The Midnight News 07.15.04
Posted by Hyatte on 07.15.2004
Cheese, The Princess, Vince, Widro, Flea, Jasmine, Wrestling Quotes, and Advice
Oh dear... I'm late.
I'm also Chris and FINALLY, Omega is here.
Feeling frisky? Good, 'cuz there's a lot to get into, starting with...
AN OLD JOKE- KAYFABED!!!
Because I gave him exposure several times, I am lucky enough to be on Hal Jotsky's mailing list. You remember Hal Jotsky, right? Old school comic who uses wrestling in his act? He's been in this column a few times. I'd serve up the links but then decided screw you, you wanna read his work, go here and look
Anyway, his updates are pretty fun. They feature upcoming gigs (Newark, get ready. Hal Jotsky will be knocking 'em dead at the Comedy Pouch on August 16th... for TWO shows), photos of Hal with old school wrestlers (The pic of Hal being headlocked by Antonio Rocca is one of my faves, for some reason), recipes for Jewish cuisine, and of course, jokes.
This joke from his recent mail cracked me up so hard I just HAD to tell it. It's an old joke... I first heard it in the second grade, but when he puts a wrestling spin to it.... well, see for yourself:
So, these three hardcore fans - one white, one black, and one hispanic - sneak in backstage at a Raw television taping, and surprisingly, they were able to move around a little without getting caught.
They eventually found the buffet area, filled with rows and rows of catered food. The fans walk by the food, eager to see what the WWE Superstars get served... and maybe have some free food themselves.
Well, they ended up at a table filled with every type of cheese you can imagine.... just slices and slices of cheese.... all kids, every kind. They had never seen so much cheese before in their life!
Suddenly, a thunderous voice screamed, "HEY!!! WHATCHOO DOIN THERE?"
The fans look and see Mark Henry charging after them like a bull elephant! Frightened out of there minds, the fans each grab a hunk of cheese from three different trays and RUN! And boy, did they run, they ran all the way out of the building with Mark Henry giving chase and yelling at them. They didn't stop running until they got home.
Back at the home, the three fans took out their cheese hunks and examined them. They were too scared to see what sort of cheese they grabbed at the time.
The white fan held up his cheese and said, "Look at all these holes. I got Swiss Cheese."
The hispanic fan tasted his orange-tinged cheese and said, "Hmm, sharp, tangy. I have cheddar cheese!"
The black fan laid his cheese on the table without tasting it, or even looking at it and said, "Well, I have Nacho Cheese! How cool is that?"
The white fans said, "Hold up, G! You didn't even taste it!"
The hispanic fan said, "Word playa! How can you tell it's nacho cheese?"
The black fan looked at his two buds, smiled, and said, "Cuz when Mark henry was chasin' us, he kept yelling "HEY MAN, THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!!!!!"
HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HEY MAN, THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!!!!! HA HA HA HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA HEY MAN, THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA OH GOD!!!! THAT'S SO GODDAM FUNNY!!!!!!
HEY MAN, THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAAA!!! OH, MY GODDAM HEART IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE OUT OF MY CHEST!!!! HAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW
HAAAAaaaaaaa.... oh that's good.
Nacho cheese.... HAW
IN-DEPTH SMACKDOWN AND TNA REPORT
Smackdown ran in Providence, Rhode Island at the Dunkin' Donuts Center. It's called the Dunkin' Donuts Center because people in my state are imbeciles.... and everyone who's anyone spends their morning drinking Dunkin' Donuts "cawfee".
It appears that the company is finally channeling some creative energy into the brand. Kurt Angle appears to finally return to active duty, and they also set him up to lose his General Manager gig. All of this leads me to make a typical half-assed net conclusion:
So.... here's a question. You have a brand that is lacking in many areas. Moral is low, quality is weak, top stars are losing their luster, the brand is rudderless AND paddle-less and there is no Capatin to guide her straight and true... not that Kurt Angle was even a good Captain. Who can replace him? Who can guide Smackdown right back to the promise land that it was so comfortably nestled in not-so-long ago? Who? WHO???
Does anyone smell STEPHANIE????... oh, wait, that's just an old egg salad sandwhich I left behind my monitor a fgew weeks ago.... *whew... MAN, that thing REEKS!!
Could it be? Could the recent Smackdown troubles all have been a pre-planned ruse simply so they can bring back STEPHANIE to raise the brand back UP from the depths of mediocrity???
Sounds silly? Well then ask yourself this: How anxious is the WWE's intent on getting Stephanie OVER?
Are you ready for the return of the PRINCESS??
Are you ready to have her genius RAMMED down your throats as she orchestrates the "luring" of top Raw brand stars to Smackdown? (and don't THINK they aren't above sending HHH to the brand for more of their crazy "Sonny & Cher" bits)
Are you ready for that VOICE?
Well call me an asshole.... but ready or NOT... here she comes!
Meanwhile, for those of you (*COUGHFLEASSUCKSHACK*) who REFUSE to believe that TNA exists ONLY to show the world that they are better than Vince McMahon... I offer you FURTHER proof.
Isn't it odd that, of the 12 months in the YEAR, TNA picks JUNE to officially declare Jeff Jarrett "The King of the Mountain"... JUNE, the month where, up until two years ago, the WWE ALWAYS declared someone (but NEVER Jeff Jarrett) "The King of the Ring"? Isn't it odd? ISN'T IT, YOU IGNORANT BASTARDS???
I wonder, when Jarrett throws everyone over the top rope next January and is declared the winner of TNA's "MOUNTAIN RUMBLE" ... or when he wins the main event at TNA's WRESTLEMOUNTAINIA next March (or perhaps April), will THAT be enough proof that this entire company revolves around sticking it to McMahon?
Ah, and since TNA claim to be the "Net Friendly" company (having recently bullied ROH out of contention), might I assume SOMEONE in the company is reading and offer them this little bit of advice:
If it takes Vince Russo 5 fucking minutes to explain the rules of a gimmick match, then the match is a WASTE OF TIME and GUARANTEED to suck. If a gimmick match can't be explained by Lillian Garcia within one minute, then it simply should NOT be done.
And do you people pay Mike Tenay in gin? I can smell his breathe through my TV screen.
And am I the only one who laughs when Dusty Rhodes pronounces "computer" as "COMPEWDDA"?
AN ATTACK FROM THE MCMAC
It's been a while, so let me tell the story again...
I was tooling around online, minding my own business, when I get THIS instant Message
WWEMcMac: I wanna be in your column
Hyatte1com: And you are?
WWEMcMac: Vince McMahon. THE Vince McMahon
Of course, I was careful. You only fool me ONCE, god dammit! So, I asked him a bunch of questions only the TRUE Vince would know and he answered one or two of them before getting irritated and saying: WWEMcMac: Look, it’s me! Now either let me send you something for your column on a regular basis or I’ll find some OTHER asshole to make famous!!
Guys… this is legit! And Jesus Christ, I can’t contain my excitement! It’s him! The REAL Vince McMahon! This isn’t like the last time, I SWEAR… I know better!!
Look, GODDAMMIT!! I’ve been doing this for YEARS now… I am A NET CELEBRITY!!! IS IT TOO MUCH OUT OF THE QUESTION THAT VINCE MCMAHON WOULD COME TO ME WHEN HE HAS SOMETHING TO SAY??? OF COURSE IT IS NOT!!!
So now, after a few weeks away, and a brief illness on his part, Chris Hyatte, The Midnight News and 411Mania are all PROUD to present....
AN ATTACK FROM THE MCMAC:
This looks like a job for me...
Yes, I am talking to you - you septic bags of rubbery, colluded fat cells. All I've done these past few weeks, aside from running a billion dollar empire, is sit back and listened to you mewl like worthless mongrelized puppies. I have been waiting a long time to speak directly to you and say this:
I am going to save this business no matter how much you whine about it.
Briefly, I'm going to explain how I came to be inspired to write this particular essay. I'll use small words so you mush-like globs of donut vomit will be able to follow along.
Recently, we were batting about the notion of employing the services of rapper "Eminem" to stage a rap-off with current WWE Smackdown Superstar John Cena. The idea was summarily dropped after Mr. Mathers (Marshall Mathers is his birth name) and the WWE failed to reach a satisfactory financial agreement.
(Personally, I think Mr. Mathers was afraid that Cena would lay the proverbial "smackdown" on his candy ass and show him up in front of his posse. Credibility is highly important with rappers, so much so that Mr Mathers chose it over the massive exposure that taking part in this WWE venture would give him.)
It was during this period that I was given some of Eminem's music - to familiarize myself with his product. Not bad; I admire his take-no-prisoners approach (but heard nothing that proved to me that he would be able to "see Cena").
Of the songs I checked in with, "Without Me" struck a rather sharp nerve. The song speaks of filling necessary holes, speaks of boldy declaring one's righful place in a particular arena. It is a song of raw feelings, hidden within a playful context.
I could and can and do relate. After all, who better than myself can artfully and rightfully sit in the throne of sports entertainment and declare the kingdom as my own? Who else can glare amusingly at this landscape and find nothing in that comes remotely close to filling in the gaps that I fill with the proper blend of style, glamor, and showmanship? Who could even try?
This kingdom, this land I call sports entertainment is filled with jesters and peasents and deluded pretenders. Were the WWE to draw it's bridge and close up it's shops, sports entertainment would crumble after these intellectually-bankrupt peons were finished running around trying to claim the kingdom for themselves. It would be hilarity to witness. Chickens crashing into each other every which way looking for their heads.
What if there was no WWE to show you all how it's done. What if there sports entertainment was without me?
What would the pay per view market look like without me? Why, we all get to see every Wednesday at eight sharp. And judging by their pitiful buyrates, not many of you are.
Without me, there would be no sports entertainment. There would be rasslin'. There would be sweaty brawlers stiffing each other (but not as effectively as the promoter would stiff them afterwards) in front of a small pile of dullard, cigar smoking drunkards in some converted pool hall.
Without me, there would be no signed, legal contracts for the rasslers either. Downside guarantees wouldn't even be in the vernacular of the business. A rassler is injured while performing, he would be left by the wayside like so much road kill, forgotten.
Without me, there would be no heroes. No idols. No role models. There would be carbon copied proto-type good guys and bad guys endlessly fighting each other with no story, no excitment, no drama.
Without me, there would be no opportunity. No way for that one break-out star to have his potential properly tapped and marketed. The main event would be the promoter's son vs his real life best friend. All over the world.
Without me, a female sport's entertainer would still be a portly, weather-beaten, hag-like troll with pale, white breasts that flop about as close to her nether regions as they could get. When she smiles, what's left of her teeth would be most assuredly yellow.
Without me, you slobbering primates, there would be no future in this business, it would have never left the 70's. There would be no ambition. There would be no goals met simply because there would be no one to set them.
Without me, there would be no sports entertainment, there would only be rasslin'. And I highly doubt it would have survived.
Correction: I know it couldn't have survived.
Thus, while you peck away vigorously at your charming little keyboards venting rage, frustration, and ignorant presumptions towards my company, try to record in that over-taxed mind of yours this small iota of knowledge: Without me, you wouldn't have a damn thing to complain about. There would be no rasslin whatsoever. It would have gone the way of the dinosaur.
You need the WWE.
Now tell me, who the hell is this "Moby"?
And that's my Attack
Glad to have you back, sir!
I FINALLY convinced him to set up an e-mail address of his very own, so PLEASE, stuff WWEChair@yahoo.com with as many e-mails as it can handle! He seems committed to do this. And it's your chance to talk DIRECTLY to Vince McMahon! Jesus people.... Meltzer can't even do this.
A FUN FACT THAT WILL MAKE YOU LOOK SMARTER
*If you are in Turkey and need to purchase an AK-47, it will cost you 1 chicken.*
And just like that, you’re already a little smarter than you were 3 seconds ago!
Hyatte LIVES to inform.
WORDS OF WI(S)DRO(M)
His name is Widro. He is part owner of 411mania, but really he runs the place. I'm not even sure Ashish is still alive.
So, when Widro gets good and PISSED at someone... when Widro really, REALLY dislikes someone... when Widro makes a comment like this:
Widro: I really hate (NAME DELETED) a lot
What do YOU think is going to happen to that particular person?
Yup... he's on his way out.
The GOOD news is, I can't stand the person either (no, not Scott)... so I won't be losing any sleep. Hell, I'll be absolutely THRILLED!
Bye bye, LOSER!!
JIZZING WITH JASMINE (INDY FEVER)
I remember watching "E! Entertainment Television" one night a few years back. Specifically, I was watching porn superstar Jenna Jameson interview OTHER porn stars during one of them AVN Awards shows.
One moment in that special that I vividly recall is when Jenna asked a award winner (Best Female Gang Bang) what she was going to do tonight... the award winner (I forgot her name) said, "I'm going to party a little, then go home and play with my pet Dobermans." She alluded to the notion that she tries to have a "normal life" aside from her porn career.
At that point, Jenna looked directly into the camera, made a goofy face, and said, "Yeah, we're real normal!"
Which brings me to this piece of Indy gossip! ya' gotta LOVE the indys... ALWAYS chock full of NASTY ass rumor-mongering.
For instance, FORMER porn starlet Jasmine St Claire, who co-runs 3PW with her boyfriend The Blue Meanie, is ALLEGED (IE: confirmed but no way in HELL I'm pulling this trigger with confidence) to have very little problems sleeping around behind the Meanie's back. SHOCKING, you say? Of course not.
But, you wanna know WHO she has ALLEGEDLY slept with? Okay, here's a few names:
1) Raven (and fired him from 3PW soon afterwards... possibly because he's rumored to be quite BI... and POSSIBLY an addict of some sort.... and MAYBE possessing a teeny, tiny shaft... or maybe he just cost too much money to keep)
3) Justin Credible
4) Kid Kash (who was dumb enough to fall totally in love with her as a result)
5) CJ O'Doyle (Indy SUPERSTAR/busboy)
6) Rob Eckos (Indy SUPERSTAR/bartender
7) EZ Money (IndySUP... uhh... actually, I never heard of this one)
8) and Pat McNeil (Torch SUPERSTAR/waiter)
Oh okay, I made up the last one... but the rest looks like a veritable ECW who's who
Kudos go out to SABU and CHRISTOPHER DANIELS for turning her down on account of them being married... and on account of her having performed a GANG BANG and let something like 400 GUYS of top of her in one day.
Meanwhile, the Meanie doesn't know... and even if he did know, he probably wouldn't do much because he STILL thinks like a fat guy, so he's STILL walking around amazed that he got a piece like Jasmine. The girl could let an Arabian horse mount her on film and he wouldn't care.
Again... these are all RUMORS and GOSSIP... NOT to be taken seriously. Miss St Claire has ABANDONED her past life and is now EMBRACING this new, NORMAL one
Yeah, we're real normal!- Jenna Jameson
There... a litle gossip, a little news, and a little PORN.... all in one shot!
Man... if the SANDMAN can get her... ANYONE can... even me!
THE WORLD ACCORDING TO FLEA
YOU CAN STOP SCROLLING NOW, WE’VE GOT FLEA!!!
Whenever we talk, I can always count on Flea to give his opinions on just about anything. And those opinions are usually extremely fascinating to listen to. It also allows me to go to the toilet or something while he lectures on.
So, I decided to grab a pen and paper and start jotting down his thoughts. Everyone likes Flea.
The following is 100% true:
WHERE DOES FLEA STAND ON…
That's the one thing you can't go broke on: Land and places for assholes to live.
Flea… a man who has no idea how funny his atrocious grammar looks in print.
A LIVE MIC = DANGER
Okay, I got some stuff to work with now. Thanks to all who pitched in. Keep them coming. I still need submissions... but thanks to those who pitched in.
Nice mix of good stuff this week, and as a treat, we top it off with an ol' fashion NASTY promo form one of the best promo-men EVER!!
01): That's not right? I'M Ric Flair! Sixteen times world champion! My auotbiography goes on sale all over the world tomorrow! And I'm out there playing RING AROUND THE ROSIE!! THAT'S NOT RIGHT!!- Flair: two weeks go.
02): I once asked him what came at the end of the sentance... and he said "parole".- Heenan on some jobber
03): Hulk Hogan, you are a great technical wrestler- "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan
04): Tell me King, would you sell 6 of your 9 ex-wives just for a shot at the world title?
Ummm....yeah.- Paul Heyman and Jerry Lawler: King of the Ring 2002
05): The last time Bob Artese got a piece of ass is when his finger went through the toilet paper.- Joel Gerner on ECW.
06): Next week on Raw Marty Janetty will be here next week on RAW!- McMahon
07): We all make mistakes, and I realize that by bashing the Rock with a steel chair, maybe I made a little mistake... or maybe I didn't! Maybe subconsciously, I picked up on Rock's snide little remarks, and maybe there was a part of me that wanted to wrap a steel chair around his skull! You see, one of us is not being a team player.- Mick Foley
08): I'm about to go down to that ring and kick your teeth so far down your throat, you can chew your own ass out for pissing me off- Undertaker to Kurt Angle
09): I wanted to have a Vanna White look-alike contest here, the only problem was, most of the girls who showed up look like Betty White.- Scotty "The Body" Anthony
10): We've had wrestlers against wrestlers, now referees against referees? Maybe next we'll have announcers against other announcers- Schiavone
I never liked Tenay.- Heenan
11): I ... WILL ... DROP ... KICK ... YOU ... GOOD!!- Steven Richards to an opponent before attempting a dropkick
12): I know I have to say something to get a bastard like Bob Armstrong to fight me. I know you're a cowardly son of bitch. No wait, everyone knows Southeasterners have no self respect. I know, your children are all bastards. No wait, everyone knows Southeasterners dont give a damn about their kids. I know, your wife is a whore. No wait, everyone knows Southeastners dont give a damn about their wives. I got it. The one thing that will make that coward Bob Armstrong fight me... Your MISTRESS is a WHORE!- Terry Funk on Smokey Mountain Wrestling
Terry Funk... God bless 'im!
Aren't all mistresses whores anyway? I mean, by their very definition?
This is where a chunk of you take off. We have Advice next and SOME of you probably thoink it's a waste of your oh-so-precious time.... so take off, you jerk-offs. Go ruin your lives BECAUSE you didn't heed my wisdom. Creeps.
This is Hyatte
Now, for the SMART people out there...
HYATTE'S GUIDE TO LIFE
OOOPS... just kidding!
I have to delay this a week... only because of time and because I need to format these letters correctly. Sorry.
But while we're here... a few quick notes:
A few folks DID re-send their questions, and I got one or two new ones too.
And if the female Bartender in New York with the Husband and his friend is reading: Please resend. Your letter was toasted by accident
Let me remind you all that your letters NEED to be concise. Please DO NOT send in a novel filled with extranous information that I don't REALLY need. A NOVEL makes people's eyes wander off the screen and makes their fingers dive for the scroll button. One guy, named Victor (but NOT Victor Von Doom, as he pointed out) won't be seeing his question answered because he sent in a novel. Thanks.
Oh, okay... here's ONE... a perfect example of a letter that ALMOST goes novel-length, but pulls back just in time:
Quick background info on me- I'm 23 years old, live in New York and have a nice amount of experience with girls, especially since I started college. Anyway here's my situation...
Back in high school I met this girl Danielle who moved in down the street from my house. I became friends with her and eventually got into a relationship with her (basically a summer fling, nothing serious) and once the summer was over our relationship ended, but we did stay friends after that. Now about a week into my relationship with Danielle she introduced me to her younger sister Lara who was easily one of most beautiful girls I've ever met. Not only was she beautiful, but we got along great from the first day I met her, the situation would've been perfect if I wasn't already with her sister at the time. So instead of trying to hook up with Lara from day one I became friends with her and waited until the relationship with Danielle was over before really moving in on her. Even while we were "just friends" I knew she liked me and she knew I liked her, and because of our friendship (she became one of my best friends) we already started developing deeper feelings for each other before even hooking up, to the point where I thought that I could one day see myself marrying this girl. I knew that if I was serious about being with her for a long time I couldn't get into a relationship with her then, we were both way too young and it never would've lasted, but I also wasn't about to get into a friend-zone situation, so I decided that being "best friends with privileges" was the best scenario at the time and especially for the long run. At first I got the "we shouldn't ruin the friendship by hooking up" speech, but that didn't last long (through the years I've learned that if a girl really likes you and wants to hook up she'll do it no matter what your situation is with her, or even with someone else), so after explaining to her that nothing would change between us we started hooking up. Despite the fact that we weren't "officially" in a relationship everything else was perfect, she was basically now my best friend and my girlfriend. The only negative was that since we were both young and not "officially" together we were still seeing other people, which lead to some jealousy on both sides, but it never got to the point where it really hurt our relationship. I knew that if our relationship was going to last in the long run that was how it would have to be.
About two years after we started the "best friends with privileges" part of our relationship we had a fight over some dumb shit, to this day I still can't remember what it was about. So for a while I didn't call her, didn't come by her house, we just stopped talking. After about five months she finally calls me up and asks why I haven't been talking to her at all, and I told her that after the fight I really wanted to call her, to come by her house, but for whatever reason I just couldn't. She told me she felt the same exact way- she wanted to talk to me the whole time, she just couldn't, until she decided to pick up the phone and call that day (remember that scene near the end of Swingers?). We talked, everything was forgiven, and we continued our relationship as if nothing ever happened. Now here's where I need your advice...
Later that year Lara's parents suddenly decided to move to Florida, but she didn't want to move with them. She never had a really close relationship with her mother or her stepfather, so she decided to move in with family in Pennsylvania. As she was preparing to move I didn't get a chance to see her or call her as much as I used to, and we ended up losing touch after she moved to Pennsylvania. I was disappointed about the move but I knew she really had no choice, I wasn't mad at her, and we definitely didn't end on bad terms. I guess at the time we both just had to go our separate ways. I've been seeing other girls and have had other girlfriends since then, but even though I haven't seen her or talked to her in more than two years she's the only girl I've ever been with that's always in the back of my mind. You wrote something in your advice column a while back describing what you thought love is, and I remember thinking at the time that almost every description matched our relationship. I know "if you love someone let her go, if she comes back...", but it's like what if she's thinking the same thing? She already came back to me once and I'm wondering if now she's waiting for me to make the first move, but there are two things that are holding me back from doing that. One, if I make the first move, I'm the one doing the pursuing and putting myself out there, which means that from that point on she will be in complete control of our relationship (since I was the one who came back to her, not vice-versa). Two, if I get in contact with her and she doesn't feel the same way that I do, I'm fucked (and if she does want to get in touch with me these same exact thoughts are probably going through her head). So my question is, should I go against my instincts and everything I know, take a huge chance and get in contact with this girl? Or should I continue to wait for her to eventually come back again, which is the safe bet for me personally, but also leaves a chance that I'll never talk to her again? I'm still young and not in any rush to settle down (I would with her though if she wanted me to, we talked about marriage all the time), but in ten years I don't want to wonder "what if?", and with this situation the way it is now I'm thinking this first move could be the make-or-break move for any future relationship between us. That's why I haven't talked to her yet, if I decide to get in touch with her I would do it because I would want to continue our relationship, not just get in contact with her for the sole purpose of not having any regrets.
So what would you do if you were in my position? Any advice/opinions/thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks man. haha it's cool...fuck it it's just the internet...like I said your advice is almost always on point and I wanted a opinion from someone outside the situation anyway...but just to clarify my situation I'm not sitting around thinking about this girl 24/7...in the 2 years since I've talked to her I've hooked up with a nice amount of girls (double-digits, I just didn't put that in the first letter because why come off as if I'm bragging on the net)...like I said it's just that she's the only one that stays in the back of my mind, like MAYBE she could've been the one, especially since she's probably the only girl I've ever had real feelings for instead of just trying to hook-up/fuck...anyway thanks again for getting to my question...later man
Two years you haven't seen her. Two years.
And all because you didn't want to be the one to reach out. You sat there like a fool thinking about her but couldn't call her because it would give her "control"... which is, like, NOT cool.
Two years, huh?
Man, you're fucking stupid. Grow up.
Out of ALL the girls you had, SHE'SA the one who sticks in your mind and you can't swallow your ego long enough to call her? To make first contact? Asshole, you're 23... this pride shit should've left your head after 22. You're thinking like a teenager! It's time to come into the adult room, champ. Come on over... we have more women here and they are WAAAY hotter.
You still think she's dreaming of YOU after two years? Man, hate to break it to you, but she's grown up a little since. Maybe she spent the two years fucking a lot of guys - many of them better than you in AND out of the sack! Maybe she only had a COUPLE of steady guys in the two years... maybe she's still with one of them now... she loves him. She moved on.
Longest I went was a year... and she reached out to me, but only to tell me why she walked. My girl put considerable effort into showing me how mature she became in the last year... how much she changed and grew. She ended up making a fool out of herself, but that's another story that's best left buried.
TWO years, tho'.... dude, that's too damn long to sit back and wonder "what if" without taking a shot. What's the worst that could've happened? She'd say NO? Oh big fuckin' DEAL!
Might as well leave her alone now, stud. She's not the same girl you once knew... and she's probably quite happy.
Oh, what the hell... let's do another one!
Hyatte, here's my question. I've been paling around with a girl I've known casually for a few weeks. I've slept over at her house several times (in her bed, in fact though there wasn't anything physical.) One night we were doing shots of Jack and cuddled and nearly fooled around (she asked me to lie on top of her and we cuddled) but I lost my shit and wound up passing out. This girl's slept with some of my friends (I've been told she gives the best head.) The thing is this girl is known as a bit of a slutbag. She's told me herself about all the one-night hook-ups she's had and all these skeevy guys she's fucked. We have a small social base here, I know most of the guys and they are kinda skanked out. The girl's actually pretty hot (though not so hot it's intimidating.) We both like to drink and party, she's a bit of a druggie (which I find kind of hot.) But she'll say shit like "I'm scared of getting an AIDs test." Like...part of me would love to fuck her during one of our drinking binges, but the other part of me says this'll lead to nothing but trouble. I've done the one night stand thing and feel lucky to not have gotten anything or knocked anyone up. I feel like my luck could one day run out. I'm not concerned about the friendship part because this girl parties way to hard for me to hang with her for an extended period. So, in my position, what would you do? Hook up or use discretion?
Last I heard, her mouth can't get AIDS!
Use two rubbers and shove one of them diaphrams in there while you're at it.
You held out for this long, but these damn penises of ours just keep hounding us and hounding us... and they know how to put on one HELL of a convincing argument! You'll jump in before long, most of us do. Just be ready for it. Be PREPARED!
Oh, and if things get serious, offer to get an AIDS test WITH her... it'll make her feel more comfortable at the Doctor's office with you next to her and who knows, she might be clean but YOU might get a fun little surprise bit of news! How NEAT!
There, two of them! Hyatte delivers!
Hyatte deleivers LATE... Jesus, look at the time! I gotta go!
Next week, stuff... and I'm looking for hackers, punters and flooders.... if the last two words mean anything to you, then you'll might like what I would like to have done! I'll explain on Monday!
HEY MAN, THAT'S NACHO CHEESE!!!! HAW HAW HAW HAHAHAHAHHAAAAA HA!!!
HAW.... aw God.... HA
This is Hyatte!