|
HYATTE'S GUIDE TO LIFE
- Chris Hyatte
What I’d like to do now is show a few responses
to people whom I have advised:
This one was from the overweight clerk at the
all-night deli who was wondering how he should handle the cute girl who
asked him to go on a trip. From
the column two weeks ago: (which is not archived because Flea is still
new at this net thing.)
This one
was from
the overweight clerk at the all-night deli
who was wondering how
he should handle the cute girl who asked him to go on a trip.
From the column two weeks ago:
Im
the overweight guy who went on a trip with a girl I work with. She
made it clear without saying anything specific nothing was goona
happen by making sure we had 2 beds in hotel. Was I disapponted? Sure.
Did I expect something? Not
really. Cool thing was
that I got to see her in the morning and no matter how bad I may or
may not look I look the same when I wake up she had some work to do.
Off the subject, Don’t know if you have ever been overweight
or may be, But the last advice I need is to lose some weight.
I know I do I will probably die fat not that I want to be it
just the way it is. Thanks for your advice. You are earning every
penny Flea is paying ya.
Lastly
I read all 4200 words of your story. Was very interesting didnt seem
like 4200 words to me. Thinking that is a good thing.
SAM
Well, at
least you have a good outlook on your future.
It’s a rare thing.
You have
quite a decent attitude, perhaps a bit over-realistic, but it’s better
than being depressed 24/7.
This one
isn’t from the writer, per se, but it’s from another teacher who
read the advice I gave two teachers in the 8-23 column and had this to
say:
Sorry
no BS or ego stroking, although I have enjoyed your work for a long
time.
Anyway,
I'm also an overworked underappreciated English teacher. One or two
mistakes in your advise to the guy with a kid. Private colleges and
universities pay MUCH less than teaching public high school, I would
imagine even elite acadamies, because EVERYONE wants a job like that.
It's hard to go back to school too, because you feel like you are
supporting your family and teachers usually have good health insurace.
This is parmount when you have a baby. This guy is in a tough
situation, I can understand because it is very close to my own except
I still love teaching. I don't know what I'd do if I hated going to
work every day. If he really hates teaching, he can make as much money
managing a video store or something. You advice to the other guy was
dead on though. YOu can't approach kids like you be down wit dem. They
can spot BS a mile away. I teach in a fairly urban school (20% African
American) and I grew up on a farm in Iowa. I just don't try to be
anyone who I am not.
Good
luck, I really love your contributions to this site, especially since
your passion for wrestling seems to have waned, much like mine has.
Take
it easy, or if you can't take it hard,
Andy
So basically, I batted a solid 600 on that one.
Bottom
line, teaching won’t make you rich.
But if it’s your career, might as well try your best to make it
a good one. I still say
that, while private academia doesn’t pay much either, at least
you’ll get more willing students.
Finally,
this is from
last week’s column with the guy and the sister with the
dog and they are all coming over and he doesn’t like the dog and…
My
sister ended up not going at all..... *sigh...*
The
worst part is, it's actually my mom that made her feel guilty and
convinced her to stay. With comments such as "Well, if something
happens to the dog, don't go blaming us now..." I impressed
myself by not ripping into her and ruining their vacation. We ended up
having a good time, it's just too bad my sister wasn't there.
And
she seems to be slowly gaining back her confidence, as she's gotten
off those STUPID "anti-depressant pills" (that's another
"rant" right there), and she's gotten several contracts for
her new company, which is looking very promising. Plus the fact that
she's had an on and off boyfriend for the past few months, in which
she breaks up with him and he begs for her to take him back every once
in a while. (As she says, it boosts her ego). So thanks for the
advice, I think she'll be just fine. (I just hope that she finds the
ability to break away from the dog for a while if she needs to,
business wise).
Eric
There you
go.
And thanks
to all for the nice words about my story of Muffin, the Demon Dog.
I’ll do more of them as time goes on.
We start
off by cleaning out the mailbox and answering some questions that are a
couple of weeks old, hopefully they are still relevant to the person.
Be warned, the last question is a bit depressing.
yo
Hyatte,
I'm a college Soph from Jax, FL. Last night, I'm talking w/ this chick
on IM
that I liked in high school, and she tells me "anywho, I had a
crush on you in
12 grade. i guess i was just curious as to if you knew or not."
She had an on/off boyfriend the whole time, and as best I know they
broke a
few months ago. So why's she telling me this? to clear her conscience?
does
she still wanna hook up?
Either way, what should I say? Do I tell her I liked her too, and
maybe go
for it, or is this just nostalgia of a past era, dead along with
countless
other high school experiences?
Basically, I'm writing to you because I need guidance in this matter
from
someone other than all my teenage friends; from someone with real life
experience. Please help a brother out.
Thanks,
Dave
Coulda,
woulda, shoulda. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Coulda, woulda, shoulda.
Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Coulda, woulda,
shoulda. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Coulda, wouldaaahhh JUST ASK THE GIRL
OUT ON A DATE!!! Jeeze.
This isn’t rocket science. You liked her.
You found out she liked you.
If she lives close enough, just ask her.
She says no, then so what. You’re
in Florida, there are girls in Florida last time I checked.
She says yes, then
go out, have fun, and see what happens.
That’s it, that’s all. Boom,
done, finito.
Here’s one from a
real, life chick! Wow!
Hyatte,
I
met a guy who, just like me, had ended a relationship. Things
snowballed pretty quickly and in all the giddiness, got to the point
of talking about moving in together. We had fun together, the sex was
incredible and the L word was thrown around. In hindsight, I can see
we were two hurt people reaching out to prove we were still lovable.
That how incredibly fucked up our previous relationships were (I was
with a married man and his fiancée told him out of the blue one day
that she was sick of him - he found out later she had been cheating on
him for months) had made us yearn for something that seemed as normal.
Not the best start to anything.
Once
the giddiness had ended, I started to see things I didn't like, such
as his inability to accept responsibility unless it was kicking him in
the ass. He realized he hadn't been single for five years and wanted
to be ... so we ended the relationship and chose to stay friends. He's
out being single and so am I. While I'm not thrilled about how things
ended up, I'm glad I caught myself before I got too involved with
someone who couldn't be what I needed, like an adult.
The
problem is, he still says that he loves me. He still ends a messenger
conversation with *kiss*. That bothers me. When I ask him to stop, he
pouts. He questions me about my male friends. I don't question him
about the girls he sees, because frankly I don't want to hear about
it. The women he tends to go for are the hot and vapid - I was the
exception being hot and intelligent.
Can
we stay friends? I want to, he wants to, but lately all our
conversations include a snap fest. Either he starts acting like things
didn't change or starts to tell me about the latest bimbo ...I snap,
he snaps back and we spend time rehashing/apologizing. We tried not
speaking but that lasted a day. How do you stay friends after things
end?
Nicola
You
don’t. He’s a jealous
bitch who likes having his ego stroked by you.
That’s why he’s acting weird, he’s trying to walk a fine
line and maintain a delicate balance between keeping you on the hook
while not reeling you in. Classic
guy move, by the way.
Quit
stroking his ego and see what happens.
Make a stand for yourself. Next
time he *kisses* you, tell him “sorry, I don’t know where those lips
have been”. That’ll
torque him off.
And keep in
mind, you are probably not the only girl he *kisses* to end a messenger
chat.
Now this
one is a bit different, yet still involves sex!
You may want to hold onto your noses here, because the level of
bullshit I put forth in the answer is a bit higher than normal.
Hyatte:
I
need some advice on mood and the way sex affects a man's subconscience.
Let
me start off with a little history. I am 24 years old with a
girlfriend of 2 years. Before, I met her, I was a lonely, shy guy,
suffering from clinical depression. I had extreme moods and would
always be up and down from one day to the next. The worst of it came
during my teens, however, i would still have mood swings well into
young adulthood.
After
i met her, and after we started having sex (this was my first sexual
experience ever), my moods subsided to a great deal. I no longer get
terribly depressed about anything. The problem is that i no longer get
terribly happy about anything either. My moods are about as flat as a
pancake. The only emotion i ever display is anxiety, which is most
likely due to my clinical depression. These effects were very similar
to the effects i was feeling when i took anti-depressents, which is
why i don't take them.
My
question is, should i stop the sex as well? i know my gf will not be
pleased (in more ways than one), and i know she wouldn't understand. i
guess this would be a blessing to some people in my position, but i
know its unhealthy, and it makes me feel worse even if i can't really
cry about it. Plus, i'm a musician, so my livelyhood depends on
feeling emotions both positive and negative....
oh
well
mike
And they say sex isn’t a
drug… HA!!
Now
understand, my knowledge on this topic is vague, at best, but hopefully
enough to give you something to chew on:
You
already know that you have a chemical imbalance; your brain is getting
too much of one natural chemical and not enough of another, which throws
the whole relay system out of whack.
Sad thing is, there is no “cure”.
You can’t change your genetic make-up – you can only
re-adjust it.
Those
drugs you were taking helped “re-adjust” the fucked up mixture of
chemicals your brain is working with.
Since the drugs do not have your genetic code, they can’t give
perfect results. It just
goes to show how little science still knows about the brain.
What they give is a “best guess” answer to what you need for
balance. Everyone is
different, everyone’s a little snowflake.
So science has no choice but to make the dose powerful.
So,
you’ve had sex. Great.
And the after effects duplicate what the drugs were doing.
Why? Well, see…
umm…
The
discharge of semen – the experience of orgasm is God’s way of
letting humans have fun. Procreation,
being fruitful and multiplying, is very big with God, so he rewards
people for doing it. After
sex, your brain releases endorphins, which make a be-line right for your
pleasure zones. If you ran ten miles hard, you’d feel the same way.
It’s your body telling itself to relax and chill after working
itself hard. You feel good,
laid back, mellow, and happy.
Your brain is relaxed because the pressure is off.
You had an orgasm. It’s Miller Time!
These
endorphins: they are powerful little critters, the most powerful natural
drug you have in us. They
are powerful enough to overtake the screwy chemicals running through
you, just as the medicine does. Thus,
two different roads bring you to the same place.
Now
this is my advice… it’s a guess, a big assumption on my part, but it
won’t hurt to try.
Have
MORE sex. Fuck that little
missy’s brains out. Bang,
bang, bang until your nuts shrivel up.
Let your body do what it’s built to do: adapt to the
endorphins. Hopefully, your
body will get used to this natural new “drug” and restructure itself
to incorporate it into your system (a lot easier for it to do than with
the foreign medicines). Once
it adjusts, you may start emoting better.
You may go ahead and almost balance yourself out.
I say almost because I fear you’ll never be “normal”.
But you might start feeling better.
Oh,
and ask your Doctor to lower your dosage.
Maybe the less potent the drug, the more “balanced” you’ll
feel? Again, I’m no
expert here, but this is my best guess.
The
key here is to NOT deny yourself sex. You’ll just end up crazier than you already are.
Good
luck.
My
resume with the ladies isn't spectacular, but I've had my moments.
I've been in a few relationships and learned a few lessons. Right now
I'm not sure what I'm exactly "looking for" when it comes to
girls, I just know that I'd like a little action.
So
anyway, there's this girl who works at a local GameStop store who
seems right up my alley. A petit, sexy firecracker who seems like my
type (and the perfect age, to boot). I don't even know her name, but
whenever I shop there we wind up talking the whole time. She isn't
trying to sell me stuff either (in fact, she frequently recommends me
to other video game stores). I'm not under some premature delusion
that she's "into me," I just know that for now we click, and
click rather well.
I'm
sure its tricky, asking a girl out in retail. Horny schmucks without a
clue must hit on these types all the time. Since I only ever see this
girl when she's working behind a counter, what's the best way to work
it? Though I wouldn't consider myself an extrovert, my good looks,
sparkling wit, and offbeat charm can get a girl going once I get some
time with her one-on-one. I'm sure I can work it fine, once I get her
out of the store - but in the meantime, how do I conquer the whole
"horny customer" stigma?
Thanks.
You rule all.
Gabe
First,
watch her (not stalk the bitch, just observe) with other male customers
similar to your age. See if
she’s like that with everyone, or if you’re a special case.
Second,
one thing girls LOOOVE to do is drop the word “boyfriend” in casual
chat. It’s there way of
letting you know they aren’t really “available” even if you
weren’t going in that direction.
Has she dropped that word yet?
If she has, then walk away.
Third,
if she checks out with #1 and hasn’t dropped the B word in #2, then
just grow your balls, puff out your chest, hold your head up, walk
straight and proud, go right up to her and say, “Umm… do you read
411 wrestling? Ever hear of
the Netcop Scott Keith and his Raw recaps?”
Then
run away red faced after she stares at you like you’re from Mars.
Go
get her, tiger!
Here’s
a classic letter dealing with a classic, oh-so FRUSTRATING situation:
what to do when you’ve entered the friendship zone!
This
one's a bit complicated. I have been friends with this girl since I
was a freshman in high school. We are extremely tight and she is
probably my best friend. Over the past six months, I have realized
that I have become extremely attracted to her. We have always joked
about dating, but she always pulls the "I don't want to
jeopardize our friendship" card. She is currently involved in a
relationship, but it's one of those things where you just know it
isn't going anywhere. But, the guy is an all right guy and I am sort
of friends with him (although strictly because he is dating my best
friend). The other night, the girl, her boyfriend, myself and my date
(strictly a friend) went to a wedding together. Of course, as oft
times happens at weddings, we all had a little too much to drink.
After the wedding, we went to a local bar. She and I were talking and
after buying her a drink and casually commenting that she looked nice,
she started crying. She told me that I treat her better than her
boyfriend does and she doesn't know what she is stil doing with him.
She then asked me what she should do and told me I am her best friend
and I always give her the best advice. I told her that I didn't know
and I'd have to think about it. I have several options: a) tell her
that she should break up with him and then make my move, b) keep my
mouth shut, hold on for the inevitable breakup and then make a move,
c) Not wait for the breakup and let her know how I feel about her and
ask her to make a choice, d) Not say anything, for fear of
"jeopardizing the friendship" and hope that either she takes
an initiative or someone else comes along to take my mind off of her.
Sorry
for the Who Wants to Be a Milllionaire-style list of options. Thanks
in advance for any help/insight you can give to me. I am a longtime
fan and can honestly say you are one of the few people on the internet
whose work has actually made me laugh aloud while I was sitting at my
computer. Keep up the good work and thanks again.
Later,
K.C.
Dude…
Dude,
dude, dude.
There
are only two types of guys girls confess their innermost hardships to:
Longtime boyfriends and gay best friends.
Guess which one YOU are.
Doesn’t
matter if you’re not gay. In
her mind, you might as well be.
A:
Tell her to dump the slob and she won’t.
Girls are famous for doing the exact opposite of what their
friends advise. Besides,
all the boyfriend has to do is be really nice to her for an hour and
she’ll be his unconditionally all over again.
B:
Just sit there and hope to God she breaks up with him before he
knocks her up. Then
you’ll have to wait the pre-requisite 6 months… that’s right, 6
months for her to get over him before making your move.
Oh, and she’ll have sex during those six months, just to
celebrate her new-found freedom. You’ll
want a long term relationship, she won’t want to jump right into a new
one so fast.
C:
Make her choose and you’ll lose.
The gay friend always loses to the stiff cock.
But, if you HAVE to give her that particular speech, go rent
“Chasing Amy” and memorize that pussy Ben Affleck’s “I love
you” speech to Joey Lauren Adams.
It’s cheesy and weak, and she probably knows it by heart, but
if you paraphrase it just a bit it might, just might, work.
D:
If her friendship is so important to you, then don’t bother
jeopardizing it.
I
see you being fucked, no matter how you approach this.
I’ve been wrong before but… oy vey… put it this way:
if you manage to get a real love relationship going, on the day
she says yes you are to go out and by a Lottery ticket… because you
luck is running hot.
That
clears out the mailbox, let’s jump to some new questions.
Starting with a simple one of a philosophical nature.
If
you could only choose ONE for the rest of your life, would it be
-perfect sex (ideal body type, willing to do anything at anytime)
without the possibility of emotional attachment or
-perfect love (will never cheat on you, never break your heart etc.)
barring the idea that there would EVER be intercourse between you?
I'd
like to know.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Alan
Sex.
If I want option B,
I’d go buy a fucking dog.
Next.
Hyatte
I know you are smarter than the average bear. I've followed your
(checkered) career since the old Scoops days. I KNOW you're not a
moron. I'm smart, too (31 ACT, 1480 SAT, 99th percentile on both).
I've been reading your advice column on the Flea tip, and almost
always agree with what you say.
And, I'm married with a kid, and happy as hell.
What I wonder is this: do you worry that what you tell some poor
schmuck to do to fix his problem might not work? That, sometimes, you
make their life worse?
I totally agree w/ caveat emptor and all, and I assume that someone
asking an Internet personality to help them out are pretty much
rock-bottom as it is, and this is a sweet run-on sentence, but do you
have any worries that what you tell someone, no matter how good your
intention was, fucks them up royally?
I don't think I could do it. But maybe that just makes me a huge puss.
Dave
Nope,
because I know I’m right. Plus,
if I have doubts, I’ll come out and say, “Look, this is the best I
can do”. In fact, I do
that very thing in the next question.
Besides,
although the questions in this particular installment are more varied,
it’s really tough for me to ruin one’s life when the question at
hand is about relationships with the opposite sex.
I’m
not telling people what to do, I’m simply presenting them with an
overview of what I see, and how to best approach the situation.
Oh,
and I’ve kissed my twenties goodbye already.
Hi
there.
Hyatte I have a little problem and, quite frankly, need all the advice
i can
get cos its a bit unusual. I just started college and in my
first class, my immediate focus became that of a girl. She's
beautiful. Stunning body.
Jesus I'd fuck her through a wall. But that was all a passing
thought at
the time, going into a totally new class filled with new
people, I just kinda stalled on her. The lecturer was a complete
douche and had us paired in alphabetical order for the first few
classes so he could get our names memorised, and the luck of the draw
was that we, both being S's were placed together. It was awkward at
first, you know the drill if you've ever been in a silent class room
seated next to possibly the best looking real-life chick you've ever
seen.
Strange
thing was, I was really shy, and I'm a pretty out-going person, so
this was almost new to me, also I've never felt self concious about my
appearance before, something was wrong.
So i got home that night, pretty much went straight to bed as far as I
remember. The days went by and I developed a liking for her, which
grew over the days because we got more and more comfortable with
eachother, went out for coffee once or twice. Nothing huge but I had a
feeling. Then one night we kissed. Just out of the blue, she kissed
me, leaving me standing outside her house, but then she turned round
and gave me this look, and I swore that
I knew that look from somewhere.
That night i got home, decided that I should do something to take my
mind off her, since thats all I had thought about for the last few
days, so I decided cleaning up my computer could take up some time. Oh
Boy. Searching through old files can be fun, but christ, this isn't
funny. I stumbled across my old porn folder. For a time this was my
treasure, my baby.
looking through all the files, i started paying some mpegs and
thats when it happened:
"Celeste
fucks hard in the kitchen, 80.1MB, 8min 31sec".
She
is Celeste. She is. Well obviously shes not, but if Celeste has a long
lost twin sister, this is without a doubt her. My problem is that i
just cant look at this girl anymore. I'm frightened that if we get
closer and have sex, I'll squirt early or something, really, these are
the thoughts I'm having. It's never happened before like but this is
different, this porn was good. And I mean it, Celeste owned kobe tai.
This isn't really a question of wether or not I have sex with her, I'm
really just seeking advice on how to block out the mental effect this
is having on me, because now it's like shes famous or something in my
eyes, and the nerves keep creeping up and I dont want that to ruin
things for me.
feel free to edit out the pointless ramble, and id appreciate
annonymity as theres every possibility someone i know reads you, I'd
get fucking bombed for this heh.
(Name Withheld)
Before I
answer, let me make sure the rest of you understand that the girl in
question is NOT “Celeste”, just a look-a-like.
I only point this out because It took me a couple of reads before
catching that small sentence: She is Celeste. She is. Well obviously shes not, but if Celeste has a
long lost twin sister, this is without a doubt her.
So
basically the question is.. what to do when you KNOW you’ll be a
“Three Hump Chump” that first time around.
Incidentally,
the man was nice enough to send me a picture of “Celeste”.
Rest assured, he is not kidding; the girl is amazing.
Here’s
how you handle situations like this:
1)
Jack-off
before hand. I know this
ground has been covered in “There’s Something About Mary”, but it
is legit. Getting
“prepared” a few hours before showtime will relax you, and get your
anxiety out of the way so you can chill and just have fun with her.
2)
Get
to know her. Get
comfortable being around her. She
is just a girl. Just a
person, made up of all the same material that you are made of.
Right now, you have her high on a pedastal.
Stop that. She’s
nothing special. She just
looks better than most. Her
pussy is in the same place all pussies from every skank you’ve banged
is. Hers is just a wee bit
more mysterious and a wee bit more wonderful.
Don’t hump her until she seems more “real” to you.
That’ll help you maintain control.
3)
Your
fingers and tongue are your friends.
Please don’t be afraid to use them before putting
Mr. Big Stuff into play.
4)
And
for crying out loud, either delete or BURY that porn collection on your
PC. What if you
become very close and she snoops around one day while you are showering
or something?
5)
You
have a grandmother, right? Pretend
you’re on top of her while you are screwing
away.
6)
And
for Christ sakes, be cool. Just
be cool.
Now,
even if you do ALL that and are STILL worried, just before you tap it
for the first time, hit her with this little hunk of bullshit:
“Baby,
you drive me so crazy, I don’t think I’ll be able to hold it in too
long. It’s your fault,
you’re so fucking beautiful I can’t stand it.”
Works
every time… err… according to what I’ve heard before… yeah
Good
luck, you lucky bastard
It
seems my situation is a little trivial compared to some of the stuff
you get, but an outside opinion would be nice.
I'm a nice guy with a great personality, easy to connect with,
with slightly below average looks (probably a C-). Enough about me,
let's get to my problem.
Recently
at a party, I met a girl and we hit it off rather well. We spent most
of the night talking, and nothing beyond that happened. The problem is
I'm 28, and i found the next day that she is 18. My friends remind
that 18 is perfectly legal, and that i should pursue her if i'm
interested. My problem is that i'm at a point in my life where what
i'm looking for a long-term relationship, and someone 10 years younger
than me doesn't seem to fit into that picture. I'm not really
interested in "hit that shit and get" as i like to be a
little more dedicated to a person before i jump in the sack with them.
It's
not like i have trouble meeting women my age. She was definitely the
youngest person at that party, and i was far from being the oldest. I
do a good deal of bar-hopping with friends and meet women that way.
My
question is, should i give this girl a chance to show me that
"age doesn't matter"? I feel that we really connected, and
could be good friends. I just don't want to do something stupid and
wreck the chance of that.
Name
withheld please
Look,
don’t take this personally.
But
what the FUCK??
You
sound like a chick with all this long term thinking. Do you HAVE balls? Better
feel around and double-check.
What
makes you think SHE isn’t into older men and would LIKE to have a
peaceful monogamous relationship? Girls
DO mature faster than men, you know.
You’ll
never know unless you try her out.
Take her for a few test drives.
What’s with all this “but what if she…” bullshit?
This is what dating is FOR!
To TEST THE MERCHANDISE.
And
you’re not getting any younger, chief; how many more 18 year old girls
do YOU think you’ll be attracting?
Plus,
she’ll be eager to show you how “grown-up” she is. There are a multiple number of ways to take that sentence,
all of them cool.
Shut
up and taste that lettuce; it’ll never be fresher.
Good
Lord.
I’m
22, 5'9 and weigh 285. Now, I am a Large Guy, but in High School, I
Weighed 170 and Played Hockey and Baseball. While Playing, Me and some
of my Teammates took some Pills we nicknamed "blues" to give
us a quick Energy boost for Games. Nothing Illegal, But still drugs
none the less. My Junior Year, I completely destroyed my Knee. Torn
ACL, Strained MCL, Dislocated Patella, some Nerve Damage. Basically
ended my sports Career (Not that I was going anywhere but oh well).
Anyway, The Pills I had Been Taking contained a Large Amount of
ephedrine. Because the ephedrines effect was to boost you’re
Metabolism, and we took them so often for so long, It Screwed up my
Natural Metabolism. So Once I Quit Taking them, My Metabolism Crashed
out to dangerously low Levels. During the few Months afterwards, I
gained about 60 Lbs., and Slept the better part of 16 hours a day.
Now,
during this Time, Pretty much everyone who I hung out with magically
disappeared. I Wasn’t Skilled, didn’t have a good Body, and
Suddenly I was this Freak. My senior year was by far the worse
experience of my life, as I went from one of the “boys” to a
common Schmoe. During this time, my only Friend was the Girl I was
dating at the time. She Stuck with me, and was the one true Person to
me. We went to college together for two years before we broke it off
and she transferred. Since then, I’ve Been Single. Confidence is my
major problem. When I needed to look, I was a fairly good looking guy
who people Flocked too. Now, I’m this guy who has No Clue what’s
going on. It’s not even completely the confidence, As much as I
never know what to say or how to say it. I have No Clue what the hell
I’m doing.
Anyway,
that’s my Story. One girl I’ve Dated Basically my Whole Life,
She’s Gone, And I have No Clue how to move on. I’m currently
working with a Personal Trainer to lose more weight. At my Peak I was
345. It’s taken a lot of work just to get my Metabolism back to a
normal (albeit still very low rate)
So
Basically, What Do I Do.? Where Do I Get the Confidence, any
suggestions on how to Lose Weight Quicker (No Drugs)?
Patrick
If you have
a personal trainer on hand, he should have all the answers.
Jesus, bitch, you’re paying the guy, right?
The good
news is that your body is re-setting itself.
Those drugs changed your body’s chemistry, just like the guy
with the anxiety problems up top. You must have taken a LOT of the “Blues” because your
body adjusted to them and worked WITH what they did to you.
Once you stopped putting them into your system, your body had to
adjust. That’s why you
crashed and gained 60 pounds. Your
body didn’t know what to do, so it shut down and rebooted.
Once it
returns to it’s normal “settings”, you shouldn’t have a problem
going back to your normal design. Eventually, your metabolism will get back to normal.
See, when
you take a drug that works directly on one organ (nicotine works on the
lungs, booze works on the liver, etc, etc) that’s when serious
problems arise. The
metabolism isn’t maintained by just one organ, it is run by a bunch of
your organs acting in concert. That
gives your body the upper hand; because instead of just organ fighting
the effects of the drug, you have multiple organs waging war.
It means a more decisive victory with far less damage.
So
basically what I’m saying is that when your body has rebooted, and if
you put just a little work into shaking off that fat, (eat right and
exercise), you’ll be back to your old self in not time, and the
confidence will return with it.
Booya.
Ok, As
Stupid as this Sounds, Its not a joke.
I like to Look at Transexual Porn. I Still love being with Women, but
this is like some sick twisted dirty pleasue thing I have. I Was just
curious what you think is wrong with me, if anything. I dont actually
want to be with a shemale, but something about looking at them in
pictures turns me on...
Patrick
I
got this letter twenty minutes after the letter right above it, from the
same name. I asked the guy
about it and he was like, “what?”
Looks like a bud of his is playing a joke.
The
answer, of course, is you are gay, dude and it’s freaking you out so
much that you don’t even realize that you’re gay, but trust me, you
want your fudge PACKED.
Plus you
want to feel “pretty”.
Homo.
We
wrap up on a very serious note. Although
I certainly can’t speak for the person asking the question, I do
promise you that every word I say in my response is 100% true:
Okay,
here’s one for you. About a month ago I found out that my
grandfather put his hands on my baby sister when she was 5 years old.
This was about 18 years ago when he had a very bad drinking problem
and was living with my family. Now, he lives in a one bedroom
apartment in a less than desirable area of town. He only has one leg
and gets around in a wheelchair when he actually gets out of bed. How
do I interact with this man now? I want to hurt him but then I think
that maybe life has dealt some serious karma on his ass. But, what do
I do? I used to visit with him most every Sunday but it’s been about
a month and he’s calling wondering where I am. What do I do?
No Name Given
I have a
cousin. His name is Eric.
He is a cokehead. He
is 25, has no car, is a pathological liar, spends his paycheck just as
soon as he gets it, and he has yet to start a sentence without opening
with the words: “Can you do me a favor?”
He is also
one of the dumbest fucks I’ve ever met.
No, really, he would be dumb even if he was cleaner than a
newborn’s ass.
He lives
with his father and his two elderly aunts, one of whom is fresh out of
the hospital from something serious… I forget what but rest assured,
it’s one of those old age things that make getting old so much fun.
The other
night I was at his Mom’s – my aunts- house for dinner.
The phone rang. I
picked it up and heard a huge clutter, like someone just tripped over
some wooden chairs. Then I heard an old woman’s voice start to cry and scream
“Oh my God” over and over. For
ten minutes, I sat there and listened to this old woman – this 80 year
old woman – sob and moan. Then
she hung up.
The next
day, I found out that my cousin the cokehead… the 25 year old tough
guy, shoved his 80 year old aunt down and took money out of her purse to
go get more drugs. She
won’t press charges and neither will his father because they are both
(and the mother – my aunt – is under the same delusion) that their
“precious Eric” wouldn’t survive in jail, and only love and
tolerance will get that “demon” out of him.
They’re
partially right, the kid wouldn’t last a day in hard-core jail.
Now, in
about a year, I will be moving far away from Rhode Island.
All my energy is going into this project, so I will not do
anything, even though my body and my sense of decency demands that I do,
to mess that up. After all,
if they refuse to press charges, then it’s really their fault.
If they want to be stupid morons, then so be it.
I won’t do anything right now because I don’t need the
aggravation.
But… on
the day I leave, this I swear to Christ Himself, I will find my cousin
and hurt him, for real, and permanent.
I will fuck him up until he is barely recognizable.
He is going to pay… he is going to pay dearly.
None of you know what I look like, but trust me… fucking trust
me when I say that I am built like a fucking football player.
There isn’t anyone reading who would willfully fuck with me if
they saw me.
Fuck your
grandfather. Drinking was
just a convenient excuse. He
is a worthless piece of shit who has lived a long life without paying
for his deeds. Let him
spend the rest of his days learning that not all actions are forgivable.
Fuck him up his bony, crippled old ass.
It’s
never too late to get punished, as my fuckface cousin is about to learn.
I am going to scar him for life.
Hate to end
on such a downer, but it would be silly to jump into another question
about asking a girl out. So we’ll end it here.
This is
Hyatte
***
send feedback to Hyatte - GLORYDOG@COX.NET
|
