Beyond ... by Chris Hyatte
As the last gifts get torn opened,
the last cup of Egg Nog gets nogged, and the last drunken relative gets
escorted out the door to his car (and spotted vomiting his turkey dinner
on his way to the car); we can finally turn our attention to the New Year
and what it holds for the sport of wrestling. To no one's surprise, the
internet will surely hold an abundance of guesswork from would-be
soothsayers, many of whom will surely include the hopeful (more likely
hopeless) prediction that the WWF will rebound from the rather large hole
that Mr. Bischoff cheerfully dug. There is no real fact in these
predictions...only rank desperation, so I implore you not to take these
not-so-subtly hidden prayers as gospel. Indeed, should the WWF ever
rebound from their current problems (I can guarantee that they will, if
only for the fact that this sport is very cyclical in nature), it will
take more than just twelve months...check back with me in three years.
Not that any of this matters. To me, 1998 represents one thing and
one thing only...we are now only two years away from the Millennium.
Personally, I don't think God, Allah, Budda, or whichever deity that you
particularly worship intended us to survive past the calendar year 2000.
Crime is up, our children are running rampant, an idiot like Jenny
McCarthy gets her own TV show, the price of Spam skyrocketed, and the
Spicegirls are a success; if those are not Biblical signs of Judgement
Day, I don't know what is. Alas, the business at hand is wrestling, so
let's pretend that everything's okay in the universe and dance the dance
that is expected. In other words, let's make some New Year's guesses as to
what the future holds....just remember, they are only guesses...for it is
against my beliefs to make any predictions.
THE WWF IN 1998
- Owen will become the most popular figure alive. Vince will
struggle with the idea that he will have a WWF champion that is actually
- Steve Austin will say "Damn" and "Hell" a lot. He
will constantly refer to himself and to whomever he is talking to/about as
a "SOB". He will also make frequent use of his middle fingers.
Either Cactus Jack, Mankind, or Dude Love will take some ugly bumps.
- The stress of losing the war will finally cause some major hair
loss for Vince McMahon (and about bloody time).
will.........oh I don't have a friggin' clue what he'll be doing.
- The Godwinns will continue to draw no heat whatsoever.
WCW IN 1998
- Eric Bischoff will drown in his own pool of
self importance. (Hey, one can dream can't one?)
- Hogan will
begin his annual 6 month vacation come February...and the whole internet
will bitch about it.
- Bret Hart will continue to speak in that
monotone of his.
- Sting will get his ass back into the rafters,
basically because no one in management wants to lose the heat he has.
Sting won't complain though, he's quite happy making millions for doing
- Savage will either re-sign or resign. His contract ends
- Schiavone will consistently remind us each week that
this is the BEST NITRO EVER!!!!!!!! (or that this is the BEST THURSDAY
- The Luchadors will continue to put on
unbelievable matches, and no one will care.
- The Villano power
base will strengthen, (long live the Revolucion).
CONCERNING WRESTLING 1998
- SCOOPS will break down about 30 more
- Someone will write to me about how bad my writing is
about once a week.
- about 1000 new websites will open, and they
will all seem alike.
- I will continue to be a sad, sad person.
Thus, we leave the old and enter the new. Resolutions will be
made...and will be broken about an hour later. The fat will stay fat and
the skinny will stay skinny. Life will go on as scheduled, (at least until
the year 2000, as previously stated). I leave you with this quick little
insight. Expert scientist and all around ninny/smart guy Steven Hawkins
(or Hawkings?) cleared it all up when he said that if time travel was
possible, then folks from the future would have already visited us with
warnings about where we went wrong. Since they haven't come, you can
present a decent case that we may have no future at all. Well, either that
or time travel is just plain impossible now and forever. Who know...and
more importantly....who cares.
This is Hyatte.