Interview Part 2 ... by Chris Hyatte


The Godfather So here it two of my little visit to the homebase...and things went a bit more smoothly....well, sort of:


MU: Well, I'm waiting.


Villano: For?


MU: Where is he?


Villano: "He" is right here.


MU: You are not the guy I talked to yesterday.


Villano: Yes I am.


MU: No you're not.


Villano: I beg to differ.


MU: What the hell is going on here?


Villano: Please explain yourself white man? What's the problem?


MU: Well, your mask is different for starters .


Villano: I am not allowed to change my wardrobe? That punkass Mysterio Jr. does it all the time!


MU: But there are other changes in you..


Villano: Such as?


MU: You seemed to have shrunk about 5 inches.


Villano: I sometimes wear platform shoes, I was wearing them yesterday....VIVA LA 70'S!!!!


MU: And you have seemed to be about 30 years younger.


Villano: I lather on the "Oil of Olay" before bedtime.


MU: Then there is the pitch black pony tailed hair you are sporting....yesterday you had grey hair cut short.


Villano: I visited the hairdresser last night after I spoke with you.




Villano: Not ALL night.


MU: Yes you were......oh yeah..there was that Senorita you set me up with.


Villano: There you go..


MU: But I was only with her for about 5 minutes.


Villano: And you're proud of that accomplishment?


MU: in my defense...she was a TAMALE!!!


Villano: Careful homeboy, that's my daughter you are speaking of..


MU: Your daughter?


Villano: Yes.


MU: Even though she now seems about 5 years older than you?


Villano: VIVA LA OIL OF OLAY!!!!


MU: Okay, you claim that it took only 5 minutes with a hairdresser to give you long, luxurious black hair?


Villano: When the hairdresser's family owes you's amazing what she can accomplish.


MU: Did she give you that thick beard too?


Villano: No, I lathered on the Rogaine along with the Oil of Olay.


MU: And it worked OVERNIGHT??


Villano: Yes. Great stuff. If I remember, I'll send a case to Hogan one day.


MU: That does not explain the weight loss though. The man I was speaking to yesterday was about 50 pounds heavier.


Villano: That Richard Simmons is a miracle worker.


MU: You are claiming that an overnight drop of 50 lbs. is because of....DEAL A MEAL??


Villano: But of course..


MU: Oh come on...


Villano: Where are we going?


MU: Forget it. Let's see if I can get this straight; over the course of one night, you have de-aged, lost weight, grew hair, AND shrunk in size.


Villano: Yes, I am a VILLANO.


MU: Alright, let's put all the cards on the table.


Villano: What cards? For that matter, what table ?


MU: It's an expression.


Villano: O'boy.


MU: You are NOT Villano I ! Are you not in fact Villano X (The Public Relations Expert)?


Villano: I am not.


MU: You are too.


Villano: Am not.


MU: Are too.


Villano: Do you really want to do this again? Instead of questioning my word, why don't we plow ahead and finish this thing. I am a busy man.


MU: You know what, we should. Okay, let's finish this.


Villano: Oh Thank Villano


MU: Shouldn't that be thank know what, never mind.


Villano: Smart gringo.


MU: Since I have a plane to catch...let's get to it. I'll give you a name and you say the first thing that comes to your mind.


Villano: Hyatte sucks.


MU: Excuse me?


Villano: That was the first thing that came to my mind.


MU: But we haven't started yet?




MU: okay okay....Eric Bischoff.


Villano: Right place, right time, right wallet.


MU: Where have I heard that before?


Villano: Okay, I stole that from Jeff Jarrett....or perhaps he stole it from me, eh? The truth is that Mr. Bischoff is a smart man, and is a key player in the Villano American Invasion.


MU: And you still claim to be selling masks right?


Villano: Of course, The Villanos are first and foremost Capitalists.


MU: Funny, I thought you were Unorthodox Jews.


Villano: I'll ignore that.


MU: So you say that Bischoff is a willing participant in the Villano American Invasion?


Villano: I don't recall saying "willing"


MU: So he doesn't know what you are up to when you leave the ring?


Villano: Of course not...he is too consumed watching the WWF programming and berating Vince McMahon out loud whenever he appears on the television screen.


MU: You have witnessed this?


Villano: Yes, it's embarrassing. He also reads his fan mail.




Villano: Yes, at least two letters a month.


MU: Whoa! Speaking of which, Vince McMahon.


Villano: Missed his chance to be part of the "Revolution".


MU: You had called him with an offer?


Villano: Yes, but he wanted to change our names to "Los Boricuas"...that was NOT happening anytime soon.


MU: And yet, he gave that moniker to Savio Vega and his friends.


Villano: A source of endless giggling around the dinner table. Savio and his "gang" used to be our cooks.


MU: They were?


Villano: Yes, but Miquel's body hair kept falling into our Guacamole. We had to fire them. Some months later, Los Boricuas were born.


MU: How about "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan.


Villano: Ahh..the master Thespian.


MU: You really think he is a great actor?


Villano: No...oh...I meant something that rhymes with thespian.


MU: Does it have an "L" in it?


Villano: Never you mind.


MU: Konan?


Villano: I preferred the name we gave him earlier...K- Dawg.


MU: Why?


Villano: Because he is a loyal servant. Very obedient.


MU: I'll just leave that alone.


Villano: Wise.


MU: But I thought Kevin Nash gave him the nickname K-Dawg?


Villano: Nash is a good man. A bit too arrogant, even for an American. But he overheard us call him K-Dawg backstage once when we were making him chase a tennis ball around. He liked the idea and made it public.


MU: Ahh, a mystery solved! How about La Parka?


Villano: A young up and comer. Makes no secret about his desire to join the "Revolution"!


MU: And your thoughts?


Villano: Don't tell him this..but I may be his papa.


MU: Really?


Villano: Well, me and about 40 other members of the familia... VIVA LA VILLANOS!!!!!


MU: That's harsh dude.


Villano: This is Mexico Amigo!! Love it or be trampled!


MU: How about all the other Luchadors?


Villano: Many are rather harmless. Except I may as well take this time to advise Senor Juventud Guerrera to step off before he.....annoys us further.


MU: I heard that he is going to be unmasked soon.


Villano: Expect a surprise.


MU: What? Is he really ugly?


Villano: No, he has a baby face, and almost no testosterone whatsoever.


MU: He looks like a woman?


Villano: A teenage girl actually...remember that film called "The Crying Game"?


MU: Yes?


Villano: Well, when you see him without the mask, you'll start crying.


MU: I guess we'll see. So, how has he been....annoying you further?


Villano: He has been quite vocal with ideas of rebuilding the Mysterio Resistance Guerrillas.


MU: And why would that bother a family who sells masks?


Villano: Those Rey masks are awfully colorful.


MU: I see. Hey, just for the Hell of it...


Villano: That should be, "Just for the Villano of it".


MU: Oh geez, you just said..... you know what, forget it. I'll rephrase; So, just for the Villano of it..


Villano: Much better.


MU: Exactly what would you do with Juventud Guerrera?


Villano: I would hang him by his "Juvees" and fly him around in a helicopter.


MU: I see....been watching "Scarface" huh?


Villano: Yes, "You don't F&%$ with Tony Montana".


MU: Except in the flick, they just hung him around the neck.


Villano: Such is the way of the FAMILIA!!


MU: For my own safety, I'll drop the subject.


Villano: We would show him what "Air Juvee" is all about...Villano style!


MU: uhhhh....Paul Heyman and ECW?


Villano: Those boys are LOCO!


MU: Boy I'll say!


Villano: Of course, they stole the barbed wire concept from us.


MU: I thought they stole it from Japan.


Villano: And where do you think Japan got it?


MU: No kidding? Another mystery solved.


Villano: We are drawing closer to the end.


MU: Yes, how about a quick few more names.


Villano: Fine.


MU: Diamond Dallas Page?


Villano: Hot chica of a wife.


MU: The Giant?


Villano: Reinforced toilet seat


MU: Roddy Piper?


Villano: I'll send him a case of Oil of Olay when I send Hogan the Rogaine.


MU: Shawn Michaels?


Villano: He is known only as "HBGAY" in the homeland.


MU: Bret Hart?


Villano: The only obstacle in the Canadian Invasion. Will be dealt with in a "time honored tradition"!


MU: Haven't you heard? He doesn't follow the "time honored tradition"!


Villano: He doesn't? Why Bret? Why?


MU: Mike Tenay?


Villano: Thinks he knows everything when he knows nothing.


MU: Tony Schiavone?


Villano: Does he ever call the matches?


MU: Bobby Heenan?


Villano: What the Hell happened to him? He used to be funny!


MU: And finally, Sting?


Villano: Someone switched him with a resurrected Brandon Lee.


MU: They can't resurrect people.


Villano: You just keep on thinking that amigo. The less you know about the regime..the better.


MU: Well, I can't thank you enough for the interview...whoever you are.


Villano: You may thank us after you're back on American soil. Until then...bark for us.


MU: Oh come on...


Villano: BARK LIKE A DOG!!!


MU: Uhhh, ummm bow wow?


Villano: MORE!!!!!!!!




Villano:'s better than Mysterio ever did. You may go now.


MU: Hey, do you think you could set me up with Salma Hayek?


Villano: I'd start running now, dog...and don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.


MU: Adios!