The Midnight News 09.24.01
Posted By Hyatte on 09.24.01
The Season Premiere! Starring the cast of Unforgiven, Hogan, Ryder, Old Hollywood, and a New Attitude
After reading your column for a number of months and sitting through all of the supposed "drunk" columns and useless jibberish that you sometimes write I can finally say that I will no longer read your column or visit this website. You constantly bitch and put everyone and everything down and then you wanna bash Rick and Scott Keith. You are pathetic, I'm not sure how you've managed to land the position that you've landed on an otherwise terrific website and not that it would concern you because you are almighty and the rest of the world sucks but I will not visit the site again. Hopefully more people choose the same path that I have chosen. Last Tuesday freedom was attacked. One of the freedoms that we have is freedom of speech. Apparently that holds true for only the people that say the same things that you agree with. Sometimes you've made me laugh, sometimes you've pissed me off. Regardless of that, I have respected your opinion since you have that right. Maybe one day you'll grow the hell up and give others the same consideration. Good Luck and Gods Speed.
He's SOOO lying.... he's reading this right now. Hello!
Your dam right! Don't blame canada, don't even blame Bin Laden all the american people have to do is look at the self if they want to know who to blame. It is your dam fault. Canadians were stupid to help all those americans. Americans would not have done the same for Canadians. I say we should have let all the American's sleep on the street, it isn't Canada's fault that the would hates the u.s.a.
Yes, America is totally selfish... we never help anyone.
Hyatte, let me get into this crap! I am a proud "Rebel" from Atlanta, and I like Canadians! I hate "Yankees" especially "New York Yankees". There I finally said it and I feel so much better! Now I have to go give some blood to the Red Cross.
He just completely summed up (metaphorically) exactly what this column (and the Mop-Ups before) have always been about.
I would tell you what a total waste of genetic material you are, but my time is to valuable.
Too busy with flight school, Sahib?
Superman is actually Canadian. He was created by a Canadian and Metropolis is based on 1950's Toronto.
I knew the Toronto=Metropolis thing.... I figured no one else would catch the hidden irony.
I've been wanting to write this for a while...now I finally have my chance to. You are quite possibly the most ignorant person on the planet. You make all these derogatory remarks about different ethnic origins, like you're some fu**ing perfect human being. Get a grip, get a life, and most of all, get a god damn clue. Before you open up your mouth, think about what you're saying, and see if it might offend people, alright, there douchebag. And the other thing is, you are from from being funny too...you try and throw all these little comments in your news piece, and they are certainly the dumbest things I've ever read...so instead of trying to be Howard Stern (or more importantly, funny), just report the god damn news, and keep your opinions, and your sh**ty jokes to yourself.
Actually, I think about everything very carefully before I write it. Chew on that.
Hey Hyatte... Im sittin here reading all this Canadian mail you got and you STILL consider us inferior to you. Why??? Is our country filled with arrogance? NO. Is our country practically at war with every other country? NO. You should be THANKING Canada, not trying to find any chance you can get to take a cheap shot at us. What are you thnking??? You know damn well that if Canadians didnt enlist in any of your stupid pointless wars, you, as a country would lose. The fact that Bush and Co. depend on Canada every time theres trouble should tell you something. Not that we are inferior. The truth of the matter is that America NEEDS us. They need Canada, otherwise, there would be no America left. Without that Canadian blood, most of the survivors would be dead. Without Canadians helping, New York would crumble and NEVER recover. I dont wish war, but if it comes to that, make sure you watch how Canadians HELP YOUR ASSES..... Think about your words.. In this time of BS and terrorism, you should be aligning with Canadians, not trying to start another war you dont need..... Sincerly, a proud Canadian.
Sort of feel silly now that I just admitted that Superman was Canadian, don't you?
YOU are a nobody You are a geek end of story, you are probably some fat prick behind a computer all day because you can't go out and be seen.
HEY!! I am NOT fat!
I am Chris tho'... and this is the SEASON PREMIERE of the Midnight News... it's a new direction for us here... a new outlook... a new attitude!! It's going to be a brand new day for me.
See... I took off mid-week last week because I had to do some thinking. I thought about what I'm doing... and why I'm doing it. I thought about pissing on Canadians and how they get so badly out of shape about it. I thought about how lots of people read Scaia's little column a couple of weeks ago and told me to burn his ass, yet others were downright offended that I would even consider it. Mostly, I thought about those readers who exploded at me for having dared say that Vince McMahon should be made an "honorary Jew". Not exactly the same thing as leading them into the ovens... but suddenly I am the new Hitler.
So... I thought about it... thought about why I'm doing this column anymore. Not because of a few flames... they don't bother me at all. Just because I don't even love wrestling anymore. I like it just fine, but I'm not hauling ass getting home to watch RAW anymore. It's just not that important to me.
So why am I doing this? It's not because I want to be the "next Dave Meltzer"... that's Scott Keith and that's a fine goal for him to aim for. Any possible shot I had at getting some sort of meaningful employment in the business of sports entertainment ended after I left Scoops. Besides... WWF writers are on call 24/7 and get paid barely anything. So no... I am not looking to be in the business.
Again... the question is... why am I doing this? For you? Well, I've always said that the readers dictate the course of anything I write. I only write what you want to read.... that's been the motto for the longest time. Since the Mop-Ups.
Yeah... okay... that's where the changes come in.
See, you don't pay my bills. This is free labor for you from me. You don't even get a friggin' pop-up. Other than a couple thousand nice e-mails, a few movie posters, a free pass to Any Given Sunday before the film opened wide, and some pornos.... it's been give give give and no get get get. And that's fine... I ain't asking for anything. You can read me if you want, or not... either way, it has no effect on me financially or personally. Christ, I haven't even gotten laid from this column... and I'm so goddam cool even I'D F-me.
So the changes are simple... from here on out... your opinions do not matter to me.... I could not care less. I'm doing this column because it amuses ME. You like it, fine... you don't, even better. Oh, it's still wrestling news... I'll still check out Honky Tonk Man's site... I'll still report stuff that I find interesting... not you... me. If YOU find something that you'll think I'll like... go ahead and send it in. I'll still even give credit. I'll still steal news and credit it properly.... because it's only fair. Flea is still welcome to send in stuff. I'll still push 411's articles.... but I'm going to say what I want to say and no longer give a flying FUCK what anyone thinks. If everyone walks... fine, then Widro can get rid of me and that'll be it... but none of you will leave. Oh, you'll SAY you'll leave... I'll get TONS of letters from losers who think I actually believe them when they say "I'll never read your crap again!"... yeah, your ass.
So that's it... pure and simple. read the column or don't... I no longer care. From now on, I'm doing this column to give me a giggle.... because I want to vent. Not to please anyone... not to build an audience... and not to get respect. Fuck the Net.... Fuck respect.... and Fuck you. This is my column.... I've lost site of this a while ago.... thought I would get all respected and shit.... what the fuck was I thinking? Net respect.... it's a loser's game with no upside. Ooh, DDP reads my column and debates my opinions with other wrestlers... ooo, I've got a boner now!! Feh! Respect from my peers? WHAT PEERS? I'm a better writer than 99% of them and the other 1% are just somewhere in my league. Ryder likes me, and I sort of like that in an ironic sense. Scherer I could give a fuck about.... Keith is so arrogant even his own writers get sick of him (no names, but trust me on this).... Scaia is a homo who so desperately wants to be perceived as a genius, The Torch crew are just horny old men who have been doing this newsletter thing for WAAAAY too long. Meltzer is the only guy who gets props in the business and gets asked wrestling questions by film makers.... but both Meltzer and the Torch crew just use the Net to promote their newsletters anyway. So I ask again... what peers? I have none... well, except CRZ, but he's hardly around anymore.
So.... screw it. I do what I want. Don't like it? Tough titty said the kitty. Do like it? Good... don't feel the need to kiss my ass.... I don't need it, and quite frankly, don't care for it much. I'm not your hero. I'm not your Daddy. Stop putting me on a pedestal. I'm just a fair to decent writer who doesn't give a fuck anymore.
I'd like to thank Kevin Nash's famous "I'M BACK!" speech on Raw 6 years ago for the inspiration.
AND WILL YOU JEWS CHILL OUT!!! FOR CHRISSAKES!!! YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH MUCH WORSE THAN SOME IDIOT ACCUSING YOU OF BEING GOOD WITH MONEY!!!
As far as Canada goes? Go see a shrink. Get over this inferiority complex. You're a fine country, very clean... tasty tap water... lots of strip clubs... very few black people.... you're just a little hyper-sensitive... stop your whining.
By the way... a 411 writer sent me this... I forgot who, it might have been Josh Nason:
I heard this on a report from CBC, the Canadian Broadcasting Company Monday night.
*It is NOT illegal in Canada to either A) be a member of a terrorist group or B) raise funds for a terrorist organization.
*The Canadian Prime Minister said yesterday there are no terrorist cells operating in Canada. Basically, he insinuated that Canada is terrorist-free.
Well, that's good to know. Care to explain this... my Mooseblowing friends?
Okay, I've taken up enough of you... MY valuable time on this... let's do some news.
Actually, that's a lie.. I forgot all about it and watched The Practice instead.
Widro saw it and liked it.
I can tell you that we have a new WWF champ.... the same old WCW champ... the same old tag team champs both in WWF and WCW, a new US champ, a new IC champ, and a pretty big upset as Rob Van Dam was given a relatively clean pinfall win over Chris Jericho. How long before someone blames HHH for this? I'm thinking... before this news is posted.
When did Kronik come to the WWF? And if they take up the Undertaker's time for the next few months, will this make everyone happy? Nope. No one will be happy until the Undertaker and his wife both get a hijacked jet flown into their house.... preferably with Billy Gunn, X-Pac, and DDP among the hijacked passengers. Net rage... it's just a version of the Jihad without Camels.
They can push Booker T all they want... it won't mean squish without one win over the Rock.
I'll start caring again when the bring in Ric Flair... and Kevin Nash.
Dear Hyatte.... if u don't like wrestling anymore... y don't u just leave so the rest of us can enjoy it by going to message boards and discussing how everything sucks and how make inside messages to friends whom we have never even met before. u suck. There, cut, paste, send. Then hold your breath until I respond.
SAVE US HOGAN!!! SAVE US!!
Don Cyrus whateverhisnameis.... the possible gay guy who used to be the Jackal... wrote a pretty good essay for
Slam Wrestling the other day where he explains just why Hulk Hogan would be a good boon for the WWF. Cyrus cited Hogan's leaner physique, his natural charisma, his business savvy, and how he is more valuable to a company than Goldberg. The man makes sense. Read it... if you want. Or don't.
Of course... Goldberg has one thing over Hogan.... he's a Hebrew. So he knows all about making money. GO AHEAD!!! CURSE MY NAME!!!! PRAY TO ALLAH OR WHOEVER YOU WORSHIP THAT I AM SENT DIRECTLY TO HELL!!! I DON'T CARE!!!
There... that ought to piss you off good and proper.
BOB RYDER VS EVERYONE
While I was gone, ol' Bob and his pals managed to upset a flurry of people... I mean, more so than usual.
This time, Bob is threatening to sue everyone for some sort of unHoly act of abuse. Times like these, we have to get TOGATHER as a group, people.... TOGETHER!! A Great Crackhead once pled.... "can't we all just get ALONG?"
Anyway, Bob Barnett likes me, so I'm sure he won't care if I directly post his words. Since Fritz Capp's name doesn't exactly = hits... it'll be nice to let everyone who hasn't clicked away in disgust read what Bob has to say. He also throws some shots at RF Video... I choose no sides here... unless supposed "porn guy" Feinstein can set me up with a couple of porn sluts... I have no problem with well paved vag.
For the record, Barnett is a Lawyer from California who is a bit past "middle aged" who has always enjoyed ragging on Ryder. One might say that both men are a bit too old for this silliness... I won't say it (something about glass houses and a handful of stones) but SOMEONE might.
Anyway, from PWBTS.com...
Things must be getting back to normal, as Ryder is suing another website, porn dealer Rob Feinstein threatened to sue DVDVR, only to back out an hour later, and Wrestling Classic's despot Mark Nulty threatened to ban me for using the word "bitching." Don't these titans of webdom have anything better to worry about?
I had my attorney service pick up a copy of the lawsuit.
The Bobosaurus sued (A1 Wrestling) for causing damage to his business by telling people about webwasher, that kills Ryder's popup income. He also threw out some defamation of character and trademark infringement counts just to add to his bullying tactics. Of course the lawsuit is a travesty, and will fail miserably.
But Bobosaurus is desperate to keep the income coming -so his warped sense of intimidation led him to file. Every attorney I've discussed this mess with just laughed at Ryder's sanity-but laughed even harder at his attorney's gall.
But now Bob may have to sue Bill Gates also, as Internet Explorer 6 now has software in place to stop popups.
I have also been informed that since first writing this article, http://www.halfwrestling.com has thrown in the towel due to more Ryder threats-it's on their site.
The URL is http://www.microsoft.com/WindowsXP/expertzone/tips/june/bowman2.asp.
Feinstein goes nuts with the comments on the tape $hill boards and at DVDVR.
Every few weeks he and his sock puppets invade, get banned, and come back for more. This was his thesis on Monday:
"I just wanted to let you know that we have printed everything out that your web site has posted about us on your pages. My lawyer has already said I have a case. Since you own the site, I thought I should let you know that you allow numerous people to slander RF VIDEO. If this continues we will take legal action. I know that people have the right to say what ever they like.
This is not about that at all. This is about slander. We have more then enough evidence to sue you for personal damage. You also are allowing numerous people to slander my company. I have no problem again with opinions but your web site goes far and beyond this. I already have a lawsuit pending with another person and I thought you should know what you are getting yourself into.
Poor guy-doesn't even know the difference between libel and slander. Maybe he ought to change attorneys. A little while later, after being told to bugger off, this gem:
"Revenge is a dish best served cold. Thanks for your complete understanding. My ego is so hurt by the comments from your kids that post on your board. I forgot and I need to remember that nobody really reads your site. I need to realize its just a bunch of kids for the most part, and once crazy so called lawyer who is so jealous of Rob. I am so happy that you understand. Have a wonderful day."
Revenge? Is he planning to post photos of Missy on the site?
That video should be a big seller (cough cough.) Missy on Stern Monday was not a pretty site. She has been overwhelmed with plastic surgery. (Missy-don't bother calling me again. I'm not interested in your RF stories.)
Obviously, this is a few weeks old... but like my new attitude says... it amused ME and ME ALONE!!!
So.... Bob sucks... Feinstein sucks... DVD & A1 are the heroes here. That's the gist.
Well, the truth is Bob gets too sensitive (is he a Canadian?), I have no clue what Feinstein's deal is... DVD "players" are mostly homo for Jap wrestlers (with Zach Arnold being the supreme pimp of the Japanese Wrestler world) and never seem to go to far from a computer because they're always posting shit 24/7, and A1 have done nothing wrong.... other than they seem to have delusions about how "huge" they actually are.
Meanwhile, at the beginning of this month, the Webmaster for the Honky Tonk Man's site threw a mini-fit of his own against Ryder... here it is... I encourage all web guys who steal news from Bob’s site and now fear getting sued to listen up.
It seems 1wrestling has taken offense to what we've posted about them. Infact, the website that claims to be so professional, even responded on their website!!! Earlier today we got an e-mail from Dave Scherer claiming he was going to pursue legal action against The Honky Tonk Man for "slander"... Has anyone seen Bob Ryders column? , its full of slander! They've buried themselves now.
Its amazing, their solution to everything is that they will sue. How many of you internet reporters out there, you know who you are, have ever been e-mailed by Bob Ryder saying he was going to sue you for using his news? I'm sure a lot of you have. Did he ever sue you? Nope, he sure didn't. So then myself and some other friends started posting this great little piece of writing called the Fair Use act.. In English, it basically says that a smaller company (your average wrestling website) can use materials from a larger company (1wrestling) legally as long as proper credit is given.
These people preach about how you can't use their news with or without proper credit. Its funny, if you view our newsboard and look at what we post, you'll see it on 1wrestling.com hours or even days later. Some of the time its damn near word for word and no credit is given! So why is a website that preaches morality being so hypocritical? The answer is simple my friends, Bob Ryder believes he is untouchable.
Ryder had a nice job working for WCW.. He also had a nice job doing the ECW website.. And then what happened Bob? Uh oh.. Both companies are gone. So Big Bobby Ryder no longer collected a paycheck from ECW and no longer collected a pay check from WCW. Of course the WWF doesn't want him because all his fatass does is sit there and collect money to do very little work. So now Bob is angry again. and we all know what happens when Bob gets angry? That's right! Bob threatens legal action against everyone to built up his ego to make him look strong!!! Unfortunately that's not going to happen here. You're not dealing with 12 year old kids who will shut down their website when anyone e-mails them and says they'll sue.
We aren't going to go away and run scared like some of these wrestling websites have done.. In fact we will continue to stand tall and I hope that all of these other wrestling websites out there will stand with us. Bob Ryder and people like him are a cancer on the wrestling world and its only a matter of time before he goes out of business.
There it is... Net Wars 2001... where's Sean Shannon when you need him the most?
To watch the 411 writers decide who will win the PPV matches, and find out which ones bombed miserably, go to the Roundtable
Art Martinez rhymes his way through another Lyrical Stunt. The fun part continues to be when readers try their hand at this.
Finally, Ben Morse probes the man known as Raven... actually, rumor has it Raven is really into probes... the man has well probed cavities all over his body... the man is also pushing forty and is still dressing like Eddie Vedder.
The Mean is the column.
PISSING ON THE GRAVES OF OLD HOLLYWOOD
Because I ENJOY IT... I ventured over to that site I go to occasionally and looked up some gossip about top Hollywood stars. This time, I thought I'd post some stuff about Old Hollywood... stars long dead who can't sue... perfect!
Crawford, Joan. "Slept with every male star at MGM except Lassie." "She was a mean, tipsy, powerful, rotten-egg lady." Vain and unpleasant personality. Horrible to her children. Broke into Hollywood by starring in porn films. Abused by her parents. Alcoholic. Clean freak. Reportedly killed her husband. Linked with Dorothy Azner, Jean-Pierre Aumont, Yul Brynner, Jackie Cooper, Kirk Douglas, Douglas Fairbanks, Jr, Henry Fonda, Glenn Ford, Clark Gable, John Garfield, Jackie Gleason, Cary Grant, Rock Hudson, JFK, Tyrone Power, Martha Raye, Barbara Stanwyck, Franchot Tone, Spencer Tracy, John Wayne, Johnny and Weissmuller.
Dean, James. Open bisexual; habitue of rough trade and leather bars. Linked with Nick Adams, Ursula Andress, Pier Angeli, Montgomery Clift, Rock Hudson, Eartha Kitt, Roddy McDowell, Sal Mineo, Liz Sheridan (Seinfeld's mom on Seinfeld) and Natalie Wood. Difficult to work with. Called 'the Human Ashtray' because he would ask men in leather bars to put out their cigarettes on his bare chest. Reportedly enjoyed amputees.
Flynn, Errol. "The most despicable human being yet born." Jerk and Nazi sympathizer--also a spy for the Axis, if rumors are to be believed. A closeted homosexual. Anti-Semite. Linked with Truman Capote, Olivia de Havilland, Doris Duke, Howard Hughes, Barbara Hutton, Hedy Lamarr, David Niven, Eva Peron, Tyrone Power, Lana Turner, Gloria Vanderbilt, Lupe Velez, and Shelley Winters.
Hughes, Howard. Corrupt, evil man who hated everything and everybody; grew insanely concerned about germs later in life, reportedly due to encroaching syphilis. Kept numerous homes for starlets he'd use and cast aside. Often impotent with women; had to have them pretend to be men for him to be aroused. Had Rita Hayworth as a kept woman and pimped her around in exchange for favors. Linked with Bette Davis, Yvonne de Carlo, Olivia De Havilland, Marlene Dietrich, Faith Domergue (when she was 15), Errol Flynn, Ava Gardner, Paulette Goddard, Cary Grant, Jean Harlow, Katharine Hepburn, Barbara Hutton, Hedy Lamarr, Carole Lombard, Ida Lupino, Marilyn Monroe, Jean Peters, Tryone Power, Ginger Rogers, Randolph Scott, Norma Shearer, Gene Tierney, Lana Turner, Gloria Vanderbilt, and Shelley Winters.
Then I visited the other site and pulled some funny definitions for some generally sick sex acts... one of which I am TOTALLY guilty of doing.... feel free to guess.
Arabian Sunglasses - When you cover a lady's eyes with a ball sack each. (a.k.a. Arabian goggles)
Soggy Biscuit - A group of guys, chicks, or both jerk off while standing in a circle. When they blow their load, they have to spew on the biscuit. The last person to squirt has to eat the biscuit. (a.k.a. The Ookie Cookie but a cookie is used.)
Valsalva [n] The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a woman's nose while receiving fellatio; most effective when employed just prior to the release point due to the gag reflex and ensuing swallow that the woman is forced to do to continue breathing. A great first date ploy, as it sets the stage for what the rules of engagement will be ahead
Mung 1[n, v] Two people dig up the corpse of the recently deceased. One undresses the mungee and places his mouth over the sexual area. The other backs up and does a running jump onto the corpses chest. The second person has to eat everything that enters his mouth. Insult, seen here in context: "I'm going to mung your grandmother!"
Umm... actually, I'm pretty sure I partook in TWO of these particular acts... does a brownie count?
TAKE US HOME, HONKY
Amid all this terrorism and tragedy... it's good to see that the
Honky Tonk Man is keeping his priorities in order.... shooting against Lawler, wrestlers, and stupid promoters!
Well, okay... he finally talked about it a bit... but to date, Osama Bin Laden has NOT been put on Honky's "Ass Whippin' List".
Some old news on Savage:
Savage is suing his x old lady over her continued use of the name, Gorgeous George. Savage says he owns the rights to the name and wants George to stop using the name as part of her stripper routine. Nice little body on her too.
A little McAss kissing
WWF is back to running two events per night. I knew Vince was not going to have guys sit at home and draw a paycheck for doing nothing. Vince is not a "Ted Turner." With revenues down, the only way to show the shareholders a good bottom line is to generate some cash flow.
And some advice for the snotty little upstarts out there:
WWF could drop all these developmental "deals" where guys are being paid to lay around all day and take wrestling lessons a couple of nights a week. That would free up some dough. Why would you pay a guy to learn. Hell, even in Hollywood they don't pay you to go to acting school, you do it on your own. Most of these development guys would quit if they had to get a real job and pay for the wrestling lessons. There are plenty of guys floating around the country that are ready to go now and with more shows running they will be able to perfect their craft..
Besides, these guys need to work. They are not going to perform up to expectations if they do not get ring time. It will also be a good way to find out just how serious and dedicated they are to the business. Put them out there on the road 300 days a year and then you will separate the real pros from the punks.
Yeah! Plus, it's the best way to show them the virtues and benefits of steroids and crack... both butt and cocaine. It gets lonely on the road, kids... so lonely.
Now would be the time where I do those Message Board quotes... well, maybe next week. ONLY if I want to... ONLY if it amuses ME!
Welcome to the new machine, kids. Pants not required.
This is Hyatte