The Midnight News 08.19.02 

Posted By Hyatte on 08.19.02

Seattle Lovin', Goldylocks, Eddie Laughs Last, Shane Wants You, Those Nutty Sheet Guys, Missy Hyatt, The Porn King, Cybersex With Gary Coleman, A Former Smark, Flea, Rasslin' Quotes, and Honky's List 

Can I ask why your column is so pointless IM guessing you wrote it while having sex or your just really stupid I could throw my cat on the keyboard and have it type random keys and its column would be much better then yours!! Just try to make a mockery out of me on your website I encourage it. 


Well, far be it for me to point out grammar mistakes but... shouldn’t it be "than" instead of "then"? That's the best "mockery" I can do. 

I'm Chris and this is the Midnight News. Quiet week around here. Not much happening. So why am I horribly late? Just got caught up bullshitting with some friends on AIM and lost track of time. It happens 

Big thanks to Josh Grut... the little bugger made my week. 

Before we begin, I'd like to offer you this philosophical musing.... Is it better to serve in Heaven, or rule in Hell? You know, after some thought, I've decided to go for the first part. In about a year, if I'm still alive (God willing, I won't be), I'll explain what I mean. 

We're gonna mix things up this week.... rasslin' stuff, chat stuff, Hollywood stuff, all sorts of stuff. 

Off we go... 


Well, Seattle is the favorite to host next year's Wrestlemania, but it isn't set in stone. As far as I can tell, there are no other front runners... at least none who are screaming about the possibility on the front page of their newspaper. That's called a guaranteed hot crowd. I think it's just a matter of signing the dotted line. But what do I know? 

Anyway, I've been following this story VERY closely... not because I care where the damn show is going next year (who gives a flying f*ck?), I am more interested in seeing what it takes for the boys to get some TITTIES in their face after the show! What's the babe situation in Seattle? 

Well, last week we established that the strip club scene in the Emerald City blows... but Reneke has a different suggestion: 

F*ck the strip clubs. There are so many hookers after midnight on Pike street in Seattle that it would be too much for even Charlie Sheen to handle. CHARLIE SHEEN for Christ's sake! 

There ya' go... CHARLIE SHEEN, for Christ's sake! 

So, if you want some autographs... or pix of your favorite wrestlers and Kevin Nash, and maybe get your loser ass laid for once, whisk down to Pike street an hour or so after the show. I'm sure the gals will "put you over" and "give you a 5 * match" and "sell your bumps" and "do the job", and any other lame f**cking cliché message board losers (usually on that TOA board) use in order to act knowledgeable. Plus, you can see the boys pick them up and you can report back to me for some hot gossip. 

Come to think about it, I doubt they'll be eager to take pictures with you. I suspect you'll get a lot of pictures of arms in front of their faces. "Here's a great pic of some guy picking up a hooker with a SAVED 1 shirt on... I wonder you that could be? 


I am completely taken with Goldylocks. Great on the mic and, except for those laugh lines on her face, she's a cutie. 

Word is that the WWE LIKES her. They might be interested in snagging her away from the NWA. Their only question is that can she bump? Is she willing to work in the ring? They love her personality and she's got a good buzz around her, but they might want girls who want to work. That might be her only obstacle, if she wants to pursue it. 

No lie.... I am allowed to have sources too. Eat me. 

Goldylock's website still sucks, by the way. 


I read this at New York's Page by way of another site that I'll plug later. 

You know it was NEVER going to last.... that was the funniest part. You KNEW it would implode onto itself... the only part was when? 

SAMMY Hagar, finished with fellow Van Halen frontman David Lee Roth, is dissing Diamond Dave's oversize ego, deteriorating singing voice and vanishing hairline. Hagar and Roth had been co-headlining this summer's laboriously titled "Sammy Hagar and David Lee Roth Tour 2002: Song for Song, the Heavyweight Champs of Rock and Roll." But after butting heads with Roth non-stop since they began touring in May, Hagar vows never to work with him again. 

"The guy is a [bleep]hole," Hagar told PAGE SIX. "He will never go on tour with me again. He's gonna have to draw a crowd on his own." 

Hagar and Roth, who were fired from Van Halen in 1996 and 1985 respectively, had traded insults for years before declaring a truce for the tour. But Hagar says that Roth's prima donna antics have ruined their relationship. 

"He's not a man of his word," Hagar fumes. "Dave came to me because no one wanted to book him by himself, because he's such a flake and he has such a bad reputation. But I just can't work with him anymore." 

While Hagar admits that Roth's set of Van Halen classics is a crowd-pleaser, he ridicules Roth's decline from swaggering rock god to middle-age nostalgia act. "His voice is not too good. You sit there and go, 'I just saw a guy who was half the singer and half the performer he used to be, who spray-paints his hair on before he goes on stage and still acts like he's in Van Halen in 1982!' . . . It's a joke to me, it's like Liberace or something." 

One of mop-topped Hagar's favorite targets is Roth's thinning locks. "We were all on the same plane to go to a show in Dallas, and Dave's hair was brown underneath his hat," Hagar tattles. "The night of the show it was raving platinum. I'd hate to be there when he puts that thing on." 

Hagar says that he and Roth were supposed to finish their tour Sept. 2 at Jones Beach, but Roth vetoed it. "He said, 'I don't like the venue.' He wanted to play at Madison Square Garden and he wanted to close. He wasn't going to do it, so we canceled the show." 

But while New Yorkers won't see Hagar and Roth sharing the same stage, a solo Hagar is playing a free concert Aug. 29 at Irving Plaza. Since it falls close to the one-year anniversary of Sept. 11, half the tickets will be distributed to Port Authority cops and 9/11 rescue workers. 

Despite his dislike of Roth, Hagar says the tour was a hit with Van Halen fans. "It was always a great audience and it was a great rock and roll show," he said. "If it wasn't for that, I would have put him back in nightclubs were he belongs." 

Roth did not return calls for comment. 

Somewhere, Eddie is laughing... and smoking... in fact, he's probably smiling because to laugh would be to jettison is precious cigarette from his mouth. Can't have that. 

Somewhere, David Lee is convinced he can still get back into Eddie's good graces and recreate twenty years ago. 

Somewhere Gary Cherone is delivering pizza and wondering if the world is ready for an "Extreme" reunion. 

Somewhere, Michael Anthony is staying quiet and following VH orders. He knows he's the world's luckiest/suckiest Bassist. He ain't blowing this ride. 

Somewhere, Alex is... actually, I haven't the foggiest frickin' clue what Alex is doing, but I'm sure he's doing it with SUNGLASSES ON!! 

Somewhere, Hyatte just realized he unintentionally ripped off the premise to that Right Now video. MY GOD!!! 


This isn't really funny. But you might like it. 

I was contacted on AIM last week from a guy who almost went to work for the WWF, specifically, Shane McMahon's New Media dept. Now, I know a lot of web geeks read this, so I thought you... hell, everyone might like to see how the WWE's hiring process worked. 

Hyatte1com:okay, when did you apply for the WWE 

Dick Hertz: You're not going to reveal my name, right? 

Hyatte1com: nope 

Dick Hertz: Okay, cool. 

Dick Hertz: Let's was March 2000. I was working for a production company, and got a call after my resume was received by WWF New Media. I talked with a secretary, one of Shane's, and we set up an interview for the end of the month. 

Hyatte1com: where? 

Dick Hertz: Stamford, at the Tower 

Hyatte1com: okay.... and what were you applying for? 

Dick Hertz: Web Developer 

Hyatte1com: in general? for or for an individual wrestler's site? 

Dick Hertz: 

Hyatte1com: where did you live? And did they fly you in? 

Dick Hertz: They flew me in, coach. From New Mexico 

Hyatte1com: you were flown up 

Dick Hertz: Yes, and got picked up by a driver at the airport. No limo, sadly. 

Dick Hertz: We got to Titan Tower, and I was given a short tour. Then we toured the New Media office. It was kinda crappy for such a big firm, much crappier than the one I was currently working for. 

Hyatte1com: anything stick out? Or just a lot of framed pictures 

Dick Hertz: Lots of pictures...some of the rooms were decorated carpet and stuff, but it was all generally nice. There was a huge old-school WWF logo on the wall that was quite cool. The thing had to have been 8 feet tall. 

Dick Hertz: I was then taken into a small room, just like any other corporation, to fill out some paperwork. The standard forms. When that was done, I was asked to follow the secretary, and she took me to Shane's office. He introduced himself, which obviously I knew who he was. 

Dick Hertz: He asked me if I watched the product, and I said of course, I even wrote on the subject. He asked what sites, and I told him. He didn’t' really care what sites, he was just trying to sound nice. Anyway, we started the interview. We went over my list of credentials and viewed some of the sites I'd done. He was impressed that I'd been doing websites for five years, which is like eternity in web-time. He was very nice, very cordial, and seemed very smart. His office was much smaller than I figured it would be. 

Hyatte1com: did he describe to you exactly what your duties would be? 

Dick Hertz: Yes. My job would be to produce content/graphics under the current system. The problem was, everything they had back then was run under Frontpage 98. They had a Frontpage web with over 18,000 pages that had to be updated with stupid Frontpage methods. 

Hyatte1com: is it still the system they use here in 2002? 

Dick Hertz: Nope, they finally went with a better content system about eight months later. It's funny, but I suggested they look into it, and Shane hadn't even heard of the companies I suggested. Eight months later, they sign a multi-million dollar deal with one of those companies. 

Hyatte1com: how long was the interview? 

Dick Hertz: It lasted about 1 hour. 

Hyatte1com: all professional? Or did you give your mark boy a little freedom and shoot the shit with Shane? 

Dick Hertz:We talked about some wrestling, but it was mostly professional. I told him I couldn't believe some of the bumps he took, and he said that sometimes he couldn't either. 

Hyatte1com: How much were they offering you? 

Dick Hertz: They offered $55,000 per year with benefits, but I was making $71,000 at that point. So it wasn't financially worth it to make the move up there, even though I would have been working for the WWF. 

Dick Hertz: They offered me the job, I turned it down, end of story. I've actually corresponded with Shane several times since then (and Stephanie over the past year) and I think I could STILL go and work for them, but it's just not financially worth it. 

Hyatte1com: by phone or by e-mail? and what does Stephanie have to do with anything? 

Dick Hertz: I got to say "hello" to her, but nothing more. She was super-hot back then, too. I've talked with Shane via phone once and several times through email since then. 

Hyatte1com: following up? Trying to change your mind? 

Dick Hertz: The phone call was DEFINITELY him trying to change my mind...telling me all the benefits, like free passes to all WWE shows and access to the tape archives, stuff like that. 

Hyatte1com: did you ask him to pad up the salary to make it worthwhile? 

Dick Hertz: I told him I'd make the move for $70,000, but he said he couldn't do it. 

Hyatte1com:what kind of hours are we talking about here? 

Dick Hertz: Oh, WAY more than full-time. Probably 60-65 hours a week. 

Hyatte1com:but. you could work from home, right? 

Dick Hertz: No, it had to be in the office. 

Hyatte1com: New Media is a significant title.... it's just for the website? 

Dick Hertz: Yeah, website, but that includes video/audio/PPV streaming, etc. 

Before we wrapped up, he pointed out that in the long run, he made a smart move because a year later, the company cut 20 jobs from New Media, he would have gotten the boot anyway. 

Not really funny stuff, but I thought you might enjoy an inside look at their hiring practices... and that Shane apparently DOES work. Although the interview took place at 2:00 p.m.. Shane might like to sleep in on mornings... who knows? 


Flea pointed out to me that Meltzer announced that there won't be a Wrestling Observer for a couple of weeks while he tends to a family emergency. Isn't this the same prick who routinely bashes workers for taking time out to tend to family business? Is Meltzer a HYPOCRITE? 

I don't know about you, but Wade Keller PROMISED that the Torch Newletters were sent out last TUESDAY... and SWORE that they would be hitting our mailboxes by Friday TOPS. Well, here it is, Sunday (Monday morning).... and I don't have MINE, do you have YOURS? What about that high speed mail service he's always bragging about having? 

Have the dirt sheets ALWAYS been run so unprofessionally? By HICKS? Jesus. 

I know someone from the Torch reads this (McNeil, more than likely... Mitchell if he wants to LEARN)... word of advice... make sure Hyatte gets his Newsletter ON TIME... FIRST ON THE LIST. I don't steal every friggin' news item like everyone else does and when it's good, I say it's good. And Widro smiles every time I remind people that ranks 411 MUCH higher than the Torch. So get with the program, or I'll start submitting guest editorials under an assumed name and embarrass the lot of ya' with my skills when I finally unmask. 

Good Lord... this reminds me, Flea once summarized my entire Internet career/personality in four words: Hyatte: Ain't I great. Man, he was so right. I swear, people, I'm not really this much of an asshole. No, really. 


It ain't Missy Hyatt. A reader of mine recently spent some quality time fishing around the wrestlingvixxxens website and was stunned by what Missy said during her chat sessions. Apparently, Missy decided a long time ago that tact and diplomacy were for gals who DIDN'T sleep with Jason Hervey: 

Hey Hyatte, 

For your reading pleasure here are some pearls of wisdom from Missy's mouth: 

The Ballad of Violent J and Missy. Two weeks ago Missy came on cam and started babbling about how wonderful Violent J was and how she was going to invite him down for the weekend so she could give him a blowjob on camera. After some discussion with the chat room it was established that J was the fat untalented one not the skinny untalented one of ICP. 

Well two days later Missy is back on cam but this time she is spewing venom towards our hefty rapper. Seems he decided to work a house show in Michigan for free rather then come down for his moment of fame. Missy basically spent an hour talking about what a loser J was and how shitty he was in bed. 

Fast forward a week. Missy is back on cam and this time she is back in love with J. It seems he wrote a little something on the ICP webpage where he talked about his relationship with Missy. She was particularly won over by his comments on how he used to masturbate to her when he was a kid (and who says Shakespeare is dead?). Violent J's ode to Missy seemed to have produced such dramatic effects that quite a few of us from the chat room decided to brave the ICP webpage and check it out. In essence the column boiled down to this. Missy was a good lay and "she got 60 minutes of dick time". Cough cough. But there was a bit more. You see while he devoted a paragraph or two to the joys of Missy there was page after page of J talking about how much he wanted to f*ck Tammy and how he would have f*cked her if Chris Candido wasn't around to kick his fat ass if got within two feet of her. 

So there you have it, next time you are really trying to win your girl's heart and affection tell her how great she is in bed... but how you really really want to f*ck her friend instead. 

Other soundbites and words of wisdom: In response to a question on whether or not Tammy is a crackwhore... "Tammy is not a crackwhore! She's too fat to be on crack." 

On whether or not Missy will do a lesbian photo shoot: "Well Tammy really wants to go down on me but I'm not that attracted to her, cuz she's fat." 

Missy and anal sex: "Ain't nothin going up my ass... that hurts, everytime I tried it it hurt. No up the butt for me... well wait... I guess it depends on who it is that wants to do it to me." 

Missy on Pat Patterson: "Well this is highly speculative but there are certain guys that got a push because they gave him a push. Ultimate Warrior. You know guys like that. Pat really really likes Jeff Hardy. But thats highly speculative." 

Missy on the late Eddie Gilbert: "I still miss Eddie." About the only reasonably classy thing I have heard Missy say in the two weeks I have been there. 

He also advised us that if we want to join the site to see Tammy in action.... well, Tammy seems to have hit the buffet table lately. Be warned. 

Missy Hyatt: she puts the "ass" in "Class" 

I'd still do her so hard tho'. She's a Holy Six Pack. I'd need to drink a six pack blessed by a Priest before I could do her, but I'd do her.... and I would be goooooood. Ya' hear me, Missy? Chris Hyatte comes with the THUNDER!! BOOYA!!! 

Ahhh, my kingdom for a Stratus 


Recently, I caught someone on the TOA message board bitch about how I don't CREDIT my quotes for "Across the Board" I'd like to address why I don't. 

A: Because the segment is meant to give an anonymous look at what the Net is generally speaking about lately (and in case you didn't notice, the subject matter NEVER F**KING CHANGES). NOT to give people props or recognition. 

B: Because I do not recognize a two or three sentence board post as GODDAM CONTENT. It's not MATERIAL. It's not WORK!! Shit, half the time you idiots aren't even WELL THOUGHT OUT. It's chit chat, bullshitting, and devoid of actual TALENT. Quite frankly, you DESERVE to not be credited. Eat my balls, morons. Do something that WARRENTS credit. Jesus H... REACH FOR THE STARS for once in your life. Strive for greatness. 

C: If I keep hearing complaints, I'll go so far as to stop announcing which sites I GO to. Then you'll get NO promotion at all. I realize, it's not a huge threat. Most of you like just hanging with your buddies quietly, but I know it'll piss some of you cherries off. That's good enough for me. 

On the same board, Janitor from the A1 site decided to pipe in with his two cents: 

I lost interest in Hyatte when he slammed A1wrestling. He said A1 was a small website that pretends to be bigger than it is. I have never lied about our hits *like other sites I have seen*. I never intended it to get half as big as it is. Merely an alternative to 1wrestlingtalk, after Bob banned me for speaking the truth. 

Hyatte never understood the concept that the more people go to it, the more money I lose. And, I have had people on the front page thank me for the hits I send to them. Hell, I bet even Ryder wished he was back on. 

It's not a matter of "understanding", it's a matter of NOT CARING. 

Jesus Christ, he's commenting on something I said A YEAR AGO... and I never brought it up since. Get over it and get over yourself... Christ almighty, and you kids say I'M too caught up in this crap. 

SPEAKING of being caught in one's own hype... it seems that the RICK is starting to open up and, you know, TALK to his "fans" on AIM... rather than lying about having an account. Well, "talk" may be a generous term here: 

What follows is an actual conversation, from beginning to end: 

Mike: Online Onslaught 4 Life. 

OORick: I've got to go 

Mike: Oh. ooWo. 

OORick maby some other time 

Mike: OO. Too SWEET. 

OORick: ok bye 

Sigh... baby steps, Ricky... take baby steps 

Finally, just to show everyone that I'm not TOTALLY one sided here: 

burned8666: do you enjoy 6 degress of yourself? 

Ryder Fakin: no 


Ryder Fakin signed off at 3:57:05 AM. 

Ahh Flea... Flea, Flea, Flea... tsk tsk. 

Hey, if you have chat transcripts of ME being an asshole to you (it's possible)... send them to me. I can be a prick too. Might be fun to post. 


I don't cover XPW. Jesus Christ, I hardly cover anything, for that matter... but that's neither here nor there. 

Over at the site, an old running mate of mine from Scoops, Bob Magee wrote a brilliant three part essay on Rob Black a porno magnate, the XPW wrestling company that Black runs, and his current attempt to get a XPW show to Philadelphia. With Bob's permission, I am posting the second part. Then I'll supply the link to the first and third parts so you can get the full article. It's lengthy, but really good stuff. It's smart writing, something you kids are SORELY lacking here on the web. 


The continuing soap opera concerning the attempt by Rob (Black) Zicari's XPW promotion to run a show at the ECW Arena on August 31st has continued non-stop since the last AS I SEE IT column. 

News continued to come from the Pennsylvania State Athletic Commission that XPW did not have a license to run in the State of Pennsylvania. 

Then, this past week, with a graphic saying "What's The Fuss"?, XPW published what they claimed was their surety bond, one of the conditions for running a professional wrestling show in Pennsylvania. It was in fact an application, and they still needed a license, either of their own, or rented from another promoter licensed in Pennsylvania. 

The bond, for reasons you'll see, has since been removed from their site, but may still be available for viewing at this URL 

When many people saw the bond on the XPW website, the address listed on the bond was easily discovered to be the same as that of RF Video's The Pro Wrestling Shop in Langhorne, PA. 

That led to reasonable speculation that XPW was using the Pennsylvania State license of the Ring of Honor promotion. 

ROH booker Gabe Sapolsky denied any involvement with XPW in the strongest terms. 

Sapolsky's version of the story as told on CZW 

"...XPW called Rob Feinstein to see if Rob could help them get a bond. Rob just gave them the name of the company we use because we aren't going to be assholes and just hang up the phone on them.... So next thing we know our address appears on XPW's bond. They used our address without our permission." 

Then on August 8th, after some digging, I found the agent who sold this bond from The Hartford. I then discovered that things were, as seems to be the case with everything concerning this story...complicated. 

The Hartford attorney Anna Evenly stated to me in a phone call to their Delaware offices that the address used on the XPW bond was false. Steps were taken to cancel the bond on the grounds of a false address being sued; namely, the business address used by RF Video and the Ring of Honor promotion. 

XPW claimed to reporter Stave Bryant that "RF-Video/ROH Head Rob Feinstein had agreed to let them use his address as a local office, but due to pressure from all around they decided to ignore that agreement, thus having their bond revoked." 

However, as far as The Hartford was concerned, the bond application was falsified and was as a result revoked. 

Then....on Friday, August 9, according to sources in the Pennsylvania State Athletic Commission, it was reported that XPW promoter Rob Black finally obtained a license, by striking a deal with Joe Blackburn, the promoter of the Delaware County-based Heritage Wrestling Association. 

On Saturday, August 10th, Steve Bryant reported that Joe Blackburn had now said: 

"...that nothing has been signed or set in stone regarding the license. He also said he will talk it over with some people this weekend and have a decision on Monday. I imagine the deal was done but the negative feedback he started getting from fans and wrestlers lead to this "talking things over". 

Finally, on August 11th, the following e-mail arrived in my e-mail box: 

From the desk of Joseph Blackburn 

Ladies and Gentlemen, 

We’ve heard it all and now its time for the official statement, no more guessing, no more playing games. On August 31st at the Viking Hall XPW, in agreement with myself and the Heritage Wrestling Alliance, will present "Hostile Takeover"... 

...There was a time when the XPW office wanted for us to wait to "smooth things out", but that time is over and now everything is a go. We hope to see you all at the arena for a night of wrestling from a company who has certainly proven that they know how to get attention. For more details you can go to our site at, or of course 

Thank you, 

Joseph Blackburn 


Heritage Wrestling Alliance 

One hopes Mr. Blackburn is aware of the way that the Pennsylvania State Athletic Commission has stated publicly that they will be watching XPW at this show, with members of the Pennsylvania State Police present. According to the way a promoter's license rental works in Pennsylvania... if the promotion renting a license violates State regulations, the primary promoter is held responsible at risk of his own license. 

In other related developments, XPW had previously announced that they on would be running the ECW Arena (aka Viking Hall) on October 26th, November 16th, and December 21st.'s Steven Bryant contacted officials of the South Philadelphia Viking Club, who stated that not only are those dates not booked by XPW, but some of them are booked by other wrestling promotions. XPW Vice President Kevin Kleinrock claimed, when asked by Bryant that XPW has a written contract with Viking Hall for the above dates. 

It is known that there are businesses in South Philadelphia who are not happy with the idea that Zicari is running this show. These businesses have apparently contacted the Pennsylvania State Athletic Commission to make them aware of that fact. 

As all this is happening...XPW is promoting its August 31st show on its website with the following semi-literate dialogue (the spelling and grammar is the XPW website's own, by the way). 

"Rumors have been flying that Hostile Takeover has been canceled, Hostile Takeover has been shut down and Hostile Takeover has been banned but these rumors are being spread based on fear! 

That hasn't been done anywhere that I know of. 

On August 31st XPW will invade the East Coast And On August 31st XPW Fans From Philadelphia, New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Michigan, Massachusetts, California And Other States And Cities Will Gather To See First Hand Why We Are The Wrestling Promotion Everyone Else Is Afraid Of And Why We Are The Wrestling Promotion Everyone Is Trying To Keep Out. 

I'm sure that Vince McMahon is shaking in his boots. 

XPW has also claimed that there have been attempts to "sabotage" the show. If asking a promoter to follow the rules of the state of Pennsylvania is sabotage, I suppose that's happened. 

Now...some readers may ask the question as to why this is really important to so many people, why I'm spending two columns on it; and why I'm not talking instead about such interesting subjects as why HHH is lording over the WWE locker room. 

Consider this: XPW is run by pornographer Rob (Black) Zicari, who makes his money from his Extreme Associates company. God knows with the dismally poor paid houses he draws at his California shows, he isn't making it off of XPW. 

Mind you, as a civil libertarian, I'll defend anyone's right to sell or view pornography, if they deem it long as the material in question involves activities involving consenting adults. 

However, as everything else is with this whole's more complicated. 

Mr. Zicari also sells material involving females that appear to be minors, labeled as "Extreme Teens", a fact which can be noted at this URL<> [PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THIS IS AN ADULT SITE, AND IS NOT SUITABLE FOR MINORS]. 

On the warning page that precedes the Extreme Associates page they claim that all those in their films are 18. It appears that to cover themselves legally, they claim on a warning page that they aren't selling the very thing... that they claim within their site that they are selling. far as I'm aware, selling pornography involving minors is illegal throughout the United States and many, if not all, of the countries with readers viewing this column. The only question might be what each state, locality, or country determines a minor to be. 

Then, there is such constitutionally protected...but sickening beyond words... material as his "films" that depict simulated rape and murder. Here is the ad for a "film" called "Forced Entry": 

"The Most Controversial Movie In Extreme Associates' Video Arsenal. A Stunningly Disturbing Look At A Serial Killer, Satanic Rituals, And The Depths Of Human Depravity". 

I couldn't have described what Rob Zicari does any better myself. 

This is what Rob Black is, and what he does. 

Apparently the State of Pennsylvania finds allowing someone who peddles this garbage to be more acceptable under their rules than allowing wrestlers like Mark Briscoe...a talented young man who has the full support of his family who happens to be a few months this side of wrestle. 

Interesting priorities, aren't they? 

This entire story as listed above leads to the obvious question as to how the Pennsylvania State Athletic Commission can allow a promoter to run a show in the State of Pennsylvania who: 

1) Sold tickets for an professional wrestling event three weeks in advance of possessing a license to legally do so. 

2) Is reported to have falsified the bond application submission for his own license, a requirement to run shows in the Commonwealth. 

3) Sold tickets for an event three weeks in advance of possessing a $10,000 surety bond license to legally do so. 

4) Engages in an activity which is illegal in the State of Pennsylvania, that being the selling of pornographic material that either does or is designed to create the illusion that it is depicting minors. 

All of these facts have been made known to the Pennsylvania State Athletic Commission. Yet, as of this moment, Rob Black will run his wrestling show on August 31. 

If any readers would like to offer their opinions on this matter to the Pennsylvania State Athletic Commission, you can do so at 

If any readers would like to offer their opinions on this matter to Joe Blackburn, promoter of the Heritage Wrestling Association, they can do so at 

Bob Magee 

For the first part you can go here 

For the third part you can go here 

Thanks to Bob for exposing the Porn industry.... his next column is called RAW IS PORN!!! Ryder's already suing for copyright infringement. 

Seriously, I love my porn... but the people behind the scenes are usually beyond sleazy. Plus, a lot of them are Jews. 


A few weeks ago, I posted a goofy chat where a guy pretending to be a hot teenage girl f*cked around with a guy who thought he was Buff Bagwell. The guy who made the site and the chat e-mailed me and was cool with me swiping from him. Nice guy with a WAY COOL name... "Thor"... the dude calls himself Thor. 

His only request was that I don't post the full chats and make sure you all know where to go. to see the full chat in it's entirety. Good job Thor, don't let that bastard Loki get you down... ha. 

Here's another one: 

Gary Coleman used to write an advice column for UGO, my former employer. I met him at the office Christmas party and he tried to hit on my date. All this and more was running through my mind as Amber taught the American language of love to this very horny young Algerian. God, I hope he used his new vocabulary with other girls. 

kecibim: HI 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Hey, kecibum! 

kecibim: How are you 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I am a toilet of love. 

kecibim: Good 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: What is your toilet of love like? 

kecibim OH very large 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Would you live inside my body? 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Inside my organs? 

kecibim if you would like 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Is your toilet circumcised? 

kecibim yep, and yours 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I don't have a toilet, I am a girl! 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Do you understand? 

kecibim If you like I lend you my toilet for a long time 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Okay! Where will you put your toilet? 

kecibim in your sawa 

kecibim you know sawa? 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: No, what is the English? 

kecibim Zab = toilet, Sawa = your toilet 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: The english word for "sawa" is "Chicken Nugget" 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: So you will put your toilet in my Chicken Nugget 

kecibim and I keep my zab in you Chicken Nugget a long time 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Gary Coleman is the USA word for zab! 

kecibim I put my Gary Coleman in your Chicken Nugget 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Wonderful! You are a wonderful toilet! 


a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Is your Gary Coleman feeling good? 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: When Gary Coleman gets excited when you put it in a Chicken Nugget, white liquid comes out 

kecibim you will be melted when you see my zab 

kecibim you will be melted when you see my Gary Coleman ( zab , toilet ) 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: You will be melted when you are crushed by my Chicken Nugget into another dimension. 

kecibim zab = Gary Coleman sawa = Chicken Nugget 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: My Chicken Nugget is wet with Bar-B-Q sauce. 

kecibim yes, come in algeria and i give my zab, i put my zab in your sawa 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: SAY IT THE RIGHT WAY. 

kecibim yes , I got a very large Gary Coleman 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Yes! My Chicken Nugget is bleeding Bar-B-Q sauce for you! I want to get sauce all over Gary Coleman! 

kecibim I cant you are far away 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I will come to Algeria! 

kecibim Good, if you like i give you my adress 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: How will I get there? I will have to sell my Chicken Nugget to pay for the trip! 

kecibim you know why my Gary Coleman it is very large 

kecibim I send you some money 

kecibim when i send you money you come back to me 

kecibim and I put ma zab in you'r sawa 

kecibim are you here my sawa 

kecibim I'm here waiting for you 

kecibim please, talk with me 

kecibim a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r are you here 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: Yes! 

a_m_b_e_r_4_e_v_e_r: I was touching my chicken nugget! 

So, if I scream that SCOOTER KEITH SUCKS GARY COLEMAN'S NUGGETS... he can't whine, I'm merely speaking Algerian... or something. 


Well, it's a safe bet that I'm all set with the quotes. Got us a good, wide variety of selections. A TON of them. You did great. 

In fact, I've got SO much that I can throw more out now... just something to get you good and sick and tired for next week's Mop-Up closer where I throw a million of them out. 

Here... more TASTES... MORE TEASES... MORE APPETIZERS.... to make you laugh and pump ya' up... here we go: 

I'm naked and I don't like it!- Arn Anderson (on losing in a shot at the tag titles) 

I can't jump high, so I jump from high places- Mick "Cactus Jack" Foley 

For the past 4 weeks, you've been coming out here and telling your nursery rhymes about Jabroni Avenue and Know Your Role Blvd. Jesus, son you need to get serious for a minute, 'cause 'ol Stone Cold Steve Austin's gonna take a little trip down Jabroni Avenue and Know Your Role Blvd. and he's walk inside the Smackdown Hotel, check into room 3:16 and burn that S.O.B. down to the ground!- Stone Cold Steve Austin to the Rock, 

The Rock says, Stone Cold Steve Austin, you are the biggest foul-mouthed, beer swilling, finger-gesturing piece of monkey crap walking God's green earth.- The Rock to Stone Cold Steve Austin 

Nice one Steamboat! That's using your head! that pineapple juice I smell?- Bobby Heenan, right after Jake Roberts DDTed Rick Steamboat's skull on the concrete floor 

Hey JR, you know what you get when you play a country record backwards? You get your wife back, you get your house back, you get your job back.- Jerry Lawler 

...and that worrrdddd.... ...uh... a mocKING birrdddddd.... ...uhhhh... ...OOOOOOOOHHH YEAH!!!!- Randy Savage 

Oh look!! Is that a monkey falling out of that tree??? NO WAIT!! ITS JIMMY SNUKA!!!!- "Magificent" Don Muraco 

I unnerstan he's learning English pretty good.- Pat Patterson talking about Salvatore Bellomo 

When are you going to learn some- Vince McMahon 

He's the only person I know who could take a bath in a cesspool and leave a ring." - Gen. Skandar Akbar on Abdulla the Butcher 

Most of all I'm modest- Jesse Ventura 

I guess that relationship fell through!!- Bobby Heenan on the Shawn Michaels/Mart Jannetty window incident. 

This Orton kid looks pretty good.- Tazz 

Good? He looks great!- Michael Cole 

Easy, Cole.- Tazz 

It's gonna be black on black crime at it's finest..- New Jack commenting on the revenge match against Mustafa Saed in ECW 

I'm not an avalanche, I'm not a fish, I'm a man- John Tenta after leaving the Dungeon of Doom 

You can beat my prices, but you can't beat my meat.- Dusty Rhodes, during one of those "Common Man" skits 

Shane, do you have poopy in your diaper?- Road Dogg 

There you have it. Next week, I shoot the whole wad. LOTS of old school, LOTS of Heenan, LOTS of Lawler, LOTS OF STUFF. Oh, it's gonna be GREAT. You know you LOVE it. 


Strange thing happened this week over Netland. Jeremy Botter decided to make the rounds and contact everyone to say hello. He even contacted me. 

Turns out, he has a new website and wanted everyone to plug it. Well, that's all well and good for his fellow smarks, but when you want a plug in the Midnight News... you need to pay for it. Hey, this is a big column. I have more readers than ANYONE!!! BWAHAHAHAAAheh oh I suck. 

So, I sat Jeremy down for an interview, to see what made him tick. To see if I can wring anything interesting out of him. It was tough, but he's a gamer. He played along. You might get a kick out of this. He was in a band called "Burst" which he called "Alterna-pop". He has since left the band to follow his path and sing about God. We started talking about it for a while, one thing led to your mother and... well, turns out Jeremy may be the most boring man alive.... but in a sort of sweet way. 

Hyatte1com: do you masturbate? 

That Jeremy Guy: I used to, before I started dating my girlfriend. 

Hyatte1com: okay.... how long have you been with her? 

That Jeremy Guy: It was nine months on August 12th. 

Hyatte1com: whoa, so what was your excuse for not shagging some backstage poon before you met the girl? 

That Jeremy Guy: I wanted to stay pure until marriage. I committed early in life to not sleep with anyone until I got married. 

Hyatte1com: but, up until 9 months ago, you didn't know who the right girl was? 

That Jeremy Guy: Right. 

Hyatte1com: okay, so you haven't masturbated for nine months? Does she take care of business for you? 

That Jeremy Guy: No. We are not sexually active at all. 

That Jeremy Guy: I'm not sure that revealing things of this nature is worth a plug, Chris. :-) 

Hyatte1com: You're a "Lead Worshipper", part of the gig is to inspire... think of this as trying to get the "Abstinence is Cool" word out 

That Jeremy Guy: Okay, gotcha. 

Hyatte1com: so you haven't had any sort of release in nine months? 

That Jeremy Guy: nope 

Hyatte1com: Jesus H Christ.... don't you get horny? 

That Jeremy Guy: From time to time, but you really learn to concentrate on other things instead. 

Hyatte1com: doesn't SHE get horny? 

That Jeremy Guy: Like I said, you just learn to concentrate on other things. 

Hyatte1com: is she a virgin? 

That Jeremy Guy: Yes 

Hyatte1com: ever messed around? 

That Jeremy Guy: Nope. Like I said, we keep things as pure as possible. 

That Jeremy Guy: We've kissed...a lot. 

Hyatte1com: Jeremy.... she's never... assisted you 

That Jeremy Guy: Nope. 

Hyatte1com: manually.... orally? President Clinton says it isn't sex 

That Jeremy Guy: Nope. Neither. No touching, even. 

Hyatte1com: do you smoke? 

That Jeremy Guy: I used to. 

Hyatte1com: do you drink? 

That Jeremy Guy: Nope. 

Hyatte1com: overeat? 

That Jeremy Guy: No, I eat everything in moderation. 

Hyatte1com: do you have a vice at all? 

That Jeremy Guy: Dude, I told you that I'm highly boring. 

Hyatte1com: Jeremy.... do you realize how much of life you are missing? 

That Jeremy Guy: I'm not missing anything. I have drank, I have smoked. If having sex is missing life, I'm not missing anything because I'll be having plenty of it in about a year. 

Hyatte1com: ugh 

The guy has set principals and seems happy to stick with them. I actually admire that. 

And he thinks Scooter is a boob and I rule. 

Anyway, his site is called Scary Midgets .com and Jeremy swears that unlike him, it's NOT BORING. Go take a peek. 


not sure if you noticed... 

Spartacus, according to myth, was a legendary figure around the time when the Romans ruled the Earth. Basically, he was revolting against the slave trade going on at the time in ancient Rome and made his fury felt with a vicious attack against the powers that be in the Roman Empire, unfortunately falling short as Julius Caesar eventually squashed the slave revolt, up until the time of his "stabbed in the back" death. 

Ron Simmons, legendary athlete from Florida State University, was unfortunately saddled with a "Spartacus" gimmick, helmet and all, but he was in no position to revolt against said powers that be at the time, mainly Vince McMahon and Pat Patterson, who in the mid 90's, still held true to the "cartoon gimmick" characters of days gone by, pretty much running the WWF into the ground and nearly into bankruptcy 

The WWF eventually rebounded, allowing the wrestler portray more accurate description of themselves, i.e. The "Ringmaster" became "Stone Cold", Rocky Maivia became "The Rock" and "Black Spartacus" became "Farrooq". Gimmicks became a thing of the past, while "characters" became the wave of the future. 

This was all well and good for the WWF, but history will show that is was not Vince McMahon that led the way into the future, but in fact, it was a little known magazine editor turned head writer that eventually turned the WWF into a profitable juggernaut for the 21st century. 

That man's name was Vince Russo, who has been maligned by anyone who is everyone but has never been given his full due to what he accomplished - pulling "90's rasslin" from a dog and pony show into the product it is today 

By the way, Russo, if you did not know, is now the "head writer" for the latest and greatest promotion to come down the pike: the NWA-TNA, co-owned by the man who once called Vince Russo a "pornographer": 



Flea, who will spend the next several months heaving the most INSIDE of inside jokes about me in his column . And he knows for damn sure that the only I will get them, and I will be laughing. 

His daughter's name is Emily.... oh yes 


Now, catering to the very SELECT target audience of fellow 411 writer... 

Pat Brower is jaded. He's done it all and seen it all. He's sick and tired of this crap. Now he cordially invites you to enjoy his Velocity recap. Can you resist the pitch 

I saw bits of Heat this week. I kind of like the idea of Raven being chief heel dog of this little show. Seriously, it's kind of cool. Brad Jennette prepares for his in-depth chat with Josh Grut for Thursdays news column by recapping this bastard show. 

The revolving door or Confidential recappers continue. If it ain't Ziegler, it's Ashish. If it ain't Ashish, it's PK. 

Jim Vanderhorst is terribly confused as to why I posted his column twice in two weeks. Was it revenge for something? Was I busting his cubes? Was I making a point? All week it's been driving him CRAZY. Well, I have MY REASONS!!!! 

It was a friggin' mistake... Jesus. Anyway, here's his latest column 

Daniels has a Cheap Heat repost from last year. Why not? I've done that a hundred times myself. 

Jay Bower has his column up. In it, as he always does, Jay goes through great lengths to make sure you know he is NOT a web loser... no, he does not LIVE on the web, he has a LIFE. Well, that's fine, except that in the same column, the boy constantly boasts of all the words (thus, time and effort) he has invested in his columns and he also shows off all the sites he writes for (meaning, more than one). Hmm.... quite a conundrum. I think someone is protesting too much. 

It seems that bragging about not being on the "web scene" while your work completely contradicts the statement is an ongoing theme I've seen a lot of lately. First of all, trust me, the audience could not give a rip shit. Plus, if you're taking the time to study other people's habits for the sake of getting yourself over as "too cool for all this" then guess what, you're in front of your computer too damn much. 

Me? Anyone with my name on their buddy list pretty much knows that I'm usually not around for most of the week. Besides, a select few people know EXACTLY why I do this. Unlike most of the writers around here, I have a real agenda. 

John-Peter Trask joins the staff with an ambitious column which will trace the lineage of the WWE Heavyweight title belt. He's even got pictures. A solid read and great tool for those who want to know about the past. 


The webmaster got me in. Now, HTM is charging only $4.95 a month for you to get in. They've got chats, message boards, commentary, and Honky will be interviewing people too. They just posted one with Bobby Heenan. 

Anyway, they brought back a popular Honky segment this week... who is in line? Who has f*cked with the wrong marine? Who is on the all mighty... 

The Ass-Whipping List: 

For the last year people have asked us to compile an "Ass-Whipping List." You would hear HTM mention from time to time that someone had been added to the "Ass-Whipping List." Now we have the list, as up to date as we know it. Stay tuned as people are added, removed, and added again!!! 

Hulk Hogan: An opportunist asshole 

Ric Flair: For being a lying asshole 

Eric Bischoff: Same as Flair 

Shawn Michaels: For saying God sent him a message to have a wrestling match 

Kevin Nash: For being a lazy c*nt 

Jeff Jarrett: For being a gimmick thief 

Scott Conway: A dip shit England promoter 

Tom Lance: XWF check bouncing cocks**ker promoter 

Greg Valentine: For being Lance's buddy in the check scam 

Roland Alexander: Dip shit California promoter who f*cked a lot of people 

Roddy Piper: For being an unprofessional veteran c*nt 

Jim Ross: For being instrumental in bringing that low life Jerry Lawler back to WWE 

Chief Jay Strongbow: One of the sorriest mutherf**kers I have ever known 

And so it goes... 

Man, it is late and I am wiped. I WILL be doing a Mop-Up next week and... umm.... I don't know. I'll find something to do with my time. Probably work... and write... and eat... and sleep.... I'll poop and pee some too.... shower.... jack off.... or maybe I'll have sex? Probably both: a little of one and a lot of the other. I've been getting very horny lately. Been popping off more than Peter North for the last few months. 

Umm.... yeah, on that note... 

This is Hyatte