The Midnight News 11.29.04
hyatte | November 28, 2004 | Archive | 0 Comments
Chris, You’ve lost it. You appear to be more out of touch with wrestling fans than Vince McMahon. I think they’re more TNA and ROH fans out there than you think. First off, regarding your ROH “CoughGoingBrokeHack” comment. Did you get this information from the fact they have the highest gates, merchandise, and website traffic in company history? Or did you get this from the fact that they’re spending money to bring in Mick Foley, Jushin Lyger, Ricky Steamboat, Jim Cornette, and Bobby Heenan? I suggest you actually watch the product before you attempt to bash the company to your readers who might actually want to hear encouraging things about real wrestling besides the crap that the WWE puts out. Their wrestling is realistic, hard-hitting, innovative, and actually gets the crowd seriously interested in the outcome of each match.
Regarding TNA; I have followed the company since its inception and it has definitely has had it’s fair share of problems, but am I the only one that notices that the WWE has introduced 20 new wrestling moves in the last 4 years? Every match in the WWE is predictable, dull, and uninspired. At least TNA does not restrict their talent’s natural wrestling ability. I watch TNA solely for the X-Division wrestlers, Raven, Abyss, AMW, and Monty Brown. I pay to see TNA’s product because I personally find these wrestlers to be more entertaining and innovative than the majority of WWE’s roster.
If you don’t watch the product that these two companies are putting out, fine, but don’t try to put them down every chance you get. I have followed your work for a long time and I am sad to see what you have become. What happened to when you were a good writer? Not some hack who childishly writes about getting head like its the first time he has ever gotten it.
1) It was never… EVER my intention to be “in touch with wrestling fans”… ever. Wrestling fans are idiots who either don’t know shit or know shit and bitch about what they know. I’m in touch with ME… period. I touch myself several times a day, in fact… and occasionally, someone joins in… someone joined in last week, in fact… booya!
2) ROH ain’t paying it’s regular staff because they have been dumping money into the big stars
3) Fuck TNA.
4) How many wrestling moves SHOULD the WWE introduce? And PLEASE keep in mind that these moves can’t be too dangerous because right now, they need every star they have healthy and ready to work the houses.
5) How many new wrestling moves CAN be introduced? Aren’t we pretty much fresh out?
6) You want a WWE wrestler introducing new moves ALL THE TIME? Then watch Trish Stratus. It seems that she busts out something new in her arsenal once every 6 months. Is it a wonder I scream about this girl? She’s ALWAYS improving her game.
7) Good head DOES feel like the first time. And if the head YOU’RE getting isn’t eliciting that sort of feeling, then you should show her a few porn movies and let her learn from the pros.
Fuck you Hyatte!!!
You are so f*ckin’ annoying with your writing. It reminds me of Mark Madden back when he was doing Nitro commentary. You think you are so hip and cool because you are not a mark, a smart fan or whatever. You are irritating to read, you are a clueless jerk. And you are NOT funny. You think you know everything about WWE and wrestling but you know absolutely SHIT! That’s right, you know absolutely SHIT!
The Puder/Kurt Angle situation. If you actually watched Smackdown, The crowd in that arena immediately began chanting, “UFC, UFC,UFC…” So they Obviously wanted to see Danny Puder versus Kurt Angle. They Turned on the the WWE product and cheered for a UFC guy. And when the Bullshit pin gave Angle the win, the crowd turned against the ending. So what the Fuck do you know. You don’t speak for me or anyone of us in the wrestling IWC. By the way, 411wrestling is a 100x’s better without you punk ass!
Hyatte, You don’t know your ass from you elbow!
I dare you to print this e-mail on your next article, BITCH!
Oh right… like I’m gonna fall for such an OBVIOUS trick to post this. Hey pal, I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU to stop capitilizing every third or fourth word at random intervals!! BITCH!!
Bitch at Widro to get you an RSS feed ÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¢?? of the big three, youÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¢??re the only one left out. I only come to IP through RSS feeds from Eric and Scott ÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¢?? if they can create one for FUCKING TELEVISION SHOWS, IÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¢??m sure they can come up with one for The King.
What’s an RSS feed and why should I care?
I don’t think that your insensitive comments regarding ODB during his families time of mourning were warranted. You called him a moron like you know the brother or even got a chance to talk to him. So before you make your assine comments, gain more knowlege on the subject you are talking about. Whenever a rock guy commits suicide or suffers an untimely death, the hip hop community never makes insensitive and callaus comments like the rock community makes about our fallen artists. When Tupac died, you were saying that he wasn’t any good anyway. When Biggie died you applauded that a former smalltime crack dealer finally got what was coming to him. You don’t live in our community, you don’t come from the same streets and were educated in the same schools but yet you can make comments about one of our own like you know us and our culture. ODB was from the streets of Brooklyn taught in NYC publis schools, was on welfare and public assistance for most of his life but I guess that someone like you wouldn’t know a thing about stuggle. You grew up in a nice house with both of your parents and had every advantage we ghetto kids do not have right off the bat. I don’t care how small your houses were, try living in the projects with no heat, roaches and rats everywhere. So before you make your coments on how much of a moron ODB is and how his death isn’t ranked up there in this list of musical heros that you’ve compiled take a chance and think of how the man grew up. Cobane, Elvis, and Lennon are NOTHING in the hip hop world compared to ODB.
ODB was a moron with bad teeth. He got to bone Mariah Carey. World’s better off without him.
Who are you writing for now ? Man I miss your recaps… Thanx…
First of all, they were MORE than just… just RECAPS… they were called the Mop-Ups. Second of all, I haven’t done a steady bunch of Mop-Ups in YEARS… Third of all, I miss them too, don’t blame me, blame the bottom dropping out on the product I used to Mop-Up. Fourth of all, I still write for this site… theoretically.
Fifth of all, please try to remember that our spoecial little friend the comma was invented for a reason.
Hey Spellcheckers, I’m Chris and this is the Midnight News Alpha. Last week I bagged out for no real good reason and believe me, I feel really, really bad about it… well, not even a little, to be honest… but oh well. Let’s roll…
Did you know that this coming Thursday marks the one year anniversary of And Another Thing: The Taking of Triple H, maybe one of the most talked about piece of net bullshit since…. well, since anything?? Well, you got some free time this week and there isn’t anything else going around online (there NEVER is)… read it again, ask yourself what has changed over the past year.
And, since it’s been a year, isn’t it time I do ANOTHER “And Another Thing”? Isn’t it time for And Another Thing: Independance on a Saturday Night? Isn’t it time for another HUGE promotional blitz where I spend precious column time raving about it’s brillaince? Oh you better BELIEVE that, boy!
I’m aiming for the first of the year on that one… and, beleive it or not, I plan on doing a COUPLE of AAT’s next year… sort of my farewell year…. or maybe not… depends… all I know for sure is that I have a lot more years behind me than I do in front of me in this IWC world… it all depends on a couple of things coming together.
Oh, and while you’re at it, read Flea’s NEW column. Yes it’s NEW… Flea called me three times in three days to remind me to plug this for you all. Look, it’s FLEA… waaaaaay more fun to read than Dave Scherer.
Where does Flea find the time? He’s ALWAYS too busy calling all my women.
THE MIDNIGHT NEWS’ WRESTLERS OF THE WEEK
Oh why not… not like I got a ton of REAL news to gab on about…
TOP WRESTLERS OF LAST WEEK:
Raw: Chris Jericho – Not sure why, but the man has agreed to be Batista’s personal bitch for the last few months. Jericho is the sole reason Batista is moving up the ladder. Every few weeks Y2J pretends to be knocked completely unconscious by the dude. Something no one else will allow. And the thing is, Jericho doesn’t have to KEEP doing it. The guy is over, he’s set. He can say, “Can’t someone else do this job for once?” But he doesn’t, and Batista better name his first born after the Canadian sumbitch!
Smackdown: Kurt Angle- Kurt is doing what he does best, swatting around rookies and no-names and having the time of his life doing it. I still say he’d twist that Puder kid so tight he’d be able to eat out his own rectum.
TNA: Dusty Rhodes – Dusty becoming the main booker changes nothing about TNA, but it’s nice to see the old hick still had one good political powerplay left in him! Hell, I would’a never expected the Dream to pull this out!
ROH: Isn’t this just Backyard Wrestling with a roof?
There are yer your performers of the week!
HART BROKEN NO MORE
Word on the street is that Bret Hart got married to some Italian babe in a secret ceremony…
However, the ceremony wasn’t without some problems…
According to eyewitnesses, the Pastor cut off Bret mid-vow and shouted, “OKAY, YOU’RE HUSBAND AND WIFE!!! PLAY THE ORGAN, PLAY THE ORGAN!!”
When Bret realized that there were no vows, no kiss, no ring exchange, he got mad and spit at the priest, then knocked over the altar, punched a few altar boys, and yelled, “I’M JOINING THE JEWS!!! I’M NOW BRET HARTSTEIN!! Then he accused the Pastor of being Shawn Michaels homosexual lover.
Then Bruce Hart fell from the ceiling and crashed into the pews. No one knows why or how he got up to the ceiling in the first place, but Bret is currently blaming HHH for pushing him.
Then Teddy Hart tried to snort the wedding cake.
Then Goldberg came out of nowhere and kicked Bret in the balls… “I killed your wrestling career, now I killed your sex life!! HA HA HA HA!!!“
Later, on their Honeymoon, Bret had four strokes… his new wife was delighted at his stamina… “It’s cuz I can’t feel a damn thing, ya bloody hoser!” Bret yelled…
Poor Bret, no one knows what it’s like to get screwed better than him.
I KNOW WHAT YOU WATCHED LAST WEEKEND
Top five seven movies of the week, daddio!!
1) National Treasure: $33 million ($87.9 million total). Nick Cage is cool. No, I don’t care WHAT you say, Nick Cage is COOL. He’s the klin klan king of the rim ram room. I like Nick Cage, I’m sorry, but I do. Blow me. The man NEVER phones it in.
2) The Incredibles: $24 million ($214.7 million total). *Sigh… cartoons… oy vey.
3) Christmas With The Kranks: $22.7 million ($32 million total). You know… Tim Allen REALLY should have a bigger career than this… and does Jamie Lee Curtis have a cock? Wasn’t that the rumor going around?opening weekend.
4) The Polar Express: $20 million ($82.1 million total). The problem with this movie is that it’s yet ANOTHER meditation on the true meaning of Christmas. No one wants to be subjected to another touchy-feely essay on the true meaning of Christmas. Some of us just wants to sit quietly, wallow in self-pity, and be LEFT ALONE UNTIL THIS STUPID SEASON IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!
5) The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie: $17.8 million ($58.6 million total) A talking sponge for the love of Christ. Another cartoon makes big money. Was Craig T. Nelson the main voice in this flick too?
6) Alexander: $13.4 million ($21.6 million total). Wow… a bomb. Ollie Stone’s gonna be PISSED!
I’ve seen this flick! You want some notes? FINE!!
A- Angelina Jolie has NEVER looked hotter.
B- You can tell Val Kilmer was looking at Colin Farrel (sic) and saying, “Jesus Fuck, when did THIS clown start getting all my roles? When did I get so f*cking OLD??“
C- Alexander was a FAGOLAAAA
D- Aside from Requiem for a Dream, Jared Leto has carved himself out a nifty little career as nothing but a small bit player in major movies… he also has a MAJOR side gig as a Hollywood sex machine, banging his way through the whole damn town, it seems.
E- Rosario Dawson has… oh my God… INCREDIBLE tits…. INCREDIBLE…. huge… HUGE.
F- Oliver Stone paid Anthony Hopkins back for Nixon by giving him a teeny tiny role and then letting the old sod sunbath in Morrocco for 2 months.
G- If you can keep track of all these crazy names, you might enjoy this flick.
7) Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason: $6.7 million ($32.4 million total). Upon further investigation, I’ve come to the conclusion that Rene Zellwigger does NOT make an attractive fatty. Thank you.
That’s all I’ve got…
THE VIRGIN PORNO GODDESS
Something about Bobbi Billard bothers me.
This is her Live Journal, where she occasionally takes a break from her extremely busy schedule to touch base with her “fans”… to show everyone how “down to earth” she is… how ACCESSIBLE she is…
You remember Bobbi Billard, right? She bitched and moaned after the WWE told her to get out of their OVW training camp. She also hurt herself and, after some fussing, got the compnay to pony up to dough for treatment. That doesn’t bother me.
THIS bit of bullshit bugs me… please read the following:
Went to the Playboy Mansion for their Halloween party. I had a great time, as usual. This is the first party I’ve been able to attend since my Kentucky adventure and then my injury. I really missed that place! I went with Taylor Kennedy… Great girl! Saw Anna Nicole Smith there and I had drank enough liquid courage to go up and talk to her. I only wish I could remember what the f*ck I said to her, LOL!! I gave TK a little tour of the mansion and we tried to feed the monkeys. The monkeys must have been full because they were way too cool for the grapes we were trying to feed them. Oh and people were porking underwater in the grotto. I’ve never seen that going on before at any of the parties, surprisingly enough. Although, everyone thinks I am full of shit when I tell them that. Most people think that that place is one big sex fest. It’s not! I swear! I’ve gotten blasted with super-soakers in the grotto before but this was the first and only time I expect to see that other crap! I’m surprised that they got away with it. I thought that place had cameras everywhere with security diligently watching. Anyway, I really don’t remember much about the people porking in the grotto part of the night. It’s a big blur. Most of the night was, for that matter, but I do know that we (TK as Dorothy from Wizard of Oz and myself as the Cub Scout) rocked it hard, had a blast, and got home safe and sound in one piece. And I’m so glad that I made it through another party without breaking my ankle while navigating across the cobblestones in my 6 inch platform heels.
Listen to this lying little chicky…
Listen to this girl, with 38 DD’s, slutty blonde hair, and a bod built for anal act all SHOCKED that there was… porking at the Playboy Mansion… playing Miss Innocent for her “fans”.
You know, it’s one thing for big time celebrities to play up the “jes regular folk” act to appeal to the mainstream audience… it’s another thing for a full-out web-cam whore who nobody has ever heard of to pretend that all of her trips to the Playboy mansion are just filled with good, clean fun… FAMILY fun…
In other words, just once I’d LOVE it if one of these idiots would just admit, “Yup, while I had two cocks in my mouth some black dude slipped his sausage right up my poo hole… that was the BOMB“… but nooooo, her “fans” would be MORTIFIED
The girl has a little area where she puts up pictures taken from her phone… including one of Tom Greene…. of all the “stars” to namedrop…. she picks that guy.
Dime a dozen…. that’s all she is… and she’s proving why she deserves it.
But nevermind what I think… the real question is, what’s FLEA’S take on the situation?
THE WORLD ACCORDING TO FLEA
Whenever we talk, I can always count on Flea to give his opinions on just about anything. And those opinions are usually extremely fascinating to listen to. It also allows me to go to the toilet or something while he lectures on.
So, I decided to grab a pen and paper and start jotting down his thoughts. Everyone likes Flea.
The following is 100% true… more or less:
WHERE DOES FLEA STAND ON…
…Bobbi Billard’s bullshit Playboy story?
Jimmy Caan would have come in her face and then ordered her to get lost…the good old days.
Flea: A man who will find some reason to bitch about the way I plugged his columns
DOING LINES: CAUGHT ON FILM
I thought, oh Lord, I thought I would give y’all a special treat here… so enjoy these ten quick ones and then keep scrolling…
01): Why if I had half a chance, I could make an entire movie using this stock footage. The story opens on these mysterious explosions. Nobody knows what’s causing them, but it’s upsetting all the buffalo. So, the military are called in to solve the mystery.
You forgot the octopus.
No, no, I’m saving that for my big underwater climax.– Ed Wood
02): Back in the 60s I developed a weather-changing- machine, which was an essence to sophisticated heat-beam, which we called a “laser”. Using these “lasers” we punch a hole in the protective layer round the world, which we call “the ozone layer”. Slowly but surely ultra-violet-rays would poor in increasing the risk of skin cancer that is.. unless.. the world pays us a hefty ransom… Dr Evil
Hrmhrm, that already has happened.– Number 2
Shit.– Dr Evil: Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me
03): Who’d win in a wrestling match, Lemmy or God?
Wrong, dickhead, trick question. Lemmy IS God.– Airheads
04): Why do you say you feel trapped in a man’s body?
Well, sometimes I get the menstrual cramps, real hard.– Raising Arizona
05): They’re launching the XR-2300! You know what that is doctor?
The muffler bracket for the ’79 Pinto?
No, that’s the XR-2200. The 2300 is the lunar shuttle.– Airplane II: The Sequel
06): Would you describe, to the jury, what is on page 77 please, sir.
It’s a picture of Santa Claus.
What is Santa Claus doing?
He’s talking to Mrs. Claus and holding in his hand what appears to be a large erect penis.
And, would you read the caption under that cartoon, please.
Says, “This is what I’ve got to ho, ho, ho, about.”– The People vs Larry Flynt
07): This feels a little odd.
Dude, I’m the one in the stroller.
Did you just call me “dude?”
I mean, mommy.– Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star
08): You sound as though you liked him.
Well, if someone was out to shoot me, I think I could work up a reasonable dislike for him.
Ah, he’s just doing his job. You can’t hate a man for that.
Well, under the circumstances, I could try real hard!– Gunsmoke
09): I have terrible emotional problems, could you help me?
You’ve certainly picked a very odd time to ask me, I’m just in the middle of a suicide.– What’s New, Pussycat?
10): We’re from Wisconsin.
Yeah, and I’m from my dad’s penis. Get outta here!– The Adventures of Ford Fairlane
“I’m from my dad’s penis”… one wonders how Andrew “Dice” Clay managed to drop completely out of the public eye with high-tech comedy like that line
And just like I promised… a special treat…
A LIVE MIC = DANGER
Here are ten fast rasslin’ quotes for ya! Why not? You deserve it!
01): Virgil appears to have broken his hand– Sean Mooney
He probably got his hand caught in the cookie jar or a cash register.– Gorilla Monsoon: WWF TV ’89
02): I see you got a crew cut…and the crew never came back!– Scotty Anthony to a balding GWF announcer
03): Just because your breath smells like Cheetah, that ain’t no sign you’re Tarzan!– Troy “The Dream Machine” Graham
4) But, as I was walking down the streets of Toronto today! Looking at the blue skies and saying Hi to all the Torontonians! One thought popped into my head!– Jericho
Why am I here?– Bobby Heenan
05): Rick Steiner is so stupid, he once stayed up all night to study for a urine test.– Jim Cornette: NWA TV ’89
06): Juggalo Championshit Wrestling DIES tonight. My company, XPW, will rule wrestling from this day forward! You jackasses can jump aboard, or you can kiss my franchise ass!– Shane Douglas
JCW ain’t dyin’ tonight, the only thing dying is that hair: blonder and bleacher!– Violent J (not sure where this bullshit is from)
07): Jimmy Snuka stood up, 25 feet in the air, drove his knee through my ribs, but did I allow them to carry me out on a stretcher? NO! I got right up and walked out!– Don Muraco… breaking kayfabe without even realizing: WWF TV ’70’s
08): He’s the only man I know of who can hide his own easter eggs.– Bobby Heenan on Kerry Von Erich
09): The Bushwhackers are living proof that the Three Stooges had children– Gorilla Monsoon
10): Mick Foley, the only reason people bought your book was in hopes that you would die in the end!– Chris Jericho
And there you have it, a double bunch’a lightening quick quotes… feeling satisfied yet, or do I need to stroke yer friggin’ helmets some more? Yeah? I do? JESUS, YOU HORNY ASSHOLES…
Fine, here it comes, try not to shoot the gunk in my eye… and leave a few shekels on the dresser on your way out.
ACROSS THE BOARDS
One of the more popular occasional features in this column… this is where I troll across a few message boards and pull up some posts to give you readers a sense of exactly what John Q Asshole has to say about the state of wrestling and such.
I do not say WHERE I went to get these quotes… I USED to but some asshole once griped about not being given credit for “material”, which is amusing on SO many levels. However I will say that for this edition, I actually went to Scott Keith’s Live Journal and pulled some shit from people pissing all over… ME!?!?!?!
Why? Because SOMEONE ratted me out to Scott and told him I had all his passwords and was causing general havoc. Scott reported it and HOOBOY, did his troops rally!
(I have since explained to Scott what happened and all has been sorted and everyone’s happy… well, except for the RAT… but I’ll tell that story if and when I have to… which hopefully will be never… unless… oh nevermind)
So mixed in with the quotes are a few highly nasty shots at me from people without even a TASTE of my talent… FEH!! FEH ON YOU!
Oh, and a LOT of quotes pulled from the TORCH VIP SECTION!! WHICH IS A PAY SITE… WHICH I DON’T PAY FOR!! YOU HEAR ME, WADE KELLER??? I GET IN FOR FREE!!! FOR FREEEEEEEEEE AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA
Anyway… what are YOU talking about these days? The topics might surprise you… probably not, but MAYBE…
“Oh look, Maven’s wrestling… Time to see what else is on T.V.”
“I’m not jealous of every person ever who has more money than me. I’m 19. I’m in college. I rent an apartment. I wouldn’t have a lot of free time if I spent so much of my life actively hating people who are decades older than me and happen to have more money.”
“Hyatte is just friggin’ sad. Really, Insidepulse should just dump the guy, because the fact that this moron has any degree of respect or notoriety in the IWC just backs up critics claims that we’re all just a bunch of losers on our parent’s computers. I’ve tried to read his column a couple times and it’s totally laughable…from him obsessing over the WWE Divas like a kid from junior high who’s never touched a boob, to his “life-lessons” that anyone with any real life experience at all will tell you are crap, to his constant bragging about how big his e-cock is in the place of actually, you know, writing anything worthwhile. The *only* thing the guy has going for him is that he’s nuts and thus some people might still read him to see what he might sink to next. Without being ‘controversial’ (and really, who really gives a f*ck what dumbshit internet wrestling columnist A says about internet columnist B?) he’s got *nothing*, because he’s an abysmal writer.”
“3PW IS THE WORST INDY FED OF ALL TIME!”
“I was at Jasmine St Claires last show and there were more wrestlers backstage then paying fans.”
“Genius? That Edge is instead a sick, sick man who has warped me forever! Damn him and his Edge-o-sity!!!”
“Bradshaw Bradshaw Bradshaw…am i sold…YES!”
“I remember way back in 1988, Jack Tunney was the figurehead president of the WWF. Now my memory might have fuzzed out a detail or 4, but here goes. Tunney appeared on the Brother Love show and Bad News Brown came out. Brown just grabbed Tunney by his lapels and made him fall to the ground after complaining about his lack to title shots. It was treated as a huge deal by everyone because it hadn’t happened before and it got Brown over as a serious badass and threat to Randy Savage’s title. Nowdays it seems the comissioner, GM, or whatever is treated as a comedy role more often than not. No wrestler can get any rub nowdays like Brown did 16 years ago. Too bad.”
“I’ve never seen what everyone sees in Maven. He looks ordinary and wrestles ordinary.”
“His ridiculously thin eyebrows look cool though. Totally natural.”
“I think Hyatte has some sort of massive inferiority complex myself. He’s constantly trying to bring down IWC people, when he puts words in Vince’s mouth he’s always saying that we don’t know anything, that we should shut up, we couldn’t run the WWE…It’s just, he’s in some sort of self denial. I dunno, I’m not a trained psycho-analyst.”
“I’d probably mark out for Barry Horowitz coming out on RAW”
“Is Josh Matthews Smackdowns answer to RAWs Eugene?”
“God, that is just really funny. I can see Vince in his office on the phone going ‘THEY BROUGHT COOKIES?! THOSE BASTARDS!'”
“JBL is the f*cking champion. For FOUR MONTHS he’s been the champion, and he’s NEVER won a world title match by pinfall. Not when he won the title, not any time he’s defended the title. The WWE seemingly has zero faith in JBL as a main eventer, and yet… he’s the champion. There is no logic.”
“I pretty much quit watching SD!, but after watching Bradshaw on the debate, I realized that he is definitely a legit “Superstar.” that title is thrown around a lot these days to the point to where even someone like Gene Schnitsky (SP?) is considered one– but in my mind, a Superstar are those wrestlers who we’ll look back on and feel the wrestling world was better with. Bradshaw, that guy is a true Superstar. Viscera? Mark Henry? Steve Blackman? Bull Buchanan? Pete Gas? Johnny the Bull? are they Superstars? not as far as I’m concerned.”
“I used to love reading Hyatte in the Scoops days. I lost track of him for a while after Scoops went down, and then I saw him at his new site, and he had turned into everything he used to make fun of in the old days. The last I saw of Hyatte online was when Dusty the Cat eviserated him over and over, and I figured Hyatte had finally slunk off and retired for good. Apparently the online wrestling world wasn’t that lucky, huh?”
“He needs the money really bad. There’s another fake Bruno belt on E-Bay”
“When one wants to talk about pussies, we can talk about the one who has several times on this board said in whining crybaby fashion that he was leaving and wouldn’t post here anymore. That guy was gone more than two months. Of course like a bigger pussy, he want back on his word and has slunk back in here to post several times.”
“My favorite memory was when the Powers That Be forced Juvi to wrestle for his green card. Oh that crazy Russo”
“Why didn’t TNA bring in Luger ? I’d be much more interested in a Luger/Macho confrontation than Nacho/Huckster revisited.”
“Man, I don’t know what’s happened to Hyatte. He was a cool guy back in his Scoops days (he used to plug my site a lot, and it helped push many visitors my way), but man did he go nutzo!?! I really hope the guy gets help. Makes me want to change all my passwords just in case.”
“I’ve never quite understood Russo’s obsession with the ‘on a pole’ stip.”
“Look, Hyatte is a douchebag and is sorely lacking in creativity outside calling people names (oh, the irony), but this just doesn’t sound like his M.O. I mean, what he did to Scaia – having a friend seduce him into cybersex for the sole purpose of posting the transcript and humiliating him – is more up his alley. One thing we all know is that Hyatte cannot resist bragging about the shit he pulls on other IWC writers, so I’m not entirely sure what he would be going for in this case. The Hyatte we all read every week (when he gets off his lazy ass and posts) would be gloating for weeks on end about pulling something like this, even if he had to speak in code to do it. I read Hyatte all the time and haven’t picked up on any I-hate-Keith ravings as of late. But like all of you, I’m not privvy to the Hyatte-Keith “feud” (Scott has done a great job of taking the high road), so who knows. If this is in fact true and can be proven, then I suggest either Hyatte needs to leave Inside Pulse, or Scott needs to take his writing talents elsewhere.”
“I am sick and tired of RAW. I am sick and tired of HHH. I wish Hollywood would call on him and put him in a star of some stupid movie just ot get him off camera for a few weeks. his stroke over the programming of RAW is so ridiculous that it makes me want to watch ANYTHING but RAW. I find myself flipping so much more now than ever. And if you do not see what is coming down the bend, you are nuts”
“Maven may well be the best booker RAW’s ever had.”
“I don’t like spotfests because they just look so sloppy. I like high flying action packed matches but spotfests tend to destroy the sport’s believability.”
“Eh. Any respect I may have had for Hyatte was lost when he wrote an entire book (on-line) devoted to making fun of Scott Keith. I mean, I can see a one-liner here or there. Maybe even a whole column if you have that much free-time. But a BOOK?!?!? Seriously, Hyatte, get a girlfriend or something.”
“Plain mental. He’s always been an unoriginal shock-value-in-place-of-content goob.”
“I haven’t seen a good harcore match in the indies at all . I think hardcore is dead.”
“Shut up you faggots I’ll f*ck 14 year olds and still sell videos to marks that don’t care about pedos Now someone shove a cock up my ass-PLEASE!”
“As far as Jasmin, can’t a girl do a few thousand pornos and not be a slut.”
“It sounds interesting to me. I’d pay to see it. Roddy’s jokes are old, sure, but as soon as the first heckler rags on wrestling, Roddy will pull down his pants and show the scar on his hip like he did on Politically Incorrect. I think he should start the act with some of his zingers from They Live.”
“I wonder how they’ll top this signing. The only guy I know more bland than Chilly Willy is Rusty Brooks. I would have said Michael Cole, but they already have him.”
“A professional and well-established organization would have brought soda and pie.”
“BTW, is it just me or is Trish just making me ooze with sympathy with that face shield? She is just awesome as a heel. Lita was a total bitch doing that to Molly and Trish. What a slut.”
“Right, because RF is the only gay guy in the wrestling business. Well newsflash dumbass, you’re favorite wrestler is probably taking it in the ass right as you read this.”
“THAT FREAKIN LOSER GABE SAPOLSKY HAS BEEN WRITING BAD POSTS ABOUT ROB FEINSTEIN AND TELLING HIS WORKERS TO WRITE BAD STUFF ABOUT FEINSTEIN AND GABE IS OBSESSED WITH BEING LIKE FEINSTEIN AND TRYING TO RUIN FEINSTEIN!”
“Sorry but I have to totally disagree with you. When WWE “invaded” WCW, funny as hell yes, but they needed a camera man around to give them the full satisfaction. TNA “invaded” WWE, if you want to call it that, without a camera man. Showing they are willing to piss off WWE to push their own promotion just for themselves and not for the genral public. Did this really help anyone outside of TNA, no. But I am guessing it gave the guys within TNA a good laugh and maybe thats why they did it, and to just piss off the Vin Man. Is TNA a big threat to WWE, no. Is TNA a little threat to WWE, no not really. But I am sure they saw it as a big victory.”
“You know, of all the people to send over as a messenger of goodwill to the WWE… Shane Douglas?”
“[Hyatte] might be a douche, but the f*cker has a lot of writing talent. His choice of subject might be debatable, but give the devil his due. The guy has some serious writing talent. Problem is that he doesn’t use it. All he ever had truly done is “publish” a bunch of longer writing projects online and write an on again, off again column on various websites. Something is holding him back from going out in the world and seeing what his writing could produce; what it is, I don’t know, but what I do know is that if he did write something feature length it would have the potential to be good.”
“Am I supposed to know who Mark Madden is? Is he, like, someone famous? I’ve never heard of him outside this board.”
No, No my little friend, you aren’t supposed to know who Mark Madden is…
Fret not, I’m working on something that will introduce all of you to him…
And yes, I DO have a lot of writing talent…. thanks for noticing. Still the best around these IWC parts… yes indeed.
Did you know that last Thursday marked the one year anniversary of And Another Thing: The Taking of Triple H, maybe one of the most talked about piece of net bullshit since…. well, since anything?? Well, I guess you did, seeing how I plugged it right on top of the column already.
And I’ll DEFINITELY have a MidNews up for Thursday… well, maybe not DEFINITELY… but possibly…. depends how I feel. You DID get PLENTY of goddam news/entertainment out of me today… and I’m getting very little love in return… I feel neglected… I feel unloved… I feel… I feel…
Oh, wait… I have 1998 on the phone, no doubt getting ready to tell me that the salad days are OVER… I better go take it.
Oh, and to you pack of WHINERS screaming on Scooter’s blog about me… HA! You and I BOTH know who has the talent and who doesn’t… it’s easy to see… the one’s WITHOUT talent make frequent ass-kissing posts on someone’s live journal talking about how the one WITHOUT talent sucks!!
This is Hyatte