The Midnight News 04.21.03 

Posted By Hyatte on 04.21.03

Love From The Kids, The Funniest Board Post Ever, Sting, Who's Working Scherer?, A Big Ol' Net Fight, An Ode to Trish, Books, Flea, ScoopThis!, and I Hate This New Submission Process 

Feel the love, people…

"All I need, all I want to do is make YOU smile, or laugh on a Monday morning."

Yep, you did that once and it was with this qoute: "#2: Nothing, and I mean NOTHING fucking changes online. No one grew. No one developed as a writer. No one took a chance. It’s depressing how frozen in mediocrity you cats are."

Hyatte complaining and bashing other writers because they haven't "developed"... now THAT'S funny.

George O

Thank yo…HEY!!! ASSFACE!!!

That was such a crappy article, I don't think I have the time to air all of my complaints. I really have no clue why so many people think that your stuff is God's word, but I think it sucks, and I sure the hell won't be a dedicated reader of your columns. Being an asshole to everyone may be enjoyable for you, but it really just reeks of childish fantasy play. If you don't care about your IWC status so much, why do you tell everybody to bend over and take it? Trust me, if you bent over and took it, I'd shove my foot up your ass.

Ryan B.

Yeah, but I think I’d like it… prison changes a man (especially those who were never much of a “man” to begin with)

I don't like you, and I think you're an ass.

... You probably take that as a compliment ...

That said, I continue to read your column when you post it, it was obviously

you Widro was counting down to, and I was mildly excited by the idea of you

coming back again, like a drug addict who's been on the wagon for six months

realizing that he's going to go out and get a hit tonight.

Welcome back, assclown. You were probably missed, even by me.


You know… I get that a lot.

Four Words....

You Suck

Welcome Back

Chris Smyth II

good to see you back and in rare form, you dickless piece of shit!


I’m Chris and this is the Midnight News. Howareya.

Me? I’m feeling good. Time’s a wasting and I’ve got a LOT of message board kids to piss off… so let’s roll…


I have to open with this… I just do. I was patrolling the message boards today, looking for stuff to fill the column with, when I came across this quote… 

Now look… be ready… make sure you’re seated… I’m serious… ready?

Guys like Hyatte are not columnists. If they have something to offer - post it on a message board.

Ladies and gentlemen… in two simple sentences, this person has summed up the very reason I still do this… the very reason I live to antogonize.

I’m opening up every column with this quote…. Forever.

Post it on a message board… wow… I mean…. Wow.

The post was at A1wrestling, by the way… under one of the TWO threads (now three) detailing why I now suck. 



THIS IS STING (nowwatchhimlaydownforhhhlikeeveryotherjabronby)

Word has it Sting will be in the WWE in June. Mr. Born Again, God Fearing, Holier Than YOU, Christ rocks my socks off Sting, the man who once referred to jumping to the WWE as “Signing a deal with the Devil” is looking for a big payday.

When asked, Sting (Steve Borden) had this to say:

Hey, Christ rules and all that but he ain’t paying my bills, motherf**cker. I got me a wife and two mistresses to support. I don’t care if Vince McMahon personally shoved the apple down Eve’s throat, the money’s green and I want to get PAID, motherfukka!! OWWWW

In a related note: Jesus wept.


I just talked to Willie the Worker’s “Brother”.

Yup… according to him, it was all a scam to get Dave Scherer… and it WORKED.

That ain’t news… I know this… but when haven’t I had a little EXTRA juice up my sleeve, eh?

Ohhh, this is going to be GOOD.

“Willie” told me that he told Dave he was Crash Holly… and then he showed me how EASY it is to scam Dave. He sent me the e-mails with FULL permission to post them… yes he did.

Now, these e-mails between Dave and Crash were all after the Willie spectacle, but read them and see just how simple it is to fool Mr. “I confirm EVERYTHING THREE TIMES BEFORE RUNNING IT” Scherer. Read and enjoy:

*****Original Message*****

From: WWE Bedding []

Sent: Wednesday, April 02, 2003 9:10 AM


Subject: Im an upset "WWE" Woker 

Dave let's face it, you know who I am so I'm not really going to get into this. I saw a few days ago another WWE Superstar post as Willie the Worker...Bob Holly and I agree. Im giving my two sense now.

Now here are my thoughts on Wrestlemania

1. Bullshit, they go out put fucking Albert on a show and Nathan Jones and everyone knows both these guys don't have half the talent that I have. 

Im sick and tired of this whole WWE shit, im not a WWE Wrestler im a WWF wrestler damn it. How are all of us guys just supposed to forget about the wrestling history and refer to it as WWE. It stinks worse then the Big Shows locker. In 1998 we were at our peak, destroying all competition. I've sat in the back and watched Vince McMahon destroy what we all grew to love. He took a guy like Mick Foley and made him hate wrestling. He destroyed all that Bret Hart stood for and turned Shawn Michaels into a all day praying butt pirate, and now he's bringing back Diesel to take away my run? What the shit is that? I want people in the back to finally stand up and speak against all the shit thats happening.

I've watched shitty storylines week after week that would even upset Red Fox. They had a god damn naked manican angel where Kane would fuck it and they dropped it. They said Kane had a girlfriend and raped her dead body. Glenn never deserved that storyline, they been fucking with his storylines ever since he got to the "WWE". First he was burned all over his body, then its only on 1 arm and his face, then its just his face, whats next? Only his privates are burned? I've watched Triple H fuck with everyone in the locker room and take down their pushes and it makes me sick. Wrestlemania was to be Booker T's night and then it gets ruined because Hunter has to drop the title to Goldberg now after he makes the Rock leave. Hunter can't go like he use to and should stand aside and quit being an asshole. I'd like to see someone stomp a hole in his ass. Now Dave I know your going to want more of what I have to say, so If you want to post this on your site do what ya must, but I just wrote you to tell everyone that this is shit.

Email me Back

From: "Dave Scherer" 


To: "'WWE Bedding'" 

Subject: RE: Im an upset "WWE" Woker

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 11:02:08 -0500 

There's nothing really new here. Plus, anyone could have written this! 

Give me some proof here. 

*****Original Message*****

From: WWE Bedding []

Sent: Wednesday, April 02, 2003 3:02 PM


Subject: RE: Im an upset "WWE" Woker 

Let's face it Dave, I don't know how much proof I can give you without being found out. Like I said you don't have to post these I just feel its best that you know these things. I was talking to Matt Hardy in the back at Smackdown and him and I were talking about Life on the Road and the strain it puts on us, hell it ruined my marriage. But the fact is we go out there week after week doing it and now what do we have to show for it? Nothing. Most of us who in 1998 were wrestling weekly are now not even getting put on house shows. Sure were getting paid, but thats not what we became wrestlers for. We didn't become wrestlers to have a whore back in the WWE stealing our TV Time. Im sick and tired of all these politcs in wrestling. Sure I was never the best on the mic, but I was proud of my wrestling ability. I was thinking about joining NWA-TNA when my contract runs up since I still keep in contact with Russo and Jarrett and they said it would be great if I came up when my contracts up. Hell I could be with my pal D-lo again (Who by the way was having a great gimmick until they let him go and gave Rodney Mack his same Gimmick.) Shit like this makes me sick. I'm not suprised if they let me go before then because they just don't care anymore. Steve Blackman a good friend of mine was release when he was injured and I felt that was bullshit. I would be pissed off if they let me go when my shoulder injury was a problem. I gave you enough clues in here to find out who I am, but Dave Don't feel you have to put this online. Just get the word out that the wrestlers are fed up

From: "Dave Scherer" 


To: "'WWE Bedding'" 

Subject: RE: Im an upset "WWE" Woker

Date: Thu, 3 Apr 2003 10:59:56 -0500 

I understand your position. If you are legit, you can't give up too much. By the same token, in my position I just can't blindly believe anyone who emails me because I could end up looking like a schmuck. I don't even know if Willie is legit or not! 

I agree with you. In a lot of cases, the boys get hosed. Badly. The politics suck, big time, no doubt. I talk to guys every day who feel as you do. I try to relay it in my column as much as I can. I will continue to do so when I get the word, believe me. I am all for the boys because they are the ones who make it all happen. 

Have we ever met? 

*****Original Message*****

From: WWE Bedding []

Sent: Thursday, April 03, 2003 10:23 PM


Subject: RE: Im an upset "WWE" Woker 

We've met, but haven't really talked much. I believe you talked to a friend of mine at the 3PW event in Philly a while back. I think it was Philly? 

Anyway I'm not telling you to believe me or anything as such. What you don't know is that I am not aloud to open my mouth without permission from the WWE it's in our contracts. I am not a slave to the WWE, although I am a slave to the almighty dollar. I love this sport and I'm watching people come in the door with no experience and paid no due's get pushed higher then me. 

I've been loyal with the WWE for years now and what have I got? Nothing. They started a program with me and promised me the IC Title. And What did they do? They took the title away (which in my opinion is a crock of shit). 

Now I can't go to you and give you my name and believe me I'd love to because this is all I know. Without wrestling I have no money or job and thats a frightening thought. Honestly I think they will let me go soon anyway and then I will take my ass up to TNA and rock the house. The only reason I emailed you was because I saw this "Willie The Worker" come out and say what I knew was true. I've watched people like Maven get put on a show more then me. AND WHY? He can't even sell a move. So Basically, I'm not asking you to make a column of this, I just want you to help change wrestling to how it was in 1998 at its peak. Together we can get the message out of what should be seen and what shouldn't. And you can do what you want with this email I don't really care. Post it, delete it, its up to you. If you want some of my thoughts email me back.

From: "Dave Scherer" 


To: "'WWE Bedding'" 

Subject: RE: Im an upset "WWE" Woker

Date: Fri, 4 Apr 2003 17:29:52 -0500 

3PW is Philly, for sure. 

I have heard about the clauses, for sure. FYI, I protect the identity of everyone I speak with. I know that the company is on a witch hunt and I don't hang people out to dry. 

I hear ya about finances and getting to live the dream. I am all for the boys. I try and help them out (as much as I can at least) whenever possible. If they let you go, drop me a line for sure. As you probably know, Bob Ryder works for TNA and I would be glad to help out if I can. 

I hope it doesn't come to that. 

The fact that Willie was right on the money with that first column is why I ran it. Some people are criticizing me for doing it, but I knew it was real. I talked to a lot of guys who feel the same way Willie did so even if he was a work, the other guys weren't. He said what they said. 

I'd love to hear you thoughts. Send them along. Talking with people often spurs me to write columns. 

Take it easy. 

*****Original Message*****

From: WWE Bedding []

Sent: Saturday, April 05, 2003 12:44 AM


Subject: RE: Im an upset "WWE" Woker 

Im glad you would like to hear my thoughts, so I will be glad to give them to you. First off I would like to thank you for taking the time to write back I know your busy. The only time I really check my email is in the morning or at night due to schedules. Word in the locker room is Vince will be holding a meeting before Raw and Smackdown this week to discuss the leak in the federation. Im hearing he is going to talk about "The Sacred Trust" in the federation and how it's wrong to leak any kind of information even if it is false information. I remember a while back I was working an indy show with Rick Martel and he was telling me the boys got punished for leaking the 2 IC Title storyline between HBK and Hall. I personally thought that was the stupidest things I ever heard. But in some cases I agree that having the fans know to much does take away from the product, but then again it also sparked ideas to management. Now I have a few topics I would like to touch on. Wrestling In General

(Lists many, many problems he has with the WWE these days) 

I'll have more for you later. 

From: "Dave Scherer" 


To: "'WWE Bedding'" 

Subject: RE: Im an upset "WWE" Woker

Date: Tue, 8 Apr 2003 18:35:00 -0400 

Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I was away for a few days and catching up is rough. 

I have heard he was really, really hot about leaks. Did he have the meeting? It is definitely a double sided coin where info is concerned. 

My own take is to leave as much personal stuff as I can as that. 

Agreed on no competition. I also hate the whole "Creative Team" concept especially given the job they are doing. Vince will never fire himself or Steph though. I agreed with Austin when he said you give the guys bullet points and let them tell a story. I disagree with Willie on Eminem too. 

I think the difference with Tyson was people could allow themselves to believe that he would fight in WWE. 

I agree on the IC Title, for sure. The other belts I had no problem with them dumping, but the IC ticked me off. There is a lot of history there. 

Take it easy. 

*****Original Message***** 

From: WWE Bedding []

Sent: Tuesday, April 08, 2003 8:33 PM


Subject: RE: Im an upset "WWE" Woker 

For the information you asked about the meeting, it wasn't really a meeting and he only said two things. 

"This organization is based on entertainment and in being a federation based on entertainment we give each of you an equal opportunity for success when the time is right. And right now for some of you this year isn't your time but it may be any of you to be the next Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold, Rock or Undertaker just when the timing is right." 

"I know some of you are unhappy with your current status but what you don't realize is that we are a family and a business and we all have to be happy for others success because you help put them there. We are all a piece in the Big Puzzle of WWE. If you have a problem with your piece you go to management not the internet, interviews, or dirt sheets." 

Now onto the WCW Status. I am now hearing that management might change it at the last minute. If you see Stone Cold on Smackdown tonight then the WCW angle will die, but if he is not on Smackdown tonight it is most likely a sure thing. The WCW is going to be the exact same nitro set with a few title changes. It will be one roster not split and will be 2 times a week and used to help elevate the talent were not using. I believe this is the smartest move they came up with. That is all that I was told on the subject so far. 

Your Scale Carrying Hero

Crash Holly 

From: "Dave Scherer" 


To: "'WWE Bedding'" 

Subject: RE: Im an upset "WWE" Woker

Date: Thu, 10 Apr 2003 11:39:26 -0400

> >>

I have heard they are really paranoid about "leaks" right now. They are such control freaks to begin with and with business tanking, they are even worse. It's a shame that so many things are so easily fixable and they just won't do it. It's frustrating as hell for the fans and boys alike. 

I hope that the usage of the guys you mentioned happens. There is so much talent being used so poorly that it just blows my mind. Plus, with the ratings that the weekend shows get, they need to do something there. 

Superstars used to do 2s. Now, Velocity is doing 0.6s. That isn't good for anyone. 

When Chicago doesn't sell out, that should send them all the messages that they need. 

Have a good one.

My second favorite part is when Dave started calling the wrestlers “boys” to show off…

My all time FAVORITE part is when Dave offered to try to get “Crash” into TNA… heh… HA.

Goof on him all you want, but one thing is clear: Dave REALLY wants to see the business improve… he’s desperate for it.

Oh, and he’s also a world class mark.

So, are we done with “Willie” yet? Yes, but no… you see, there is one more side notation that needs reporting…


I’m going to tell you kids a secret… some of you may know this already… but for the rest of you… keep closer… ready?

I’m irrelevent. I’ve lost it. I USED to be good, but no more. It’s over, and has been for anywhere from 5 to 2 years ago. 

Oh yes… the 411 forum has three full threads DEDICATED to that fact. Three threads. Three. Oh, NOT because of what I said about them last week… oh no… now you’re delusional. 

It’s funny… I’ve lost it. I’m dead. No damn good any more… yet somehow… whenever I talk about someone, there HAS to be a response. For instance, I drop the name “Mansion Fan” and all of the sudden I’m re-starting a BLOODY POINTLESS WAR WITH HIM. Go figure. 

Don’t know why anyone cares… I’m nothing anymore… never was anything, really… I don’t talk about how HHH is destroying everything… I just say “fuck” a lot and talk about doing girls…. I’m not IWC MATERIAL anymore… not like… oh… the kids at a1wrestling

Last week, I said that the Ruggerio boys at a1wrestling went power-crazy. I said this because I read somewhere that the boys have been banning people off their boards like crazy, many just because they dared disagree with management there, or something. Just another example of web guys taking themselves WAY too seriously…. And me laughing at them for it. (Thankfully, for me… I have a HUGE well to draw from here)

Anyway, I was sniffing around the boards, looking for stuff to pull for my message board quote section, when I see the following posted by a Ruggerio twin. (One is named Gerry, this is from the other one):

Chris Hyatte admitted to me in im that he was willietheworker. At which point I created an account for him to post. And I got an im from Scott Keith to consider putting 411 on our page. He has also told me that he has received emails saying that people found out about their site from a1wrestling.

In his latest column, Hyatte attacked me and Gerry. Sorry Chris. You are mistaken. I have no desire to be in the wrestling business. I have surpassed that in my personal life and don't see any reason to lowering myself. 

Hyatte was banned (for flaming Madden and for attacking us.) I also removed 411 from our page. There are plenty of ways of thanking us (and me in particular for spending an hour or so working to get 411 up.)

Now, Hyatte wants to know if he was banned. I told him yes. And Keith wants back on the front page. So ... I'll decide one issue. And the A1 posters can decide the other. Hyatte will remain banned.

My question... should I put 411 back on the front page?

He also included the chat between me (as Willie The Worker) and him. Following along? Good.

Problem is… that ain’t me. Anyone who knows me (and I hope by now, that would be YOU, oh reader-friend of mine) knows I wouldn’t do something lame like that… nor would I bother with A1 WRESTLING FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST!!! Nor am I a member of ANY board (anymore… Zimmerman has busted me once or twice on wienerville), nor do I have the time or energy TO post on boards… and if I did… why would I go to A1?? COME ONNNNN?

So, I figured he made the whole thing up to make himself look good. Thus, I confronted him and THIS happened: (Note: It’s longish so I did a lot of cutting, and damn silly as I was in a goofy mood… so whoever you think “won” is okay with me… all I know is that it’s pretty entertaining watch how quickly it became a name-calling-fest):

Hyatte1com: Hey stud!! So you like making up chats with me, do ya?

GPac A1W: huh? what did I make up?

Hyatte1com: look at yer own message boards... I know, there isn't much to look at since you and your nutty brother chased half of them away, but if you want to play "Make up a chat with Hyatte", well... that's a game I'm pretty good at. this'll be fun

GPac A1W: that wasn't you?

Hyatte1com: no, stud. Like I would care about getting 411 on trhge menu site... we do quite okay without your scary help

GPac A1W: are you gay?

GPac A1W: why are you calling me stud?

Hyatte1com: 'cause you're an Internet Stud... a1 is the COOLEST SITE EVER!!! WHOO HOOOO

GPac A1W: damn chris you need to get laid

Hyatte1com: and lose my edge? Oh I don't think so.

Hyatte1com: I go get laid, and the next thing you know I'm making up AIM chats with one or both of the Ruggerio boys listening to them explain to me how someone named "Edgecrusher" is 100X funnier than me on his worst day. and how a1 is the most influencial wrestling site EVER.

Hyatte1com: oh hell, I think I'll do it anyway... it won't get me the respect of the TOA crowd (dammit), but I guess I'll just have to live with that. 

GPac A1W: chris ... please don't elevate me to worthy status I guess you put me in the worthy category

GPac A1W: moron

Hyatte1com: wasn't going there stud.... but since you are just trying to show me up here so you can post this on your boards and try to put yourself over with Fatsexy and crew... I'll oblige

Hyatte1com: wannabe

GPac A1W: bwaaaaahahaha you are a moron

GPac A1W: trying to get over on me! you are such a pussy lmao

Hyatte1com: okay

GPac A1W: go type away

Hyatte1com: I think shall

Hyatte1com: *I

GPac A1W: ahhh ... the master of correcting his own fuckups

Hyatte1com: can I join your forum so you can ban me along with everyone else? HA

GPac A1W: no

Hyatte1com: aww... please?

GPac A1W: why not use the f word chrissy

GPac A1W: it is soooo cool that you can say fuck

GPac A1W: do you think a moron like you bothers me? Bwaaaahahahaha.

Hyatte1com: I should hope not.... but for some reason, I bother a lot of people

GPac A1W: not me. You see, unlike you, I am not a wannabe

Hyatte1com: and since every time I mention A1 gets me an e-mail or a nice thread about how lame I am.. I would have to think, "yes, I bother the Ruggerios"

GPac A1W: bwaaaaahahahahaha

Hyatte1com: yes, a1wrestling is NO wannabe

GPac A1W: Moron ...we are professionals

Hyatte1com: professional wannabes

GPac A1W: professional wannabe? How am I a wannabe?

GPac A1W: How old are you?

Hyatte1com: didn't you ask that question in your faked chat with me?

GPac A1W: look ... were you willietheworker?

GPac A1W: did you ever im me as willietheworker?

Hyatte1com: no. never and ever

GPac A1W: ok ... somebody did and claimed they were you

Hyatte1com: and you never checked with me? TRUE PROFESSIONALISM!!!

Hyatte1com: BWAHAHAHAHAAAA dope

GPac A1W: excuse me ... the evidence suggests it was you

Hyatte1com: uh huh... like how 411 USED to be on a1? when?

GPac A1W: it was

Hyatte1com: never. sorry

GPac A1W: 411 was never on a1?

Hyatte1com: never stud... way to go

GPac A1W: don't call me stud. secondly, it was ... I put it there

Hyatte1com: why not, aren't you? You being the guy who adviced me to get laid and all

GPac A1W: you mean advised? 

Hyatte1com: yes, oh you caught me, I can't spell for shit... oh, if only I could be an a1-level PROFESSIONAL

Hyatte1com: no, stud, you put my columns there in exchange for a plug... which I did.

GPac A1W: correction: I didn't put your columns there

GPac A1W: correction 2: 411 was on A1

Hyatte1com: nope, nope, nope

GPac A1W: how much do you want to bet?

Hyatte1com: a million bucks... two million, stud

GPac A1W: chris ... are you gay? I am a man

Hyatte1com: all that a1 revenue... a drop in the bucket

GPac A1W: correction 3: A1 does not make revenue

Hyatte1com: really? Wow... a site that just directs people to other sites makes no money, yet acts like it's the most influencial site of all time and gets mad if other people dare criticize it??? Get out of TOWN!!!

GPac A1W: we are not influencial at all apparently 411 thinks we are!

Hyatte1com: Hey, Tom Zenk posted the letter of you begging him to opost on your boards! Reach for them stars, stud. Reach!

GPac A1W: correction 4: I never talked to Tom Zenk correction 5: I never sent Tom Zenk a letter correction 6: I am not gay. Stop calling me stud. 

Hyatte1com: uh oh.... then he's posting fake letters from you or your wonder twin... or maybe the space monkey Gleek sent him the letter

GPac A1W: I have never had any contact with Tom Zenk

Hyatte1com: then Tom Zenk made UP the letter? He must know that name dropping a1 in his column will REALLY get him hits!!

Hyatte1com: you guys are REALLY COOL!!!! 

GPac A1W: Chris - are you drunk My youngest daughter is more logical than you

Hyatte1com: plus she gives great head

Hyatte1com: man... wasn't even my birthday

Hyatte1com: hey, how's a1mania doing? Ashish and Widro convey their flattery that you guys were inspired to revamp and open up your site after we did

GPac A1W: let it be noted in this transcript that this fake pretending to be chris hyatte imed me first

Hyatte1com: ah, and when was I registered on a1 again?

GPac A1W: This isn't Hyatte. Hyatte wasn't this lame. He's bad, but not this bad

Hyatte1com: sure he was, read your own message boards... I've been lame like this since '99

GPac A1W: My guess: You are a high school kid who gets his jollies pretending to be Hyatte

Hyatte1com: I told you, I'm willietheworker pretending to be Hyatte

GPac A1W: Nah. Willietheworker was hyatte. seemed much more intelligent than you. You are a fake

Hyatte1com: shhh, don't tell anyone. I'm Dave Scherer

GPac A1W: Nah ... Dave writes better than you

Hyatte1com: as any self-respecting Coca-cola delivery man should

GPac A1W: that was funny ... in '99. maybe you are hyatte

GPac A1W: you are ignorant

Hyatte1com: no, I'm a moron. you're a stud

GPac A1W: I know. Is that the best you have? Calling me a stud

Hyatte1com: sure. it's not like you really upset me

GPac A1W: I am not trying to

GPac A1W: I just don't like that you are impersonating Chris Hyatte

GPac A1W: Hyatte uses Willietheworker

Hyatte1com: just making up fake chat scripts to make yourselves look cool... but not upsetting me

GPac A1W: Why are you saying it was fake? well moron, answer this

Hyatte1com: sure stud, go for it

GPac A1W: is it possible that somebody else used it, pretending to be Chris Hyatte, and the transcript really happened?

Hyatte1com: absolutely... but then it would be possible for YOU, the person who was suckered, to go on AIM, find Hyatte1com (and since I've never hid my sn, and left it open for everyone to see and approach) and confirm that it he was me him. seeing how we've never had reason to chat before

GPac A1W: wtf you talking about? are you drunk? I didn't mention Hyatte until Hyatte mentioned me! After I post this, are you going to claim this didn't happen?

GPac A1W: Do you really think I made that up? Goddamn, boy, you are dumb!

Hyatte1com: well, if you post this, it'll be like a tree falling in the woods with no one to hear it...

GPac A1W: OK

Hyatte1com: so I'll post it and get some REAL mileage out of it

GPac A1W: Do me a favor ...plug A1 again Our activity is way up! Thanks, man

GPac A1W: And thanks for elevating me! Bwaaaaaaahahahaha

Hyatte1com: you got it!! Everyone should go use ther menu site to see what the Lords of Pain are yammering about!!

GPac A1W: At least I don't impersonate Hyatte1

GPac A1W: there are so many better people to impersonate Why him?

Hyatte1com: why not?

GPac A1W: I am going to post this to protect Chris. You are a dirty fucker for impersonating him

Hyatte1com: my next step is to impersonate EdgeCrusher... because he's the funniest

GPac A1W: Edgecrusher is funnier than Hyatte

Hyatte1com: oh, I just wanted to get some of that ruggerio gold rubbed on me, stud

Hyatte1com: yes, his posts are AMAZING. one day, he might write a whole COLUMN

Hyatte1com: he'll have to do it on another site, but a1 will be sure to link it!! 


That was fun. So anyway, studly posted it right away, so all the a1 kids can marvel at how he stood up to me and took me down a few pegs and blah blah blah… I was out doing this column when… out of nowhere…

WillieTheWorker: For the record, I never said I was you - he assumed it

Hyatte1com: now how do I know that you aren't a ruggerio or an a1 loser trying to work me?

WillieTheWorker: I emailed you about an hour ago. I just used the sn to fuck with them since they took the Willie thing so serious

Hyatte1com: okay… so how did he assume he was me?

WillieTheWorker: Shit went around the net that you were Willie (I'd had the sn long before) and he just said "You're Hyatte" I never said yes or no, I just laughed at his stupidity

Hyatte1com: so, to wrap up... you talked to one of the Ruggerio boys

WillieTheWorker: yeah 

Hyatte1com: and even you were amazed at how he assumed you were me for no reason

WillieTheWorker: Yep


WillieTheWorker: they'll know it then

Hyatte1com: but you aren't me

WillieTheWorker: no I'm not you

Hyatte1com: so what does that make G Pac whatever his name is?

WillieTheWorker: A complete idiot

Hyatte1com: thank you... 

WillieTheWorker: Your welcome

And that’s the story…. A1 wrestling: We are PROFESSIONALS!!

This is what I have to deal with every day I’m online. Every day.

Am I the only one who gets how meaningless this whole IWC thing is? Am I?


Fat Pat McNeil is gonna show me!

Oh, not only will he keep his silly “Internet Idol” going (because it’s the COOLEST IDEA EVER!!!) but JUST to show everone paying attention that I do NOT affect him he ran a very special song parody in his (IgotnothingtosaybutsinceIcan’tgoaweekwithoutwriting19columns) Torch Raw report. A Paul Simon cover… because EVERYONE knows the Paul Simon library.

Hey look, I’m the puppeteer and Pat’s my Lambchop! I pull a string and watch how he responds! 

Okay, I can keep this up. This song parody is about Trish Stratus. It’s based on the Maddonna song “Like a Virgin”… if you don’t know the song, you’re shit out of luck because song parodies DO NOT WORK IN PRINT BUT I’M THE ONLY IDIOT WHO SEEMS TO REALIZE THIS!!!!


Like A Virgin by Madonna 

I once talked to a girl named Trish

And she thinks I’m a tool

Took me only ten minutes

Before writing “I love you”

She made me beat, my little meat

Gunked my screen

And she had no clue

But she made me feel

Yeah she made me feel

That she was turned on too

I’m a virgin, HEY

Going out of my mind

I’m a virgin

I’ll stalk Trish, and make her mine

Gonna spend all my time online

Reading Scott Keith’s rants

And when Trish shows up

I’m gonna ripoff my pants

She’s so kind, with a nice behind

Mine has flab, and a sloppy stinkhole

‘cause I never wipe-up

no I neeeEEEver wipe-up

Can’t reach that damn hoooOOOooole

I’m a Virgin HEY

Horny and out of my mind

I’m a Viiiiiirgin

Trish has big tits, but smaller than mine

Whooo whoooHoooHoooOOOooooo AHH

Trish is sweet, and petite

She likes to lick, my big smelly feet

And then I wake up

Yeah theeEEEeen I wake up

Needing to change my sheeeeeets

I’m a Virgin. HEY!

No chick ever gave me her time

I’m a Viiiiiiiiirgin

Trish has no clue, that’s she’s gonna be mine

I’m a Virgin

Oooo ooo I’m a Virgin

And Trish likes me, and she wants me, and my shlong beats, and I touch me

Oh hoooo ho ho ho Ho hoooo ho ho ho hooo

Oh Trish baby… yeah

Wanna chop her sweet head

And mount it on my wall

Thank you… oh thank you…

Okay Pat… perform for me, bitch.

Shh… listen closely and you can hear Trish Stratus block Hyatte1com off her Buddy List… now you can hear her calling the FBI. 


Not much. Scott chose NOT to plug my fair review (and it WAS fair). Can’t say I blame him.

But I WOULD like to report that so far this year, Scott Keith has NOT submitted a resume/application to WWE Creative for a writing gig. Good for him!!

Oh, and I RETURNED THE BOOK and bought a REAL book. If you had any sense, you’d do the same 


Ever stop to consider…

All these neck injuries that have been putting WWE superstars on the shelf for up to a YEAR lately have almost ALL occurred AFTER the WWE banned the use of the Piledriver and the Tombstone?



I didn’t do this, someone else did.

Next time you get mad at CRZ for wielding his message board power too strictly… just remember, he has to come home every day to this.

Poor bastard.


In his columns last week, the great Eric S suggested that he and I drive everyone nuts and show these losers what a REAL wrestling book should look like.

Umm, no. Interesting idea, Eric, but here’s my thoughts on the topic, real quick…

There can only be two books on wrestling that should be written in order to do the business justice: 

1: The book that exposes the inside of the WWF/E… warts and all. Like what Kitty kelly did to Sinatra and Carson. Practically a tabloid-esque tell-all. Wrestling ain’t clean… but it’s strong enough to withstand a complete spotlight. That book, I’m afraid, will never be written. No one has the guts to come forward.

2: So, then the OTHER type of book that should be written is a gonzo-esque road book. This means the writer spends 6 months on the road with the WWE and reports on everything. Hell, spend a year, Wrestlemania to Wrestlemania. Whether it be riding with just one worker or riding with everyone—THAT’S a book that would do the business justice. Then you are guaranteed at least two sequels… a road trrip with an Indy star and a road trip with an American star in Japan. THAT’S the book that should be written… and if a real publisher wants to arrange it and pay us the money, I’ll be happy to drop everything and do it. 

Gonzo is the way to go here… like Hunter riding with the Hell’s Angels. (That’s Hunter S THOMPSON… not Helmsley, you dumb frickin’ jackoff MARKS!!!)

Any other type of book is a waste of paper… it’s worthy of Scott Keith, NOT someone serious about the craft.

Thank you.


Well I’ll be damned… I actually got Flea to pull another sample out of his V.I.FLEA advice column. Thank God… 


I'm here to answer all of your questions!. Feel free to submit them at

George has a few issues he would like addressed… 

I need your advice on a few issues.

1) An angle came to me recently and asked me if I wanted to redo my life. I would remember everything about my current life yet this change would be permament. Should I take the chance?

FLEA ADVICE: Kurt Angle? HAWr! OH THE WIT! I’m sure you mean angel and never trust angels. As a general rule about second chances at life, the grass is always greener on the other side. Are you content with your current life? If so, think about this – one small change if life would drastically alter the chain of events after words. So, in essence, you should ALWAYS stick with what you have. It is impossible to change the past anyway, so don’t even dwell on it. Look towards the future and THAT’S how you make a difference in your life. Regrets are for amateurs . And chumps. 

2) I was on a life raft with twenty other people recently. Unfortunately it was deduced that six had to die if we were to make it to shore, or at least survive. So I helped end six lives. Did I do the right thing?

FLEA ADVICE: Since you were not one of the six, I would say yes. Two items that were invented by men that sailed the seas – every man for himself and dead men tell no tales. 

3) Said life raft landed in China. Now I'm a prisoner to be used as a bargaining chip at some future date. How do you kill twenty armed guards in a timely fashion so as to allow for my escape? Now I realize the seeming impossiblilty of my writing to you while in prison, but think of it like Hogan's Heroes. 

FLEA ADVICE: The Chinks ain’t so bad, and as long as you don’t have to eat dog or cat, you’ll be fine. NEVER try to escape from prison, the odds are they WON’T kill you if they can use you as a bargaining chip, but they WILL FOR SURE kill you if you think your Rambo and start some bullshit. Hey, maybe they will trade you for ONE BILLION AMERICAN DOLLARS, which means you’re a pretty valuable individual! I’m sure that would translate into a book deal, or maybe even a movie of the week! You would definitely get laid from the whole ordeal. So just do your time. See how the advice from question TWO would work for YOU?!?! 

And don’t forget to visit (make sure you LINK this Hi-8)… you can download a FREE COPY of The Insider’s Guide to Government Grants! (That’s the book that annoying jerk in the cheap suit is pimping during the RAW commercials). It’s about a $20 or $30 value and it’s all yours FREE, just for visiting…not to mention it’s a good site for other FREE stuff. Thanks! 

I’m done typing now, Hi-Ate


Yes, yes you are.

Let’s take this puppy home with the triumphant return of the ONLY Canadian I used to call Boss…


The Scoop This! Weekend Update




Here is the official Raw Preview for tonight, courtesy of

We'll be just six days away from Backlash when RAW kicks off live from Atlanta tonight (9/8 CT) on The NEW New TNN.

Two weeks ago, The Rock rejected Goldberg's demand for a match at Backlash. Last week, however, the Great One relented and stated that he will, in fact, face Goldberg this month on pay-per-view! ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN THE WWE! Tune in to see if Rock changed his mind again, and there ends up being no match at Backlash! Oh no!

The World Heavyweight Championship will be on the line live this week on RAW! Last week, Booker earned himself a shot at Triple H's title! Can the Bookerman become a six-time six-time six-time six-time six-time six-time World Heavyweight Champion in this rematch from WrestleMania? Haha. No. But check out the spinaroonie!

Where does Kevin Nash stand? Right now, the former WWE Champion finds himself stuck in the middle between two of his best friends, Shawn Michaels and Triple H, a position he's not entirely unfamiliar with, if you know what we mean. The Game told Nash last week to pick one or the other, as his bed is only a double. Perhaps we'll find out more about this volatile situation live tonight. Or not. Depends how we feel.

Also last week, Kane and RVD defeated Chief Morley and Lance Storm after yet another interference mix-up involving the Dudley Boys. This week, Chief Morley and Lance Storm take on Kane and RVD yet againin a match that will feature not one but TWO surprise guest referees! Who could they be!? Sting? Ultimate Warrior? Or the Dudleys? Tune in and find out!

Plus, it was announced on RAW last week that the Women's Championship will be on the line at Backlash, when the beautiful caucasian blonde bombshell Trish Stratus takes on someone else! Tune in to see more of the gorgeous & sexy Trish — as well as that other one — tonight on RAW!

This and much more goes down tonight on RAW at 9 p.m./8 CT on The NEW New TNN. 

* * *

Last week after WWE Raw, Goldberg was apparently talking to Kevin Nash when he made some derogatory comments about Chris Jericho. Word of Goldberg's comments got back to Jericho, as Y2J reportedly marched straight up to Goldberg, and was all like "what did you say?" And Goldberg was all like "you know what I said," and Jericho was all like "say it to my face," and Goldberg was all like "make me," and Jericho was all like "oh it's on," and Goldberg was all like "tell it to the hand," and Jericho was all like "you're just jealous," and Goldberg was all like "nuh-uh", and Jericho was all like "uh-huh," and Goldberg was all like "NUH-UH!" and Jericho was all like "UH-HUH!" In the end, the two agreed to disagree and ended up shaking hands. (Credit: An embarassingly large number of websites.)

Nathan Jones continues to upset many backstage in WWE. Jones apparently had an incident with Bill DeMott at a Smackdown brand house show last week where he failed to say "gesundheit" after Bill had sneezed. No one understands what exactly motivated Jones to display such reckless disregard for common locker room courtesy, as saying "gesundheit" is a well-known old-school wrestling tradition. Many now suspect Jones' days with the company to be numbered, as there is no telling what this rebellious troublemaker will do next.

TNN announced last Friday that it will be changing its name to go along with the network's new plan to be the first ever network dedicated exclusively to males. Albie Hecht, president of TNN, stated the following: "Today the first network for men has a name, and it's Dick TV. Dick TV captures the attributes and essence of what we want the first network for men to be. It's unapologetically male; it's smart; and it represents our first step in ridding the world of women and heterosexual males everywhere." 

On the subject of former WCW superstar Sting making his WWE debut, WWE is said to be interested not interested considering dead set against sold on the idea kind of maybe possibly soon to be interested. (Credit:,,, and pretty much anyone else looking for hits.)

A new rumor has surfaced, which has Ultimate Warrior also returning to WWE. It seems Vince McMahon has given up on creating new stars and wishes to fall back on the ones he made before daughter Stephanie took over Creative. When contacted, Warrior had this to say on the subject : "Relativity is communicated, and emboldened, through our lasting language. Destrucity! Not one person who is unequivocally perusing this is without at least one finite instance, in the very recent past, of being — to put it simply — flabbergastedly amazed at the unequivical level of denial and rejection of post-economic reality taking place in our public field." Hopefully, the speculating can now be put to rest. 

A new monthly poll — "To help battle the threat of SARS in eastern Ontario, should Bret Hart return to the WWE?" — has been put up over on Bret Hart's official website ( This follows last month's poll, "In support of U.S. troops in Iraq, should Bret Hart return to the WWE?", and its predecessor, "The Calgary Flames just lost 7-1 to the Washington Capitals. Should Bret Hart return to the WWE?" Though the site's visitors consistantly overwhelmingly favor Option C) Don't care, Bret is confident that sooner or later enough people will pick Option A) Yesthat he can finally betray everything he's been preaching for the past 6 years and return to WWE's fat paychecks. But only for the children.

Referee Tim White was backstage at RAW on monday. He is scheduled to have another shoulder surgery this week, and his future as a ref is now in question. Already, Raw GM Eric Bischoff has slashed prices on all Tim White t-shirts and lunchboxes, as everything must go.

WWE really sucks. (credit:

Despite complaints by the World Wildlife Fund, England's Court of Appeals has ruled that video games released prior to the WWF/WWE name change can continue to be sold with the WWF logo; However, they must include a giant ass-kicking panda.

The link to the Tough Enough website has been removed from; and now redirects to Given the show's progressive ratings decline, it could be that WWE doesn't plan to bring it back for a 4th year. It could also be that since they already gave up on Sunday Night Heat (now on TNN Dick TV), MTV may want to completely part ways with WWE. Another theory submitted by insiders is that the show has become sentient, and moved to Düsseldorf to live out its dream of touring Germany as part of a heavy metal rock band.

As he alluded to in a recent interview with, Triple H is currently putting together a workout book which he says will be available near the end of the year. However, advance copies are available here,

Various sources are reporting that before her surprise return to WWE on SmackDown, Sable (Rena Mero) had the option of joining NWA-TNA. But then again, who doesn't?

Former WWE announcer Kevin Kelly is now working for New England Championship Wrestling. He was on a show that took place in Hamden, CT last Saturday night. Kelly will be used as a heel antagonist, as well as working behind the scenes of the promotion. But insiders say that the real reason NECW hired him was to close out every show by saying "A-be-de a-be-de a-be-de... that's all, folks!" Kelly is said to be on suicide watch.

Obscure Wrestling Reference — reader Mike Ramses of Hoboken, NJ writes: On NBC's Friends last thursday, Joey was seen wearing yellow... one of the two primary colors of Hulkamania. An obvious tribute to the Hulkster. I don't know if this means Hulk will soon be on the show, but I haven't heard anything about him NOT appearing, so... read into this what you will!


NWA-TNA's Jeremy Borash wasn't on Xplosion this week because of a bad case of pneumonia. In his weekly online press release, he said on the subject : "Mike Tenay and Don West were kind enough to fill in for me on Xplosion this week, as I arrived to the building right before showtime, sweating like the Dixie Chicks at an NRA meeting during the show. I was said to look as bad as Nick Nolte's mug shot photo, walk as awkwardly as Ozzy Osbourne, and talk as horsely as Christopher Reeve. My eyes were puffier than Puff Daddy's, and when I went to the washroom, I bent over like Madonna, wiped like 50 cent, and flushed like Bernie Mac." In an unrelated note, TNA will be unveiling a new t-shirt next week featuring the catchphrase "Who hipper than Borash?"

NWA-TNA is happy with Glen Gilberti's new character. It will take a few more weeks for the former "Disco Inferno" to shake the stigma of his former personna with the fans, but the company sees encouraging signs; as there have been fewer and fewer "Disco sucks" chants every week... as the crowds get smaller... and smaller...

AJ Styles and Sandman were engaged in quite a game of chess backstage, with Styles winning the first contest, and Sandman quickly retaliating with a squash of Styles in 22 moves. The much anticipated third contest will go down this Wednesday. Believe it or not, this item was pasted verbatim from NWA-TNA's own weekly report. Sometimes TNA takes all the fun out of this whole parody thing.

Former WWE, WCW & NWA-TNA superstar Buff Bagwell will be on hand at the TV tapings for Ron's Championship Wrestling on May 5th in Knoxville. Yes, Ron's Championship Wrestling. Ron just turned 14 and his backyard promotion is really gaining some momentum. In fact, Bagwell reportedly turned down a lucrative 2-figure offer from Billy's Championship Wrestling across the street before accepting Ron's, which is more established with the kids in the alley and offers the best potential of maintaining its operations after school's out.

Please forward all praise and criticism about the above piece to ,so we can know whether to write more of these or not. 

Yes, Jesus please… tell him to keep doing more. I need all the help I can get.

Better yet, I’ll talk to Widro about… well… I’ll get back to you on that.

Next week, all the stuff I couldn’t get to this week… and more, more ALWAYS MORE.

Until next week, remember… if this column teaches you ANYTHING… remember the words of one, lonely Board poster:

Guys like Hyatte are not columnists. If they have something to offer - post it on a message board.


This is Hyatte