The Midnight News 09.25.01 

Posted By Hyatte on 09.25.01

DDP's teeth, Dustin's Ex-Bride, Kronik, Russo, Cyrus, Ryder, Honky gets nervous, and reaction to the new 'tude 

It is not overly funny that you joke about hijacked planes crashing into houses killing your least liked wrestlers along with other passengers. With your imbecilic attitude you don't care but you have lost another reader. Along with your bashing of Canadians and just about every thing else your immature attitude is unbelievable. 

One down. 

Hyatte -- Just wanted to drop you a quick note. You're right, wresting is not that interesting anymore. I've had to find other diversions to fill my time. But something that will always keep me interested is YOU. No matter what you write, or what you write about, I always enjoy it and your twisted sense of humor. So, please write about what amuses you. It amuses me to read it. And you are so Goddammned cool that I'd totally f*ck you. However, reality is that you're miles and miles away & I'm just a poor computer geek. But if there was ever an opportunity, you would laid from your column. Canada DOES make a great parking lot 

Leigh Black (yeah, like I'd put her e-mail up) 

Dear God... I hope she's not fat... and at LEAST ten years old. Okay, I'll settle for 9... but only if her incoming tits are big. 

i always preferred the midnight news when it contained news about WRESTLING, i assure you most of us would rather have that than hear what morons out there e-mail you with. thanks. 

Hmm... what part of "I don't give a f*ck WHAT most of you want to read anymore" DIDN'T you understand? And I want to see prove that "most of you" would rather see news... let's go feeb... facts and figures... bring them on. 

I'm just sending this e-mail because it amuses ME!!!! 

Oh shut up.... creep 

I'm Chris and it's still the new dawn of the MidNews.... I still don't care... and I have to tell you, it's a HUGE relief. 

I missed Raw too... Angel was on.... I am prioritizing things now, and Vampires looking for redemption will ALWAYS take precedence. 

I did catch the extreme close-up of DDP.... why are they whitening his teeth? And what's with all these 80's type gimmicks showing up again? When will they bring back "Slick" and really piss Bill Cosby off to all Hell? 

Why am I asking you? You don't know the answers. 


Scherer says that Kronik sucks SO much and they stunk up the PPV match SO badly the other night that they already have backstage heat. 

So THAT'S why the Undertaker pushed for their hiring... so he'd look GOOD!! 

How's this... can someone tell me exactly when Brian Adams was actually considered TALENTED? Yes, that applies to the idiot wrestler and the idiot singer who still has acne scars while pushing 45 years old. 

Ironically, if Adams was to die, or at least vanish off the planet, millions of wrestling fans would be in "Heaven". 

I know that was lame... but I smiled... AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS FROM NOW ON!!! 


I won't hyperlink because they don't need it... but they are reporting that Dustin Rhodes former Wifey.... and current WWF Diva who is has recently smacked face first into the slice of hell that all broads in their 30's fear called "the wall", Terri Boatwell is going to give this matrimony thing another shot. 

This time, the big tittied little woman is hooking her claws into David Essel. Essel is a "nationally syndicated radio talk show host", an author, a public speaker, and he also has the balls to call himself a "lifestyle coach". Sounds like a con man of the highest order. 

A lifestyle coach? How retarded. Do you NEED someone t0o coach you on living your life? here, I'll do it for free... try to get out o bed each day, try not to watch too much TV, try not to stay on the F-ing computer debating on Scott Keith's genius all goddam day and night, try to do some form of labor to earn money, try to get laid with whoever makes your pee pee hard or your vag wet, try to eat something... now try to eat something healthy, you fat f*cks, go to bed and sleep... then do the same thing over the next day. Boom! You are now coached. 



Vince Russo, who promised to leave wrestling forever once his WCW relationship ended... is still hanging onto the buttocks of the business by a pimple. He's booking a pretty big PPV in Australia, filled with silly ideas that, as per Russo, seem to have no rhyme or reason... or any real thought either. 

According to RF Video, the following matches have been scripted by the throbbing mind of Vinnie Ru: 

Juventud Guerrera vs. Psicosis in a ladder match 

Konnan vs. Road Dogg in a dog collar match 

Vampire Warrior vs. Luna Vachon in a black wedding match 

Ken Shamrock vs. ??? teased as a former WCW champion ($20 sez it's Norman Smiley 

A Battle Royal with Buff Bagwell 

skin to win mud match with no names listed 

Disco Inferno vs. boxing kangaroo. 

Bret Hart will be there as commissioner too. Isn't stuff like this card one of the reasons he grew to hate the business to begin with? 

Oh yippe... there's a good chance this'll show up in the US. I'm sure Russo will personally beat up a few Arabs, just to get U.S. love again. 


According to RF Video, MECW is ALIVE AND WELL AND WILL BE KICKING ASS AND CHALLENGING VINCE MCMAHON ANY TIME NOW!!! Yeah, and I will be able to suck my own penis. 

Crackpots... this John Collins guy and this other nut who excels in failed businesses. Living proof of just how stupid this business really is when Vince McMahon isn't involved. 


Yesterday, I said that Don "Cyrus Jackass" Callis might be gay (That f-ing fake jewel on his head was what had me going). 

Well, someone clued me in on his REAL sex habits.... and here it is... 

In the News you made reference to Don Callis a.k.a. Cyrus possibly being gay. Well, he's not gay but it's almost as bad. 

You see, Cyrus has quite the fondness for fat women. Oh yes, that skinny ass bastard enjoys lard sex. 

How do I know this you ask? I live in Vancouver (yes, I'm Canadian and if I could get that bloody moose to stop pissing on my igloo I'd be a lot happier) and there's a local radio station here called The Fox. My friend works for The Fox and knows the person who the WWF deals with for promotions whenever they come through Vancouver (every 47 years or so). Back when Cyrus was with the WWF as The Jackal he would constantly hit on and make passes at this person, who incidentally is a very fat woman. 

It's true, I've seen her, her ass is like 7 ax handles wide. There's more to the story than just flirting and what not but that kind of tabloid stuff doesn't need to be revealed. The point is Cyrus likes beached whales and therefore we should make fun of him. HAHAHAH, Cyrus sucks! HAHAHAHA....aahhhh. 


I say he likes the fatties because the extra lard keeps him warm during those cold Winter nights... it gets SO cold in Canada. 


Not sure in your absence if you noticed.... 

Mil Mascaras was, and still is, a Mexican wrestling legend. While his talent level was far below those who followed, he paved the way for a new generation of wrestlers from Mexico... 

The "luchdores". Names such as Eddie and Chavo Guerrero, Juventud Guerrera, La Parka and Rey Mysterio jr. all have become well-known names in America. While being infinitely more talented than Mascaras, many of this new breed of Mexican superstars still held true to Mexican wrestling culture, donning masks which are a sign of respect, honor and tradition. 

Although Eric Bischoff would eventually force the luchadores to remove the masks, for a time, many of these Mexican wrestlers were able to escape the "racial stereotypes" that many other cultures have endured. 

We have had Krusher Kruschev, Ivan Kollof, Nikolai Volkoff, etc playing the part of evil Russians. We have seen Iron Sheiks, Sultans and Ali Singh's playing the Middle Eastern role. We have been fortunate to witness "paisanos" such as the Full Blooded Italians. Not to mention the pleasure of seeing a "Godfather", not an Italian sterotype, but one who kept his pimp hand strong. 

No group, however, has been maligned as much as the "Native American". From Wahoo McDaniel to Chief Jay Strongbow to Chief Joe Lightfoot all the way down to Tantanka, each of these competitors, no matter how talented, have had "war dances" and tomahawk chops" as part of there repertoire. The only difference between the "Native Americans" and the other races is the fact that we have not (at least not yet) destroyed an entire culture of people. Tribes such as the Seminole, Cherokee, Sioux, Muskegee and Kickapoo have, for the most part, been wiped out of existence as America colonized the Western states. 

Many children in school learn a watered down version of history, concentrating instead on the correct spelling and pronunciation of tribe names. Many have been translated phonetically into English, like the tribes mentioned at the beginning of the last paragraph. 

One notable exception is "Sioux" which is not pronounced "see - o - ux" but like "soo" or "sue". 

One person who definitely knows the meaning of the word "Sioux", albeit in a different context, is the latest (ken) Starr himself 


Six Degrees of Ryder Fakin 


Thank you... but this is SIX degrees... not NINE degrees.... Pocacuntus 


Yesterday, the 411... *cough*... experts made their bold predictions as to who would win at the f-ing PPV.... in this Roundtable, Ben Morse leads the team of ten staff writers who discuss what happened and why they were wrong. I'd have a wise-ass thing to say here, but Ben gets upset and it's not worth the hassle. No, I really don't give a F**k about anything anymore... but I assure you, it's best to keep Ben Morse happy.... it's for the best. 

Tom Daniels recapped Raw and liked what he saw dammit! One particularly funny thing he tossed in there was this: 

I have not eaten a Twix since they hired Lil Bow Wow. I will not eat a Twix while this commercial continues. Nostalgic 80’s stars in telephone commercials I will deal with… I will not deal with Lil f’n Bow Wow 

Heh... HAW... that sounds just like something I would have written back in the Mop-Up days (back when I CARED!!)... 

Here's the recap. 

Finally, Ben Morse probes the man known as Raven... actually, rumor has it Raven is really into probes... the man has well probed cavities all over his body... the man is also pushing forty and is still dressing like Eddie Vedder. 

I don't know who Steven Schwenke is. I don't know when or WHY he has a column here called Schadenfreude. Nor do I know why he would put Vince Russo on an island and do a parody of Cast Away. What I DO know is that seeing the name "Schwenke" in print makes me giggle... and that he must be German... and very, very happy that the Arabs are FINALLY making people forget about Germany's attitude problem from a few decades back. 


The site is Honky Tonk Man. In the last month, he has left a wealth of posting material. All of which I will pilfer relentlessly. 

Keeping up with the Road Dogg: 

Norm Conners promoter of the Monroeville, PA show had the Dogg booked as his main event but before the show started Norm had to make a difficult announcement to the crowd. He had to admitt and righfully so, that Road Dogg had disappeared. When the show started, Norm came out again and said Roadie was in his hotel room refusing to work the show unless he got twice as much money. So, Norm said "As far as I care, he can kiss my ass." Norm gave the money that Roadie was supposed to make to the American Red Cross. Good for you Norm 

An old post about Nash: 

Nash will make an appearance (Boring) on the Fox show The Test (Boring). The topic he will address is "Good Samaritan." What can he say about something like this? I guess it will be his same old song and dance---"I have to check with my accountant to see if I can deducted it." Pillman's family is still waiting for the 20 grand. 

Heh... HAW... Honky so totally BUSTED ol' Kev.... Nash was caught SO off guard. 

Finally... this sounds like a little legal backpedaling: 

We value our ability to expose and advance the truth, which is the purpose of our website. We also value your participation as fans in our sport and our website, which are, after all, for entertainment purposes. Unlike other websites, we can and do print opposing points of view and welcome your comments, ideas, and complaints. We will readily print responses from any wrestler or organization whom we have lampooned. At our option we will in turn submit specific and public questions to any such responses we receive and expect a further reply without delay. These materials reflect solely the views of HTM and are offered for parody purposes only. 

A PARODY?? The guy just says what's on his MIND?? What is he parodying? 

Looks like someone sicced a Lawyer or two on Mistah Ferris.... I wonder if it was Ryder? 

Ah... nothing like the return of frivolous lawsuits to help get the country re-focused on normalcy again... 

Meanwhile, did we find that Intern yet? The girl who Gary Conduit probably killed? Think her parents are running around screaming, "Umm... helloooo? Remember us? We still can't find our poor daughter? Helloooo?? Connie Chung?? Stone Phillips? HELLOOOOOO? 

What if she was killed and hidden somewhere in the World Trade Center? Oh, the irony.... the irony. 

This is Hyatte