The Midnight News 04.29.04 

Posted by Hyatte on 04.29.2004 

TV, The Taker, Vince, Torch Antics, Someone in Wrestling is Gay, Quotes, and Canadian Love 

I’m Chris and this is the Midnight News Omega. No time to shit-shat, let’s just go.


Smackdown shows up tonight. Angle’s back. The Undertaker is back.

Oh yes, and according to just about EVERYONE, the Undertaker… you know, the SINGLE WORST WORKER NOT NAMED NASH IN WRESTLING HISTORY.. the ONLY WWE wrestler who can challenge Triple H for selfish politicking and rampant abuse of management favoritism… THE UNDERTAKER who, according to every one of you idiots is RUINING THE PRODUCT LIVE BEFORE OUR VERY EYES AND SHOULD BE KILLED, CHOPPED UP, AND FED TO BENOIT’S CHILDREN… THAT Undertaker… you know?

Yeah, well he’s only getting the biggest, loudest pops every time he shows up… 80’s era Hogan loud… 90’s era Austin loud. People go BALLISTIC over him! 

Damn marks, why can’t EVERYONE just read the Internet so they’ll know what to do. Jeeze, we just aren’t educating enough PEOPLE! 

Maybe Scooter’s next book will solve this problem. 


Last night held another TNA PPV… I didn’t see it and I don’t give a rat’s ass.

And Don West looks and sounds and acts like he should be auctioning off cattle in Oklahoma. What imbecile thought HE looks good on camera?


Very quick… no big production, just hit and run with a quickie Hyatte-Yak tribute:

*places envelope to head

Eat a sandwich, Wash up, Bone Nidia up the booty, mail out the electric bill, crank call Roddy Piper, and cure Cancer.

Eat a sandwich, Wash up, Bone Nidia up the booty, mail out the electric bill, crank call Roddy Piper, and cure Cancer.

*rip…. Poof

What did Randy Orton do while waiting for Harley Race to throw that punch on RAW?


May your only daughter become Scott Keith’s imaginary girlfriend!!



Why the HELL is he doing this? I don’t know… I’m sure his inner circle doesn’t know either.

What I DO know is that no one REALLY thinks this is him. 

So, for the benefit of those who missed it the first time, here’s the story: 

A few weeks ago, I was jerking off online, doing some nonsense or another, when all of the sudden, I get THIS:

WWEVinMac: I wanna be in your column

Hyatte1com: And you are?

WWEVinMac: Vince McMahon. THE Vince McMahon

Of course, I was careful. You only fool me ONCE, god dammit! So, I asked him a bunch of questions only the TRUE Vince would know and he answered one or two of them before getting irritated and saying: WWEVinMac: Look, it’s me! Now either let me send you something for your column on a regular basis or I’ll find some OTHER asshole to make famous!!

Guys… this is legit! And Jesus Christ, I can’t contain my excitement! It’s him! The REAL Vince McMahon! This isn’t like the last time, I SWEAR… I know better!!


And by God, he sent in a NEW one…no Test this time, the real Vince…

I think he does it because he knows no one believes him. I don’t care. I believe it… and if believe it, YOU should… when have I been wrong, huh WHEN???

Damn straight!! Never!!

This week, Vince addresses a topic that’s near and dear to a good chunk of you… CANADA:

An Attack from the McMac

The Best Fans in the World

As you damn well know, World Wrestling Entertainment, specifically the Raw brand recently came off a mega-successful tour of our great neighbors up North, a vast land of wealth and beauty and simple pleasures, as well as the former home of many top WWE Superstars and the current home to one half of our heel Raw tag team: La Resistance and to rising Smackdown superstar: Rene Dupree. Yes, I am talking about Canada. The WWE came, the WWE saw, and the WWE kicked ass! 

I like Canadians. The country itself is a depressingly cold wasteland that should be used to dump toxic waste, but the people are quite pleasant to deal with and perform for. Canadian know when to cheer, when to boo, and when to hit the spots. You are a fantastic audience. You bring a level of excitement to our events that helps us deliver our usual high-energy shows. You truly help make the WWE the greatest action/adventure series on television. For that, I thank you.

I would also like to thank you for showing the American audience the proper way to behave at a WWE Event. In America they sometimes, not often but occasionally, sit on their hands when our Superstars are performing. Not so in Canada; you fine fans cheer and boo right on cue, without having to be told. It takes precious little prodding to get you fine fans to react. One name usually does it. And we don’t even have to reference it. Why, just the other week you fine Canadian fans supplied us with a true WWE Moment, and allowed Shawn Michaels to deliver an in-ring moment that heightened the drama, the electricity, the emotion of the match. For a moment, we worked together: You Canadians shouted “We want Bret” and the Heartbreak Kid punched up the story by selling it. It added something special to an already amazing main event to a fantastic card on a astonishing evening. I thank you, Canada.

And I even thank the Canadians who enjoyed and energized our two shows and then went online and raved about them, especially those Canadians who normally spend their days bitterly whining about what’s supposedly “wrong” with our product. I’m sure you know which offenders I am primarily speaking of. I shant redeem their existence with the dignity of naming them. Let them sit there and wonder, like the pathetic miscreants that they are: “Is he talking about me?”

Yes, and that is why I love my neighbors from up north. Because you only gripe when you are alone, when you are exposed to the full WWE Entertainment Experience, you behave properly. To paraphrase a popular line: You mark on command.

We have an analogy for Canadian fans, one that everyone in the office enjoys. Canadian fans are quite like a homely teenage girl. She’ll piss and moan and whine about how all the popular people won’t look at her, but when Joe Quarterback or May Ann Prom Queen finally says hello and asks her out on a date, she’s the happiest girl alive. All the things she hated about the in-crowd suddenly disappeared. For one night, she’s a Princess.

Then the night’s over and the cool kids go back to ignoring her, and it all starts over.

So don’t worry, Canada. We gave you your prom and you behaved accordingly, but now it’s back to America for us. You may resent us all you want, bitch and whine to your bitter hearts content. We’ll look in your direction and ask you out again, it will be a while, but we will. And you’ll mark out as always.

I love your homely little country. 

And that’s my Attack 

Can you believe this? Isn’t this AMAZING??

And he’s SHOOTING… at the very LEAST, I thought he would just pipe the company line… I never DREAMED he would be so open.


Maybe next time he’ll talk about that raise he just gave himself? If he’s reading, that’s called a suggestion… but only if you want to, Mr McMahon.

God, I’m the luckiest sumbitch web guy alive.

If you Canadians would like to thank him for his warm compliments, or ask him questions, he’s taking them at Make sure you treat him with proper respect, tho’

Man alive… unreal.


Wade Keller runs the Torch, which is like the Observer only without much Jap crap and he does keep the typos down.

And unlike Meltzer, Wade has decided to fully embrace the Web, offering a FULL website as a supplement to his newsletter unlike Meltzer who uses his site as a vehicle to promote his newsletter and ONLY promote.

The thing about Keller, is… he hasn’t QUITE gotten a handle on how to BEHAVE on a webite… he’s still saying stuff that was lame in 1998, he’s still trying to present an image of being ABOVE his peers. It’s the Dave Scherer Syndrome, talking about how wildly successful his site is without a single shred of irony.

He also has WILD ideas about professionalism and how things work here… allow me to present a pair of examples, each illustrating my two points:

1- Wade’s Grandmother has/had/will have cancer and this screwed up his world. Rightly so and more power to her. But, when telling his audience about her issues, as the following message does, Wade can’t help but puff his chest just a little, teeny, tiny bit: 

Hey everyone,

I'm sure you've noticed fewer posts and no new Torch Newsletter this week. I've been sick in bed the last three days with a nasty virus that made sitting up, much less looking at a computer screen, immensely uncomfortable. That's one reason a new Torch Newsletter hasn't been produced yet nor have there been frequent web updates from me.

There have also been a number of complications with my grandma's cancer treatment over the past two weeks. Two weeks ago, she had an allergic reaction that sent her to the emergency room. Since then, she's been in and out of coherence and awareness, and my mom and I and other family members have been spending a lot of time with her to comfort her and be there for her (and for each other).

Last night we got a late night call from a night shift doctor explaining things had taken a serious turn for the worse and she was coughing up blood and having labored breathing. Several family members and I spent the entire night at the hospital. My mom and one of my uncles are still there with nothing more than a few minutes of naps after having spent the previous full day with her, also. I am going to go take over for them for a while and let them get some sleep. The good news is my grandma's vital signs and very labored breathing, which led to a scary few hours last night, have returned to normal. There is still serious concern for what caused last night's problems which could have dire consequences on her qualifying for more chemo. We are awaiting test results today.

She is an incredible fighter and despite being through so much over the past month or so, continues to show a great desire to fight on through every obstacle. Her will to live is inspiring.

As a result, I haven't exactly been thinking a lot of about wrestling as I've been trying to take care of myself through illness, my grandmother through the most serious of serious cancers and complications, and my family who are extending themselves to their own health limits to be with her. I do not know exactly when I will get this week's Torch Newsletter done and get back to the frequent web updates you've grown to expect from us over the last four years, but I do not plan on skipping another issue. I do plan, as soon as things settle down, do whatever it takes to make up for this slow period in terms of Torch updates. 

Many of you are all paying good money for VIP service, and especially ESubbers who are being charged by the month (rather than per Newsletter) deserve better than this. We will make good on that one way or another.

Right now, I have to get to the hospital and I will keep everyone updated. The good news is I am feeling nearly 100 percent healthy again and should be able to work between hospital visits. Jason is still on track with plans for a Powell Report and Audio Update. James Guttman will still have his audio update. I will be posting another "Torch Tape Classic" this weekend. The Lounge contributors and Torch Team Correspondents have been doing a great job staying on schedule with their contributions.

My grandma is aware enough today to appreciate being read more of the more than 100 cards you have all sent to her. For the past week or so she hasn't been, so I plan to read more of them to her when I get to the hospital later. I again express my gratitude to all of you who sent get well cards. 

See? Wade was rolling with a heartfelt note about his Grandmother, then he fucks it all up by dropping a hit count. Apparently, his Grandmother recovered enough to read 100 CARDS AND LETTERS FROM HER FANS!!! (theory being: Fans of the Torch- and by Christ there are MILLIONS of them- must be fans of the Torch editor’s bloodline.)

There is no need to not only GIVE an exact number, but there is CERTAINLY no need to pad the number up… for chrissakes. Get WITH IT.

2- Wade has some funny ideas when it comes to the laws web, either that or he’s bluffing his ASS OFF.

The following post is Wade’s reaction to someone (a Matt Boone, whom I have never heard of thus he is irrelevant) who Wade accuses of STEALING FROM THE TORCH WITHOUT GIVING PROPER CREDIT…

From attorney's I've spoken to, it is illegal. Here's why...

(a) They are a competing, "like" website going after the same audience as the site they're stealing from.

(b) There is a pattern of doing it to the point that the plagarising website would be significantly less valuable to its customers without that pattern of info stealing.

(c) It does damage to the site it's stealing news from by keeping or attracting customers who otherwise would potentially seek out or visit the Torch instead.

I know there are other factors, but it's definitely suable, and I am keeping screen captures of the offenses (thanks to a great group of loyal readers until now covertly tracking them for me) and I have a lawyer eager to go after them because he thinks his cut of the award will be more than worth his time. We've got enough evidence for a nice lawsuit already, but I'm curious if this type of info gets to them and they realize how cooked they are one of these days.

Oh sweet moses… nice fucking try, twit.

And I say this knowing full well that 411 credits EVERYTHING we take from… because 411 isn’t counted on for breaking news, we are counted on for having the most interesting set of writers! And Scooter.

1: No Lawyer who wants to make a dime would touch this, because the Web is still essentially lawless and no one has any money. So, I promise Wade would be laughed out of any Law Office if he tried to hire someone for this.

A: This isn’t television, stupid! Your site isn’t “competing” with anyone else. It’s accessible 24/7, just like mine is. WE ARE NOT FIGHTING OVER ADVERTISING DOLLAR!! People can go to any website they want and get EVERYTHING that website has posted AT ANY TIME… then they can go to a “competing” website and do the same… AT ANY TIME. Jesus Crow… how silly. Competing websites… right.

And NO ONE has yet to “steal” EVERYTHING his pay section has and post it for free… so don’t even fucking THINK about offering up that argument. The only way this would have any merit is if he paid his non-newsletter/web ONLY crew… which he doesn’t

B: That’s why websites of any merit bank their audience on THE TALENT… NOT THE CONTENT. If wade isn’t confident with his “Lounge Acts” or his Pat McNeil song parodies or the fact that Bruce Mitchell has been coasting on his rep for the last year or two now, don’t take it out on everyone else. 

C: Oh it is NOT. Paranoid bullshit. Everything on the free part of the Torch is PUBLIC DOMAIN... even Scherer knows that, that’s why all Scherer can do is hoot and holler and scream bloody murder about how unfair it is that his news stories get ripped off… but does he threaten to sue? NO! 

This is all a reflection of the fact that overall web traffic is down and Wade is in panic mode (although everyone got a Wrestlemania boost). And it’s ridiculously low-rent.

If Keller, or ANY of these imbeciles wanted to jack up their audience and their bank accounts, there is only one sure-fire way to do it. I would tell him but why should I? No one would listen anyway. I’m Hyatte, I’m an imbecile.

If Keller keeps this up I’ll start posting his newsletters online… all of them and every last word. Oh relax, I’ll be sure to give PROPER credit!

Web guys… what’s the matter with these people?


I have no clue where I got this… so I guess someone’s gonna SUE MY ASS!!!

Anyway, It’s from a homosexual wrestling promoter speaking out about the Rob Feinstein deal. Thought y’all might like to see how one of Rob’s fellow fudge packers see this:

BUT WAIT… just before I posted this, someone came to me and asked if it was someone he knew… and then warned me that the man in question is now pitching fits about how someone broke into his computer and wrote this piece as him as a way to deface his good, HETERO name… in other words, he doesn’t want the boys or his family seeing him revel in his gayness, or something. He even ran to MELTZER to bitch (oh dear, call out the big guns, why don’tcha!)

SOOO, since that IS ALL SORTS OF sueable (see the difference, Wadey?)… I’m deleting his name and where he’s from (sort of) from this text… and it doesn’t take away from the point this now unnamed writer is making.

Wrestling promoter with his perspective on Feinstein situation and being gay in wrestling by (INSERT NAME HERE) 

"(INSERT NAME HERE) Likes Little Boys" 

Steve Corino had that written on the tape on his left arm as he prepared to go to the ring. It was Friday, February 13, 1998. OMEGA: Winter War 98. I was working in the corner of The Serial Thrillaz. I was to cost Steve & Joey Matthews the match and get beaten afterwards. Everything came off perfectly. I still have a picture of Steve from the match with the words above in clear view. 

There are two truths about me. Truth #1: I am 100% gay and have known I am since I learned the definition of the word homosexual in 1981 by listening to an audiotape my physician had given my mother to teach me & my sister about the birds and the bees. Truth #2: Since 1997 and the birth of OMEGA, my credo for booking has been: "No one older, fatter or uglier than me." I have the same tastes in wrestlers that I have in men: young, in-shape, good-looking. I have booked and worked with wrestlers as young as 15 years old. I have never made sexual advances toward a wrestler. I have never had a wrestler make sexual advances toward me. At the show I am a professional. Will I check out a wrestler? Yes. Will I be obvious about it? Hell no. I'm far more discreet about men than 99.9% of men are about women. 

The rumor that I am gay has been circulating around the (INSERT STATE HERE) for years. No one ever said anything negative about me until OMEGA started to get some notoriety and it was made clear that we didn't want Joe Jabroni working for us. It used to upset me when I heard that someone was calling me gay. By running opposition shows on strategically selected days, I put one promotion out of business (David Cody's UWF where Mikal Adryan came from) and shut one down for 6 months (Jay Eagle's APW) after I had been told that their owners were telling everyone I was gay. My sexuality is my business. My parents and most of my family do not know. My sister does. Most of my friends do. My current group of boys know, but it was December 2003 before I told them, and I did it only after they found out through seeing the "History" on my computer. Krazy K has a gay uncle, so he claims he knew from the first time he met me. I don't understand how so many people know as I can't recall ever being photographed having sexual relations with another man. I guess I'm not the most masculine of guys, but I am known for getting in the ring before shows and shooting with the boys. Although all my boys joke about me shooting, I've won far more than I've lost. As I've gotten older, I've become more comfortable being gay. It is easier to be gay in the wrestling business today than it has ever been. That is a reflection of society. 

The idea that Rob Feinstein is a victim may be laughable to some, but I agree to a point. Rob was a victim of his own passions, his own ego. Rob was not victimized by anyone but himself. One reason that we gay men seem to get into this kind of trouble is our seemingly insatiable need for sex. And if you understand the gay mindset, you know that youth and beauty are at a premium far more than they are by the straights. Rob did what more gay (or bi as it may be) men than you would think would have done in his situation: he went in for the kill. Luckily, he only got caught on camera. In January a 48-year old man here in (PICK A STATE) near where I grew up met a 15-year old online in a chat room and set up a rendezvous at the kid's home. As he approached the front door of the double-wide, the kid shot him dead with a rifle. A man is now dead because he couldn't successfully govern his passions. Was he lonely or was he a pedophile? I have no idea. Knowing the conservative population and judiciary, I assume the kid will get away with murder. Why did the man not find someone over 18 (not legal either because of our ancient laws)? Why did he go for a 15-year old? Is that loneliness or sickness? I think it is a little of both. 

My boys, who are all straight, rib me about liking "little boys." Cruiserweights have and probably always will turn me on, and I've joked that "if they are old enough to grow pubic hair, they are old enough for me" just to get a reaction from the boys on a road trip. I've never slept with anyone under the age of 18. I've talked to guys under age before, but it was just chatting. I've never been sexually forward with anyone under age. That's what separates me from Rob Feinstein. I know how to inhibit my passions. Most gays do not have the inhibitions that straights do. Live for the moment. Sex, drugs, alcohol and whatever else may pleasure you is OK anytime and feel free to have as much as you like. That includes 14-year old boys. What are Judeo-Christian ethics and morals? Why believe what the people who hate your very existence believe? This is what a lot of gay men feel, especially when it comes to sex. 

A lot of guys have said that they hope Rob gets help because he is sick. Is he sick? I think it is kind of sick to be trying to hook up with a 14-year old online. I would never do it. Will Rob get help? I doubt it. I would be willing to bet he feels that he doesn't have a problem. Sounds like Jeff Hardy. Jeff has a problem, but Jeff doesn't think it is a problem. Why will he not quit? Because it makes him the happiest he can be and takes him to a new level spiritually. Sex is Rob's drug. 

Maybe Rob was lonely. I get lonely too. I will periodically get an online hook-up. Is it with a high school freshman? Absolutely not! Would I even want such a hook-up? No. Rob obviously did. That is so typical in the gay world that I was not surprised. Does it make it less wrong? NO!!! 

My parents have always said "You reap what you sow" and "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Rob made a lot of money off of the hard work of a lot of people. You read my comments in my column. I still feel Rob got what he deserved, not so much for letting his penis run his brain, but for being such a crook. 

As for RF Video & ROH, anyone who believes he has totally walked away from that much money is among the biggest marks in the business. I'll stick by my prediction that ROH will be out of business by the end of the year. Summer is going to be a very interesting time in the NE. 

I was not surprised to hear that A.J. did not leave ROH. He's worked for another gay promoter for years, so even though he thinks being gay is a sin, he's not going to turn his back on his friends (or turn down a great paycheck). I'm sure he's heard I'm gay, but being the man who bought him his first boots and trunks, he respects me enough to have never mentioned it. I was riding with him in Midtown Atlanta after the "ECW returns" RAW, and we saw some guys walking down the street holding hands. He was in shock, even though he grew up 45 miles from there, as he had never seen it before. I laughed and told him he was a redneck. He is a redneck, and a bit ignorant about the way the world works, but he and his wife are like family, and I love them dearly. 

The only person I feel sorry for in all of this is Chris Rockwell. I met Chris at the July show. He was with Rob and took care of us while we were there. He is a good kid. I know a lot of people are going to sh** on him now. I would book him in a minute because I know how it is to be mistreated because people think you are gay (whether true or false). 

I know I have rambled, and I'm sure if I were to be carrying on a conversation, I would probably say things more succinctly. My sister is the writer; I'm a mathematician. But to paraphrase Vince*"Rob Feinstein screwed Rob Feinstein." So be it.

There you have it. 

Now would be a good time to cheerfully remind you ig’nant twats that FEINSTEIN DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!!! 

Now would also be a good time remind you paranoid jackasss that FEINSTEIN WAS SUCKERED BY A LESS THAN REPUTABLE WEB SITE!!!!

And finally, now would be a FINE time to remind you… (oh put your own damn insult here) that THE COCK DOESN’T TASTE THAT BAD!!...


….. uh, that didn’t come out right.


……sooooo anyway that’s what local Indy bum slammer think about this whole mess… and AJ Styles is a HYPOCRITE!!

“didn’t come out right”…. COME… HAW HAW HAW.. HYATTE STILL HAS IT, DAMMIT!!! THE WIT!!! THE WIT!!!!


I always need more of these. You all are doing great, so keep them coming. Especially Justin Parr, who is clearly the MVP of sending these quotes out. Thanks bro’

Nice, mixed bag of stuff this week… if you can’t find SOMETHING in here that is hopelessly cool, then brother you just didn’t LOOK.

We start off with a little video that someone sent to me, Chris Jericho keeping the crowd warm during a Raw commercial break:

1: You jackasses need to shut up and listen to ME. Maybe you’ve forgotten that I was the first undisputed champion of this company. And the last place on Earth, a man of my stature wants to be in is a corrupt, cesspool of a town like Washington DC.

(Loud boos) 

Hold on a second… I’ve got a bunch of people over here saying that I suck… and a bunch of people over here calling me an asshole. WELL MAKE UP YOUR MINDS AM I AN ASSHOLE OR DO I SUCK? 

(More boos as he holds poll) 

But now I get to go back in my very expensive limousine and take a short drive back up north to my very expensive palatial mansion. Back to my homeland, a land of real values, real honor, and real sexy beasts. I’M GOING BACK TO CANADA!! (pumps fist in air and exits)- Jericho cutting a classic heel promo during a Raw commercial break

2: I once sat in the Mountains of Tibet and watched the Tiger kill the Elephant in front of the Shaolin Masters!- Larry Zbzyko

When did you ever go to Tibet? Tony Schiavone

1981- Larry

Was there a golf tournament there?- Tony: Nitro ‘98

3: I tell you McMahon, Hogan gave up. That incompetent ref was the reason he won! 

I don’t know how you heard the Hulkster give up Jesse with the roar of this crowd. These thousands of people as am I are engulfed by Hulkamania!!

You're the most bias announcer I’ve ever seen!- Jesse and Vince: Saturday Night's Main Event. 

4: You've been out here eating hot dogs all night.

I have not!

Look at ya Gorilla, you've got mustard on your lapel! Jesse and Monsoon 

5: I want SD Jones banned from this country!

SD is from the island Antigua!

I may buy his island and kick him off it!- Heenan and Monsoon: WWF TV 1988

6: Why would you put your titles on the line in a Triple Threat Match?- Cole

Why do you dye your hair like a fourteen-year old girl?- Christian: Raw 2000

7: There's no truth to the rumor that the nineteen year old caught with Kobe Bryant was really Juventud Guerra.- Konnan

8: I've been preparing and training all week for my match, watching Japanese wrestling tapes, working on my Japanese wrestling moves. I even ate at a Japanese steakhouse last night.- The Coach on his match with Tajiri

9: I haven't seen this many black t-shirts since a 1979 Foghat concert. What the heck?-Nash: during the initial nWo explosion

Foghat… FOGHAT?!?!?!

AGAIN, this is why Nash RULES!! He was referencing a band that 85% of the Nitro audience NEVER HEARD OF AND BY GOD, HE DIDN’T CARE!!!!

And finally, as a final TRIBUTE to our friendly neighbors up north, who have had a VERY good last week when it comes to wrestling….


Q: What do you call a (CANADIAN) wearing a hat?

A: A dumb (CANADIAN) wearing a hat

Q: What do you call an (CANADIAN) driving a car?

A: A thief

Q: How did the (CANADIAN) find his daughter in the woods?

A: Pretty Good!

Q: Whats the difference between acne and a (CANADIAN)?

A: Acne waits until you're 14 to cum on you're face

Q: What do Santa Claus and (CANADIANS) have in common?

A: They both go into little boys' rooms and empty their sacks.

2 (CANADIANS)were walking in the bush. One says look this is a deer track. The other says no its a wolf track. After ten minutes of arguing they are both killed by a train.

Q: What do you call a (CANADIAN) with half a brain?

A: Gifted.

Q: How do (CANADIAN) brain cells die?

A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a (CANADIAN) with two brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

Q: How do you know if a (CANADIAN) has been in the fridge?

A: There’s lipstick on the cucumber.

Q: How do you stop an (CANADIAN) from drowning?

A: Take your foot off his head

Q: What do you throw to a drowning (CANADIAN)?

A: The rest of his family

The rest of his family… HAW HAW HAW!!!

Next Sunday I’ll get to the April Hunter stuff… I KNOW you losers are dying to hear about. 

And, as of right now, that’s ALL I’ve planned…. If worse comes to worst, I’ll just kiss Trish Stratus’s ass for 5 pages and goof on Scooter Keith… it’s been a’while since I laid into him…he even still around?

Wow, that sounds like a pretty good deal, actually…hell of a column…. another winner from the King of the Internet!!! 

My God how DO I keep doing them?

This is Hyatte