The Midnight News 10.07.02 

Posted By Hyatte on 10.07.02

Crazy Wannabes, Wrestling Paychecks, Scherer, Classic Jericho, Quotes, Hollywood, Scooter, Gossip, Missy, Trish, and Message Boredom 

This was sent to Ashish. 

Who does the editing at 411? Did they just not bother with Williamson's 2001 KOTR Review? Your writers are constantly bragging about how many readers you've managed to acquire thanks to the merits of about 3 writers. Do yourself and your site a favor and try to match the professional look you're going for with a professional presentation of the columns. 

One of Scaia's bitch writers. The one who always talks about having a life... yet is busy analyzing other websites and sending them letters on how to improve. That guy. 

Hey... Sae... Sad.. whatever your ragf*ck name is... Widro wants more letters from you begging us for a writing gig... they're a hoot. I'll post of few of them one of these days. 

Oh, and thanks for the grammar lesson last week. YOUR the best, champ! If only you could focus YOU'RE killer skills on helping The Rick's site! 

I'm Chris and this is the News. I'm going to be honest. I'm in a bad f*cking mood tonight. I just quit Copenhagen and my blood is in pain. Yes, it's a weird way to describe it, but it's the truth... my blood feels crippled... I have a headache and am irritable. But I will never dip again. My will is that strong. I am the Master of Myself. 

Besides, she asked me to stop. Never you f*cking mind who. Two girls are wondering if I mean them... one of them is right and the other isn't. 


I didn't get the Torch Fu**ing Newsletter yet (oh I have a thing or TEN to say about that)... but some motherphucka did... and he reported this... here's the WORD FOR WORD transcription: 

Tough Enough 3 student has psychotic breakdown 

One of the contestants on Tough Enough 3 has had a psychotic breakdown. She was left alone in the TE3 house whilst the others went out for a night on the town. While she was left alone she began running around and crashing into the walls before she climbed onto the roof and started claiming she was going to jump. 

MTV producers called John "Big" Gaburik who came immediately and managed to talk her down. She was then hospitalized for three days against her will and put in a straight jacket to stop her harming herself and once released her parents had to collect her and take her home to New Mexico. 

Whilst being taken home she attacked her parents and run away, she was subsequently sent to hospital again but checked her self out after it was deemed she was no longer a threat to herself or anyone else. 

She later called MTV and Tough Enough officials attempting to get back on the show but was obviously refused. 

Since this whole episode she has become a regular stalker at WWE events often claiming to be Al Snow’s assistant and she is so convincing she has even talked her way into working out for a few hours at the OVW school before they learned who she really was. 

Last week her actions caused great concerns as she talked her way backstage at a house show and even had a conversation will Vince McMahon who believed her story as a Tough Enough 3 contestant. Following this security breach the woman [who I’ve only managed to identify as Lisa] has had her picture circulated to all WWE security so she can’t get into any WWE events. 

No footage featuring Lisa is expected to air when Tough Enough 3 is broadcast. 

You know.. with this kind of ingenuity... maybe they should hire the nut? Think of the heat! Think of the publicity!! She's be bigger then Austin 3:16! 

So, I guess I should credit this story. say where I got it and from who... yeah, well fu*k him. This guy sent me and a few other web guys a HUGE list of free porn passworded sites... to which I sent a nice thank you. 

A F*CKING DAY LATER... THE SITE WAS SHUT DOWN. Ya know.. I like to get kissed, before I get F*CKED!!! So screw him.. he gets NOTHING... NOTHING. 

Plus, the guy requested that everyone who takes his news items that he takes from elsewhere give him proper credit. Goddam circus... goddam retarded circus I’m in. 

Besides, credit goes to the Torch anyway... so PPFFTH. 

AHHHhh.. I told you I was in a pissy mood. 


Ya' know... a few years ago on Nitro, Kevin Nash gave a "worked shoot" on "the suits"... remember that? 

Well, he brought up a few interesting points about the business that I always wondered about, but none of the experts ever bothered to answer for me. I even "Asked the Rick", but he ignored it. 

So on AIM, I had a chat with a small Indy worker who has been around for a while, and he answered a few questions I had. 

I don't know if YOU knew these answers... and quite frankly, I don't f*cking care! I learned something here... I ain't afraid to admit that i did not have all the answers... I do not know everything... I am a human being... I am fallible. I AM NOT A F*CKING LOSER WHO NEEDS YOU TO BELIEVE I KNOW IT ALL!!! 

Anyway... Wrestlers do NOT get Social Security taken out of their paychecks. 

Wrestlers do NOT have taxes, state or federal, taken out of their paychecks. 

Many wrestlers get paid in cash. 

Many promoters offer to take taxes out of the check... only rookies take them up on that offer... the exact quote I was given was: "Would YOU let these people handle your money?" 

Now... that's for the Indys... what about the WWE? 

Well, the WWE DOES take out both SS AND taxes, both federal AND local... how? 

Apparently, Vince has an entire army of accountants on staff specifically to handle each worker's individual state (or provincial) tax situation... that's pretty cool! 

My Indy friend STRONGLY advises all fellow workers to get a damn personal accountant anyway... and STRONGLY suggests you make it a Jew, while you're at it. 

Of course, this guy I talked to could be some 13 year old homo from Timbuktu.... and if so, good job, kid... you totally tricked my ass OUT. 


This is very, very odd. I may be misreading something, but it seemed that two days ago, Dandy Dave Scherer completely contradicted himself in two back to back news stories... POSTED WITHIN 80 MINUTES OF EACH OTHER!! 

The first comes from this, dealing with the issue of Hulk Hogan's contract: 

That does clear things up to me. It concurs with what I had been hearing beforehand, to a degree at least. I do wonder about the exact wording of the deal though. If they have a year deal, but all of the dates in the contract have been filled, I wonder if that means that Hogan is bound to WWE until the deal expires, even though he would not be obligated to work until the deal expires. At times like this, it would be nice if we could, as we did in the old days, actually call WWE and get clarification but with their media ban, we can't. Unless someone were to come along and make him a big offer, it's a moot point I guess 

Right... okay... no problem, right? 

80 MINUTES LATER this was posted, concerning the "rumor" that Raw will become Nitro: 

I have been getting a ton of email from people who have read a story online saying that "WWE will be letting Eric Bischoff change the name of Raw to Nitro." Some people have "reported" that it will coincide with the 500th episode of Raw, which is scheduled for later this year. As I reported on my Premium Hotline, on Tuesday, after exhaustively checking out this story, I can tell you that at this time there is absolutely nothing to it. I have talked to a number of people in WWE and they have laughed when I asked about it, largely because they say they laughed when they heard about "the story" to begin with. 

Uhh... excuse me? 

Does he have sources INSIDE the company, or is he out in the cold with everyone else? 

Is he immune to the "WWE Media Ban" or is he shackled by it? 

Does Dave want to have his cake and EAT IT TOO? 

I think the entire 1Bob cast is rattles that 411 has BLITZED by them and is now the #1 Rasslin' site! 


Now, if you want a set of GOOD interviews... venture over to Metal Sludge and check out three interviews Chris Jericho did with them. The first was in 1999 when he was still in WCW, the second was in 2000 just as he entered the WWF, and the last when he was WWE World champ, right before losing to HHH at WM 18 Or, you DON'T venture over there and just read me and I slowly pull out juicy crap from the interviews over time... such as THIS: 

From 1999: 

Sludge: 2 Part Question, so please try to pay attention. What rock star and what wrestler deserve the biggest smack in the mouth? 

Jericho: Any band guy who dresses and acts like it's 1986 and people still give a damn about them (i.e. Kevin Dubrow, Stephen Pearcy) and Goldberg 

Sludge: Rate the following chicks on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being a Bertha Faye, and 10 being a hot piece of ass. Feel free to add any comments if you wish. 

Jericho: Sable (Oops, we mean Rena Mero) 6 

Neve Campbell = 4 - Skinny legs 

Sunny = 5 

Britney Spears = 9 - great boob job! 

Fabulous Moolah = 10 

Pamela Anderson = 9 

Gorgeous George = 8 

Lita Ford = In 1988 - 10 Now - 2 

Debra = 7 

Jenny McCarthy = 2 - Too unclassy 

Ms. Elizabeth = 2 

Jennifer Love Hewitt = 8 - dump the dweeb VJ first 

Terri Runnels = 8 

Courtney Love = 3 - for her tits only 

Stephanie McMahon = 5 

Sludge: Who is a bigger pain in the ass to deal with: Eric Bischoff, Kevin Nash, Konnan, Goldberg, or Hollywood Hogan? 

Jericho: Bischoff...he's supposed to be the boss. 

From 2000 

Sludge: Don’t you think your double powerbomb is the most opponent-assisted move in the history of wrestling? 

Jericho: No. The most opponent assisted move is when the guy gets shot into the ropes and instead of hanging on, he bounces off and runs right into a beating. How fake is that? 

Sludge: Rate the following wrestling moves on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being a move that is totally lame and played out and 10 being a really great move. 

Jericho: The Worm = 5 

People’s Elbow = 5 

3-D = 8 

Pedigree = 9 

Crippler Crossface = 6 

Rock Bottom = 8 

X-Factor = 8 

Kurt Angle’s Olympic Slam = 1 (really lame and I think it should be called the Right Angle) 

Undertaker’s Last Ride = 8 

Rikishi's Stink Face = 6 (I named that move) 

Sludge: What’s the lamest thing you’ve ever been asked to do by a promoter? 

Jericho: One promoter in Mexico wanted me to wear short yellow underwear tights. He was gay and I'm sure he wanted to see my package. I told him to get lost and wore my tried and true package hiding long tights instead. 

From 2002: 

Sludge: Does Chris Jericho Prefer: 

Jericho: Jim Cornette or Bananas = Cornette eating bananas...and doing nothing else with them! 

Fozzy or Spinal Tap = Fozzy of course...we are huge rock stars!! 

Japan or Mexico = Singapore 

Anthony Fox or Jerry Dixon = Dennis Stratton 

Jushin Lyger or Super Lyger = Who the hell is Super Lyger? 

Dan Dryden or Rich Ward = Duke LaRue of course 

Bill Apter or Dave Meltzer = Fritz Capp 

Moongoose McQueen or Bruce Dickinson = Michael Kiske 

Missy Hyatt or Miss Elizabeth = Kimona Wanaleiya 

ECW or Smokey Mountain = Stampede Wrestling 

Sludge: What's with this old midget Larry Zbyszko saying you're too short to be champion? 

Jericho: I don't know how he can say that. I tower over his fat, balding ass. Then again he never was a champion...never mind a LIVING LEGEND like myself!! Plus he was a rotten wrestler. 

Sludge: Which of the following has had more casualties? 

a) the Vietnam War b) the opening sequence of Saving Private Ryan c) a Rob Van Dam match 

Jericho: RVD isn't stiff, he's just misunderstood. 



Here are a fast fourteen to knock your peckers off too: 

1) Have you ever said hi to Tatanka? -Heenan 

Yes, I have, why?- Monsoon 

Did you say it properly?...Did you say "hey how are ya, hey how are ya"?- Heenan 

2) You could have a special referee, a special timekeeper, a special jackass, it really doesn't matter to me!- Austin 

3) Hello, Eric? This is Sean Waltman! I just thought I'd come by to give you the chance explain why you fired me since you didn't have the guts to call me on the phone!- X-Pac, during DX's raid on Nitro 

4) And I will not stop! Not until I lead the Steiners to the WORLD WRESTLING FEDER....err....TAG TEAM TITLES- Ted DiBiase on Nitro 

5) Lot of claims made about TV ratings, Tony. Last week, Goldberg-Hogan, 

simply put, you can hear them chanting his name already, the most watched wrestling match in the history of cable television, not only Goldberg, but WCW, back on top of the wrestling world!- Mike Tenay 

6) And Val, I have to apologize for Michael Cole! When it comes to sex...he hasn’t had sex in so long he forgot which one of them gets tied UP!!- Lawler 

7) They want to hear, without a shadow of a doubt, the most electrifying line, in sports entertainment, period! ‘To BE the man, WHOOOO, you got to BEAT the man...’.no, that’s not it. This is it, ‘OOOOhh YEAAAH DIG IT!!’ ahhh nahh that’s not it either. This is it...‘WHAT’CHA GONNA DOOO, WHEN THE 24 INCH PYTHONS.....’ AHHH that’s not it either!- The Rock 

8) If not for the brothers Beverly, the meadow would be lost...- The Genius 

9) It takes a good man to beat Mankind. It just doesn't take him very long!- Mick Foley 

10) Don't tell me which camera to look at, you idiot. I'm Ric Flair!!!- Flair 

11) ..and there's Paul Bearer, with the urn- Gorilla Monsoon 

you know how he got that urn, don't you? -Heenan 

no, Brain. how?- Monsoon 

he "urn-ed" it.- Heenan 

12) To beat the Hart Foundation, you've gotta be right at the bottom! And that's exactly where you guys right at the bottom... if you think you're gonna take the tag belts from the Hart Foundation...tell 'em Hitman!" - Jim Neidhart, completely blowing a promo 

13) I hate clowns. My father was a clown- Crush 

14) Oh my god, J.R., what's a hymen?- Lawler 

It's not Brock Lesner's agent that's for sure!- Ross 

Thank you. Now let's jump to the IMPORTANT stuff. 


Didn't I say no clichés like "Show Me the Money"? DIDN'T I?? Then why did one of your assholes send me "Yippee kai ay motherf**ka" from Die Hard? DO YOU EVEN READ THIS COLUMN YOU CUMSTAINS??? 

Anyway, I got a good collection... varied... all over the place. It's up to YOU people to keep me stocked in this shit, and wrestling quotes too... 

Oh, and because it's published material, no deleting the curse words. 

The last two selections are from my all time favorite movie... the one I love above all else. 

1) I'm going to kill again at the prom. Click. 

Did you hang up on me ? 

No, I just said click.- Student Bodies 

2) You got a problem, Shaft? 

I've got two -- I was born black, and I was born poor.- Shaft (original) 

3) It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day. 


No, the worst.- The Naked Gun 2 1/2 

4) Hey Josephus…..hey muthafucka…- History of the World: Part I 

5) Remember when I said I’d kill you last? I lied- Commando 

6) A white man standing in the middle of Harlem with a sign that says "I Hate Niggers" has either got some serious personal issues, or not all his dogs are barking- Die Hard with a Vengeance 

7) This is Nick the Dick….Um should we call you Nick or Mr. Dick?- Bachelor Party 

8) You won’t put a guy’s tongue in your mouth, but you’ll eat that? (sushi)- The Breakfast Club 

9) Now that’s a damn shame, throwin’ away a perfectly good white boy like that.- Better Off Dead 

10) If you don't know where you are going, any road can take you there - Alice in Wonderland 

11) I'm Plenty. 

But of course you are. 

Plenty O'Toole. 

Named after your father, perhaps?- Diamonds Are Forever 

12) Seems you've been missing a lot of work recently, Peter. 

I wouldn't say I've been missing it much, Bob- Office Space 

13) Where are you going? 

To the rest… what do you fucking care? 

Aren’t you going out today? 

With what, John? With what? Well answer me. They stole the Glengarry leads. They stole Rio Rancho. 

I have the stuff from last year’s file. 

Oh, oh, oh. Your nostalgia file. Oh, great. That’s great because you know, I don’t have to ah… 

You wanna go out today? 

…I don’t have to eat this month. Great. Give ‘em to me. Bring ‘em, come on. Fuckin’ Mitch and Murray are gonna shit a brick. What am I going to do all month?-Glengarry Glen Ross 



Now that you're jacked up and thinking up some suggestions, please keep something in mind: There are other movies out there other than Kevin F-ing Smith films... okay? Plezase??? 


I don't care what you say, making out with a girl in the middle of a dance floor is cool 

Widro on AIM. 



F*ck the Torch, F*ck them, F*ck them, F*ck them. Customer satisfaction means NOTHING to these inbreds. They do not care. Too busy building that scary group of writers in "The Lounge". 

I'll bet money someone's girlfriend came up with the name and introduction to "The Lounge"... the cutesy little "relax with a cup of coffee" reads like someone saw one too many episodes of Friends and said "aw, this would be fun to put on your little site there, Jay baby!" It screams CHICK IDEA. 

Fuck them. They can't get their product out in time. It's always late. Fuck them. HILLYBILLY, LOW RENT, UNPROFESSIONALLY RUN BUSINESS!!!!! I will take my business to Dave Meltzer's Observer come re-subscription time. And will recommend that you ALL do the same. Over and over... week after week. For pages and pages. How does that sound Wade? The most popular-powerful-influential Web God alive pounding Meltzer's newsletter into my massive audience? A bigger audience than YOURS? Like them apples? Fifteen years in the business, Wade and you've NEVER come up against an asshole motherfukka like me. OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHO BOUGHT YOUR DIRT SHEET, WADE... I'M ONE OF THE ONES WHO CAN HELP OR HURT YOUR BUSINESS!!! I'M SORRY, I KNOW YOUR BALDING HEAD CAN'T FATHOM THE IDEA OF A WEB GUY HAVING THAT KIND OF STROKE!!!! DEAL WITH IT!!! DEAL WITH IT!!! MAKE ME FU*KING HAPPY!!! 

Or, keep pissing me off... because lord knows I really, really need an excuse to bust balls and attack people. 

UPDATE: I have just been informed by Widro that over the past week, Wade Keller sent an e-mail congratulating us on our success. Meltzer and Ryder have yet to comment. Thus, everything I said above about Wade Keller and the Torch is suspended for a few weeks due to his class and grace!! The Torch Newsletter is the FINEST PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING NEWSLETTER TO EVER GRACE THE BUSINESS AND WE ARE ALL BETTER OFF FOR IT. 

Incidentally, this should surprise no one. Who ever said I'm not for sale? Are you high? I am SO up to the highest bidder. I'll blow you for pennies, yo. Least I'm honest about it. 

Speaking of which... 


Let's change things around this week and give the Rick a break. The flames from his pet bitches are just TOO OVERWHELMING 

CRZ has chosen to ignore this and has worked very hard deleting and erasing every post/thread coming his way about me. I'd say more, but he has enough stress with his girlfriend's impending arrival. Poor hippie bastard has enough on his mind... he gets some time off too. 

So, since the title is THREE Stooges and I have thus far, focused on TWO of mine... how about I tempt fate and the 411 delete button and have a little fun at my THIRD Stooge 

While CRZ was busy sandblasting anything with my name on it last week, he allowed a brand new Scooter Keith thread to be posted. Because Zed is terrified of me, but does NOT fear Scooter. Please. That's crazy. 

Anyway Scooter was so THRILLED that they were talking about HIM again, he practically... no, I'd say he pretty damn well kissed their asses in Macey's window and thanked them for mentioning his name again. Yes, he thanked them for creating a flame thread about him... and I don't think he was being sarcastic either. 

Poor guy. This is all he has. OR SO I THOUGHT!!!! 

See, I have LEARNED WHY Scooter is well read!! I have LEARNED why he is so intuitive!! I NOW KNOW WHY he ALWAYS SEEMS TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN BEFORE THE REST OF US DO!!! 

(before I go on, please let me amend the last statement. I said "US" when I really should have said "YOU" as I do not read him. Please, do not e-mail or IM me to "commiserate" on what whacky thing Scooter wrote the other day. I do not want to "commiserate". I do not read him. 

Yes, I have learned how SCOOTER KEITH can accurately set up a "*" thingy system that not only makes SENSE... but EVERYONE HAS BEEN LULLED INTO TAKING AS GOSPEL!! How is this possible? How? HOW? What has Scooter done?? 

He has powers, people... he's got The Force! 

There are times in life when you may feel unsure of the road you are traveling on or may just feel a little lost. Am I on the right path? Why aren't I happy? Should I make a change? Where am I going? These are some of the questions that I feel fortunate to be able to supply answers for. As a working Intuitive I am able to speak with spirit guides, loved ones who have crossed over, and others from the "other side" who may provide the answers you are searching for. 

I feel that I am simply one of many with whom the spirit world has chosen to work through. I have been seeing clients for over 5 years and am grateful to be able to do so. I do not consider myself special, I just feel blessed that I am able to help people in this way. 

Private psychic readings are scheduled on an hourly basis. Please email me to schedule either an office visit or phone session and for more information. Thank you. 

Welcome to SCOTT KEITH. COM. 


Scooter sees dead people... and they all tell him to spend his life ranting (ugh, lame) on video tapes? Strange. 

The strangest part is how that Scooter, for all his insight... for all his ability... for all his other-worldly connections... why does he get his ass kicked by ME and about 100 other non-ghost-seeing-non-experts on the monthly PPV Prediction tournament we both participate in over at Stable Wars. Odd, he's the expert... why can't he pick any matches? 

Scooter sees dead people. Why didn't they tell him not to bother sending a resume to the WWE? heh, heh HO. 


I have two blind items here... one of them is okay... the other one is creepy 

1) They are hot, they are fresh, they usually wrap things up in short order... what young tag team are staying consistent with their personalities? Oh yes, while the younger one has always been the friendly, talkative, polite member of the tandem, the older one has always favored the brashness the... the.. oh F*ck this. Rosie is the nice one and Jamal is the cocky, arrogant tool. Too damn benign to hide as a blind item. 

2) This one isn't. He is a veteran. He's got the business in his blood. Runs in the family. For a while, he was a serious contender for the world title. This former young horse is still working away on the circuit and is said to be in the best shape of his life. Yet what about these rumors that he was caught with another girl by his ladyfriend? Well, that may not be much. But what takes the wind out of my sails is who this former tag team champ was caught shagging.... that being his girlfriend's 13 year old daughter!!! 

Fear not (or fear plenty), but our friend is not being hunted by police. He continues to work some of the best matches in his life... while friends pull strings to sweep this under the rug and make it vanish... much like his career as a superstar has. 

I'm trying to find if this guy has a history of sniffing after the young stuff. 

By the way, again.. this is ALL rumor... could be bullshit. Utter nonsense. What do I know? Don't sue. 


She's had wrestlers. 

She's had fat clowns. 

She's had old fart executives. 

She's had Gene Simmons. 

She's had 4 feet tall bad actors named "Jason" 

She's Missy Hyatt... and I decided to run with this. 

I will plug her site for my entire "career"... I will push hard for each and every one of my audience to subscribe to her Vixxxens site. I will PUT MONEY IN HER POCKET... 

All for a night with her. 

Someone get the word out... I will whore out my valuable, popular column to Missy Hyatte for a night of animal sex with her. Just one. I'll go to wherever she is, bang her silly (or the other way around), then come back and write all about it here. That's the catch... I have to be able to report it. 

Say yes, Missy.... and I'll plug your site each and ever week for as long as I do the column. Ask the Honky Tonk Man how potent I can be. 

Come on Missy... I'm aces with my tongue... I'll wear a rubber... and I have no fear of death. Hell, I welcome it. 

And I PROMISE you, I ain't falling in love. One night... BOOM... I'll make you feel good a few times (my record is 5 in a night... but I was 19... I can pull off 3... maybe 4 if there’s cocaine involved) then be out of the house before your legs stop quivering.. no strings, baby. 

Hell, you've had everyone else... now have a WEB GOD!!!! 


Speaking of Wrestling babes... Trish seems to hate me now. I have no idea why, but Flea is involved for some reason. 

I think SOMEONE told her what a prick I am... and lord fu*king help that person... if I ever find out who's been talking shit about me... oh I will f*cking bring thunder from HELL on you... oh you will pay... OH, there will be pain... if I ever find out who... oooh, he better PRAY I don't. 

As for Trish, if she's reading... you were really sweet to talk to, kid. Thanks for your brief time. Sorry it couldn't last longer. I'll still marry you in three years if you're up for it. 

That's it. 


One thing I learned after doing this shit for a while is that a lot of you like comics. 

Jesse Baker, who used to hate me and love Scooter likes giving me comic info and news. 

SOOOO, I decided to try this. An experiment. Jesse gets a little section each week (give or take) to lay some comic news on ya. Here is his first report... done on two days notice: 

RIP: The Warren Ellis Forum 

Comic book writer Warren Ellis, most famous for his work on Transmetropolitan, Stormwatch, Planetary, and The Authority as well as being the one writer who made Rob Liefeld’s X-Force run look like Shakespeare in comparison shut down his Delphi Forum this weekend. The Forum, which opened in 1998, gained fame and notoriety among comic fandom with to its endless promotion of independently published non-Marvel and non-DC comic books, fiercely anti-super hero comic atmosphere, the casual mixing of both Joe Blow comic book reader and actual comic book writers/artists, extremely left-wing political discussions, and Warren Ellis’s quasi-fascist rule for the board, rules which both Ellis and his circle of female moderators (who Ellis referred to as his “Filthy Assistants”) ruthlessly enforced. 

The board closed down as a result of Ellis wanting to move away from the internet and concentrate more on his writing and him believing that the board had served its purpose in terms of being a pulpit for which Ellis could preach his ideology of how the comic book industry should be. 

Blame Canada (or at the very least McFarlane) 

Erik Larsen has confirmed that the Image 10th Anniversary Hardcover Book has been put on permanent hiatus for the time being. The reason? Todd McFarlane, who has been ducking Erik whenever asked about how much work he has done on his Spawn story that is set to appear in the Hardcover and making vague statements about how Image has to wait until the lawsuit filed by Neil Gaiman against him has been settled to publish the Hardcover. 

Meanwhile the first issue of the highly anticipated Mark Millar penned Youngblood mini-series (set to celebrate the 10th Anniversary of the title) is set to ship out this winter. According to Millar, Liefeld has given him full authority to do whatever he wants to Liefeld’s characters and Millar has stated that the mini-series will feature the members of Youngblood hitting rock-bottom fame-wise and struggling to do ANYTHING to get back in the public eye. And given how Millar has made his name by thumbing his nose at moral convention, the upcoming mini-series should definitely be a most read. 

Stormwatch breaks long Wildstorm drought 

Finally, Micah Ian Wright (writer for the new Stormwatch: Team Achilles series at Wildstorm) announced on his new Delphi Forum (located at that his book, which revolves around a group of specially trained soldiers who’s job it is to hunt down and kill super-powered beings who threaten society is the first all-new Wildstorm book in over four years to hold steady in terms advanced pre-orders, as opposed to having pre-order numbers going down and down with no increase in sight after the first issue. The book isn’t out of the woods yet as Wildstorm has still only committed to putting out 12 issues of the series, so fans of Radical Left-Wing Subversion should stay with the title and make sure Wildstorm continues publishing the book. 

Jesse(the)Baker. Let him know how he did, then let me know if I should keep him. Be nice, he's a good kid. Polite as all hell. 


His name is PatBrower and he recaps 

Velocity some would call him a lucky bastard. Those people are imbeciles. 

HIS name is Brad Jennette and he recaps Heat some would call HIM a lucky bastard. Those people are homos. 

No one recapped Confidential. Some would call whoever didn't recap THIS show a lucky bastard. Those people are spot on RIGHT. 

While everyone else has taken the week off, Tom Daniels puts in HIS work and Weeks up Wrestling he also talks baseball and..sports announcers, I think. 

Okay, for the last time. The very best of the Raw Mop-Up in 1,2, 3 easy portions and the very best of the Nitro Mop-Up in 1, 2, 3 easy portions. Read them now because I'll have Widro pull them in a couple of months. And you'll never see them again. 

Okay, held over from last week... which doesn't make it any less irrelevant... 


I thought about this... and decided since too many of you posters actually have the balls to consider your posts actual "material" that should be credited, then everyone pays and I ain't saying NOTHING... take a wild guess about the 5 sites I pulled this stuff from... cause I ain't tellin'... Good job, F-heads... 

Here is what the Net bitched about this week: 

"albert is not gay, he was trained by killer kowalski" 

"I was at bookstore which sells old magazines yesterday. They had a wrestling section. These newsies brought back a lot of memories of classic wrestling. One old issue of Inside Wrestling in particular had an advertisement on the back selling Ric Flair and Four Horsemen merchandise. There was T-shirts and sweatshirts of Flair that said, 'Ric Flair, More than a Man, it's an attitude.' I thought it was interesting as I wondered who the NWA was marketing Ric Flair to? Was it to the lothario/playboys or to young women?" 

"fans of quality wrestling..." 

"Wait a second, did we miss Silkk the Shocker's birthday?" 

"Now I've heard others compare Triple H to Ric Flair since he became a HUGE heel. And lately people are comparing Bubba Ray with Dusty Rhoads, Bubba even uses a few of his moves. I've gotten to thinking about this the last couple RAW's with Bubba getting in Triple H's face & especially now with Flair 'mentoring' Triple H. Could Bubba Ray & Triple H be the new Dusty Rhoads & Ric Flair? I think so. And if done right I think it might be cool to see Dusty come into the WWE & 'mentor' Bubba" 

"Ok first Lawler annoyed the hell out of us with 'HLA! HLA! HLA JR! WE'RE GOING TO SEE HLA!' for an hour and a half (followed by a half hour of 'How could Bischoff do that to HLA?')" 

"Don't forget that well spent money on Screech, that feud with Jeremy Boorish is sure to have us all chatting around the water cooler." 

"On the general, all kids a jackass morons. I say kill them all." 

"To me a chick that doesn't show off her skin is alot hotter than a one that wear almost nothing at all." 

Hyatte’s note: *COUGHFAGGOTHACK* 

"At least someone was kind enough to send Matt Hardy out there for 'Taker to power bomb instead of having to watch him struggle to hoist Brock." 

"Everyone hates a ties and non-decisions. Especially us Americans." 

"See? SEE? Wrestlers are fuckin' AMAZING! How people cannot respect them is beyond me. They go through broken backs, arms, necks legs, paralysis and so on and yet they RECOVER, they COME BACK and they risk it all over again just for the sake of doing what they love to do! I love this f**kin' business." 

"Jesse Ventura's very first match was against Omar Atlas, and Ventura's very last match was against Tony Atlas." 

"I would rather sit in a stanky sweaty room with five hundred inbred filthy subhumans, to see Flair wrestle a Jobber than see Hogan at any of his PPV appearences!! Thats what I said, I meant it, and I am guessing I am not alone here!!!" 

"Coming up in the public schools of Kentucky, we've probably consumed our fair share of dead horse" 

"can someone please tell me why a guy like Edge gets slammed all the time for having a crappy offense but Booker seems to get a free ride when he is basically "all kicks, all the time?" Seriously, his entire moveset seems to come from below the waist. Spinning kick, axe kick, leg lariat, dropkick. I mean, he drops an elbow and throws a punch every once in a while but for the most part it's all kicks." 

"Does this make sense: Angry McMahon - bobbing Adam's Apple = Angry Bishoff?" 

"Savage always had a great attitude in the ring and I always loved his work. When he came back in WCW 2000 he was a older cooler Savage who I really diged. I personally would love to see The Macho Man back in WWF" 

"I bought some WWE tickets a week before a show and got camera side about 4 rows up on the first level. It gets easier and easier to get tickets now." 

"For the hell of it I'd love to see Ultimo show up with the J-Crown (the 9 title belts) and see if Cole can even name one of them." 

"Rany Orton is talented. Him and Cena are the future of the company, no doubt about it. But Lawler's compliments almost made it seem like he was there for the sheer fact he is Cowboy Bob's son and we shouldn't care about him at all" 

"You know, I always pictured The Warrior sitting at his computer with his thesarus typing trying to sound intelligent .... Like he has no idea these words existed untill he types them .... Just my opinion" 

"If you want a real laugh--every week--watch Raw with closed captioning turned on. They *murder* the commentary at least half a dozen times per show. e.g. Lawler's "orgasmic" comment becomes 'Or gas Mike.'" 

"WWE oughta put Smackdown on Monday nights at the same time as Raw on another Viacom station. Then Change the name of Raw to WCW Monday Nitro and Change Smackdown into RAW is WAR. They need to further the gap between Raw and Smackdown and force the fans to choose one to watch. They should also give better payouts to the wrestlers, writers and other personalities of the show with Higher ratings. This would be a great way to force the wrestlers and writers to do the best they can and maybe give them real incentive to make me want to watch again. For the split to continue they truly need to split the company further. Screw the idea of 19 ppvs next year. I haven't even cared to see one since Wrestlemania X8. Give each Federation (not show, they've really got to split them further apart) an equal amount of ppvs each year and bring back Starrcade, Clash of the Champions, Halloween Havoc (I've just always been partial to this one), The Great American Bash and some of the other great WCW ppvs. Do 12 ppvs a year. 6 for the WWE Raw show and 6 for the WCW Nitro show. Maybe, MAYBE, Have Wrestlemania be a showcase for the best from each company once a year. Get Steph off Raw and Bish off Smackdown and then go from there. I truly want to watch wrestling, but I won't watch it until I am given a reason to do it. If WWE wants the best out of their workers, they have to bring back Head to head competition. Bring back the Monday Night Wars!!!" 

"I always call Flair the chesty Laroo of the WWF. Its sick isnt it." 

"What is exactly meant by "Nature Boy"? Does it mean that he likes nature? Does it mean that he likes boys? Or BOTH Or Neither What Ric Flair the 1st one to use the "Nature Boy" as a nickname? Has Richard Fleiher ever had cosmetic chest surgury? 

When he refers to space mountain is he talking about his penis? Does anyone think he has a realistic shot at being governer of North Carolina one day?" 

"I wouldn't kiss a woman's ass unless I had a gun to my head... Im old fashion in the way that I don't want to look submissive in front of a chick and kissing her ass is like she has power of me and that ain't cool. Not to mention its like a few inches from her dung hole...." 

"I mean seriously, Bubba was good in the Dudley Boys. I truly feel that Dvon was the more talented part of that. Why would I want to see a single Bubba go for the world title? I wouldn't fact of the matter is I wouldn't even want him to go for the Intercontinental title. He and Dvon need to get back together. Whatever happened to the good old days when tag wrestlers were tag wrestlers for life? WWE is truly sad and pathetic. I could book better stuff than the current creative team. And don't think I'm building myself up or anything. It's just obvious how crappy of a job they are doing. I won't watch WWE again until they give me a reason to do so and Bubba vs HHH isn't it" 

"patterson also molested the midget wrestlers, and sexually harrassed the black ring announcer the wwf had in the early 90's. i'm serious, patterson really did this, but didn't get fired because he probally sucks vince's dick too" 

"The WWE, specifically Vince McMahon himself, has no idea what exactly the WWE is. He's convinced it's simply entertainment. Well Vince, in the realm of entertainment the WWE is really BAD entertainment. What makes WWE different from other "entertainment" out there? You guessed it, the wrestling. On the other side of the coin, what makes the WWE different from other sports out there? Yep, the entertainment. Perhaps Vince should focus less on making WWE an "entertaining" parody of a sport, and instead present it as a sport that entertains." 

"you have to admit, Brock's acting in that scene was fantastic. Everything from the hand on Sara to the "Life's a bitch" comment. He definitely proved to me at least that he can play the menacing heel role effectively, and really only needs Heyman to spit out the long stuff. Lesnar in small mic doses keeps him fantastic. He is the evil football Captain from the Commie Soviet High School of Genetic Monsters, and you can't stop him" 

"3 things that are good in life: 1. Dave Matthews Band 2. Ketchup chips 3. WWE" 

"But you couldn't tell me that Johnny Gunn (Salvatore Sincere) wasn't gay. He used to be a Chippendale dancer for pete's sake!" 

"I think, from a 'mark sense', it looks good that UT stood up for the honor of his pregnant wife, but even marks would think the finish was a load of crap. I remember watching Diesel/Bulldog back in the day before I was all online savvy and I thought for sure Bulldog was going to win, but the match ended in a screwjob. I almost gave up on the WWF at that point (but quickly rebounded when Bret beat Diesel the next month." 

"Does anyone know if any of these older wrestlers are gay: Tony Garea, Tom Zenk, Kenny Kendall, Tommy Rogers? They all seemed to get off on taking punishment." 

"Wrestling in America on American TV is no better off than they started from in the '80s." 

"Watching Steph makes me pray for Ovarian Cancer. Are you happy now?" 

"When Orten came down to the ring and was slapping hands with the fans I really thought that that was a great thing. Why? Because it gives the fans a chance to interact with the stars in a small way. I remember a house show in Edmonton where Lex Luger went over a rail, through several rows of fans and into the rinkside seats to shake hands with a kid who had an Ameican flag.That kid and a lot of the people who saw that will never forget it. I hope the WWE allows more wrestlers interact with the fans this way. Maybe that is part of what is missing." 

"I would have no problems with Goldberg in the WWE, as long as he lays down for Jericho, Benoit, Rock, Taker, Lesnar, Guerrero, Storm, Rock, Hogan, Angle, Edge, Booker T, Kane and hell, even Goldust. He can break Triple H's body for all I care, though. Actually, I'd like to see a Triple H/Goldberg match just because they'd probably break each other in half." 

"When do the Pandas come down, and pull the SHOCKING SWERVE~! and help Vince beat the Viacom goons??" 

"Remember, Mick Foley -- the spiritual godfather to backyard wrestlers -- spent his high school days playing lacrosse, not getting stapled and set on fire." 

"I was watching Angle AND Benoit putting Rey over clean as a sheet in San Diego, 

and couldn't help but think of that run 18 months back when HHH pinned Jericho 

in Calgary one night, and Benoit in Edmonton the next." 

"Yep, lord forbid anyone here ever mark out for anything." 

"Singles matches are just set ups for angles. Gimmick matches are where it COUNTS, man!" 

"If my calculations are correct, then the 500th episode of RAW will be on Dec. 23, barring any pre-emptions. Granted, since Christmas is on a Wed., the 23rd will probably be a normal working day, but what are the chances of getting less than your normal 3.6 rating?" 

"I pounce on any opportunity to make fun of Gay Hardy. Yes, Jeff is quite the flaming homosexual. I'd bet the boys in the back are scared to shower with Jeff, because if they dropped the soap they'd think they were in jail. Boy Jeff Hardy sure is a gay one." 

"I work from my home, and I have M*A*S*H on in the background both in the morning and the afternoon. I'm a total M*A*S*H freak. But it would be nice to see all of the shows in order. The shows they air are very good, but I'd like to see all of them instead of a bunch of highlights. I won't tune in to the upcoming M*A*S*H marathon for that specific reason. I know exactly which shows they'll run. It's the same ones they show every f*ckin' month." 

"It seems to be that Triple HHH is nothing more than a scapegoat for internet fans to blame." 

"The Torch website has its obvious flaws (Powell Powell Powell, Wade talking about NWA TNA, 95% of the guest columns) but all things considered it's one of only two legitimately non-retarded wrestling websites on the ENTIRE INTERNET. I was terribly appalled to see that "OMG look at me, I'm a wrestle-writing internet superstar"-type column not only invade the Torch but become a regular feature. It rocked me to my very core." 

"I'd rather see Steph than Misterio" 

"No matter who the wrestler is, once they actually get to the top, the Internet inevitably, annoyingly, turns on them. I'm just waiting for the day where we actually see Kurt Angle at the top being protectively booked and everyone complains about their former hero." 

"I just feel bad for the people who are new wrestling fans, and didn't get to see that great stuff from like '96-'99." 

Hyatte's Note: Yeah, those poor NEW fans... they weren't around in '96, when rasslin' was INVENTED. Oh my God. 

"Believe it or not, the NWATNA held a live show last night... surprising, I know, given the complete lack of conversation about it. Not just on these boards either... but other wrestling boards, and on the news sites. Presumably, Bob.con has something blabbing about it, the Observer has one brief rundown of the show, and the Torch has three items... one of which are reader reviews from two fans... both of whom disliked the show. That's it. None of the other big news sites (looking at A1) has anything about the show, the results or anything else." 

Wait... I thought he said BIG news sites? 


Horrible outing this week... either that or my BEST EVER... you decide.. then keep your fu*king ass opinion to yourself. I'm in no mood for your thoughts. 

If there's anything interesting going on in the business, Eric will cover it. If it's as tedious and boring as it has been lately, he'll talk about something far more interesting. He'll also educate your ass. He's good like that. VPJG lightens the mood and brings comedy in on Thursday, Ashish Brokaw (like I) says it on Friday and Flea bring his f*ckin' A ORIGINAL column on Saturday. I kid you not, I've never been more proud to be part of a group then this one right here... not even at Scoops. 

And we are the #1 wrestling site now... we took out We beat EVERYONE... except for I said when I left ScoopThis that the only thing I had left to do was help a small site get huge. Well, seeing how I brought people in... I recommended to Widro to bring in Eric S, I showcased Grut's fiction work, AND I died and let Flea write my obit... plus the small matter of suggesting to Widro that we eat up the Smarks and get Scooter Keith on board... oh, think I did my job? I THINK SO!!!! 

Blah, blah, bleh... why can't God take me already? Good Christ, I paid my dues 

One little heart attack... please? It's all I ask. 

Next week... the hell should I know? 

This is Hi-8