The Midnight News
They love seeing themselves in print
You're like a cartoon character but in real life. Wonderful. What a big bad man you are. Now that I've emailed you back you wont be able to resist to write back to me again. It never fails. You're this big bad internet reporter who brought thousands of hits to a website (yeah, right) but you're still finding the time to respond to me. You're like a puppet with someone pulling the strings. Usually, someone that has so much going on with the thousands of hits and all wouldnt take the time to bother with someone like me. I mean, you have so many people that follow you right? Well, guess what? You wont be able to resist from responding to this email either. I KNOW you wont, Mr. big bad internet writer. Dude, seriously. Go away. Enough. This is getting old already.
Chris Hyatte, you are an embarrassment to the business. Nobody will by ad space on doi...Hyatte, just go away. Nobody misses you.
Big time, long time haters... who can't HELP but read me... I'm good like that. They're reading now... hello, bitches! Can't click away can you. Nope. I win.
Make your columns longer, asshole. What am I paying you for?
You are paying me for the wit, the wit just happens to call in sick a lot.
Sad part is, I've been paid by people with goofier names than "Paradolex"... sounds like a lame, knock-off watch... you know, the kind Frank Goodman gives the boys in lieu of payment.
I'm Chris and this the Midnight News. Where was I for the last two weeks? All I can say is Whoops! Screwed up, got in over my head, and had to prioritize for a week. The less dramatic reason is I had a busy week.
I'll make it up with a nice string of uninterrupted columns. You'll be happy. Okay? Good. Enough small talk... let's get to it
TO EVERYTHING... TURN, TURN, TURN, TURN
The theme being, of course, changes are coming....
The list so far....
Stacey Keibler: in the midst of crossing over to mainstream and has no intention of looking back. In 6-8 weeks her contract will have run out.
Trish Stratus: That 30 year old body (and a female body with no padding) has taken 6 years worth of abuse. She's running out of ring time and she knows it (see next segment)
Chris Benoit: Going to rehab his shoulder, tend to his ailing wife, and take his damn time doing it.
Randy Orton: Coming back, but a major basket case
Joey Mercury: Strike one
Chris Masters: Strike one
Chris Jericho: He's not coming back
The Undertaker: One, maybe two Wrestlemanias left in him
Kurt Angle: One bump away from being crippled, moved to ECW
Batista: Coming back but HIGHLY serious-injury prone
Rey Mysterio Jr: Knees are shot, will keep working becausr they need him but is risking serious damage
Shawn Michaels: Knees are shot too.
The Big Show: Major coronary waiting to happen
Edge: Talking about taking the Jericho "not-really-retiring-but-who-are-we-kidding?" extended time off to "recharge"
JBL: Major back injury, might never come back.
Melina: About to be fired if her attitude doesn't improve.
Hardcore Holly: Apparently very close to being dead, career might be over
Eddie Guerrero: Apparently very close to being dead, career might be over
Booker T: Been talking about quitting for two years, currently the best thing on Smackdown today and knows it.
Lita: Always getting badly injured
Kane: Stated firmly that he's done on '07
These are top stars in the WWE (well, most of them), and the list is going to grow...
Then we have the ECW crew, all those.... umm.... heavy partiers who are looking at having their workload double from 2001. All of them 5 years older.
We also have TNA, that offers good money for a limited schedule and no one down there is complaining over the work-rate and waistlines of these former WWE'ers.
I don't know, do YOU see enough replacements? I mean, sure, Cena is good to go for a few more years and... well, Carlito...
No way in HELL Lashley's going to pass the piss test, if it's legit...
The SPIRIT SQUAD!!... Don't forget about them!
FINLAY.... well... ummm...
And by the way, what's with the outrage over Finlay's new "Leprechaun"?... this is the SAME COMPANY that thought the Legion of Doom needed a puppet to get them over. This isn't revolutionary concepts of idiocy, kids... Vince has been greenlighting childish gimmicks for DECADES.
Who else? CM Punk? I am thinking they hired him JUST to keep him nice and buried... he's got more enemies than friends in the front office, my friends.
So what's the point? Well, amid all this... amid all these old stars dropping like flies... amid drug tests that WILL be eliminating more and more people as time goes on (unless it's rigged)... amid a MAJOR time in the company's history where the old guard is fast sinking and the new guard can't keep up... Vince McMahon does what ANY insane, success-driven owner would do...
He starts a third brand, brings in stars of his first two brands, and doubles everyone's workload... MORE trips to Europe... MORE PPVs... MORE off-weekend TV specials...
THEN, just to REALLY fuck around, he increases the pay per view costs by $5... which will LOWER the pay-offs...
The next two years WILL BE the most fascinating period in this company's history... MORE than the "Monday Night War"...
Can't wait to see it unfold. Can't wait to see ECW accomodate the Sci Fi fans by busting out the Alien gimmicks too.
THE KEIBLER ELVES
Call her the Pied Keibler, for she is leading the Divas out of wrestling.
You know, it was always pretty obvious the the Rock was a little bit beyond just rasslin', but whoever would've thought Stacy Keibler was the Diva who actually stood the best shot of crossing into mainstream...
(and let's face it, neither Rena Mero nor Chyna ever stood a chance, they were just fooling themselves)
Stacy Keibler danced for a few weeks on national network TV and won herself 15 minutes of non-WWE sanctioned fame... how she uses it remains to be seen.
But one thing is for certain... I promise you... I GUARENTEE YOU... that the locker rooms are FULL of workers who are seething with jealousy... and who KNOW that they are MUCH MORE able to fully crossover than Stacy.
Candice and Maria are already making noise about doing (WWE) films... for starters...
But the first... the first BIG attempt to follow in Stacy's footsteps comes from the little Canadian darling herself... Trish Stratus.
This weekend, Trish hosted something called "The Canadian Walk of Fame", which apparently is a HUGE DEAL....
No, really... apparently, Canadians need to remind themselves that they are Canadians so they honor Americans Canadians who left the country for American fame... sort of like offering them an award if they come home for a night...
Anyway, Stratus is no fool, she seized the opportunity (habit with her) and went NUTS with it... costume changes, glamorous designer gowns, a full-out Canadian media blitz the week preceeding the event... and BARELY in that blitz did she mention the WWE.
The newspapers did, she didn't... not much, anyway.
And ON the show, she did what was called a HUGE song and dance production number...
A WWE Diva dancing.... sound familiar.
Of course, THIS time around, the WWE cameras were there in FORCE... they ain't letting THIS Diva stray too far. Nope...
Oh, and at one point Stratus went for the headlines by planting a big kiss on Pam Anderson. I'm a little shaky on just how popular Pam Anderson is these days... even Meltzer noted that this wasn't exactly "Britney/Madonna"... but rest assured you'll see it on Raw tonight.
So even though it was in Canada... and all Internet news sources dealing with entertainment spent their Sunday talking about the MTV Movie Awards that were filmed ON THE SAME NIGHT (way to go, Canada)... Trish made her biggest attempt yet to EXPLODE out of the confines of the WWE and into.... wait for it... MAINSTREAM!!
She's going for the crossover before our very eyes, people.
My theory, she'll always have a HUGE career in Canada. The states.... I don't know. She's also talking about making movies... and whoever her agent is deserves a raise.
And do you think she was chanting, "Fuck Stacy, Fuck Stacy, FUCK STACY" while she sang, danced, and made out with Pam Anderson? Of COURSE she did.
She's a smart cookie... knows where her bread is buttered, too. Look out for a WWE.com interview within the week where she talks about how mucvh fun hosting the show was, but how her heart is still into wrestling!
All lies, she's looking to get out. They all are.
How mainstream is she going? Put it this way, the Trish Stratus IMPOSTER I sometimes talk to has blocked me on AIM AND shut down her g-mail account... even SHE is going for more famous chumps to con.
Anyway... let's have a little fun at Canada's expense...
THINGS OVERHEARD AT THE CANADIAN WALK OF FAME AWARDS SHOW
-"How's it going, eh?"
-"Take off, you hoser"
-"Who's the stubby blonde?"
-"How on EARTH can Tom Green be too busy to host this?"
-"Whaddaya mean Tom Green was unavailable, eh? The bloody sook hasn't worked for years!"
-"GREAT THUNDERIN' JEEZUS... Pammy got old!"
-"Where's the beer, eh?"
-"Alex Trebek is getting a star! This will put our country on the map, eh."
-"Where's Bill Shatner?"
-"Someone know the Hockey scores?"
-"Hey look! Geddy Lee is parking our cars, eh! HEY GEDDY, HOW'S IT GOING, EH!"
-"Oh Pam, oh Pam... look at what America has done to yous, eh."
-"A bloody WRESTLER? That's the best we can do?"
-"Why do you call it CHIN HOOK when it's pronounced "shinook" IT'S A FREAKIN' MERCAIN!!! GET 'IM, EH!"
-"When's Scooter Keith's new book coming oot, eh?"
-"It's 50 degrees outside, eh! Thank GOD for Summer!"
And so it goes...
Last thing, since I'm in the mood
-What's long, (CANADIAN) and smelly?
The welfare line.
-How is a (CANADIAN) like an apple?
They both look best hanging from a tree
-Why don't sharks eat (CANADIANS)?
They mistake them for whale shit
-When you hear "HO DE DO, HO DE DO" what do you do?
Hold the elevator door opened for the late (CANADIAN)
-Why don't (CANADIANS) like Country Music?
Cuz when they hear HO DOWN, they think a sister's been shot.
-What's the difference between a pizza and a (CANADIAN) ?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
-Why do (CANADIANS) wear hats?
So they know which end to wipe
-Why don't (CANADIANS) have freckles?
They always slide off
-How do you stop 5 (CANADIANS) from raping a white girl?
Throw them a basketball hockey puck.
-What's the American dream?
That all the (CANADIANS) swim back to Africa!
-Yes, but what's the REAL American dream?
That they carry a black under each arm.
Ahhhh.... horrible, HORRIBLE racial humor.... I'm ashamed.... Canadians are nice.
Anyway, enjoy Stratus while you can... as soon as a spot in Hollywood opens up... she's OUTTA THERE!
THE INDY SLUMLORD: PART 2
I guess, in my absense, Fat Neck Frank Goodman waited all of two hours before posting a ASS RIPPING response.... and apparently he USED CAPS again.
In a nutshell, he reiterated all the things he said before... I'm a Net mark and when he sees me on the street he's.... wait a sec... let me put it into his language...
THIS MARK IS A MARK AND WHEN I SEE HIM ON THE STREET IM GONNA SHOVE THINGS UP HIS ASS IN FRONT OF HIS GIRLFRIEND AND BILLY FIREMARK AND CARMINE AND A WHOLE BUNCH'A OTHER WRESTLERS NO ONE KNOWS BUT IM GONNA FUCK HIM UP.
All I can say is.... ooookay....
You're not going to see me on the street, Fatneck... and this Internet Mark is now the only reason people outside the tri-state area might now know your name. The only problem is you aren't painting yourself in a good light.
But that's not the important thing... what matters is that Fatneck had to get his "heat back"... that's a term that people "in the business" use. He had to cut a second "promo" on me so he could get his "heat back".
And it hardly matters that he's hardly IN the business... it's all about getting his "heat back".
DOESN'T MATTER that he looks and writes like a 44 year old retard she has to hop on top of his old lady to pay for his 3 hour self-jackoff rasslin' matches... so long as he cuts his promo on me and gets his "heat back".
I must be getting old, because I don't care. He can have his "heat back". I'll just sit back and continue to be amused.
Man has an audience for the first time in his life and he doesn't know what to do with it. I never thought it was possible, but he's giving Jews a bad rep... as if they didn't have enough problems.
Oy. Your classic douchebag. He would've cut a promo on Christ as they were nailing him down. "I TOLD YOUS WHAT WUDDA HAPPEN IF I SAW YOU DOING THAT FERCOCKIN' PREACHIN'! CAN ENNYUN FLIP HIM OVER SOES I CAN STICK A HODDOG UPIZ TUSHY?? HURRYUP N DIE ALREADYS I GOTTA GO TO THE GYM AND WORK MY BIS"
Speaking of whacky religious beliefs.... Tuesday is 06/06/06... which means SOMEONE couldn't keep their legs closed in October (or maybe Satan put a hole in the rubber) and PLOP... now we have the AntiChrist to deal with.
Don't worry, Fatneck Goodman has the promo all set...
"YOUS STOOPID DEBBIL SPAWN WHEN I SEES YOUS ON THE STREET IM GONNA SLICE OFF YOUR SIXY SIXSIX BIRTMARK AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR TUSHY IN FRONTA YER GIRLFRIEND! YER MARK IS NOTHING BUT A MARK FER YERSELF! ILL RAM MY FIST UPYER BODYGUARD DOGGY DOBERMEN PISHER'S TUSHY AND MEGGIM PLAY DEAD! I CAN OUTBENCH THE DEBBIL!"
Frank Goodman: on a one man crusade to keep wrestling as white trash as it can be.
THE WORLD ACCORDING TO FLEA
Whenever we talk, I can always count on Flea to give his opinions on just about anything.
So, I decided to grab a pen and paper and start jotting down his thoughts. Everyone likes Flea.
The following is 100% true... more or less:
WHERE DOES FLEA STAND ON...
...Catcher in The Rye?
Burn it. They should burn every copy. That and the Bible. It's an evil book. Look at all those assholes who identify with it then go out and kill Lennon. No good came out of that book. Salinger better stay hidden, he oughtta be ashamed of himself. They should burn him alive with his books. Fuck him.
A FUN FACT THAT WILL MAKE YOU LOOK SMARTER
*The people who wrote the Bible thought the world was flat*
And just like that, you're smarter than you were three seconds ago
Hyatte LIVES to inform.
KEVIN NASH IS BETTER THAN YOU
Since day one, Kevin Nash has been shat on by Internet marks everywhere. Well.... enough is ENOUGH!
This isn't going to change a damn thing, but I'm doing it anyway. Someone has to point out the obvious, SOMEONE has to defend the big guy, SOMEONE has to show the WRESTLING WORLD that Kevin Nash... maybe the greediest, laziest, sneakiest wrestler who ever lived, deserves a HEARTY round of applause... not for thumbing his nose at those who actually WORKED in the ring, but for doing it and getting rich at the same time. He IS the American dream... all 7 feet of him.
But is he better than YOU, John Q. Workrate? Bet'cha ASS he is... Why?
Kevin Nash Is Better Than You Because...
He doesn't wrestle. Someone else does and he makes ALL THE MONEY!
THIS HAS BEEN "KEVIN NASH IS BETTER THAN YOU" STARRING KEVIN NASH, WRITTEN, DIRECTED, AND PRODUCED BY CHRIS HYATTE. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Let's face it, it's the dream fucking gig!
THE IMPACT MOP-UP:
Didn't watch it. So instead...
ACROSS THE BOARDS
How this works is I spent the last week scouring all sorts of various wrestling message boards (not the DOI one, tho') and pulled various posts. It's your eway of very easily seeing WHAT IS ON THE MINDS OF WRESTLING FANS WORLDWIDE!!
It also reminds us all of just how geeky y'all are...
I do not CREDIT the boards or who wrote what. One time, a while ago, someone actually suggested that I should... his reasoning was that I was bordering oin actual copyright infringment... oh did I have a laugh on that.
Actual comments from actual losers... etc etc etc
"Al Issacs was online before Ryder was. His website was the real first insider wrestling website out there."
"i wanted to know if anyone knew if there was a wrestling website that was similar to the metal sludge site, that tells you the uh...pants sizes of the wrestlers. by the way i am a chick"
"Chyna has the biggest of whatever you're asking."
"Here's how Bob Ryder 'revolutionized' the way wrestling was reported on the internet: Every day he called the Wrestling Observer Hotline, then transcribed the news Meltzer had gathered through his own hard work item for item without attribution. Ryder didn't even have the decency to pay the 99 cents per minute the hotline cost. He illegally used a backdoor code to access the hotline. I know, because I worked on that hotline. I used to listen to the day's report, then go online to read Ryder's rip off. This went on for years. When I discussed this with him face to face he blamed Dave Scherer."
"I was inspired to do this thread after reading WORLD WRESTLING INSANITY at Borders. Good God, this book was the worst book I have ever read IN MY LIFE. Never has a book made me so mad that I feel like writing a letter to the author telling him how much he fucking sucks. Obviously, I won't do that but the author writes like a total tool. He basically analyzes every little thing to the point that there would be no fun in watching wrestling. For example, he was talking about the HHH/Batista storyline and how HHH was burying Batista by making Batista look foolish. He said that Batista's choosing as to who he was going to fight in WM was so painfully obvious that it made Batista look like a dumbass. He then started how Randy showed a video of that HHH/Batista/Orton moment at the EC match at New Years Revolution and then went on rambling saying "WHHY COULDNT ANY THE WRESTLERS TELL HIM AFTER THE MATCH? DO WRESTLERS NOT WATCH THEIR OWN MATCHES?" Not when they're live, dip shit. The author acts like wrestling is real sport. It hasn't even been like that for a long long time. It's more of a soap opera then anything and that angle was entertaining. The book is only about Hunter burying wrestlers like Benoit, Goldberg, Nash, Steiner, Jericho, Shelton, Orton, Booker, and Batista. And it also shows some horrible photoshop pictures of HHH with other wrestlers. It's just not funny and the author acts like a total tool and a mark. Sorry, I just had to let that out. It wouldn't surprise me if he would be lurking around this board."
"World Wrestling Insanity seriously looks and sounds like the worst book ever written on the topic of professional wrestling. Guys like this idiot who think they know so much backstage stuff are what is absolutely destroying wrestling. This guy makes Scott Keith look like Walt Whitman."
"The funny thing about Guttman's shitty book is that he uses Terry Funk quotes to back up his claims and statements about the WWE. The thing is that Terry Funk makes really wild comparisons in his quotes and makes no fucking sense what so ever. Not a good thing if you want to prove your case even more. There's nothing insider about this book. I was reading the reviews at Amazon. Just amazing."
"A stoner that's not motivated? I'm shocked! Shocked!!"
"RVD has never been fundamentally sound. His transitions are awkward, his punches suck, and unless he can potato people with kicks they look bad too. He's just not tailored to make it in a traditional wrestling setting. "
"ECW needs the Yeti!"
"I remember when the Ortons burned the casket with Taker in it and they were showing some crowd reactions and some people were crying."
"They were crying because it was retarded and they didn't want to be there anymore"
"I just want an episode of the new ECW set in the old bingo hall where the Ghost Hunters are brought in to deal with Public Enemy. Or they could always rip-off FANTASIA by having all the tables, ladder, chairs, etc come to life and declare war on the wrestlers."
"My asshole brother says 'wrestling insults his intelligence.' His favorite show is Jackass, is whats pathetic."
"Goldust looked great in the ring Monday. He really looks like he's busting his ass these days. I like it, and I wouldn't mind a Goldust push. Not at all."
"GO SHITTY WRESTLING!!! Lawler probably agreed to this match as long as Taz doesn't use any suplexes."
"I think 'Runt' should just retire and go back to being a Teacher. He doesn't provide anything to the company outside of bumping like a pinball for big guys, which TNA isn't exactly full of."
"she has very flexible vagina lips"
"Non-mask Kane is such a fag."
"People forget why Christian came to TNA. He had a choice. He wanted the lighter schedule and a good paycheck. In other words, He wanted to being lazy. Add a few pounds, extend an injury, work a couple passable PPV matches and return to his same spot in WWE in 16 months."
"'Whamo? He really did just say that, didn't he? Wow. Just...wow."
"You know who I miss? Isaac Yankem. And that second Diesel..."
"If a manager, like Scotty D, can apply the world's best finishing manouver, the Canadian Destroyer, as effectively as he has in the past, exposing the simple nature of the most devastating finisher in modern pro wrestling history, well. Oh, MY opinion is he sucks goat milk from tiger teats, and has no place near a wrestling ring without carrying refreshments on a tray. Other than that he's the best managing figure in TNA at the moment."
"If you like Scott D'Amore, you're a chump."
"I'm a big Lashley mark. Any dude who's like insanely big, has wicked power moves, and pyros in his entrance is a safe candidate to get over in the Diggity household."
"Paul Birchill owns on the mic lol. He's just a well-spoken Pirate man. Don't hate the PIRATE. DONT HATE THE PIRATE!!!"
"Kenny is going to be a big star without question. Himself and Mikey seem to be the standout mebers of the group. I can't look at Mikey without cracking up"
"Amazing. They can jack up the price by $10 but the quality of the product will stay the same."
"I really think that it hurts TNA and makes them look second rate when they hire WWE midcard talent and they go straight to the top. It makes you think 'hey wasn't this guy just in the midcard on Raw why is he the champion here'"
"Scott Steiner has been on a tear since coming into TNA. The Impact Zone literally looks TERRIFIED of him. What a great man."
"Maybe I should try calling publishers and telling them that I watched wrestling from 1997 to 2003. I'm pretty sure I'd get a six-figure book deal."
"That'd be funny if Jeff Katz wrote a book: My Year on the WCW Hotline."
"CM Punk's been a mixed bag in OVW. For one, all the talk about the brilliance that would occur when Punk and Heyman got together has been just that...talk. If anything, his booking in OVW has been far far worse than it ever was in ROH. His character is unclear, we don't know his motives, and he has mostly worked as a tweener. His best in-ring work is character-based heel stuff, and he hasn't had a chance to do any of that. Instead he just seems to work technical matches with Albright, and they're little more than okay."
"I was there live, chanting right along with everybody, standing up for the final 45 minutes of the match because it was a fantastic match that nobody could sit for. Do you wanna punch me?"
"Cena is getting booed because he, quite obviously, is unable to connect to the crowd. He's supposed to be the baby face; he's supposed to have an arena full of people cheering for him, not a divided crowd where half the people hate him."
"Benoit has always seemed like he was the rarest of birds in that he is a pro wrestler who is not a jackass or a douchebag. I hope he retires and just chills for the rest of his life, maybe gets into training or something."
"OK- now I'm buying that the wellness programme is legit. What, you think Benoit's really taking leave to rest up 'nagging' injuries? Ha."
"So anyone without chiseled pecs has man boobs? What's your cup size? C or D?"
"I can see ref stoppages becoming the new version of tapping, in the sense that it gets incorporated into prowrestling on a regular basis. I just hope it's not overdone, moderation is key for something like that"
"And there is never enough hating on Russo, ever!"
"I once went to a wrestling show headlined by Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. Doink the Clown. And loved it."
"I'm currently loving the Booker T "waving and smiling to the fans" heel more than almost anything else on wrestling TV."
"That's unfair, Bob Ryder sucks plenty of dicks."
"Is it safe to say the TNA roster (as a whole not how they are utilized) is better than Smackdown "
"I don't care who Melina manages as long as she stops screaming "
"Do me a favor.. Go ahead and Google it if you need to. Go through your old tapes and DVDs if you must. But your assignment is to give me Christian's Top 10 Matches that DON'T involve any sort of combination of tables, ladders, and/or chairs. Get on it, posthaste."
"All I can think of is that commercial Booker T did... 'MMM MMM MM CORN N PUDDIN'!!!'"
"I'm going to buy the book on clearance, shit on it, set it on fire, and send it back to him express mail. It will be worth the cost"
"Keller, Mitchell and Ryder arguing over killing kayfabe is a moot point since it was Vince McMahon who killed kayfabe by coming out and admitting everything was predetermined."
"If the girl at Burger King messed up your order every time, after about three times you'd stop eating there... unlike some people on this forum who bitch about how poor WWE and TNA's shows are, then line right up and tune right in whenever the next one starts. Analogies sure are nifty."
"YEAH I'D BET YOU WOULD LIKE TO RIB MICHAEL COLE. AND BY 'RIB' I MEAN 'NAIL'. AND BY 'NAIL' I MEAN 'HAVE ANAL INTERCOURSE'. PERVERT"
"RVD has botched moves in every match he's been in since his return. HBK was out for years and didn't have this sort of ring rust. I'll admit it's mostly because he's doing so many moves that are dependent on quick flips etc, but that's mostly because his intervening moves are so poor. "
"I'd love to see Cole argue with the smarks. 'HEY, HEY LISTEN FUCKHEAD!'"
"I think just about everyone likes Cena. It's the dashing avenger Super Wigger a few people aren't huge fans of."
"Sorry it offends your WASPy sensibilities dogg, but Cena's a wigger."
"Actually, you are mistaken. The true meaning of the term 'wigger' is derived from Victorian times where the upper class frequently wore luxurious wigs. The word 'wigger' was used by commoners as an insult to people who put on airs, thought themselves to be something they were not or behaved in a way that was deemed 'above their station'. In modern times, people have adopted the term to describe 'white' people who take on the style, mannerisms, language or culture of 'black' people, essentially trying to appear as something they are not. It's a derogatory term but you shouldn't really be offended by it's usage unless it is directed at you or you happen to be Victorian nobility..."
"lol YOU GUYS SO BRAINWASHED, ME SUCH A SILLY CHINAMAN!"
"I actually read that Nitro has heat for spending more time with Melina than the rest of the locker room. It supposedly upset some locker room 'leaders'. What a bunch of gay boys bitching and moaning because Nitro spends more time with his girlfriend than 'the boys'. I thought these were grown men. Guess I was wrong Besides, doesn't JBL already have enough rookies to soap up in the shower? And can someone enlighten me as to just how Batista had time to copulate with Melina when he has a wife recovering from ovarian cancer and two daughters???"
"A big scary black man speaking calmly about how he's going to suplex you into the dirt would instill more fear than some dumb fuck yelling any day."
"Punk is indeed the most blatant spot-caller in the business since Sean Waltman. It's not just that match, he does it pretty often. That very well may be one of the reasons why HHH, Arn, etc. are down on him."
"Melina always looks like she knows a secret about you, probably that she knows what you're about to go do."
"Its funny that I haven't seen one Spirit Squad main-event yet. I tune out when it comes."
"Jesus f*cking Christ. Do you think they are intentionally trying to put out a bad product and will not suddenly make it better due to the price going up (BY FIVE DOLLARS)? What the hell is going through your head when you say things like that? You're such a bunch of whiners. If you don't like the price they charge, don't buy it. End of discussion."
"I was gonna get One night stand, now I'm not, thats ridiclous. 40 dollars! F*ck that."
"You guys are a bunch of negative nancies. I'm just going to go into kayfabe mode and mark out like a little girl"
"Hey, you bunch of old biddies, take your gossiping somewhere else! Jeeeshh"
And... I'm done.
Next week.... I'll be here... and isn't there a PPV o Sunday? I'll watch it... oh yeah, it's ECW... I'll get it.
I'll be doing a nice run of columns now. Shit has been sorted, bail has been made, I've got nothing but time to make fun of Fatneck Goodman. With his bitch tits. Good times ahead!
This is Hyatte