Benoit gives you wood.
1 ) Your ideal Friday night consists of you, a 6-pack of Mountain Dew, a bottle of hand lotion, and that Patterson/Brisco Hardcore Title match from last year.
Thank you, sir.
Of course, it IS cool to drink that "Code Red" Mountain Dew... that stuff rocks.
Hoo-boy... another monster line-up.
Widro... Jonathon Widro likes his wrestling shaken, not stirred. He also likes his women tied up and in tears...(that way, they can't RUN!). He has recapped tonight's SummerSlam show, because when it comes to big time important PPV recaps... Widro doesn't trust ANYONE to do it right!!!
Meanwhile, Carlos Mahuad and Pat Brower have recapped Heat and Jakked respectively. Read them BOTH because you are wrestling fans and you NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING... you anal retentive pricks.
Moving to opinion columns, our two best and brightest writers open up the week with a pair of brilliant columns.
Josh Grut's A Wrestling Tale applies the theme to Waiting for Godot and tells a fable of two jobbers waiting to be called up. It's a story that's 90% dialogue. Read it and see what the Hell I'm raving about. (and I bet Grut didn't even KNOW he was stealing Godot.... and if he did, I'll bet he didn't think anyone would pick up on it.)
Blake Norton arrives with his thoughts on the "new" Stephanie McMahon. The title of his column is called "Stephanie McMahon is a Whore", but it's more than just a flame fest. Blake adds his own unique "inside" viewpoint to the topic and explains why Stephanie COULD have been something different. Good stuff as usual.
Now that the 'Slam is over, now is the time to goof on the 411 writers and see how bad their 411's Round Table Prediction Summerslam Fun-Fest predictions were. And according to my half assed glance at the mass e-mail, I think someone owes me $10.
Seriously, this column is so big, PK had to post it TWICE!!!! (Ha!! I never did THAT!)
Finally.... Widro found time out of his busy weekend schedule (waiting for me to show up on AIM) and banged out a new edition of The Voice of Reason. Widro DEMANDS that SummerSlam be used to create NEW stars.... not put over the OLD ones!!! I hope Widro didn't sleep on a wet pillow tonight.... a pillow wet with his tears.
Okay, we've got Message Boards and a special treat to wrap things up, but first I want to show you something going on at the site of everyone's favorite juicehead....
THE STEINER WHINE
A few news sites noted that Scott Steiner has been making noise late last week about getting ready to return.
Um, guys... this ain't news.
See, if these news guy just scrolled down to past news updates... they would have seen a little trend... note:
I've been laying low, watching everything unfold this summer. I spent some quality time off getting re-energized and I'm feeling mean again. I'm starting to miss the action and Lord knows it's missing me. It's near time for me to show everyone who the Genetic Freak is again and remind them all who has the most amazing body in professional wrestling. My freaks know, but there's a lot of trailer park trash out there who don't have a clue, and I think it's high time to educate.
Keep your eyes open...the Big Bad Booty Daddy is on his way back...it may not be this week or this month, but it is coming soon.
My freaks are calling me...e-mailing my site...looking for me at the arena. The big event last week was right down here in Atlanta, right in my backyard. My freaks are restless...but their perseverance will pay off. All in good time, all in good time... Holler if you hear me!
I know you're all awaiting the return of the Big Bad Booty Daddy to the ring. Well, I can say that I have been in negotiations with the WWF, but I have not signed with them. I don't know right now when I'll be wrestling again, but I am looking forward to getting back in action. I'm not going away.
Know this - I will be invading someone's ring soon. You can't keep the Genetic Freak out of the picture for too long.
Everybody's talking about "The Meeting" I supposedly had with a pretty well-known guy from that big outfit in New York. Well, all I can say is what I've already said. No comment - for now.
You know this though. Whoever they put in front of me is going down, just like all the rest before.
All I can say right now is that things are in the works. I'm getting all kinds of e-mail from wrestling fans looking for news. You all should know that the moment I know something that I'm allowed to say publicly, I'll say it here.
In the meantime, I'm getting healthy and stronger than ever. I have the best body in the business for a reason - I work my ass off to keep it that way. I'm in the gym, eating right, and getting ready for a return. Stay tuned.
Okay... so how about everybody NOT run screaming to the news sites whenever Scott Steiner has something to say.
ACROSS THE BOARDS
I only went to three boards this week.... too much negativity going around. Normally, I don't care either way but... I just wasn't in the mood to read 17 year old kids complain about everything.
I love Gerry and the A1 siteand all.... but the single most DOUCHIEST move I ever saw was on the A1 board. The Janitor announced that Mark Madden would be posting there. Even the fact that he had to proudly make that announcement is bad enough (OO, look at us, we have REAL personalities here!!) Oh MY GOD!! You should have SAW the hypocritical marks line up to KISS Madden's F-ing ASS... all these homos, who no doubt REAMED away at Madden since he first showed up on Nitro, now were sucking his balls HOPING to keep him coming back.
What a pathetic bunch of marks. Grow a pair, won't you?
Let's get this over with...
"Summerslam sucked ass? Are you sure you were watching Summerslam or the Heroes of Wrestling ppv?"
"Could you show me the spot on the doll where HHH touched you?"
"I do not enjoy 20 minutes of Rock and Y2J making crude jokes about breasts, making offensive comments to Booker. This sucks. It absolutely sucks. I am glad McMahon can develop a product to reach the 18 to 24 years old kids."
"I'm telling you people, Eddie + Chavo + Esse = new LWO. If Vince signs La Parka I'll be in markout city."
"Lex Luger used to make a ROUTINE of bouncing off the ropes and misisng the running elbow drop, then oversell the miss like his arm broke in 6 places, complete with his cry of 'AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!'"
"I wonder, if someone is a quarter-black, a quarter jewish, a quarter-native american, and a quarter-irish, are they allowed to say anything they want?"
"It is truly a sad day when some shlub can throw money at a wrestling promotion and it is heralded as the next big thing. I don't fault the people who report on it, I fault the times we live in, where professional wrestling is an impoverished industry."
"I think Austin's character over the last half year is amazing, small little changes to it and it brings a whole new aspect (what) It turly looks like the guy has losing it and going over the edge"
I thought it was hilarious when Austin chased Hebner from his locker room for saying 'What'"
"I remember Razor Ramon tossing his toothpick in HBK's face once, and Shawn sold it like he got hit by a truck."
"The only thing Taker's given the rub to lately is the inseam of his leather pants. I am so sick of his being booked over ALL the new talent, his Kevin-Nashian-no-selling, and his wife, that I'm ready to root for him totally blowing out a knee and taking a long-overdue retirement, at this point."
"'The fans' didn't bury the WCW invasion. That was done single-handedly by 15,000 people in Tacoma,Washington."
"I think, you sir should be shot by a scissor gun 4 times in the ovaries."
"nobody can write the modern versions of original JSA members. It's tough enough for writers to write about characters their own age, or younger, where they can take their own life experiences and add a dash of fantasy. Writing for heroes that have had decades of experience requires a new paradigm that I don't think thirtysomething writers can pull off."
"Obviously, you're not a writer. A good writer can get his head into ANY character. At any age. All it takes is a little research of the time, a little interviewing of someone of that age, and a little talent. If a writer can't write in the mind of someone a few decades older than him, then it must be impossible for them to write for women characters. Then Chris Claremont, who famiously centered much of 'The X-Men' around storylines and subplots involving Storm, Kitty Pryde, and Rouge" must really be a female."
"Y'know, if I could remember *literature* like I remember comic books, I'd be a pretty well-rounded person right now.)"
"I dislike your mom because she's fat and smelly, and hates Misawa and confiscates my Zima"
"I miss Eddie's mullet more than I miss Eddie. Then again, the mullet controlled Eddie's every action, so.... I guess i miss Eddie too... "
"It's funny to go over to a1wrestling.com to see their list of the news stories on the big sites and see all the stories on Steph's boobs."
"When most of the women have had plastic surgery, the WWF seems to have a homogenized approach to the women it chooses to market. Now, I don't know if it's because of anything Vince likes (which shouldn't be a factor in this case), but I hope this slows down, and I really hope they let Molly stay as she is."
"And here I thought wrestling was all about trying to get a glimpse of women's undergarments.."
"OK, she is the worst actress in the Western world, and her voice is horrible. But I give her credit - instead of putting herself over the talent like her brother does, she's willing to go out there and let Jericho humiliate her in order to get *him* over."
"(Tazz) could be Sicillian, making him like .0001 percent black, but yeah, whoever wrote that is an idiot. He's a fat little orange wop."
"rock said motherf**ker...can you say Paul E heyman....Extreme......Ha...."
"Wow I really could not believe today's Raw...if steph wrote that script...wow...she certainly has billion dollar balls!!!"
"Personally, I'm sick of the McMahon's all together. Eric Watts, David Flair and Greg Gagne were buried by fans for never paying their dues, its about time Stephanie and Shane were held to the same standard."
(Hyatte's Note: Yeah, Shane hasn't done ANYTHING to pay dues... this guy is a f*cking asshole)
"But Hogan said he has talked to a 'high ranking offical' in the WWF. Hogan said the only thing that was discussed was how much would it cost to get hogan back in the game. Hogan says that he could get a all WCW program over. intresting."
"The WWF is just marketing its product to their target demographic: 18-and-under males with utterly horrid musical tastes..."
"The people here are well versed on condoms and know to put them on when visiting chicken ranches."
"You're both wrong- XPW is #2! Where else can you see porno stars set guys on fire?
Scherer talked about MECW in his latest NY Daily News column. Isn't it proper journalistic practice to include a disclaimer stating that Scherer is employed by an MECW employee?"
"Don't you guys have anything better to do that to collect information of Bob and Dave from years ago? You guys are trying to make a name for yourselves and this message board by ripping 1Wrestling."
"Penile implants are not as advanced as breast implants, and therefor aren't as safe...Besides, I don't need one, my penis = Uber-GIANT!"
"that's your leg moron, your penis is that stub next to it"
"At least (Heyman) lost his 'Jewish Grandma' schtick, although he was back to calling Albert 'The Rabbi of Retribution' again. MAde me want to shoot myself and about 12 others..."
"I will just say this. If Austin ever comes up with a line half aa cool as when Hogan called Rodman 'The Black Jesus', then I will get 'WWF' tattooed on my forehead."
"Show every woman you know your penis and eventually you'll get laid. But most of the time you end up looking like a pathetic bastard."
"Smash's real name was Repo Man, wasn't it?"
"Everyone knows, Taz is neither Italian or Black. He is Oompa Loompan."
"I have documented proof that Scherer has told his soldiers at 1wrestling to steal spoilers from Rajah and Lords of Pain. Scherer in email with me told me that he was given permission by LOP. Except they pretend readers send it in. Bob Ryder told me in im that he would end that practice of Scherer."
"why hasn't Keller come forward and admitted he stole from Scherer's MECW report when Keller reported about MECW on the Torch 900scamline?"
"What was your preferred lolli pop flavor used to lure in said fat kids?"
"I started going to this shitty site when I had WebTV, and now I have evolved with a Cable Now,and now I have evolved with a Cable Modem.......on this shitty site. I can post my hurtful & sarcastic remarks up to 200 times faster"
Boom... that's it.
I may have to give up this weekly gimmick.... every time I finish touring the boards, I end up wondering why I am even a f-ing fan anymore.
SPICE UP THE LOVELIFE
As I said last week, Yohann Trembley sent me here. I'm sure there are THOUSANDS more sites just like this.... I don't care, don't waste my time telling me about them.
Sick of the missionary position? Tired of straight doggy style? Keep your marriage alive with THESE nifty techniques:
This week's theme... ORAL SEX
Furr Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, you don't mind though, that is until a mammoth furr ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
Tumbleweed - man receives oral sex from woman whilst driving late '70s model pickup truck (with gun rack for maximum enjoyment) at anything over 20mph. upon achieving orgasm, man reaches over, opens door, and ejects woman with a brisk shoving motion.
And with that... I’m out
This is Hyatte.