The Midnight News
Hyatte's Back for Round 2 on the DOI...
Welcome to the DOI, Hyatte. I'm pretty sure Chris Candido is going to come back under a zombie gimmick with painted-on stitches and everything. Watch out for the gays!
Them crazy gays... I'm always watching out for them. Can you imagine willingly sticking things up there? Good lord.
You'd probably appreciate more hate mail then a compliment. And I'm no indy worker either. Sorry to disappoint you, but your latest column was a great start to what is a hopefully a lengthy run on the new site. A very solid debut, and I'm looking forward as to what's in store for the future.
This might be too personal, but I'm curious if you use your writing talents in the real world. I mean, for more than just a wrestling site in which you work for free.
There's money to be made here. Lots of it.
Yeah, but I'm too lazy... and, in case no one is picking up on this, MAJOR issues!
This is Mikey Z - from the DOI. If you do not know me, I created the DOI and ran it up until my daughter was born about 1 year ago. I recruited The MiC a
long time ago and together we got the DOI jumping. Since my lil girl came on board, I've been out of the loop but still around also.
I just wanted to take a moment and welcome you to the DOI. The first column was very enjoyable and I was laughing at a bunch of it. Keep up the great
work and I look forward to meeting up some day.
Watch out for wrestlers with full blown AIDS.
Why thank you, BROTHER!
your arrogance is under-inflated. at best. i got my fix. fucking hyatte. i well...i wanna love you.
Michelle... my future second ex-wife
And you wonder why my ego is huge
Hello deadbeats! I'm Chris and this is the Midnight News. Thank you for your nice letters... I read them all but didn't respond to a single one them. Much too important. Very busy. But I read them and enjoy them and blah blah blah
Sean Mic, who runs this boat, offered some cheerful advice to me... which i would like to respond to quickly before we get moving...
The one thing that i may suggest is breaking the impact report away from the midnight news. This way we got 2 hyatte columns a week = double hits. My readers arent adjusted to reading long columns
I appreciate the feedback and the suggestion, bud. I really do.
But no. The format of the column is designed so ANYONE can skim past a headline that they don't feel they need to read and check out the next one. This is a FULL column... a PROFESSIONAL column! I'm sorry you all aren't used to full presentations... I'm sorry your used to 500 word essays on why Jim Ross got screwed. I put on a SHOW... and dance like a MONKEY for you. And I have FULL confidence that you'll get used to it.
I've never before had the balls to call anything I do online "professional"... fucking douche.
Anyway, this week's column, just to make you all cross-eyed and make your little Indy heads hurt, is LONGER than last weeks! Can't read it all at once? Leave and come back later! I'm up here on top all week long. Double the hits!
Oh, and I heard word that the great, scary, Homicide liked the column and the proper respect paid to a man of his stature. yes sir, Mr. 'Cide sir. Say the word and I'll send you a carton of Newman's Own Gorilla Grape Juice free of charge! Delicious stuff... best I ever tasted. Dan Mafia is a tool. I hope he gets run over by a train.
Off we go...
ROSS AND EFFECT
We kick off with a short, SERIOUS commentary (but if it helps, I'm typing this with no pants on)
(note: I'm working this under the assumption that it isn't all a big work and he really is gone from the broadcast booth)
Jim Ross could've turned down the way he was booked to get fired. he could have announced that he has more dignity than this and just walked off. He's got all the money he and his offspring and their offspirng will need for a long time. He didn't have to suffer through this and humilaite themselves.
But he went through with it... knowing full well what would happen. Don't shed a tear for JR. he got paid.
And I honestly think that change is good and a new narrator for the flagship show is a good idea. No one should be the Voice of a TV show for too long. Ross had a good decade or so. Time for new blood.
But what I DON'T like is that the McMahons put themselves over as a huge Heel faction... the evil corporate power-fiends.
Why don't I like it? Because they haven't heeled themselves in order to put a worker... ANY worker, over as their primary Face opponent? It won't be Austin... Cena is tied to Bischoff. HBK doesn't need to be put over. Matt Hardy is gone. The Rock is banging white chicks all over Hollywood. Mick Foley comes and goes. Kane is Kane. There ain't no one to stand up to them.
AND STEPHANIE HAS NO PURPOSE FOR BEING ON TV!! She has no role on Raw... she'd just going to stomp around and cut promos for ten minutes. Maybe we'll get a hilarious backstage "sketch" or two with her... but that's it... she isn't furthering anyone's career. None of them are.
Now it looks like Shane will be the lone "Face" here... I just hope he's bringing someone with him... someone Vince and Steph can "put over".
I have my doubts, tho. Too many times Vince has won and the angle was dropped. The Undertaker never got his revenge for being "Buried Alive" two years ago. he just got to fight Kane again. No one ever wins these McMahon feuds, except for Austin.
On the plus side, I know people who tell me that the WWE stock is officially a "dog". No future there.
TALE OF THE TAPE: HANDCOCK VS RACHEL
Never slow to capitalize on ANYTHING remotely resembling mainstream press, the WWE has jumped all over the tabloid bandwagon and is all over this "Hollywood Love Triangle" between WWE SUPERSTAR DIVA Stacy Keibler and HOLLYWOOD SUPERSTAR Jennifer Aniston!
And some low rent actor who probably was bussing tables last year...
Who the lucky prick is isn't important... what is is which babe does he choose?
Well, we all know HE ain't reading, nor are the ladies in question... but you are... and its always fun to mock girls who none of us has a shot at anyway... so let's break this down so we ALL know who this guy is getting... and who he should choose!
Stacy Keibler: Has a nice house in L.A.
Jennifer Aniston: Has a huge compound in Berverly Hills, which is about as "L.A" as TNA is WWE.
Stacy Keibler: Has long legs, a nice ass and small titties
Jennifer Aniston: Has nice titties, a nice ass, and chubby little stumps for legs
Stacy Keibler: Is athletic and has self-esteem
Jennifer Aniston: Former fatty so probably has low self-esteem.
Stacy Keibler: Has dated David Flair, Test, Randy Orton, and a couple of barely famous Movie Stars
Jennifer Aniston: Has dated a BUNCH of barely famous movie stars but married Brad Pitt.
Winner: ANISTON (Pitt is the Holy Grail for babes)
Stacy Keibler: Probably has a few million in the bank
Jennifer Aniston: Probably uses a few million as kindling wood
Winner: ANISTON (get legal with that hoochie and you'll never have to work again)
Stacy Keibler: Has a pretty, if not bland face.
Jennifer Aniston: Horses look at her and go, "Damn, that's a long face!"
Stacy Keibler: Dumb as a box of rocks
Jennifer Aniston: Not too bright either but smart enough to hire a Jew to handle her money.
Stacy Keibler: 25 and has been for three years now
Jennifer Aniston: 35 and will probably stay that way for the next ten years
Stacy Keibler: Might do drugs. (Like the rest of the locker room)
Jennifer Aniston: Might do drugs. (Like the rest of Hollywood)
Stacy Keibler: Doesn't smoke.
Jennifer Aniston: Like a fuckin' chimney
Stacy Keibler: Is wrinkle free.
Jennifer Aniston: Getting very close to "Old Bag" status
Stacy Keibler: Is looking to have FUN
Jennifer Aniston: Is looking for a man to settle down with because she ain't no spring chicken.
Winner: ANISTON (she's vunerable)
Stacy Keibler: Will laugh in your face if you offer to buy you a drink.
Jennifer Aniston: Will have her bodyguards laugh in your face if you get within 10 fet of her.
Winner: ANISTON (being rejected by a second party is slightly less demeaning)
Stacy Keibler: Who knows how many guys she's fucked
Jennifer Aniston: Who knows how many HOLLYWOOD STARS she's fucked
Winner: KEIBLER (she's more common)
Stacy Keibler: Is a TV star
Jennifer Aniston: Is a "Friend"
Winner: ANISTON (if you ain't white trash or Latino, you never heard of Keibler)
Stacy Keibler: Has danced on the Nitro table without panties
Jennifer Aniston: Has gone "commando"
Winner: ANISTON (Mark Madden doesn't know what her bush looks like)
Stacy Keibler: Can't act
Jennifer Aniston: Can only barely act
Stacy Keibler: A hell of a body to play with
Jennifer Aniston: A nice body to play with but a hell of a STAR to attach yourself to
Stacy Keibler: Blew Vince McMahon
Jennifer Aniston: Vince would have to call her agent to arrange a business meeting
Stacy Keibler: Is a glorified rat
Jennifer Aniston: Puts rat poison in her face
Stacy Keibler: Doesn't eat much
Jennifer Aniston: Eats like a horse but then pukes it all up.
Stacy Keibler: Has a brilliant smile
Jennifer Aniston: Has a mouth that should be licking salt.
Stacy Keibler: Keeps her money in a bank, easy to get at
Jennifer Aniston: Keeps her money in a bank, protected by an army of accountants and business managers.
So, the final tally is...
Stacy Keibler: 10
Jennifer Aniston: 12
Man... KEIBLER with the late inning comeback! But Jennifer Aniston comes out as THE hoochie you want to plan a life around!
Go get her... whatever your name is.
Whether it's just a "work" to set something up for "Survivor Series" or a some legit problems here, the WWE Divas are AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS and brother, the claws are OUT.
Keep reading, I have some EXCLUSIVES in here... yes I do. I swear.
Anyway, Smackdown hottie Melina (who is.... oooo, that's a dirty girl who looks like she ain't happy until you tag her in the shitter), tried to sneak in an few words about new arrival Alexis Laree (I got her on TV! ME!! ME AND THIS COLUMN!!!) on a message board at Ringbabe.net. I know you all probably read it already, but I believe in full disclosure... skip over this if you know the text already:
I know that there's going to be people who don't understand. I'm sorry... I can't help the way I feel about HER (I Hope you know who HER is). I tried my best to get along with the girl. It's just not meant to be. I don't know if you've seen America's Next Top Model and how cady girls can be on that show... well, welcome to my world with HER. She hated me from the day I I showed up to Louisville. She made sure my life there wasn't great. You WOULD think it was a new person thing, but when new people came around, I was still the one who got her crap. But you know, as she tried to break me.... I just got stronger and tried harder. Our work got us on tv and She hated that I was on tv first.
She hated that I got any attention at all. You know.... I don't consider myself pretty. Not at all. Not like the other girls. And I am cool with that. Like I have said before, looks come and go but the way I am, the way i treat people and the things I accomplish in life... that can never be taken away from me. I can die right now knowing how I touched peoples lives.... I know that I did things on my terms. I never took off my clothes, kissed ass or slept with anyone to get my spot. I worked hard. I'm not perfect but I give the people my all.
Which brings up something else. Do you think I am in wrestling to be on tv? I'm a shy person. I'm not very social. I love living my life surrounding myself with people who love me and care about me. But here I opened a door where people treat me like crap because they are jealous and scared... But you know what? I love wrestling very much. I feel like I'm perfect for it. And I'm just going to get better with time. When I worked as Kyra I had little girls come up to me and they loved me. That really meant the world. I want to be a strong woman that other women look up to... if you notice, heal woman are normally slutty, my character isn't. So I try.
SOME PEOPLE are willing to do anything to be on tv. They would do porn, sleep around, and do absolutely ANYTHING to be there even be very ugly to people.
I could care less about what SHE does but she made it a point everyday to purposely hurt me. To go out of her way to say things. To steal moves that I have and use it on ovw tv knowing that my character can't wrestle but hers can... by spreading rumors about me. By talking behind my back to people.... OMG! I thought I was done with all that in high school! Why would a person go to all that trouble? Wouldn't it be easier to just do your job and be happy with your life? Of course I'm not going to think fondly of her. Not only was she not so cool with me but she treats my best friend the way and she BADLY hurt someone I love repeatedly knowing what she was doing.
I was so happy to go to Smackdown. To not have to deal with the high school drama. I thought her fixation on me would die but she continues to ATTEMPT to dress like me. She would even try say certain phrases I would say. She would try to do my entrance in class everyday. And the weirdest thing is that no one said anything about it.
She went to Smackdown this week and everyone was commenting on how she had her hair like me and was dressing like me. Even had a jacket like mine. She debut with boots that I have. I hate dealing with this. I just want to have fun in wrestling. Some one brought up that if she was supposed to be Trish's crazed fan... why didn't she dress like Trish. I had people backstage saying she was my lunatic fan.
On that subject, If you ever watched OVW and followed it, you would see that she used to wear regular wrestling gear before I got there.Then it all changed when I debut on OVW.
I've always been kinda different. I like to create things and be original. But it's not cool to copy ya know?
You guys, I know she is a decent wrestler. Her knowledge of stuff is more impressive than her ability. She always hated me because I can top her athletically but I just don't have the years of knowledge. I was impressed with her when I first got to Louisville but she got fatter and lazier as time went by. It's a shame. And while the other girls would work hard and bump their asses off she would conveniently go to the bathroom. I worked injured a lot. Jillian did too. It's because it sucks to not be able to wrestle. We couldn't just watch. But SHE would have an "injury" (sometimes similar to mine) but would use it as an excuse to get out of training. I have no respect for that.
When I went to OVW my goal was to get better at wrestling while I was there. I wanted to learn faster. I wanted to have dramatic improvement from when I first got to OVW to when I got to the WWE. I am proud that I did that. As for her.... she didn't improve. She actually got worse. It's sad how she goes through the motions when the art in wrestling is feeling it. And for me She isn't believable. She wrestled great with Jillian because Jillian would cover up al her mistakes and Jillian is strong enough to base her heaviness for moves. She has no hops. But I'm happy for what I accomplished there.
I can't wait to wrestle Especially with Jillian. Bubba Dudley told us our matches were like Trish and Lita. We were believable. I can't wait to have matches with her. It kills me to not wrestle. But I WANT to manage. Why go down in history like every other female wrestler. I want to do it all. And if you think being a manager is easy, it's not. That's why there isn't many out there. I am a part of my guys match. I have to know where everyone is at all times, to be aware of absolutely everything, I'm directing guys to where the cameras are (my extra tid bit) and I have to know the rules. The newer girls just stand there. Which job is easier? It kills me to hear people say I don't do anything or that my job is easy. You have no idea. As a manager I am a part of wrestling and I have learned a lot. YES, I want to wrestle but if managing is a way to be apart of it, I AM SO going to do that. I want to be a part of it anyway shape or form.
Back To ....HER. She is just not cool. But I can understand you want to see people who know how to wrestle on tv... I wish I can hire girls who are cool, are athletic, and are great entertainers but It's not my job. I also understand that you just want to enjoy the show not knowing anything else that would alter your enjoyment of the show. SO, I'm going to save the rest for when I write my book. I hope my book will inspire people to keep going when people hold you back.... that even when people steal your ideas, come up with new ones.... don't let them ever hold you down.
As for her career. Congratulations is all I can say even though I don't care.
And we ALL know how much the WWE likes there talent expressing personal opinions that don't gibe with the company line.
Anyway, I'm sure she got a call from Johnny Ace and got promptly bitched at... I'm sure this non-story is more or less over...
But over the weekend, guess who chimed in with HER opinion?
I'll give you a hint... you all respect her skills and really want to bang her.
Another hint... she's Canadian.
From her Myspace account (I ain't linking it... go find it yourselves), TRISH STRATUS issued the following:
An update - been a long, long time since i've "blogged" - it's the cool thing these days though right? It's cool that i've been able to get a few things off my chest on here with only friends and, I guess, some fans reading the stuff - knowing how the web works, and in particular the wrestling community, i'm well aware that this blog might get bandied about the net - fair enough.
Melina - You've carved out a unique place for yourself with the WWE, you're beautiful, a character and popular with the fans - don't ruin it by going off on Alexis. Any differences you both had should be left in OVW. I'm commenting because you mentioned me, and the angle, in your attack on Alexis at your website - although you were nothing but respectful towards me I take exception to your comments on the angle, notably about what Alexis (Mickie) was wearing. We both know that what she wore was what she was told to wear, that's how it goes, especially in a debut angle. (In the storyline) she is an obsessed fan of mine - leave it a few weeks to comment on her lack of dressing like me and see how the angle develops before you comment. I don't appreciate you poking holes that aren't there in my angles. You have a problem with Alexis that is fine, good for you, but myself, and others, and i'm pretty sure this includes the fans, the internet (or which ever audience you are trying to reach) are taking her on face value and don't intend to let any trivial differences you had with her infringe on her run with WWE. She's been on TV ONCE!!!
And then, because she was feeling chatty, she also gave Dave Scherer a good ol' fashion cussin':
Coach/Scherer - another biggie on the net. Hey Dave, good site (especially enjoyed premium) - kudos for nailing stories that even someone working for the company doesn't know about. Oh and those all important dozens of daily stories of so and so is appearing at wherever town. Insightful.
The thing is - Dave has, since his PWI site started - taken a pop at WWE, especially WWE.com and in my view is entirely unfair. YES, the company (dare I say it) has it's flaws and certainly certain aspects of the TV direction may warrant adverse comment - but to my eyes the anti-WWE editorial policy that you seem to have adopted is distinctly unfair. In colums articles fine - those are opinon, BUT in reporting straight forward news items I time and time again see you taking unjustified digs at WWE. Coach is able to take pot shots at yourself from the webcasts and he is justified - perhaps it would be more benefitial for you to amend your negative slant - with WWE.com "smartening up" it is only a matter of time before it goes full shoot which we both know would be bad for your site.
A few things off my chest - for those asking (constantly) yes! my back is A OK. It's good to be back.
See now, when you irritated THE Diva amongst Divas... that means you fucked up...
She's very diplomatic too... clearly a nice gal. Beautiful too. Stunning.
Anyway... I'm not done JUST yet... because Hyatte... and ONLY Hyatte... ALSO has comments about this whole situation from the FOCAL POINT of this drama...
In an EXCLUSIVE attempt to hit on her... ALEXIS LAREE HERSELF had granted and audience with the Hi-8:
Hyatte1com: what's Melina's problem? You put crazy glue in her diaphram or something?
ALaree: Ouch that would hurt
ALaree: I dont have a problem with Melina
ALaree: who is this
Hyatte1com: Chris Hyatte. We've met briefly
Hyatte1com: I said hello, mumbled something. You thanked me for my support and went about your business. Online, never on the outside.
ALaree: oh ok
Hyatte1com: umm... 35 year old professional who never goes to the matches and never goes in line for signings. Aries... good cook.... straight... pretty safe. Mentally stable. Umm... not a virgin. Not fat.
ALaree: i enjoy long walks on the beach
Hyatte1com: lot of beaches in Kentucky, were there?
ALaree: oh I know
Hyatte1com: nice thing about you is... the Net is so desperate for girls who can work, you're already over with us.
Hyatte1com: bad thing is, most of the net is dead broke and can't afford tickets to see you
Hyatte1com: but you have their MORAL support!
and now that you've labeled me as a lame-ass mark, and a possibly unhinged Trish fanatic my job is, naturally, done. Peace baby.
ALaree: well thank you
ALaree: ok gotta run
And then she blocked me. ME! Didn't even thank me for getting her a program on Raw... the NERVE.
So there you have it... Melina feels ripped off.... Trish doesn't like having her name included into these little catfights and Laree is just thrilled be be there and has no problems with anyone... except me because I am clearly stalking the girl.
And of course, it;'s possible that NONE of these girls are who they say... they could ALL be working us... and me in particular.
Oh PLEASE... I don't get WORKED by anyone! I am WAAAAY too smart for that! PLEASE!! No WWE Diva FAKER is quick enough to pull the rug over Hyatte's eyes! HA! Ridiculous!
Did you see the SLICKNESS as I tried to pick up laree? Smooooooth Hy is on the PROWL!
Trish rules... for chrissakes does she. If I was to stalk ANYONE... manolive. Wow.
Mark Madden, former Nitro announcer, friend to many of the "boys", and resident sportscaster/newspaper writer/hero to the working class of Pittsburgh doesn't like me...
In fact, he wants me DEAD... or in critical condition.
I know... why would a Superstar like Mark Madden want anything to do with me? Well... umm...
Here's what he wrote on the Torch VIP section... (I was alerted courtesy of a close friend there):
that pr1ck hyatte wrote some very hurtful stuff about my family in the past, and the family member in question is now very ill. satire is one thing. obscene slander is another. if slander laws concerning the internet weren't so vague, his ass would be in court. if he ever runs into me, his ass will be in intensive care. same goes for anyone who found what he wrote funny. discussing wrestling is one thing; lampooning an overblown ego is another thing; the stuff he wrote was unforgiveable. it was animalistic.
Look, all I did was brag about the day I made his mom cook me a meal, ate it, then defecated a huge loaf out of it, then made his Mom give the loaf a huge blowjob! Jeeze louise, can't the guy take a joke?
I mean... I thanked her for dinner afterwards. Helped her do the dishes too.
Anyways, I'm sad to hear Mark's mom has taken ill. On behalf of all of us here at DOI... and all the little Indy workers WORLDWIDE... I offer my deepest prayers and well wishes to Mother Madden. Get well soon, Ma!
I ever tell you guys about the day I gave her the Donkey Punch? WELL TOO BAD! This is the time for PRAYER and WARM WISHES!
Funny thing is, I hadn't talked about Madden or his Mom for nearly 5 years now. Go figure.
I just hope my friend isn't thrown out of the Torch forum because of this. Don't shoot the messenger, Wade! He's obeying your rules! Factoid!
Oh, and I apologize to Wade Keller and Pat McNeil for making fun of their own various family members as they were dying. Why not. Wade runs a decent newsletter. They're both harmless.
TRIPLE H IS BETTER THAN YOU
I, for one, am so sick and tired of HHH bashing. The net is jammed packed with it, non-stop.
But here at DOI, youngsters with a gleam in their eye and a PASSION for landing on their heads and laying pipe on every rat they can get
their hands always come here for the latest news and gossip. It is these young rasslers who need to know. Triple H isn't to be hated. Triple H is to be WORSHIPPED. And here is one of the many, MANY reasons why...
Triple H Is Better Than You Because...
He proves that you can be the centerpiece of the biggest Wrestling show there is and STILL enjoy 25 Big Macs a week!
THIS HAS BEEN "TRIPLE H IS BETTER THAN YOU" STARRING TRIPLE H, WRITTEN, DIRECTED, AND PRODUCED BY CHRIS HYATTE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Our boy is a little... pudgy these days!
A FUN FACT THAT WILL MAKE YOU LOOK SMARTER
*Half of all Americans over the age of 55 have no teeth.*
And just like that, you're smarter than you were three seconds ago
Hyatte LIVES to inform.
And many of them used to book TNA! HA! Wit!
THE IMPACT MOP-UP
You realize that if Spike gest cocky and loads this show on Monday nights at 9... I ain't recapping it.
(disclaimer: the material you're about to skim through is going to seem like I'm pissed and angry and not evehn a fan and you will be tempted to write an e-mail accusing me of being a cocksucker and never taking a bump. before you do, re-read the top of this column and cheerfully go blow a booker for a curtain jerk spot)
(disclaimer 2: I was doing this long before "Mojo Mitchell", who is actually a pretty mellow, nice guy but fuck him too)
TNA IMPACT: (or: They should've thrown that Mitchell asshole in the casket)
-Whoops... I didn't watch it.
-Yeah, get used to unreliablilty. That's another trademark of mine!
-Why can't they bring Goldylocks back?
-Anyway, I think there is merit in not going BALLISTIC with the length... and shit on TOAST this is running long already... so.... let's take her home with an old friend of mine (whom I've never met)
TAKE US HOME, HONKY!
Man, you never know who will go nuts on this Internet thing...
Since Tom Zenk was chased away from his comments by the huge law firm that the WWE has at its disposal (Who cares about Lesnar, WE STILL SHUT DOWN ZENK!!), it's up to The Honky Tonk Man to shine the light of TRUTH (orhisversionofit) on the regular doings within Big Time pro graps!
The only problem with his site is that he doesn't post NEARLY enough... he lets some stooges speak for him. Which is fina and good, but doesn't lend itself to giving me shit to work with.
But recently he did an audio where he commented on the Legends Gathering on the Raw Homecoming.
Pay attention closely... because I think he admitted to be a pedofile.
Well fans I'm back again I... I... I just sat through the most nonsense bullshit I've ever seen, I just... I clicked over just to see who the legends were in the ring and... it was absolutely ludicris. To sit there and see... people like Arn Anderson, Von Erich, Dr. Death Steve Williams. I mean give me a fucking break. Did these guys, are these guys legends in the WWE or the WWF? Should they have even been in the same ring? I... where was Steve Lombardi? He's been there for 25 ywars, the Brooklynm Brawler. HE should've been there, the designated hitter! Arn Anderson? Steve Williams? Von Erich? Give me a fucking break. Unbelievable I mean absolutely ludicrous! And to have Dusty Rhodes, who was only in the WWE for a very short time... wearing POLKA DOTS... lead the parade... "Hey baby... mumble mumble mumble oh baby... yeaaah"... wha... oh but did you pick up on Jerry "The King" Lawler? What did he... who did he put over. He said Jimmy Hart and Koko B. Ware! Yeah because they worked for him in Memphis. UNBELIEVABLE! ABSOLUTELY LUDICROUS. It was... that was the worst display of Legendsa I have ever seen in my life and you wonder why I didn't want to be a part of that? Absolutely not. I will not stand there with a... big fat Tiger Chung Lee face Ted DiBiase or see someone like Hacksaw Jim Duggan still trying to... HOOOOO still trying to get over. Uh... It's what I'ver said before... they can't give the spotlight up. It absolutley unbeleviable what I saw. I mean... you're talking about guys who... I mean... there should've been... the Valient Brothers there. There should've been... Bruno Sammartino there. There should'a been... people who are known in the WWF worldwide... I.. I.. I... STEVE KEIRN was stadning there! SKINNER? HE WAS A LEGEND IN THE WWE?? Well now, I can under stand Ricky Steamboat standing there. But standing there with grey hair looking like an old man? Un-FUCKING-believeable! The WORST thing I have ever seen in my life. And you wanna know why I didn't want to be a part of it? That's exactly why Because when you associate yourself with old, retired, shriveled up cocksuckers... you BECOME one of them. I live the YOUNG life. I travel 100 days a year. I go all around the world... and I hang out with young kids... and I have young ideas and young thoughts and I have young children at home and I treat them... not like some old, retired, shriveled up... did you see Chief Jay Strongbow? I would'a loved to just be there to kick him in his fucking nuts because he is a sorry son of a bitch. Where was the rest of them? Where was all these...rrr..rrr.... WHY DIDN'T THEY BRING THE HEBNER BOYS BACK? THE HEBNER BOYS HAVE BEEN THERE FOR 25 YEARS THOSE GUYS ARE LEGENDS! UNbelievable... what nonsense but the worse thing I saw... was Roddy Piper... this Piper Nuts... get his shirt ripped off and he looked like a saggy sack of shit! HA HA HA Piper Nuts is a saggy sack of shit. And Ric Flair... WOOOO... a WOOOO still cutting your head with a razor blade, still trying to get over. GIVE IT UP, FLAIR... GIVE IT UP! You're never gonna bve the greatest Inter-Continental Champion of all time... cuz you're not... you're probably not gonna live long enough to keep the belt for 15 months! WOOOOO where da party tonight, Arn? WOOOOOOOO! This is for my friend Rip Rogers and for my friend Buddy Wayne who lives up in... in... in Everett, Washington... and for my friend... WHERE WAS PLAYBOY BUDDY ROSE? 1-800-LARDASS? Why wasn't he there? For God's sakes that was the best thing to ever happen to ol' PB! No, they don't bring in the REAL legends they bring in the Bullshit legends! Hillbilly Jim with his dyed hair and his ponytail! WOOOOO WHERE WE PARTY TONIGHT, ARN? Ha Ha HaHa. 'Till we meet again... you'll never see me doing that shit. Adios!
You can hear it, and a bunch of other stuff he says here. For free! He got cocky a while back and thought he could charge admission... didn't work out so well.
The irony is how one of the company's most notorious "characters" is now one of its biggest detractors.
The man is a hoot.... no doubt about it. He wants to kick Jay Strongbow in the "fucking nuts"... BWAHAHAHAHAAAA
OKAY then, now that I've sufficiently cut and pasted my way through another LOOOONG column, I'm gonna bail out.
Still trying to figure this out? Don't. Just go for the ride. May like it, may hate it, may think I suck, may think I rule... but one thing I promise you... one thing...
You'll never, NEVER know what will be in here. Every week you'll click and have no clue what's ahead. I'm all over the fucking place.
Get used to lengthy, FULL columns you lazy twats. Columns about nothing with NO redeeming value. Sort'a like this insane business that made you come here to begin with
This is Hyatte
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