Permanent disability with weakness or paralysis of legs
Loss of bowel or bladder control.
Frequent urinary track infections.
Coexisting defects or other defects.
These are the delightful little side effects that you can get when you are born with Spina Bifida, the very disease Sean Shannon claimed to be born with and must suffer through, all of his life. He admitted to having this disease in response to a challenge made to him by Steve Corino to get in the ring as see how hard it is to be a wrestler.
No wonder he's so depressed. He keeps peeing and pooping his pants!
Sean, Sean, Sean. What are we going to do with you?
I didn't even want to write this piece. I mean, I suggested it off-hand to Dillard one day and before I knew it, Jeremy Botter was shooting me an e-mail saying, "We Want IT!!!" I am an impulsive sort, what I think is a good idea an hour ago I think is stupid the next. I saw the petty little "I Want Attention" stunt you pulled by sending everyone who wanted to check out Rantsylvania over to your site. I actually sort of liked the boldness of it.... but that didn't mean I thought it was a cool move. Now, if you did it to the Shooters, or Wrestleline, or even the Torch.... I would have applauded louder than anyone. But to do it to the one group of people who supported you as best as they could, very petty.
No, after some thought, I decided that I didn't even want to write this thing. I said everything I wanted to say about you, Sean, a long time ago. I called your house, harassed you, goofed on you, kept harping and harping on you every week. I humiliated you, made you, insulted you, and did the literary equivalent of ripping off your clothes and making you walk down a busy street during rush hour traffic holding a big sign reading, "I Am A Loser". I also found something you wrote on WebMd.com <http://www.webmd.com> which got into your depression over how WCW created 3Count as a direct attack on your person (Still inflict pain on yourself with coat hangers, Sean?) and threatened to let everyone see it (I never made it public, but Luke Johnston has it. He can now do whatever he wants with it. I release him from any promise of secrecy.) I did everything I wanted to do and was all set to relax. Let you go do whatever it is you want to do and leave you be. You had left Rantsylvania, set up your own little site, and begged us not to visit. You left your old life behind, you told the readers, (namely and only us), so please go away and leave you alone. I was more than happy to do so.
Turns out you weren't quite done with your old life, now were you?
Let's look at one of the things I listed up there. I "made you". Yes, I did. Of course, I didn't have sex with your Mother twenty six years ago, oh no.... I waited a few years before hitting that booty, but I most definitely helped make the Sean Shannon "Internet Wrestling Personality" everyone loved to hate. Without me to feud with, I sincerely doubt you would have learned enough about presenting yourself in order to become any sort of presence around here. I certainly gave you "Net fame", a visible fiend for you to rally against and channel all your rage into. On the Net, you were a non-distinct voice that had things to say but no way to make them heard. I changed all that. I made you interesting. I had every one of my readers wondering who you were and why I was taking shots at you. For the first time in your life, people actually gave a shit at what you had to say, because of me.
You just couldn't handle it. See, Sean's whole Internet persona was defined by his reactions, not his actions. His ECW recaps are a testament to that. Having to attract readers who wanted to see what ECW did on TV that week instead of just bringing them in to hear what you have to say about whomever busted your balls that week proved to be too tough for him to do on his own. No, he had to do it "Mop-Up" style and write like me, only overjamming the recap with negativity, having no idea how to do it otherwise. No, he couldn't start anything without boring everyone to tears, but when he reacted to flame mail, or me, or the DVD Douchebags, or Steve Corino, or CRZ.... he was utterly fascinating. He knew this, so much so that started to depend on it. This is when you got into trouble. You kept reacting by going for the sympathy vote. Your typical line was, "You're being cruel! But I've been treated cruelly before! Like the time I..." then go into a long heartbreaking tale about abusive teachers, violent bullies, birth defects, speech impediments, utter sadness, parents who don't know how to talk to you, morbid obesity. Over the last few years, you just kept piling on the drama. One misery after another. One dragon that has yet to be slain after another. Man, you were like a chick! No wonder you call yourself "Li'l Miss Rebel". "Li'l Miss Drama Queen" is more like it.
The straw on the readers' sympathy for you broke after that lame Corino excuse. Obviously, you enjoyed trolling around the WebMd site enough to know where to find the story on a really cool, really unknown "birth defect" that would not only offer a great reason for bagging out of Corino's challenge, but it will get TONS of sympathy from the reader. Hey look! Sean is fighting against all odds again!! Go, Sean, GO!!! Dumb kid. You was so into getting pity from everyone that you went a bit too far. If maybe you told everyone about this when I first started talking about you, then it would have been different, but to just throw this in after a wrestler confronted your bad, "I Hate Everything" recap, it became laughable. You don't have it, no one thinks you do, and no one feels bad for you. You blew it.
One question. Why didn't you just tell Corino, "Look, I am a critic of wrestling. You are a wrestler. It comes with the territory." Or why didn't you challenge him to an interview? Get some mileage out of an "Up Close and Personal with Steve Corino" for your site? Done correctly, and you would have scored tons of points with everyone on respect. Even I would have given you props. There were so many ways to take care of this little thing.... but no, you wanted sympathy. Sympathy is something you just don't get in real life, I guess. Probably because no one "gets you".
Actually, some people did "get you". Scott Keith got you. Don Becker got you. Everyone who contributed to Rantsylvania got you, and they believed in you and what you created. They liked it here, Sean. They tell me they liked working with you.... working for you. They defended you whenever someone went off on you in the Delphi Forum. They took pride in this quiet little place that was the only independent web site to get a brief, but respectable review in Entertainment Weekly. They were proud of their work here, and they were proud of working with you.
Then you left. Just flat out decided that you couldn't take it anymore and handed the whole magilla over to Scott Keith. Including about $1000 in overdue bills. The worst part is, you didn't even have the balls to tell Scott about it. You let him be surprised. You deserted them Sean, the only people on this Internet who fully supported you. You dumped out on them and said, "F**K You".
To make matters worse, you opened that depressing little "Feel Sorry For Me" home page where you droned on about how your "old life" was killing you from the inside out. How the "old days" were creatively stifling, emotionally traumatic, and destructive to your self-esteem. So, you got out of it before it engulfed you. You fought back against the Dragons who called you "friend" and slain them mightily by getting AWAY from them and leaving them for dead! Ah, sing the songs of survival, Li'l Miss Drama Queen!
How did you old friends react? Betrayed, angry, hurt, offended. After all, they knew you were an idiot. They knew you were a loon. They were well aware that you are a weirdo. They still stuck by you. They still wrote for you. They gave you all they possibly could to make Rantsylvania a legit wrestling site, no matter how hard you made it for them, they gave you their loyalty. Now they were the bad influences? They were evil? They were what was killing you inside? Is it any wonder they reacted as they did? Is it any wonder Don Becker wrote a short little essay displaying his hurt at this betrayal? They were angry and reacted as such. Honestly, you had no right to be offended.
But you were, so you pulled that stunt on them and re-routed all Rantsylvania traffic
away to your site. It was one last power trip. Fueled partially because they had the nerve to be upset with you, and partially because Scott had announced that they would move somewhere else and get rid of any trace of you. I'm sure that had a lot to do with the stunt, too. They were moving on and not dedicating every single inch of space to you and what was wrong with you and how could they get you back. They were moving on. You weren't quite as ready for that as you told everyone. You still had one more little trick to pull that would reminded everyone that you still exist.
Okay Drama Queen. You exist. They know.
Guess what Sean, they just don't care anymore.
Here's the deal. Rantsylvania is dead. The Smarks are alive. Since no one has ever accused you of being either A: Smart or B: A Mark, you're presence is no longer required. You can't touch them anymore. You can't be a part of their site anymore. You made it, it's your baby, but they don't want you in it anymore. You've been kicked out of your own house Sean. Now if only your father would do the same.
To make sure you got the message, they let me... me into your site to tell you outright. They are even letting me run And Another Thing here each week. If you know the column, then you know it's not "Mop-Up Jr.", but it's some damn fine commentary, the best on the Net. If you don't know the column, you will like what you read. I promise.
Hey Sean, guess what? You are dead to them. They will no longer go to your site. They will no longer comment about you on this site. They will no longer give you any more acknowledgment. You lost the only Internet friends you really ever made. And no one sympathizes with you. I encourage everyone reading this to NEVER go to his site again. Not to see his reaction, not to see how depressed he is, and not to read him tell another tale of some impossible obstacle that God (or whatever he worships) threw at him. Let's put him on ignore and let him try to get a whole new audience. He doesn't deserve any more attention from us.
He keeps saying that he has left his old life behind.
Hey Sean, guess what? Your old life has now officially left you behind.
Good luck, Li'l Miss Drama Queen.
This is Hyatte.
(Chris Hyatte writes the Mop-Up and contributes news at 411 Wrestling <http://www.411wrestling.com>. 411 is home to daily news, recaps, columns, and the most up-to-date, extensive News Board on the Internet.)